SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

The start of Fall always makes me recall DDay1, the day I finally had to face the reality that my H had been living a lie for over 3 years, and life as I knew it was never going to be the same again.

It really is true that healing from this type of wound takes years, even under the best of circumstances. Our reality is challenged, we suddenly see our partner as a stranger, everything we had believed about our relationship has to be examined and questioned. The physical and emotional toll of this level of betrayal is something I could never begin to imagine until it happened to me.

And happened to me it did! But I was fortunate to have one solid girlfriend who held me up and likely saved my life more times than she knows. And then in April of 2015 I stumbled upon this website, and joined the best club nobody wants to join. 😊. The people here who had walked in my shoes and knew so much more about what I was going through and what inevitably lay ahead of me than I did. I found here a place to rant and vent and say all the horrible and scary things I felt inside that I didn’t think anyone would listen to without thinking I was nuts or pathetic. At various times I likely was one or both, but people here got it, and helped me make sense of so much that made no sense to me at the time.

On my 8 year anniversary, I salute SI and the people who make this site a safe space to heal, to hurt, to find whatever it is we’re looking for. For me, I wanted to find peace again. I wanted to jump off the emotional roller coaster way before that was possible, I wanted to stop the obsessions and incessant mind movies. I wanted to own my own mind again. I finally did, with a lot of help along the way, but it took over 3 very long years to crawl out of that darkness.

There is hope for a good life once you make peace with the past. It takes time and work to sort through the puzzle pieces and put that sucker back together again. But it can be done.

I’m at peace. I forgot my DDay and had to check my signature for the date 😉. There was that time I thought I’d never forget, never heal. But I have. And I owe much of my success to SI and the good folks here. I’d name names but I’m sure I’d forget someone, so I’ll resist. If you’re new here, I wish you the very best. And I’m so sorry you’ve found us. But this really is the best place you never thought you’d have to come looking for. If you’re among the old timers, thank you with all my heart. Keep doing the good work.

For the record, we’re still married, he hasn’t cheated again as far as I know, and our marriage has improved from what it was leading to DDay. The DDs are grown and living their best lives, and we’re inching toward retirement. The past is behind us, and that’s a very good thing.

Thank you for this. It's the encouragement I needed this morning. I'm very happy for you.

Thank you. It’s good to hear that.

Wonderful update and encouraging post for the newly betrayed.

What a WONDERFUL update...thank you so much for sharing !! What an INSPIRATION you have been to all of us...giving us all an insight into your life and your journey in getting back to PEACE .

I never thought I would forget my Dday either...but I had to think about it this year too !! That danged four letter word...TIME...can be a Blessing at times. Although...at my age...it is more likely dementia !!

You know there is ONE more thing you should do...right ??!! With all of the POSITIVE stories you have written in the "Positive Reconciliation Stories" thread...THIS one will be the icing on the cake .

Nice work!

You asked a lot of really good, tough questions along the way regarding events at Psych HQ, and that really helped me on my path forward.

Finding peace on the other side of pain is my favorite part for you and (and any of us who get there), thanks for the very awesome update!

So happy for you, Psychmom!

Congrats dear lady!!!!!
You did heal yourself. I told you could.

Nice to hear from you, PsychMom. And so happy to hear things are going well. Thanks for the update!

Good to hear from you 1345Marine, Grieving, zebra25, Want2BHappyAgain, Oldwounds, ChamomileTea, tushnurse, and BearlyBreathing!

Some names I recognize going back many years, and sadly, new ones reminding me that this is a story as old as time itself. But you're in a safe and good place to work on healing and putting your life back together.

I'll get my post added to the Positive Reconciliation thread, Want2BHappyAgain!! Your enthusiasm and positivity are so admirable! And you told me many times, Tushnurse, that I WOULD eventually heal -- at the time it surely didn't feel like that was possible, but you're a wise woman who tells things as they are! Thank you for all of your support over the years

The years in the Psych HQ (aka Ward) forced me to ask and answer a lot of uncomfortable and hard questions, oldwounds. I appreciate that my ramblings and searching were helpful to others along with myself.

Thank you to all who responded with well wishes and words of thanks.

In Peace,
Psychmon

I am so very happy to read your update Psychmom. You sound strong and full of peace.

❤️

Congratulations! Thank you so much for sharing!

THANK YOU !!! It put an INSTANT smile on my face when I looked at the "Positive Reconciliation Stories" thread and saw your username there!!! You made my day !!!

Coming up on 10 years in November.

"There is hope for a good life once you make peace with the past"

This sentence says it all.

Thank you for this update and here's to peace!

Pathetic? Never. NEVER. (This is actually more a message to folks who are new here than to you.)

Nuts? Well ... life would be too boring without a little bit of ...um... uniqueness.

It's very good to hear from, especially with good news.

[This message edited by SI Staff at 12:43 PM, Friday, September 16th]

psychmom, thank you for this post. I remember how appalled I was when I first read it takes at least two years to heal. I thought that was way too long and was sure I could do better. Trickle truths and false R taught me otherwise. I'm in year five from DDay1, and about a year and a half out from the last of the disclosures, so maybe I should allow myself a little grace.

Now, when I read your eight year journey, I wasn't disheartened, but hopeful that healing is possible, especially for LTA survivors who were a little late finding the SI support. So thank you so much for this update and the positive message I needed very much to hear.

It's easy to get caught up in the doom and gloom of it all, especially when I keep reading in the JFO forum, which can be a painful reminder of all that has happened when so many stories keep repeating themselves. I can get caught up in the hurt and negativity of what was lost or isn't working and I'm trying to do better on that front. I wonder, is there anything specific you can point to besides this site, that was helpful in your healing journey? Any recommended books or therapy techniques that stand out? I know there are no quick answers, but I want to know I've explored all the possible outlets for reclaiming my own peace of mind. Again, thank you for the positive update and wishing you the best moving forward.

Awesome to feel better and I too salute this site. I actually forgot the year of dday 1 and had to check. Hard to believe - impossible really.

Congrats psychmom and thanks for all the great insights - you helped me so much in my toughest of times.

"There is hope for a good life once you make peace with the past"

This^^^^^^^

…it took over 3 very long years to crawl out of that darkness.

You know this stood out to me. One of the things that, looking back now, are hard to digest still is the 3 years or so that I’ve spent in a dark place. My WH knows this, I don’t think I’ll ever be able to forgive that part in particular. I have huge memory blackouts where I know my kids grew, I know they participated in certain events that DID happen but I have no recollection of it.

But on the flip side you (and me, and a lot of BSes) did crawl out of the darkness and it is one of the hardest things to do so in my opinion.

Congratulations for finding peace and processing all there was to process.

Hi, Luna. The memory blackouts are something I’ve struggled with, too. I have very detailed recall of many things "affair-related" but the rest of my life at that time went on but I wasn’t processing it. Regrettably, my youngest was in her final year of high school and I was checked out.

I’m sorry you’ve experienced the blackouts, too. I’m glad you mentioned this as it’s not always acknowledged but probably occurs more often in these situations than we realize.