SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I think my wife is cheating on me. We've been together for eight years and married seven. In the last year, a lot has happened which adds to my suspicions that my wife has strayed.

When we met I was in my early twenties and she had just finished high school. Before we met I admit I had some trouble with the law and recently gotten off probation for a felony.

We moved in together within three months of meeting. She was working at a waitress and I was a trucker. From the beginning until a year ago, I worked out of town for 2 weeks and was home 1 week. She always worked evenings.

But a year ago, I injured my back and had to change careers. I now am a supervisor of a warehouse. It resulted in a pay cut but I was home every night. At first, it was a good thing, but after a few months, it started to show. She was accustom to the spare time she had. She wanted to go out with friends, wanted to continue to explore her hobby's. I wanted to spend time with her.

We began to fight and argue. She told me I was suffocating her. A few weeks ago I noticed she began to dress up. She get up earlier than usual to go to the gym. She said that she missed her alone time, and this was a compromise. As we had gone from so much alone time to bring together all the time. Then for the past week, she had stayed late at her night job as a bartender.

I've checked our phone records, her emails and social media and so far I've noticed nothing changed. We don't make a lot of money and had to make some cuts to our budget, so "staying" late at work to make extra money is plausible.

But I can't shake this feeling. The dressing up she says is to impress me since we had been arguing. The going to the gym earlier is a "compromise" for her to get some more alone time she had before, and staying late at work to make money, is possible. She has been bringing home more tips, but it could also mean she is spending less.

I want to believe her, but it's all sudden. She kind of just did it without talking to me. Before when I was on the road, we'd talk an hour in the morning and facetime every night. Now it almost seems like we communicate less now.

[This message edited by GamerJoe at 3:40 PM, January 1st (Tuesday)]

Hi Joe,

Your gut is the best indicator but frankly I don't see a lot here to say for sure. How is she with her phone? Does she cling to it all of the time? Hide it? Sleep with it? My xWW started sleeping with it under her pillow and taking it everywhere. It was attached to her hand, even went into the bathroom with her and I'm not sure where it was when she was in the shower. That is a real dead give-away that something is going on. There are a lot of ways to communicate that don't show up on the phone bill but phone secrecy is one of the surest signs that something is going on.

If she is going to the gym earlier on a consistent basis you should consider hiring a PI to go investigate and take pics. Before doing that, stop arguing with her and let her thinks she can have her way with her schedule and her so called "personal time". You'll get the evidence that you need.

Chat apps don't show up specifically on usage other than as data usage. Has that been spiking lately?

Hi GamerJoe.

I'm a OTR driver's wife, so I thought I'd chime in on this. (We've been married 20 years, he started driving OTR 51/2 years ago.)

It's true that us ladies get used to being alone. We get used to sleeping alone, eating alone, having the bathroom all to ourselves. It is a hard adjustment when hubby comes home.

I've also worked in restaurants, and it is more common than you think to end up staying later than your scheduled shift.

That being said, what she's saying is very plausible. What stands out as the big red flag to me is her dressing up more.

Question: Is she dressing up when you go out together, or to go to work, or just in general? If it's the later two, I would be concerned.

When my WH started cheating, he opened secret emails, FB, downloaded chat apps etc., so it wasn't on his regular accounts. And as the other poster stated, her phone is going to be your biggest source of info. Try to get it while she sleeps or is in the shower.

Regardless, trust your gut. If it's saying something is up, something is up.

She is not very computer tech. Up until a year ago she had a flip phone. So using data isn't really a thing. She does take the phone in the bathroom with her, but she usually leave is laying around. I'm thinking maybe someone she met at the gym. I have a friend who offered to drop in the gym one day, as this is the same gym he uses to see if she is there. She never used to stay late at work, before. but it's possible. She also has been dressing nicer in general. When we go out, when she goes to the gym, even to the grocery store. She hasn't worn yoga pants in a long time and that use to be her staple go to outfit.

[This message edited by GamerJoe at 4:32 PM, December 3rd (Monday)]

As beenthereinco stressed, your gut is your best indicator. With that being said, not a lot of concrete evidence.

Can you casually drop in while she's at work late?

Take your friend up on the gym offer.

Follow your gut.

The dressing up, change in schedule and the smothering comments are red-flags. Something is probably going on.

Try and get in her gym bag and see what underwear she is wearing that day. You can check it when she comes home. You can also by seamen detection kits.

I think it should be fairly easy for a PI to tail her for a day and get some info. If a PI is too expensive then you could borrow a friend’s car and follow her yourself.

Either activate the location finder on her phone and track it or get some gps on her. If she is cheating then she might be skipping the gym and going to his place or parking up.

Dude you are getting a lot of beating around the bush suggestions. Get a GPS and putnitnom her car. Get a VAR and put it on her car.

Do drive bus to the gym and her work. See if she is where she says she is. If you find she osmt where she is supposed to be then you got something. A VAR in her car can tell you a lot.

1)Take your friend's offer to go to the gym a few times when she says she's going to be there, if he sees something or that she's talking a lot to someone have him take pics and video.

2)Get a couple of VARs (Voice Activated Recorder) and put one under her car seat with some velcro, you can order them online or buy it at Walmart, also get a GPS tracker device and put it there as well or activate it on her phone.

3)If you have access to her phone look for Apps like WhatsApp, Snapchat, Kik, Messenger, etc., check her social media like Facebook and Instagram.

4)You can also go to her workplace just before closing time and wait outside and watch her from a distance, or have the friend do it.

5) Look for a "burner phone" in her car.

