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Betrayed Womenz Thread

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DevastatedDee posted 9/19/2019 08:57 AM

I am scared to death that dday 2 and 3 and 4 and so on is around the corner for me. How do I get the worry to go away. I try to seek God and he says, "worry about nothing instead pray about everything." I try so hard. But the truth that is staring me in the face is that very little of us only have 1 dday. I pray this is not true for me and my situation. I already told my H that I could not handle this again

Honestly, this is why I couldn't have stayed no matter what my XWH did. Even if he were a different person altogether. Even if it had only been drugs and no cheating or cheating and no drugs. I am not suited for it. I can't live like that. I know that we can't control the future, but once I knew he could do it, I knew I couldn't live with the possibility of it happening again. I don't understand how anyone can see the absolute agony that they inflict on their spouse and then do it again. I don't know what is wrong with those people. That's so awful. I felt like you, like I could not possibly survive another round of it. I'm sure we would survive, but damn, how awful. Chaos, you deserved so so so much better than that.

Whether I'll ever have another relationship again is still in question. I literally feel terror when I think of it. I could have sex again, absolutely, but I think I'm now the one who's intimacy-challenged, lol. It would be like "thanks, man. NO!!! OMG DON'T CALL ME!! Why do you need to know my last name?!?" Ha ha

crazyblindsided posted 9/19/2019 10:48 AM

I literally feel terror when I think of it. I could have sex again, absolutely, but I think I'm now the one who's intimacy-challenged, lol. It would be like "thanks, man. NO!!! OMG DON'T CALL ME!! Why do you need to know my last name?!?" Ha ha

Bwhahahahaha this made me lol today. I am in the same boat. It's the very LAST thing I want

DevastatedDee posted 9/19/2019 10:52 AM

It's kind of sad, isn't it? It's like I've forgotten all the great things about having a partner and the thought just equals pain to me now. Like "Why would I invite another enemy into my life??"

EllieKMAS posted 9/19/2019 10:56 AM

OMG that is so awful what your kids have been through too Just boggles the mind that these cheaters can not only do that to US, but also to their children. WTAF.

As much as I wanted to be a mom (still do), I am beyond grateful that the universe did not give Xdouchehole and I kids. This would be a bazillion times harder if that were the case... you ladies are amazing!

DD - CBS - I am SO with you. Right now I am Oprah: "YOU get a kick in the dick! YOU get a kick in the dick!! EEEEEVVVVEEEERYBODY gets a kick in the dick!!!"

Chaos posted 9/19/2019 12:59 PM

"YOU get a kick in the dick! YOU get a kick in the dick!! EEEEEVVVVEEEERYBODY gets a kick in the dick!!!"

EllieKMAS - that's fucking hilarious! Needed a good laugh today.

heartbroken83 posted 9/19/2019 17:08 PM

H triggered me last night while we were at church and walked away from me when he saw I was getting upset. told me that me and jesus need to work that out. We did not get a chance to talk about it last night as it was super late when we got home and we both have early days today. I was going to bring it up tonight and tell him why what he was saying upset me.

He totally surprised me and called me on his way to school tonight. He brought it up, which is a new thing and we talked through it. This is a great development.

cocoplus5nuts posted 9/19/2019 17:33 PM

How do I get the worry to go away.

Time and getting out of infidelity.

I'm concerned about your CH's reactions. I understand that you both are very religious. I wonder, though, if he's using religion to try to rugsweep the same way he used religion to distance from you so that he had freedom to fuck the OW. The pain that he caused you is not between you and jesus. He needs to face what he has done to you with you, not just confess and repent to church people. Don't let him off the hook because he pulls the jesus card.

So, one of the teachers who asked my son about his dad has decided that my son is her favorite student. I am bothered by that. I wonder what her ulterior motives are. Am I overreacting, or should I be concerned?

I talked to my son about inappropriate behavior between a teacher and student. Honestly, I'm more concerned about her trying to start up an affair with my son than with my fch.

