Newest Member: applepie123

Divorce/Separation :
I am divorced!

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DragnHeart ( member #32122) posted at 9:57 PM on Thursday, February 11th, 2021

I'm getting the popcorn......

Me too!!!

It will be awesome.of you find out they are living together this nulifying any alimony she could get.

Oh man i am praying for this to happen.

Fingers crossed for you Barcher

Me: BS 44 nowWH: 35 almost 36 (BrokenHeart911)Four little dragons.Met 2006. Married 2008. Dday of LTPA with co worker October 19th 2010. Knew about EA with ow1 before that.Full disclosure March 8th 2019 four AP's.

posts: 22384   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2011   ·   location: Canada
id 8632502
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 barcher144 (original poster member #54935) posted at 10:54 PM on Thursday, February 11th, 2021

Small update...

I am dusting off my "Just Found Out"-level private investigator skills.

One of the mysteries of the past few months is whether or not xWW's boyfriend was living with her. It was pretty simple to figure out that he had sold his house, but we had no idea where he has been living since then.

Today, I paid big money (i.e., $5) for a premium subscription to an online site that gives you people's addresses. The new BF was still listed as living at his old address.

After that, my GF starting looking at houses that were purchased at the same time that he sold his house (thinking that he had immediately bought a new house). She found a few possibilities... and then she went to the county's website, which provides tax information for every home in the county. Using this site, we were able to confirm that he had purchased none of the houses that she has guessed.

Once she found the property tax website, though, I got a better idea. I looked at the sale of his former home, which luckily enough included his new address. It's about a mile from xWW's house. He is not listed as the owner of the house, so I am educated-guessing that he renting the house.

I conversed with my attorney a little bit. She admitted that she had discussed with xWW's attorney whether or not xWW would be living with her new BF and she was told "absolutely not." So, as a minimum, they are aware that I am watching out for co-habitation.

Me: BH, age 48
Her: WS, age 45 (multiple EAs and PAs)
D-Day: August 30, 2016

Diagnosed with depression in December 2016, which was primarily caused by my xWW's affair and associated emotional abuse.

posts: 5142   ·   registered: Aug. 31st, 2016
id 8632513
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ff4152 ( member #55404) posted at 11:04 PM on Thursday, February 11th, 2021

Barcher

What happens if you find out they are?

Me -FWS

posts: 1880   ·   registered: Sep. 30th, 2016
id 8632523
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jadedangel ( member #26979) posted at 12:54 AM on Friday, February 12th, 2021

She wants you to pay the money upfront then go live with the BF. She thinks she has you fooled.

Divorced 2007.
EXWH died 2011
Remarried 2018!

posts: 642   ·   registered: Dec. 30th, 2009   ·   location: Central City
id 8632548
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Catwoman ( member #1330) posted at 1:30 PM on Friday, February 12th, 2021

She admitted that she had discussed with xWW's attorney whether or not xWW would be living with her new BF and she was told "absolutely not." So, as a minimum, they are aware that I am watching out for co-habitation.

Why would your attorney tip her hand in this way? I would be very disappointed, as it seems clear she wants the upfront payment in order to cohabitate AND collect the spousal support. In this light, I'm not sure I would agree to an upfront payment right now unless it is VERY favorable to you.

Cat

FBS: Married 20 years, 2 daughters 27 and 24. Divorced by the grace of GOD.
D-Days: 2/23/93; 10/11/97; 3/5/03
Ex & OW Broke up 12-10
"An erection does not count as personal growth."

posts: 32972   ·   registered: Apr. 5th, 2003   ·   location: Massachusetts
id 8632648
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 barcher144 (original poster member #54935) posted at 2:37 PM on Friday, February 12th, 2021

What happens if you find out they are?

If we can convince a judge that they are living together, then she is disqualified from receiving alimony.

It's a relatively recent change to the divorce statutes in my State. Apparently, a relatively large quantity of people were getting divorce, receiving alimony, and then doing everything-but-getting-legally-married.

For example, a friend of mine was required to pay permanent alimony to his ex wife. About 10 years ago, she got "married"... in a church... photographers... huge reception... etc... and they have been together ever since. However, because they didn't do it legally, he still has to pay her alimony.

In the case of xWW, we would have zero chance of proving this right now. He has his own residence, right now, for sure.