Always trust your gut and stay vigilant, how's your sex life with her now ?

I'll have my friend stop by there tomorrow morning. Our sex life is normal. I've checked her phone for those apps, and nothing. I'm going to stop by the bar after her shift supposes to end and see if she is there. Because she says she's going to stay until 1am for the extra money. Another thing she has done that I didn't mention that doesn't necessarily mean anything but is off-putting is. When she gets mad lately, she throws my prior felony in my face. One time she was a little tipsy and said that I should be lucky anyone gives me a chance with a prior. I admit I made mistakes and was in the wrong place at the wrong time. But it's been years, I"m not violent and she went into a relationship with me knowing the truth.

[This message edited by GamerJoe at 9:49 PM, December 3rd (Monday)]

If she's cheating, it has NOTHING to do with your past (that she knew about), so don't allow her to even go there, OTH, why not send your friend to the bar instead of you or someone she doesn't know to see if she's there BEFORE the time her shift typically ends ? I mean if she leaves before you or your friend get there you won't know where she went and with whom, so go earlier and right before it normally ends and if he/she (your friend) sees her going out with a guy/girl or if you go yourself and watch from a distance don't confront her immediately, just follow them to see where they go and record them with your phone, otherwise if you confront them prematurely she will try to say they're "just friends" and were just talking about work, if she's cheating with a co-worker it's most likely happening in a parking lot, a cheat motel, a public park or the AP's place (and in your home when you were away).

[This message edited by Buster123 at 10:41 PM, December 3rd (Monday)]

When there is real doubt, there is no doubt.

my 2 cents. Most women want that emotional bond you are providing. Maybe she's different? IDK... Complaining about smothering could be an adjustment on you being home more, or you could be right. Working late could be to earn more $. But it could also be other things.

Go with your gut and keep an eye opened. That's all you have now.

I too never had anything concrete. But all the red flags suggested something was up.

It's been 1 year for me / us now. And things have improved drastically. But the trust just ins't there for me yet.

Also, I've made it crystal clear to my W what will happen if she strays.

Best of luck to you. And I do pray this is just an adjustment you both need to adjust to. Cause let me tell you, dealing with infidelity is THE WORSE THING YOU WILL EVER EXPERIENCE.

Let's hope this is nothing.

Good luck and God bless.

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[This message edited by Broken5152 at 9:00 AM, January 11th (Friday)]

It sounds suspicious, but still a 50/50 prospect.

She wants this alone time, and she's dressing up supposedly for you.

I would offer to go to the gym with her in the morning and see how she reacts. If she's not comfortable because this is her "me time", I would suggest that you try to make yourself available to monitor her gym activity. Put a voice activated recorder in her car, and maybe a GPS tracker in order to track her movement.

My wife started visiting the gym on a daily basis for almost 8 months before I started to wonder what was going on. She wasn't screwing around with anyone at the gym, but when I checked her phone activity, she had thousands of texts, and hours of calls on the phone bill to a number from across country. As I started to dig, I found out that she was having a cyber affair with this guy, and using her gym time to talk to him in the evening.

I’m a former cop and part of my training was to give hunches and gut-feelings their due weight. They can give you indications and maybe even some focus, but they don’t prove anything and acting on them can cause more damage than profit.

If she’s having an affair there needs to be communication. That communication is most likely to take place where she and the OM feel safe to talk. That communication might be limited to arranging hook-ups. Things like “Hi babe. I’m heading for the gym. Are you there already?”. That sort of communications usually takes place in the car. Where she thinks she’s alone and feels safe.

IMHO a voice-activated recorder (VAR) strategically placed in her vehicle will give you a quick answer to what’s going on. If you have a smart-phone you might even get VAR software and “forget” your phone in her car. Conveniently under the passenger seat.

I had driven by the bar shortly before her shift was supposed to leave. I saw her at the bar. She wasn't particularly talking to anyone in particular that I could see. I left about ten minutes after her shift ended. She came home two hours late. My friend did go to the gym and noticed she was chatting with one guy. Got on a treadmill beside the two of them, and they mostly chatted about trivial stuff. Mostly about what they were doing. She mentioned me a few times but no flirting between the two of them. My wife doesn't work tonight or tomorrow. So I think I'm going stop by the house to pick up something and see if she is there. She normally has a few hour nap around lunch.

[This message edited by GamerJoe at 2:37 PM, December 4th (Tuesday)]

Sudden unexplained changes in behavior and dress are a sign that something or someone additional is in the picture. People don't just suddenly start looking their best for themselves. If she's additionally antagonistic toward you, then there's likely another man in the picture. Sorry to hear about your situation. It looks like sleuthing is your only option until you find evidence. If you're actively looking it won't take long to figure it out.

I left about ten minutes after her shift ended.

Why didn't you stay longer outside the bar to watch from a safe distance and to see if she would leave with someone or to see if she went somewhere else before going home ? From what I read she doesn't know your friend and that's good, don't forget to get the VARs, if she has an Iphone and you have access to her phone you can download and active the "find my friends" app or "find my phone" feature and track her movements, if this is not possible you may have to get a GPS tracking device and hide it in her car.

Why didn't you stay longer outside the bar to watch from a safe distance and to see if she would leave with someone or to see if she went somewhere else before going home?

I would have stayed longer but I have to be up early to go to work. I don't work on the weekend, so Friday night I'll do it. She has an Iphone and next time she goes into the shower or falls asleep I'll turn on the find me.

[This message edited by GamerJoe at 4:11 PM, December 4th (Tuesday)]