It was this time last year that my wife's AP started making his move on her. This is when the messaging started over Facebook that he set up to auto delete after 24 hours. I had no idea any of that was happening when it was happening. They spent the entire month of March flirting, chatting, and making voice calls over messenger. Looking back, I s'pose that was pretty clever as to avoid any new phone numbers or texts showing up on the phone bill. Makes me think this wasn't his first rodeo with a married woman.
The end of March is when he suggested they get a hotel, and within a week he booked one. This means he made the suggestion right around, or possibly even on my birthday, which is March 26th, and they had their first tryst on April 1st or 2nd. That went one for 2 more weeks with 2 more trysts before I caught on and put a stop to it. April 15th was d day,
I think most of you have read my progress over the last year. Things have actually been going amazingly well as far as recovery and working toward reconciliation. She's been listening, doing the work, and doing everything I've asked and then some. Everything. No slip ups, no major meltdowns, no backsliding. Intimacy has come roaring back. We've been intimate every night for the last ten months. Every single night, and sometimes twice a day. It's not getting old at all. We both very much look forward to it every day. It's still... exciting, and I don't see that changing anytime soon. We've really rediscovered each other sexually, and it's been awesome. Things seem to be going about as well as could be hoped for considering the circumstances.
We've been getting along better over the last year than we did before d day. She's such a good listener now, and she's really matured a lot. She's always been kind of immature, partly because of her condition (epilepsy caused by tbi as an infant), and the fact that her parents really sheltered and babied her. She was their "miracle child." She wasn't supposed to be able to walk, talk, or be functional in any meaningful way. They worked hard with her and she pulled through. Her seizures stopped at age 11 (then came back 25 years later), she graduated high school and even earned a partial scholarship. This affair and the potential and real consequences have been a major wakeup call that seems to have transformed her on a very fundamental level. Like, real, substantive change. She's a better person in general in almost all of her relationships now.
As we creep closer and closer to the antiversary tho, with me knowing what was going on at this exact time last year, it's been bothering me a lot. The lies, secrets and deception all started right about now, and I've been dwelling more. I keep picturing them talking and chatting, him hitting on her and her soaking it all up while hiding it from me. And of course picturing them at the hotel.
I imagine them standing at the desk to check in, all giddy with excitement, smiling, joking, and flirting. Hanging out by the pool while she's in her bathing suit that she looks fantastic in. Tho that particular bathing suit and overnight bag got filed in the trash bin quite a while ago - her idea. She knew it was triggering for me. I didn't even suggest it. After one of many conversations about the affair, a conversation where the hotel pool came up, she gathered the bag and suit and took them to the outside garbage can, which I appreciated. It was her favorite bathing suit. She's gotten rid of almost everything that had any ties to her affair without being asked. Which, to be fair, wasn't much, tho she of course still has her phone and tablet, which I have unfettered access to. Then of course thinking about the activities they got up to when they were in the room...
Once again, I'm not sure what I expect to get from starting this thread aside from the fact that sometimes just typing this stuff out and getting feedback has a way of making me feel better. I'm not planning on D, and neither is she. We're on pretty solid ground now. I've even begun trusting her again. I'm no longer hyper vigilant. I don't think she'll ever do something like this again. I'm very convinced of that. I haven't been going through her devices and conversations. Just knowing I have the access is really just about good enough. I'm just having some issues with flashbacks and intrusive thoughts with d day approaching. She knows she messed up bad, and has been willing to crawl naked through broken glass to make up for it. I've just had a rough couple of days thinking about it, and need to get it off my chest. It's been almost a year now and I still kind of can't believe it happened.
[This message edited by Pogre at 6:24 PM, Thursday, February 26th]