Me: BH, age 48
Her: WS, age 45 (multiple EAs and PAs)
D-Day: August 30, 2016

Diagnosed with depression in December 2016, which was primarily caused by my xWW's affair and associated emotional abuse.

posts: 5142   ·   registered: Aug. 31st, 2016
id 8632658
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 barcher144 (original poster member #54935) posted at 5:10 PM on Friday, February 19th, 2021

An update on the situation...

My GF picked up my kids yesterday from xWW's house. There is now a "for sale" sign in the front yard, so GF talked to my kids about it.

Apparently, xWW and her boyfriend told my kids in January that they were going to sell the house and move into the house her boyfriend is currently renting. The plan, then, is to buy the house that he is currently renting.

xWW also asked my kids to not tell me that she was selling the house because I would get very angry. So, xWW managed to weave in a little parental alienation into the situation. Luckily, GF managed this really well and told my kids that withholding information erodes trust and that xWW shouldn't ask them to lie to me. It's unfair. She also told them that I have known that the house was going to be sold for awhile (this was a big surprise to them).

I share all of this information with my attorney. We are going to continue to pursue the appeal, if for no reason other than to keep xWW thinking that we are focused on that rather than her living with her boyfriend. In the meantime, I am going to start collecting evidence related to them living together (for example, I was helping my daughter with her math homework this week on zoom... and she was at BF's house).

I am also going to enroll the kids in family therapy because xWW is clearly still practicing parental alienation.

Me: BH, age 48
Her: WS, age 45 (multiple EAs and PAs)
D-Day: August 30, 2016

Diagnosed with depression in December 2016, which was primarily caused by my xWW's affair and associated emotional abuse.

posts: 5142   ·   registered: Aug. 31st, 2016
id 8634540
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demolishedinside ( member #47839) posted at 3:57 PM on Sunday, February 21st, 2021

Congrats, Barcher! Hard-earned joy!

BS - me/3 kids
DD - April 2015 / SA-Jan. 28, 2017
DD2- October 23, 2018
Divorced and happy

posts: 2069   ·   registered: May. 11th, 2015
id 8634906
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blahblahblahe ( member #62231) posted at 2:08 AM on Monday, February 22nd, 2021

It would seem that time is in your favor now, since her OM must pay rent each month (if he is actually there and not using a friends home as a mail drop).

posts: 298   ·   registered: Jan. 11th, 2018   ·   location: Europe and USA
id 8635038
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homewrecked2011 ( member #34678) posted at 3:00 AM on Friday, February 26th, 2021

Just lay low until her house sells. Then get a PI to take photos of the move in to the boyfriends. Also a few photos taken overnight should seal it for the stopping of alimony. But check with your atty and make sure that’s all that’s needed.

Sometimes He calms the storm. Sometimes He lets the storm rage, but calms His child. Dday 12/19/11I went to an attorney and had him served. Shocked the hell out of him, with D papers, I'm proud to say!D final10/30/2012Me-55

posts: 5373   ·   registered: Jan. 30th, 2012
id 8636381
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 barcher144 (original poster member #54935) posted at 5:43 PM on Friday, February 26th, 2021

This is my weekly update. I mean that literally, of course, because I get my kids on Thursdays and I get a whole new update from them each week.

xWW received an offer on the house and she accepted it, pending an inspection and probably pending an appraisal. The listing has been removed from the internet as far as I can tell; my guess is that xWW didn't want me to find the listing and make a screen capture (oops, I did it again).

I asked my kids when they were planning to move and my older daughter said that she didn't know but my son said that they were moving out on March 16. My daughter also revealed that she was going to be getting a bedroom in the basement, which is currently unfinished. It has cabinets in it (for a workroom) but no ceiling and the floor is unfinished.

My lawyer is still going ahead with the appeal. According to my reading, we cannot modify spousal maintenance for at least a year from the judge's ruling (i.e., this is the law) for the reason of cohabitation.

Me: BH, age 48
Her: WS, age 45 (multiple EAs and PAs)
D-Day: August 30, 2016

Diagnosed with depression in December 2016, which was primarily caused by my xWW's affair and associated emotional abuse.

posts: 5142   ·   registered: Aug. 31st, 2016
id 8636662
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DragnHeart ( member #32122) posted at 5:43 PM on Monday, March 8th, 2021

Hi barcher144

How have things been, any updates?

