SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Why do I do this to myself?

I was online looking at toysrus.com for a baby registry and I thought "I should look and see if the OW is here" Well there she was.

Due date 8/29. The pregnancy calendars put her conception on 12/5. H was with her 12/8. She she must have lied to him about her being 7 week along right before the holidays. Or he lied to me about the timing.

Here I thought she already had the baby and is leaving us along when the OC probably is not even here yet. Now I still have to dread the phone call.

Why do I have to be so nosy? I should have let myself live in my own little world knowing none the wiser.

I hate her.

[This message edited by Kristine at 8:30 PM, August 21st (Monday)]

I did that when I was on myspace.com. I know her email address and looked her up to see if she had a page. she didn't but it was the fact that I looked for her that drove me crazy. why do we let them get into our head so badly. you are not alone in you nosiness.

kristine-hugs to you. I did the same thing and was sickened to see the stupid bitch registered. However, in some odd way it did help. If I can figure out how, I will try and share that.

My H had a tough day at work on Friday. He took our daughter with him. OW (who works at the far other end of the office)got her britches in a knot and stalked my H all day. At the end of the day, she had the nerve to show up in the office next to my H with the baby. H has never seen the baby, and doesn't intend to--her child, her responsibility, as I had said before. H was very concerned about a confrontation with my daughter present. Anyways, need your thoughts on this. H filed a formal harassment complaint with the company--this has been coming for a while. But we told our attny that we want a restraining order on her to keep her from contacting our kids. My fear is that as the CS court case gets further and further along and her delusional self comes to realize that my H isn't her sugardaddy, that she is going to get even more and more irrational. She has no right to speak to my kids-and I fear that she will do something dumb! Please give me your thoughts. I posted a watered down version of this on General, but only got one response. I am hoping that all of you that have been through this or are going through might be able to shed some clearer light on this for me.

scooter-we are hoping and praying for the best for you, but know that we are here if it is not the news you want to hear.

Hugs to you all.

[This message edited by twokidsmomny at 8:57 PM, August 21st (Monday)]

(((Scooter)))

Grll - include me in that prayer will ya? DNA results should be here by Labor Day. I hate this...

Twokids - yes, get the restraining order. She's desperate, living beyond her means and utterly convinced that your H is a paycheck to easy street. More importantly protect your children. They are the #1 priority.

I did the babiesrus registry too. I was obsessed. If it was that one it was PB Kids or any others. I scoured the web looking for OW registry to get due date info. Eventually found out she had a baby shower at the boycotted restaurant! So much for taking it back for us...feel like the owners betrayed me again. I will never be that naive again.

so i got a big genious idea and did exactly what you did SCOOTER.i went on myspace and found the bitch there. actually she just signed up.it's funny cause her unit (she's in arizona,we're in hawaii)was supposed to be deployed to iraq and my h is currently there.i think b/c of her four kids she got out of it but i was waiting to see if he was going to mention it.they have internet access over there but i don't think they are allowed myspace and yahooetc.i bet she would blow the roof at how she gave up her second chance at screwing him behind my back,i mean i would never know.like i wasn't supposed to find out about korea until she came up pg.something in me was wishing for there reunion,maybe just to test him.she is all to ready to let me know about any contact they have.

YIPEE!!!!!

My H is NOT the father. Repeat- NOT THE FATHER!!

I wish this for eveyone out there waiting for DNA results. It is such a releif. We can now work on our marriage completely with out the OW involved. I am saying good by to those of you on this thread and hope that I will see you in Reconciliation. I will lurk around and just see how everyone's case is progressing and be here for hugs and support. Good luck to all!

Scooter

scooter--doing the happy dance for you!!

Good luck. We'll miss you.

Scooter, great news...it is amazing the manipulations this OW did to you and your H....Can you sue her for the "damages to your marriage" ?...costs incurred for DNA testing, lawyer fees...etc...in addition to the money she extorted from your husband in the past...He must be livid with rage at the dispicableness of this OW.

I am !

scooter3377-

That is great news!!!! I hope all of hear the same thing!

Wonderful news,Scooter! I'm happy for you.

That is wonderful news Scooter!!! I'm jealous.

{{{scooter}}}

WIshing you the best in R

scooter,

i am so happy for you! the road is still an up-hill battle, but this is one less problem. i trust that this will be an important lesson learned for your FWS. best of luck.

:) i think we are all jealous!

YEAH SCOOTER!!!!!! I'm soooooooooooo happy for you. i bet she was shocked.don't you love it.your reconciliation will be so much better not having to deal with her.that is the great dilemna in our unique situation,we can't put the a behind us cause the oc is the forever constant reminder.since God is in the prayer answering mood i hope he answers all the rest of ours the same way.

(((SCOOTER!!!)))

Big, big hug to you! You're living my dream! I couldn't be happier for you and wish you all the best in R w/ your H. Banish the skank from your life now!

All my best to you,

BW

Scooter you must feel like the weight of the world has been lifted off of you. My H is still waiting for the court to give us a date and time for paternity testing. I don't know why it is taking so long but the waiting is driving me crazy. I am home with a new baby of my own and shouldn't have to deal with this during what should be a joyful time.

WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

imagine hearing/reading those words, " not the father" is that not something we all have fantasized about?!

i am so jealous, but in a very happy for you way.

on a much less happier note, here's my update.

i saw the FC and the OC! yes, i was totally blindsided. a city of 4 million people is just not big enough.

i was at a red light and she walked across the street, right in front of my car. CRAP!!!!!!!!

i couldn't believe my eyes. i freaked. i watched her continue down the street and then made the very impetuous decision to follow her. why? i felt compelled is all i can say. i cut across 3 lanes of traffic and quickly parked my car so i could confront her. that was what i was feeling at the moment. i called a friend who told me to get the hell out of there. but i couldn't. it was so strange.

by the time i was able to get parked etc.. i found her sitting at an outdoor cafe with a bunch of other women with thier babies. i just stood there and could'nt take my eyes away. she pulled the OC out of his pram and they were all ooohing and aaahing over each others kids. i can;t even describe how i felt. sick, angry, sad, vengeful, you name it. there she bitch sat looking like any normal mother when really what she was is a piece of garbage.

i decided to go over and say something, what i really wanted to do was warn all of the other women a the table not to invite her into thier homes or let theri guard down around her, i wanted to humiliate her and i think at that moment i was very capable of doing that. i was planning my strategy and walking over when my friend came running up and redirected me. i was not expecting her at all. in retrospect, i'm thankful she was near by and came.i think it would have gotten ugly. she did walk by her as slose as she could get to get a good look (just like a good friend would) and she told me she thought the OC looked like my H. i then went as close as i could without her seeing and i have to agree. the OC did look like him. i can't describe how it felt. even now, writing this it seems so surreal.

i left and called my H. he came and met me and we went home.

he was upset that i was upset.

we have had NC a year in sept.

i think we are doing okay but just when you think you are moving on, something like this smacks you right back again.

my god i hate her.

i will tell you this tho'. she has gained TONS of weight. her thighs and her ass were huge.

she was wearing a very unflattering pair of clingy pants that did nothing for her and i took GREAT/ENORMOUS/GIGANTIC satisfaction out of this.

she also has a website where she has put pics of herself and the OC on it.

anyway, i'm trying to move on from this encounter.

my hearts go out to you all.

Cat,

I hear you.....

Even though the OW in my situation backed off the DNA test, I've done a side by side comparison with my H and the OC at the same age (18ish) and they look identical. It sickens me.

I've had several friends make the same observation; the only one that does not see the resemblance is my H; he says the kid looks like the other guy. I see more of H in that kid than I do in my own. That *really* killed me at first, but I now have a good explanation for it, and one I truly believe to be the case.

Think of Princess Diana and Charles.....thank God those boys got her looks! I am an attractive woman, with good bone structure, facial features, etc. The OW was/is a cow, with NO defining facial features or bone structure....just a VERY PLAIN looking female of the species. In cases like this, stronger/better genes often are dominant (which is why you always try to breed the "best to the best" in horses, dogs, etc.). The OC looks like a charicature of my H: eyes, mouth, chin, but has the neanderthal forehead, broad nose and ruddy complexion of the OW. It's bizarre!

My kids are very fair; aryan in appearance with good bone structure, build, etc. They look nothing like the OC, though the OW claimed they did, after violating my online photo albums and having the unmitigated gall to actually link hers to mine! (After that I PW protected all but the ones of me and my animals, home, etc.)

I tear myself up looking at those photos, but do it for a purpose. If the kid ever defies the NC order and shows up on my doorstep I want to be able to unemotionally ask him to leave. Period.

I also get some satisfaction thinking about how his resemblance to H may provide a constant reminder to OW that things did not work out quite the way she'd hoped.

Bottom line for me though is the comfort I derive from knowing my H NEVER, EVER wanted anything to do with either of them beyond his initial and tragic mistake.

It's my birthday today....time to party!

[This message edited by BeeTrayed at 11:27 AM, August 24th (Thursday)]

Happy Birthday, Bee!!

Cat, I wouldn't have been able to stop myself from following her either. In fact, I probably would have given in to the temptation to go up and make comments. I think it's only human!

I guess another thing I'm grateful for is that we moved 3000 miles away. We didn't live in the same state as the skank to begin with, but being even farther away helps. I know I won't be running into her unless she purposefully orchestrates it. Then watch out!

Ladies,

I haven't been around in a couple days because life is getting pretty crazy with the kids going back to school soon and me with my due date quickly approaching. The last time I was on though I saw that a couple of the members thought that some of the bw's were being bashed because their h have or want contact.

I just wanted to chime in and say I hope that no one thinks I'm too hard on any of the wives when I'm giving advice. I just know from experience that knowledge is power and the more of it you have the better you'll be able to protect yourself and your own children if you have any. It helps you have some semblance of control in a situation that feels completely out of control. It can also help you maintain a small piece of your sanity.

I hate to see when a woman has a husband willing to put her and their children on the back burner to meet his "obligation" to be a parent to the oc even if it is ripping his wife to shreds. I want those ladies to feel some sense of control over their destiny. By not addressing issues NOW it will only create a growing animosity and anger in the marriage. Eventually they'll resent the hell of their spouse.

As I've said before contact/no contact is a very personal decision. For some it works, for many it doesn't. The decision, no matter which path is chosen, should be a mutual one designed to created the least amount of pain for all involved.

Any advice I throw around on this forum is stuff I've gleaned from others dealing with the same shit we're going through. Take it and use what you can.

Me

scooter you are officially kicked out of the rotten club we are all in.. lol good for you

I love hearing some good news