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I destroyed my husband

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Bladerunner2054 posted 9/5/2019 15:34 PM

I traded in the car because the AP was in it, we kissed and touched in it, no sex in it.

Sounds like sex to me. If your husband did the same things, would you think it was sex?

MickeyBill2016 posted 9/5/2019 15:43 PM

When you were out with your BF and the (his and yours) kids or at his house with your kid did you take any photos? Did you share those with your husband?
I can totally see why he wants to have pics of his kid for himself. I think you can too.

[This message edited by MickeyBill2016 at 3:44 PM, September 5th (Thursday)]

LifeDestroyer posted 9/5/2019 15:45 PM

I did not have sex in the car with the OM. I did not take pictures with his kids.

HellFire posted 9/5/2019 16:10 PM

Did you send pics of your daughter to OM? Did you talk about your daughter with OM?

You did take your child to his house. And, IIRC, you made out with OM in his garage, while the kids were all there, though they didn't see. And didn't you use his kids, or yours, as an excuse to spend time with OM, or do things for OM?

As a parent, as a BS, I can understand why he didn't want to share pics of your daughter with you right now. You took the most precious person in his life, into enemy territory. He is feeling protective of her. I don't think he did it to punish you.

Anger and defensiveness will kill any chance of reconciliation. You need to think, before you act.

I don't think you are a bad person, or a bad mother. I do think you need to work more on understanding his perspective.

[This message edited by HellFire at 4:11 PM, September 5th (Thursday)]

LifeDestroyer posted 9/5/2019 16:20 PM

Yes, we sent each other family pictures. Yes, I talked about my daughter (things she did, funny stuff she said, my problems with discipline). I get where my DS is coming from. Again, I know I was wrong for getting angry about it. I would do the same thing as him probably.

HellFire posted 9/5/2019 17:20 PM

I understand you know it was wrong to get angry. I was just giving you my perspective as to why he may not want to share pics with you. It's a huge trigger for him.

I wasn't trying to shame you, LD. Honestly, if I could give you a hug, right now, I would. I can literally feel your pain in every one of your posts.

LifeDestroyer posted 9/5/2019 17:23 PM

I know Hellfire. I'm just not trying to hide anything anymore.

Bladerunner2054 posted 9/5/2019 19:11 PM

What type of denial are you in? Why do you think your husband made you get rid of your car? BECAUSE YOU HAD SEX IN IT!

LifeDestroyer posted 9/5/2019 19:16 PM

Except I didn't have sex with AP in my car. He was in my car a lot. I drove him and his daughter to and from school. We also kissed and fooled around in the car, however no sex happened. That is why that car was a trigger.

pinkpggy posted 9/5/2019 19:44 PM

LD- I think most people here have heard the, we did it once, it was bad, I didn't like it story 1000x. You're at the disadvantage of having your husband here too. I think you have yout set script and you're sticking to it for dear life. No judgement, I get it, but I'm also a wayward and really was good a lying too.

Just know the truth always comes out.

[This message edited by pinkpggy at 7:45 PM, September 5th (Thursday)]

LifeDestroyer posted 9/5/2019 19:48 PM

I know. I've ready many posts about that. I am sticking to my script because it actually is the truth. I know he will never believe me on that. I know him hearing others tell him over and over that I'm lying won't help that. I will keep telling him the truth.

MickeyBill2016 posted 9/5/2019 20:00 PM

Does "fooled around" mean any activity was "over the clothes" without any skin contact?

Yes, we sent each other family pictures.

Photos can be very powerful, I recall a WW who sent her AP a selfie as she got ready every morning, before her husband even saw her the OM did. for like a year. Somehow to me that was very sad...much more personal than sending nudes. Sort of how my XWW felt that oral was more personal than "regular" sex.

NotSureAboutIt posted 9/5/2019 20:25 PM

If my wife “fooled around” with another man, she has cheated on me. You keep trying to differentiate between “sex” and other intimate contact. For many of us, it makes no difference. I actually consider oral sex to be much more intimate than intercourse.

LifeDestroyer posted 9/5/2019 20:33 PM

When he says sex he actually means intercourse. I have never said or thought that fooling around with someone else while in a relationship isn't considered cheating. It absolutely is.

The "fooling around" was over the pants/underwear and my bare chest. I don't know what other words to use besides fooling around. It's just two words to type, so it takes less time on here.

pinkpggy posted 9/5/2019 21:07 PM

When you are in an affair you feel like you are in a real relationship. Especially if it went on for months. You share your life. The person is your friend. Of course you talk about your life and your kids, you are finding a connection. It's natural to share photos. I did the same thing as did my AP. And anyone can look on Facebook and see photos. I'm not understanding why people are making such a huge deal (on your thread), it's part of building the fantasy. In an affair you trust your AP, you aren't looking at it clearly.

Edit- I don't understand why it's become a issue on her thread. There are bigger things at stake.

[This message edited by pinkpggy at 8:52 AM, September 6th (Friday)]

prissy4lyfe posted 9/5/2019 21:27 PM

Its dismissive as hell to say "I don't know why people are making a big deal".

You have no clue what it feels like to know someone is waking up with memories of your babies. Can remember special times with your babies.

Its not damn same as FB. I consent to FB. If I don't I can get it taken down

A waywards fantasy.....a betrayeds nightmare.

LifeDestroyer posted 9/5/2019 22:36 PM

Its dismissive as hell to say "I don't know why people are making a big deal".

I never said that

BraveSirRobin posted 9/5/2019 23:23 PM

LifeDestroyer, I believe prissy4lyfe was quoting pinkpggy, not you.

This gives me an opportunity to say something I've been thinking for a while, which is that you might consider letting some comments go by without a response. Almost every post on this thread has a comeback from you, either "yes, I obviously know that" or "no, you're totally wrong." You've posted 143 times on this thread so far. That suggests to me that you are more interested in getting the microphone back in your hand than you are in sitting with the emotions generated by someone else's opinion.

[This message edited by BraveSirRobin at 11:24 PM, September 5th (Thursday)]

LifeDestroyer posted 9/5/2019 23:27 PM

To respond to yours is a catch 22. I reply back a lot if I have the time an answer quickly. There have been comments where I have really thought about it and didn't answer. There have been comments where I definitely didn't feel like responding because of my emotions. I respect people coming on here giving advice/criticism, so I find it appropriate to answer them.

66charger posted 9/5/2019 23:56 PM

It's natural to share photos. I did the same thing as did my AP.

I'm not understanding why people are making such big deal

NOTHING in a affair is "natural" to a BS.

[This message edited by 66charger at 12:02 AM, September 6th (Friday)]

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