Me: BS 44 nowWH: 35 almost 36 (BrokenHeart911)Four little dragons.Met 2006. Married 2008. Dday of LTPA with co worker October 19th 2010. Knew about EA with ow1 before that.Full disclosure March 8th 2019 four AP's.

posts: 22384   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2011   ·   location: Canada
id 8640215
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 barcher144 (original poster member #54935) posted at 7:31 PM on Tuesday, March 9th, 2021

There really hasn't been much going on as far as updates.

I vaguely recall that my girlfriend thinks that xWW and the kids will not be moving into their new home on March 16. Meaning, my daughters told her that my son (age = 9 years) is wrong about the move out date. That's not surprising because I don't consider my son to be a reliable source of gossip. So, the move out date is still "I don't know."

Based on the invoice that I received from my old attorney and my new? attorney, the appeal has been filed and it is proceeding. I say "new?" attorney because this new attorney is going to handle my appeal, but I have never met her and I have not spoken to her. My new attorney is an associate in my first attorney's firm (i.e., my attorney is one of the two partners in the firm).

My guess is that my attorney will continue to be involved and my guess is that my attorney is taking this case somewhat personally (she hates xWW's attorney as much as anyone). I make the claim about her taking it personally because she pushed really hard for this appeal (this is out of character for her) and the invoice included 2 hours of my first attorney's time at no charge to me. My attorney also told me that they are making an exception for me to allow me to pay my fees as we go along rather than putting up a retainer. Meaning, I think that my attorney has figured out that I am not the lying, angry, mentally-ill person that xWW and her attorney have claimed for me to be. In reality, I am honest, kind, and socially awkward.

So, right now, I am just waiting. In theory, xWW is required to give me her new address within 48 hours of moving. My guess is that she is going to claim that she is not living with her BF, but that will be a stretch to claim because she is moving from a huge, 5-bedroom house to a huger, 6-bedroom house. We can also interview my older kids, who will tell the court that xWW's boyfriend's kids will get two of those bedrooms and one of his kids will share a bedroom with my 9-year old.

My other "ace in the hole" is that I have a legal document in which xWW's boyfriend lists his address. When xWW gives me her new address and it matches his, then she will have an uphill climb to convince the judge that they are not living together.

Back to my attorney... I think that trial convinced her that xWW is a lying piece of shit.

Me: BH, age 48
Her: WS, age 45 (multiple EAs and PAs)
D-Day: August 30, 2016

Diagnosed with depression in December 2016, which was primarily caused by my xWW's affair and associated emotional abuse.

posts: 5142   ·   registered: Aug. 31st, 2016
id 8640543
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DragnHeart ( member #32122) posted at 1:03 AM on Thursday, March 11th, 2021

Thank you. I always have you in my thoughts and wonder how things are going. You've come so far and its so nice to see you nearing the end if all of this.

Me: BS 44 nowWH: 35 almost 36 (BrokenHeart911)Four little dragons.Met 2006. Married 2008. Dday of LTPA with co worker October 19th 2010. Knew about EA with ow1 before that.Full disclosure March 8th 2019 four AP's.

posts: 22384   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2011   ·   location: Canada
id 8640941
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Catwoman ( member #1330) posted at 1:51 PM on Thursday, March 11th, 2021

My new attorney is an associate in my first attorney's firm (i.e., my attorney is one of the two partners in the firm).

Wait, the first attorney who did not represent you properly is now involved with your appeal? Why have you chosen this attorney and firm if they have let you down so horribly in the past?

Cat

FBS: Married 20 years, 2 daughters 27 and 24. Divorced by the grace of GOD.
D-Days: 2/23/93; 10/11/97; 3/5/03
Ex & OW Broke up 12-10
"An erection does not count as personal growth."

posts: 32972   ·   registered: Apr. 5th, 2003   ·   location: Massachusetts
id 8641033
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grubs ( member #77165) posted at 2:51 PM on Thursday, March 11th, 2021

My new attorney is an associate in my first attorney's firm (i.e., my attorney is one of the two partners in the firm).

