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Its across the street

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RockstarDad posted 3/12/2018 03:32 AM

So she wants the kids at there place by 630pm so they can settle down for the night. Kids needs stability so I think I will write in back by 7pm on her nights for the right of first refusal.
She also thinks the sports conintuation clause is and hockey. I told her it was a continuation of the norm but she still said she would let them continue so it was insulting... I think I let that one ride.
Most impressive was the comment that I would hate her forever, to which I didn't react or reply. I fucking do. I really hate this woman but my anger is controlled. I am a great father and a pretty damn awesome husband and she doesn't think so. Very apparent she is dug in where she is at. Fuck her.

Kids say they got two cats to.go.with the two dogs. He hates cats according to BOW so enjoy.

I wish she made sense but other than a WW here she is a anomaly. So bizarre to my frontal lobe

[This message edited by RockstarDad at 9:27 AM, March 12th (Monday)]

The1stWife posted 3/12/2018 07:36 AM

It is never going to make sense. Please know that.

I wasted years - trying to “understand” all of it.

When I finally stopped trying and gave up I was much better off.

Most BS will tell you the same thing.

The AP was not a good person. Wasn’t nice. Wasn’t educated doesn’t have a good job or any job for that matter. The BS made more $. The BS loved the CS and was a good person. Not perfect. No one is. But they had a good life together.

The AP has in turn been an alcoholic, a serial cheater, a drug addict and more (from what I have read on this blog). They have been crazy stalkers etc. It makes no sense why the CS makes the choice to cheat. But I liken an A to an addiction.

The CS loves living in Fantasyland with all the lies. And they are stupid enough to believe it is reality no less.

Don’t try and make sense. There isn’t any.

[This message edited by The1stWife at 7:38 AM, March 12th (Monday)]

Jduff posted 3/12/2018 09:28 AM

Just a nugget of wisdom from my own experience. The reality is she loves the fact that you "hate" her. It's an emotion she knows that you spend well on her and she uses it as a motivator to maintain the relationship with that assclown. Other then their angst against you and just being cheaters, what really do they have in common? It's all just sex and proving to everyone they were right in their choice.

Go for indifference instead. Nothing drives a stubborn hell bent wayward more ape shit than you being all out of fucks to give, or better yet giving it to someone else.

Good job dangling those incentives in front of your WW to get her to agree on settling for less. That move worked well for me as well. Pretty much anything is modifiable after the D. Once yours is final you should keep pegging that assclown about when he will tie the knot with your STBXW so that you can get out of paying CS.

[This message edited by Jduff at 9:29 AM, March 12th (Monday)]

RockstarDad posted 3/12/2018 10:30 AM

As I understand it the child support in my state does not matter on her marital status just income variance between us.
To be truthful I would pay her more in a heartbeat if she was alone to make sure my kids had a good home. I toyed with the idea of writing in that I would up it if she was not cohabitating, but she would find that insulting since she in LURVE.
Just met with her again and the item of contention is my control over kids sports. Basically I said that I get to keep my eldest in hockey and baseball and get to pick one sport for my youngest and get to run them back and forth. She said it was insulting. I tried to explain that it maintains the status quo. She replies that she would always let me do that regardless. Then she mentions enrolling youngest in soccer, which is ok, but also what the AP used to play. My real reason is I don't trust her to be the future but I can't say that cause she would get all butt hurt.
FML. We agreed to meet in two hours after we think about it.

[This message edited by RockstarDad at 10:31 AM, March 12th (Monday)]

RockstarDad posted 3/12/2018 10:41 AM

I am working on indifference and know it's the ultimate goal.
Realistically I think I will hate her for what she did until either they fall apart or I meet someone better. I have no interest in being friendly ever. You don't nuke a country unprovoked and you don't have a affair and then expect to be friendly.
When it's signed I am asking for her ring back too. I think she has sold it already...but we shall see. That's my way of getting a zinger in for my own sanity. When she asks why I am going to say because it represents vow to a monogamous relationship and since it ended this way I think I deserve it back.

[This message edited by RockstarDad at 10:43 AM, March 12th (Monday)]

LivingWithPain posted 3/12/2018 16:46 PM

Believe me, once you meet a good woman who treats you right, I don't think you will have to struggle with indifference towards your ex.

I still feel largely indifferent towards my WW and we are still living together and trying to R. It has nothing to do with geography. There was a point when we were separated that I just hit a high-center and I've never gone past it. I don't know if I will ever feel anything close to love for her again. Her moving back in hasn't restored it.

RockstarDad posted 3/12/2018 20:34 PM

Hard to get to indifference when she is across the street with her AP and I get to share my kids with these idiots... I get the geography thing, but assuming yours stopped the affair, mine went all in with him.

Funny story. Talked to the OBS. She said last time she talked to the AP he offered the couch to her again. The one in the living room that he and my stbxWW would fuck on and it was to make a point not to give her the couch. Unreal what a asshole u have to be to say that.

Kids told me they have two cats to go with the three dogs. There house is maybe 1400sq ft. Apparently OBS said AP hates cats. Lol he is such a pussy.

Sorry, Just venting here guys and girls. Had to deal with her a bunch last three days. Hoping to have the final divorce decree done tomorrow. Then I can go back to no contact. Sigh. One more day then a month to freedom and the start of a new begginning.

