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One of my female friends started to ghost me after I told her about my xWH’s A. She was supportive at first but went off the grid. And there are just a few more who have been more distant since I told them about the A. They all know my WH but they are more my friends than they are his.
Have you had similar experiences?
How should I feel about this? I feel judged in some ways. As if I did something wrong.

Honestly, I'd have to wonder if she ghosted you,because she already knew he was a cheater. That he had either come on to her,at some point,amd she didn't say anything. Or that they had had an affair,and she was worried you would find out.

I did not lose friends. If anything, they rallied around me.

I'm sorry this is happening to you.

[This message edited by HellFire at 4:34 PM, Wednesday, April 6th]

Yes, a lot of ghosting. Very painful.

My longest-term friend went AWOL on me pretty much right when DD occurred. I didn't discuss it with him but the OM/OM's brother was a mutual friend of ours and I find it somewhat likely that OM/OMB "let it slip" as an effort to humiliate and slander me. Beyond those two mutual friends, my bf's XW was really good friends with AP's W. My friend lived two hours from me so we didn't get to see each other but about twice per year. We did speak at least every few months and he would reach out as much as I did. The drop off in communication was immediate on his side.

Hellfire touched on my thoughts. It's sad one imagines that but long-term friends suddenly dipping out is highly suspect. I'm guessing there are reasons for it. My gut suggests a guilty conscience for one or both reasons stated by Hellfire. And my W would take anything inappropriate with my bf to the grave.

For good or bad, people follow playbooks. WS's, BS''s, friends, family, colleagues, in-laws, etc. If after many years of track record someone acts in a way that is foreign and out of character, there's probably a very good reason for it.

[This message edited by NotMyFirstRodeo at 5:04 PM, Wednesday, April 6th]

Yes lost lots of friends but also made new friends who were not friends of the marriage so there is that.

I had the opposite sitch - I ghosted a friend when she befriended the OW some years post FWH's EA. She knew who OW was and what she did, yet they became friends in church.

I lost all my friends. Every single one. Of the most painful, 2 pastors. One of them went so far to say "I'm not going to talk to you anymore."

After going through the betrayal of the A adding the betrayal of my so called friends and church leaders at that was too much. That was a hard pill to swallow and have even recently wanted to reach out to one of them to tell him how much what he did hurt me. I want to let him know how far down into a hole he kicked me.

Although I don't blame them directly for how messed up my life became, suicide attempts, self harm to an extreme, afraid to go out in public, and leaving church world for many years. A little support would have gone a long way and probably would have kept me from falling so far.

10 plus years past D-day for me and as I look back with a different perspective I think the subject of an A is too heavy for most people to handle. Especially if they knew the one that cheated. It's not something that they can just support you for a couple of weeks and all of a sudden you're through it. People don't know what to say to you. They don't know how to handle it and so they end up just avoiding you all together.

Two of my closest friends, who were my ex's cousins' wives, ghosted me after I filed. I get it; they're technically "family" with the ex and their husbands were on his side 100% but it still hurt. I tried to stay friends with my sister-in-law (the one married to my ex's brother, not my ex's witch of a sister), but everything I told her eventually made its way back to my ex so I had to cut her off.

I also lost 2 friends due to their husbands' cheating. The first was married to a serial cheater/abuser. I would try to be supportive of her but it became too emotionally draining to constantly listen about his latest act of malfeasance and have her bite my head off defensively if I tried to give her advice or said anything remotely critical of him.

The second friend's husband was sending me inappropriate text messages, which I immediately shared with her. She completely ghosted me for over a year, and then contacted me again to tell me how great her marriage was without even acknowledging what her husband had done. I couldn't rekindle that friendship even if I wanted to because I didn't want to ever interact with her husband again (plus it would be disrespectful to my husband if I did).

How should I feel about this? I feel judged in some ways. As if I did something wrong.

Don’t feel judged and definitely don’t feel like you did anything wrong.

Regardless of their reason for "ghosting" you, the right people will choose to stay a part of your life and the wrong ones will not.

That’s a good thing.

Prior to D-day, most of my then friends were via my then wife.

Almost all of them were aware of her infidelity and said nothing to me while her core "BFFL" (as they always referred to each other to ad nauseam on social media) were actively encouraging, supporting, condoning, and helping her keep it a secret behind me and my kids’ backs.

After D-day, the core BFFL’s all immediately joined her blameshifting bandwagon while the others tried to stay somewhat neutral.

There is no neutrality about this - especially when it came to my kids.

They knew and would pretend to be mine and my kids buddies while knowing that we were being horribly betrayed.

I burned bridges to all of those people - and it was for the best.

All her BFFL’s are now divorced due to their own infidelity that my XWW also knew about and helped them as well.

There’s almost always some shitty drama going on among that crowd and I think they feed on it.

My group of friends have all been supportive.

I would suspect that those friends that have ghosted you might have been guilty of some level of infidelity at some point and hold the blame shift mentality so they may not want to stomach the reality of hearing anything else otherwise.

They may have experienced infidelity in their relationships and have rugswept it all and maybe hearing of your experience brings up the painful fact that they have swept it all under the rug without facing the reality of it.

Whatever the reason, if they choose to not be a part of your life then so be it and let them go.

Embrace the ones that stay.

[This message edited by keptmyword at 9:50 PM, Wednesday, April 6th]

My wife’s affair partner was my best friend of twenty years. Yes, that friendship ended because of the affair.

My WW and I used to be close friends with another couple, my WW had known the husband for 28 yrs I had known him only a few years less.
Turned out when I was talking to him about my suspicions he just relayed it straight back to my WW, and she had already told him about the AP and he just covered it up.
Since DDay he hasn't been invited back to my house, his wife has asked why and I simply told her, her response was that the A wasn't such a big deal.. Bye bye the pair of them tbh.
Pretty much all of our other friends may suspect their are issues but as far as i know none know.

I didn't lose any friends. But I discovered that a lot of people were not my friends.

My wife’s affair partner was my best friend of twenty years. Yes, that friendship ended because of the affair.

Wiseoldfool,

He was never your friend - no matter how long you knew him.

What a POS.

Betrayal, especially on this level, does not exist within the bond of true friendship.

People can claim all the "But we’re all human and no one’s perfect" bullshit they want.

A true friend will not do this to their friend.

He’s just an imperfect human POS who was never your true friend.

Yes , I have.

Kept my word,

I agree.

He was a deeply flawed individual and I knew that all along. We were roommates in college, he was my best man in the wedding. I truly treated him like a brother. I accepted him into my family, flaws and all. He was my children’s "uncle xxx." He had no children of his own. He was at ball games, birthdays, Christmas mornings, Thanksgivings at my parents’ home. All of it. For twenty years.

In the end, he betrayed me as only a brother can. He literally tried to steal my wife, my kids, my life.

He’s dead to me now.

I isolated myself. I'm coming out of that now, but I'm going very slowly. My fault, not my friends'.

I lost a few friendly acquaintances as a result of the LTA - once I realized they were "in the know" they really weren't much of a loss after all.

However - I lost a few close ones [that I'd confided in early on] as a result of my staying/attempting reconciliation. That hurts. It hurts a lot.