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Honey, they always affair down

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trustedg posted 10/3/2014 15:20 PM

Reading this topic's posts for the first time. It seems many WH chose an OW that is very different from their wife.

The OW in my case is an opposite of me, in looks, intelligence, and morals.

Is that because the don't want to be reminded of us while it is going on? Do they want something different?

clueless1 posted 10/3/2014 20:44 PM

I'd read this before and I'm glad I found it again. It's been almost 6 months since my DD and this month is the 1 yr anniversary of the height of their affair. I was feeling a bit down and I really needed some reassurance that there's nothing wrong with ME. Thanks.

steppingup posted 10/8/2014 14:54 PM

I think the WS needs something, not different. They want to be wanted, they want something new, it could even be an identical twin that woudl be fine, they want to know they are sexy and powerful and they like the sneaky stuff too. They like the thrill of the chase and putting notches in their belt.

The WS is broken, so you dont have to judge yourself, just as I dont have to judge myself, they did it becasue they found a willing person, if they didnt find a willing person, they wouldn't, that is why it is so important to really consider staying with a cheater because their character has been revealed and you have to ask yourself this very hard question, are you willing for more of the same, because it IS likely whether or not you find out.

Best of luck.

nortonj23 posted 10/8/2014 16:51 PM

Thank you,

It's as if you had a window into my brain. I was feeling really low today. I never thought about it from this persepective.

This gives me lots to think about... in a good way. I need to stand strong and realize he is here with me.

Thank you again!

Best of luck and love to all who are on here! Stay strong everyone!

Sal1995 posted 10/8/2014 17:18 PM

Assuming the OW/OM knew that they were screwing around with a married person (because cheating spouses have been known to bullshit a little ) and further assuming that you, the BS, is a person whose standards and values preclude you from knowingly sleeping with someone else's spouse...

then yeah, they affaired down. Way down.

It's not even a close call.

jobin posted 10/8/2014 17:35 PM

Just read this for the first time, and I had to laugh at a memory...

I was always kind of confused at her choice - he was overweight, not what I thought was attractive (but hey I am a guy, and biased, obviously)

But my WW told me that when she confessed the affair to her BFF, and of course the BFF wanted to see what he looked like, she pulls up his picture on facebook...

Her BFF's response?

"Well, it's not about the looks, obviously"

Shallow, I know, but I will take solace where I can find it.

As for quality of man:

When my wife expressed hope that he could find someone he could be in an open loving relationship with (you know, instead of an affair ) his response was (I KID YOU NOT):

"Yeah, but we don't have to stop this!"

(even she said she told him that was a fucked up way to start a relationship - but that wasn't enough of sign for her to end it of course...)

[This message edited by jobin at 5:38 PM, October 8th (Wednesday)]

Tina73 posted 10/8/2014 23:59 PM

Great post! Thank you

Tina73 posted 10/9/2014 00:03 AM

I couldn't relate more Jobin. No one knew about WHs affairs, and when it came out he said he felt like he got caught doing a barn animal. I was embarrassed that these were the girls!

Romilly posted 10/9/2014 12:16 PM

Thank you for this - you've made my day!

EverythingAfter posted 10/19/2014 03:23 AM

Ohhhh I needed to read this.
It's hard because I am nearly 45, 5'10", was carrying baby weight, "boring in bed" etc. WH's hookers were all very young five foot tall hundred pound Latinas. And of course they were "amazing" in bed and apparently great conversationalists and gave the "girlfriend experience" kissing, cuddling, unprotected oral (giving and receiving)
It's SO hard not to compare myself and come up short.

BrokenheartedUK posted 10/19/2014 11:21 AM

Yep--men affair down. My fWH's OW was a dog. I actually couldn't believe how plain she was and not half as attractive as I am. My fWH is a really good looking guy and could pull some serious ass so it was a surprise for sure.

I have heard that OW affair up--and that was the case in our situation for sure. My fWH was so far out of her league she must have been shocked when she got lift off.

Marie2792 posted 10/19/2014 13:32 PM

Very well written and 100% the truth. My WH's OW was much younger, and very lost. I think she is also a bit off in the head. She was young enough to be his daughter, married but separated from her husband because after four children with him by the age of 24, she had this last baby with another man. She has no custody of any of them at the moment. She constantly tests positive for marijuana use and lives her life as if celebrities are her real friends. He didnt know any of this about her but all it took was for her to say hello and boost his almost 50 year ego.

From DDAY he has constantly told me there is no comparison that he was feeling bad about his age and it had nothing to do with me or how I look or act. He tells me I am beautiful, she is not. I am smart she isn't (she really is as dumb as rocks) and for him it was a temporary shot of adoration that kept it going three weeks.

She is the total opposite of anyone he would date, even if he was the same age. The MC said it was because he would never become emotionally attached to her and deep down he knew even the physical part would not last.

The OW in my case saw his car, his suits, and thought hey - I could get something out of this. She took tons of photos and he is in some of them, unaware of course. Her husband told me he is glad I uncovered it because she would have used those pics to blackmail him.

Thanks for sharing this, I really needed this today and I am sure I will need it again.

amanda123 posted 10/19/2014 14:08 PM

Me 5'9, OW 5'2,
me blonde, OW platinum blonde,
me normal average smile my own teeth, OW need to put the sunnies on has a million dollar smile of course NOT HER OWN TEETH,
me slim build, with large breasts (no implants), OW skinny and flat chested,
me educated, OW uneducated hillbilly
me morals, OW none
same starsign
me speaks loud and clear, OW mumbles a lot
OW 2 years older. Still the attraction was there.
I think sending him her knickers was what probably got him interested in the first place. Of course he never told me about that, but she did. I just remarked that he must have thrown them out because I NEVER SAW HIM WEARING THEM LOL.

allatsea posted 10/20/2014 10:11 AM


From your description you sound perfectly lovely.

It just shows that it has nothing to do with the BW or BH.

amanda123 posted 10/20/2014 16:55 PM

Thank you allatsea, obviously still not good enough or enough for my H.

BtraydWife posted 10/22/2014 09:42 AM


BtraydWife posted 11/6/2014 13:41 PM


Tickingtock posted 11/12/2014 20:09 PM


sunshine05 posted 11/12/2014 23:03 PM

This is awesome. I wish I could email it to my self and post it on my fridge. Wonder what ws would say when he went to get a glass of tea and seen this??? Maybe than he would get the hell up out of my house.

Catwoman22 posted 11/13/2014 02:48 AM

Death by betrayal - what a brilliant post ! Thank you for posting it x

I think all BS's believe this is their hearts, but it's nice to see it in black-and-white, as it were...

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