Wait, the first attorney who did not represent you properly is now involved with your appeal? Why have you chosen this attorney and firm if they have let you down so horribly in the past?

The attorney didn't let him down, the Judge miss applied a formula in his decision. Appeals are usually focused on a facet of the case, you can't retire the whole case just what was identified as non-germane. Since this mistake is the mistake in applying the financial formula the legal work is trivial. Billable hours for the associate are much lower than partners. It's pretty likely that the new attorney will discuss it with the original, but will be doing most of the work.

[This message edited by grubs at 8:53 AM, March 11th (Thursday)]

posts: 839   ·   registered: Jan. 21st, 2021
id 8641049
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Catwoman ( member #1330) posted at 3:05 PM on Thursday, March 11th, 2021

Grubs, Barcher has had three attorneys during his divorce. The first two were fired because he felt they were not acting in his best interest.

If I'm reading this correctly, he's going back to one of these attorneys that let him down to handle the appeal.

THAT'S my question.

Cat

FBS: Married 20 years, 2 daughters 27 and 24. Divorced by the grace of GOD.
D-Days: 2/23/93; 10/11/97; 3/5/03
Ex & OW Broke up 12-10
"An erection does not count as personal growth."

posts: 32972   ·   registered: Apr. 5th, 2003   ·   location: Massachusetts
id 8641055
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grubs ( member #77165) posted at 3:36 PM on Thursday, March 11th, 2021

My attorney is countering with $10,000 but planning on an appeal. My attorney has convinced her partner (two principal attorneys in her firm, she is one) to allow me to forego an upfront retainer for now too. Apparently, my attorney believes in my honesty and integrity, even if the judge and xWW do not (well, I'd argue that xWW trusts my integrity but she is defaming my integrity for her own personal benefit).

My new attorney is an associate in my first attorney's firm (i.e., my attorney is one of the two partners in the firm).

Grubs, Barcher has had three attorneys during his divorce. The first two were fired because he felt they were not acting in his best interest.

If I'm reading this correctly, he's going back to one of these attorneys that let him down to handle the appeal.

THAT'S my question.

Too many attorneys for sure, guess that's what you get for 60k, but I think I'm following what Barcher has said correctly.

[This message edited by grubs at 9:38 AM, March 11th (Thursday)]

posts: 839   ·   registered: Jan. 21st, 2021
id 8641062
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 barcher144 (original poster member #54935) posted at 7:23 PM on Thursday, March 11th, 2021

Too many attorneys for sure, guess that's what you get for 60k, but I think I'm following what Barcher has said correctly.

Yes, too many attorneys to keep count!

To be clear, attorney#3 is still involved and attorney#4 would handle the appeal.

For those of you keeping score at home:

Attorney#1 is a nice person but a bad attorney

Attorney#2 is smart but was completely negligent.

Attorney#3 has handled my case since Summer 2019 and she's awesome.

Attorney#4 is the new lawyer, who works at Attorney#3's firm.

So, when I said "first attorney" above, I meant Attorney#3 not Attorney#1.

Billable hours for the associate are much lower than partners. It's pretty likely that the new attorney will discuss it with the original, but will be doing most of the work.

The price difference between Attorney#3 and Attorney#4 is not very large (I think it's like $30 per hour... which is what I made as a handyman, so maybe that it is a HUGE difference). I'd be sticking to Attorney#3 except that she doesn't handle appeals.

Me: BH, age 48
Her: WS, age 45 (multiple EAs and PAs)
D-Day: August 30, 2016

Diagnosed with depression in December 2016, which was primarily caused by my xWW's affair and associated emotional abuse.

posts: 5142   ·   registered: Aug. 31st, 2016
id 8641119
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Wiseoldfool ( member #78413) posted at 8:09 PM on Thursday, March 11th, 2021

Barcher,

See if you can negotiate a flat fee for the appeal. I don’t think you want to be on the clock for what it takes to write a brief in a divorce case. The fact you’re having it done “in house” where you had it tried should afford some economy there.

[This message edited by Wiseoldfool at 2:09 PM, March 11th (Thursday)]

Every secret you keep with your affair partner sustains the affair. Every lie you tell, every misunderstanding you permit, every deflection you pose, every omission you allow sustains the affair.

posts: 153   ·   registered: Mar. 1st, 2021
id 8641135
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