Wool94 posted 3/12/2018 20:46 PM

You got this!

pureheartkit posted 3/12/2018 22:37 PM

Poor cats!

No one should get a pet that one of the people dislikes. Wonder if you'll end up with the kids cats one day........

That's a good reason never to take a couch from someone else. Except my grammas couch. I think the only people who ever sat on it were neighbors or church people on Sunday.

RockstarDad posted 3/13/2018 08:25 AM

I'm done taking her baggage. I ain't taking shit from her in the future. Best analogy I got is for her pets are objects and kids are pets. What significant others are Take em for a couple years and then trade them in when the new car smell wears off.

We are in agreeance. Had to meet this morning. One typo needs to be fixed and then we are going to sign it later today. I asked for her ring back and she is going to give it back.

Fuck yea! Telephone conference tomorrow to set up the final hearing as close as I can to the 120 day mark the state requires. I got the D filed and served in 10 days so hopefully day 130 in mid April.

Nah nah nah nah hey hey hey goodbye...

The1stWife posted 3/13/2018 08:34 AM

I hope in your Divorce decree there are clauses about her not taking the kids out of state or moving far away.

Because if this relationship doesn’t work out (slim chance it will) you don’t want to face that battle. My good friend spent $100,000 in a court battle when his cheating W married the AP and then decided to move to the other side of the country.

Also I hope there is something about her open door policy of men and allowing the children to be exposed to “these men who wil be strangers who she calls her boyfriend”.

Your kids should not be exposed to that at all.

You have done an amazing job and your kids are lucky to have you.

[This message edited by The1stWife at 8:35 AM, March 13th (Tuesday)]

Jduff posted 3/13/2018 10:53 AM

^^^ Like The1stwife says - that up there with the residency requirement is huge. I've got it in my decree, but keep in mind it is a double edged sword and restricts your ability as well so be "reasonable" in defining where the kids must live and go to school. My current wife and I had to do some hoop jumping to make this work for our new place even though I thought what I required beforehand was reasonable in my decree. You can never be certain of the future...

Also, I've got it in my decree that my XW is responsible for doing background checks on her future partners and that she is required to notify me if any of them turn up as a sex offender. Say, you done a background check on that "tool" haven't you, RockstarDad?

RockstarDad posted 3/13/2018 11:27 AM

Residency and moving out of state are in there.
I don't have control over who she dates and brings around the kids. I would have to show cause to the specific person in the future.
I regret not doing a no significant other clause early on but that would have only held until the final divorce anyway. Many reasons why I didn't partly cause I was gaslit and pussified and partly because I don't think she would have spent as much time with the kids. I had several discussions with counselors and family about this and did what I thought was best at the time. It is what it is now.
Who she is with is less important to me now. Sure I really want them to break up but I can't control that, her relationships are going to be her problems. If they effect the kids I go back to court with lightspeed. I need to take care of me and my kids and let her live her life without me caring about her day to day. I will end up with my boys about 65%-%70 of the time with this agreement and I can raise them in a normal loving home and instill the right values and morals.
God I didn't want to be here, but life is going to be OK.

Stevesn posted 3/13/2018 13:50 PM

I just wanted to write and commend you for how well you have handled this process under some pretty awful conditions.

Great job.

TimelessLoss posted 3/13/2018 15:42 PM

I will end up with my boys about 65%-%70 of the time with this agreement and I can raise them in a normal loving home and instill the right values and morals.
Amen RSD. A great outcome for the shit storm that was handed to you.

RockstarDad posted 3/13/2018 15:58 PM

Yea nothing in the background on him. 27 year old electrician who hasn't done much of anything. Nothing civil or criminal came up.

Appreciate the support. Best shit sandwich I could make out of this mess.

Pondering whether I throw the rings in the box with the family pics or take them to the spot where I proposed, a park on the river, and throw them in after the d is final. I told her I would put it in the box so I probably will. Don't think I have lied to her yet so why start now.

She looked shitty today. Not the same gleam in her eye. Think she sees the consequences now. One more day of dealing with her tomorrow to schedule the final hearing and back to no contact, thank goodness. She was messaging me about if I wanted the kids on Easter at all (her day). I already coordinated with family and got it scheduled another day.

And no she ain't gonna try and come back. She knows I shut the door. She is gonna have to ride this out as long as she can. Good riddance. As much as this sucks I'd take my life over hers in a heartbeat. I could never live with what she has done.

Marz posted 3/13/2018 16:02 PM

You've done well

GoldenR posted 3/13/2018 16:09 PM

If you pm me their address, I'll take a couple days off, drive to them and toilet paper their house in the middle of the night.

seadoug105 posted 3/13/2018 16:14 PM

If tomorrow locks it in stone....

I say you leave on a high note! It will keep you out of the gutter and make her feel extremely Sha-hiity.

A quick reminder of the good times... (even if you throw up a little bit in your mouth)... point out how you miss seeing "that gleam in her eye" I wonder what happened too it . Wish her all the best and happiness!

She will know it's over but she will probably wish it wasn't ... especially if things are not as she expected across the street!

I know this has been rough, but at least she will knows not only is the grass greener across the street but you got the best damn lawn in the county!

Stevesn posted 3/13/2018 16:31 PM

Sell/pawn the rings and take the money and give it to the charity of your choice.

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