Wow. I just read your narrative of her letter, her explanation and your first steps to parsing it all into something that is coherent and perhaps, provable. I apologize if I said anything that sounded like "get on with it? what's next?"-- I was concerned, this is kind of a new one for me. Your description of what happened next is thorough and well-written; I know it had to take a while.
Guys, for real, I am well aware of where I am standing. I know what she did to me, I know the word used to describe males in my situation. No need to try to convince me on D her. I got no desire for R and am thousands of miles away from forgiveness or rug sweeping. Please, no need to keep rubbing it on my face.
Nobody on here is that insensitive. Yeah, we all know this is betrayal at a level that is hard to imagine. We don't use certain phrases that tear the heart and soul out of a betrayed spouse. It's not healthy and it's not productive to make a poster feel like hammered crap. Anyone who comes close to that is usually fresh out of hell themselves, and they're another member of the walking wounded.
A couple of points. You seem willing to admit to some personality traits that "made it easier for her to be unfaithful". I would advise you not to get too hung up on this-- from her letter she is already more than willing to blame your personality on her having an affair. Please, be careful with this. Adultery isn't a mistake (or something that "just happens"), it's a selfish decision, made after a series of escalating shitty decisions (all of which, by the way, the answer should have been a firm NO to-- No I won't text you, No I won't have lunch with you, No I won't flirt with you, No I won't sext you.. and you see how it escalates). She claims she did this with intention and planning. I think you're smart enough to realize this is a classic after the fact justification.
She claims this extramarital relationship was entirely planned, for YOUR benefit 
, to "give you what you wanted". I'm sorry. There are so many holes in this answer you could drive a Mac truck through it. She's saying she decided, on her own, without consulting ANYone, that she would take unilateral action in her marriage to be inseminated by another man, and (although I'm unclear on this), it only took the two times she was fertile to do this? She literally looked at the calendar, found the right day, cleared his schedule and went and had sex with him? Just to have a baby for YOUR benefit? My people have a saying for times like this: "Yeah, and I'm a Chinese Jet Pilot".
She never thought she was vulnerable to discovery? DNA testing kits have been around since before you were married-- chances were pretty high she was going to get discovered sooner or later, even in Latin America. It was almost an inevitability. My kids and I have done DNA tests, fortunately we achieved the results anticipated. My ex has much to answer for, but not this.
I'm hesitant to offer advice because man... this is way over my pay grade. There are some common sense actions I would take, however. You have a (more or less) sanitized version of events from her end. She paints a fantastical story worthy of a Lifetime movie plot. Remember this, as you ponder on just how implausible all of this sounds-- she's had a very, very long time to get her story in order. She knew this day was coming. I won't call her a diabolical genius-- she had to know what a risk a DNA kit was, and she hid her anxiety over a mask of indifference. SO.. she's at least a good actress. I would focus on the elements that can be confirmed. The first question I would ask is how much of this is verifiable? Would it be possible to speak to the HR department of her previous firm? It would be nice to get their side of the story now. I would think, as a spouse who is experiencing Financial Infidelity (which is what we call it in the States), you might have a right to know what outstanding debts are being carried by your spouse-- why and how. I don't know what's true here but I know a little something about human nature. Nobody pays back thousands, puts themselves into long term debt, risks her standing, her credit and her professional reputation, if they don't have to. The very first thing I'd be thinking is there was more to this fraud than your wife is telling you. That the OM did more than just commit adultery with her. IF you visit this company to get their side of the story and it turns out to be a false narrative, what does that suggest to you? To me it suggests simple blackmail. She was offered (probably by the OBS) a choice of paying them off or informing you of the affair. It's a nasty business from the sounds of it.
I'd also reach out to the subordinate and get his angle on what actually happened. Of course his loyalty is to your wife, not you-- but he might be approachable. If they were such good friends, maybe he's the only other person out there that ever heard the real story. I would try this before trying the OBS.
As to that... well, you have your wife's version of what's true and what's not true. His OBS made it uncomfortable at her old place of work and that facilitated both of them leaving? I think? Or at least the OM getting fired. So OBS outed this fraud scheme? Are they still together? Than I doubt it. Your wife doesn't want anything to do with the OM; she appears adamant on that-- however if the OM is the father, does he have some measure of rights to be involved in your son's life somehow? I have no idea how it is in your country. It would probably be difficult to set up a low-thread discussion with the OBS, but it would be very revealing.
I very much admire your attitude about this contretemps; it is incredibly complex and you have approached it with logic, dignity and at least some level of self-awareness. Keep making good decisions-- including getting your wife access to therapy. Best of luck.
[This message edited by KingofNothing at 2:30 PM, Saturday, February 12th]