TX1995 posted 9/19/2019 18:19 PM

I understand the scared to death feeling. I remember seeing Captain Rogers' revelation a year post DDay 1 of a physical v emotional affair and it scared the SHIT out of me. The thought that your spouse could lie to you for that long was heartbreaking. And a year after that, my darling husband decided to tell me that he slept with the cOWhore. I really thought I was out of the woods. And I was no more ready for DDay 2 than I had been for DDay 1. I do think that if he had told me the truth I would have left him. And I think he knew that too. And he was such a coward, that he let that rule for two years while he fooled me into thinking he was a changed man.

Chaos, I still want to kick your WH in the nads for his false R and the fact that your DD was the one who discovered. You are so insanely strong and amazing for being able to support your DD AND yourself.

Heartbroken, I'm with Coco. That was the first thought I had when I read - that he was using religion to defend himself or not deal with his shit. Jesus did not do this. Your CH did this. Jesus says you can walk away with no qualms because of what your H did. If he wants to pray WITH you, great. But he cannot tell you that it's between you and Jesus. Jesus is your support, but he does not have to answer for your husband's bullshit. Your husband needs to help you, to be accountable you (and Jesus) for his actions and have genuine remorse. True reconciliation is not just asking for forgiveness but changing your heart.

This has been a really LONG week and I'm glad it's almost over. Toast is happening tonight AND tomorrow.

heartbroken83 posted 9/19/2019 19:01 PM

You are both correct. I have already addressed this type of behavior with him and obviously need to do it again. I keep telling him God didn't fail me You did. It is not God's job to fix me it is yours. He hasn't said it in a while and sometimes I think it is habit for him. But the way he said it last night made me cry, in church....smh

He is showing signs of improvement and I pray that that keeps happening.

Yes it has been a long week, can't wait for tomorrow to be over.

EllieKMAS posted 9/19/2019 19:01 PM

Oh HB - I am not religious but that was REALLY low of him!! I don't think Jesus approves of cheating on your wife, so maybe HE and Jesus need to work THAT out.... Hugs!!

Chaos - I was gobsmacked that your poor daughter is the one that found out. Being 14 is hard enough without that! You're amazing and so is she!

Coco - Good on talking with your son. I am not gonna say you are being 'paranoid' cus I watch the news too, but I do think our radar for that kind of stuff is more sensitive after A. Just keep an eye on it and trust your mama instinct!

TX - I agree. Long week! But it's my Friday today so yay for me!

Also - I HAVE GOOD NEWS!! I called the xwh tonight about Stig (the cat). I told him that I have had a change of heart and I am too attached to Stig and I just can NOT lose one more gd thing I care about this year. X took some deep breaths and then said (not angrily!) that he understood and that it's OK for me to keep Stig!! OMG the knot that has been in my stomach for the last week and a half is gone! And yes he's still a douche, but credit where it is due - this is the first truly selfless thing he's done in a year and I do thank him.

So I'm toasting to The Stig! aka: Stiggy, stiggy-pants, wee cow, penguin kitty, Stiggypants, monsieur le pants, tiggy-wooooo... sooo many more, but I don't want y'all thinking I'm completely retarded!!

Want2BHappyAgain posted 9/19/2019 19:15 PM

That is AWESOME EllieKMAS!!!

heartbroken83 posted 9/20/2019 07:02 AM

Happy Friday everyone!

cocoplus5nuts posted 9/20/2019 07:17 AM

You, Ellie! Toast to the Stig!

It is not God's job to fix me it is yours.

This isn't right, either. It is YOUR job to fix you. It is HIS job to fix him. He can help you heal, but he can't do it for you. You have to be able to heal regardless of what he does or doesn't do.

I'm not a religious person. As a matter of fact, either atheist, so take this FWIW. Many people use religion as an excuse to not take personal responsibility. When I asked my stepsister why she goes to a Christian church now, she said because she needs someone to tell her what's right. My next question was, how do you know the person you're listening to is telling you the right thing? For her, it's not about right or wrong, about not being responsible because she can say the guy at church told her to do it that way.

Do you know what the people at church are telling your CH? I'd want to make sure they aren't rugsweeping.

DaisyAnne posted 9/20/2019 07:54 AM

Wonderful news, Ellie!


It is YOUR job to fix you. It is HIS job to fix him. He can help you heal, but he can't do it for you. You have to be able to heal regardless of what he does or doesn't do.

Very true!

Happy Friday everyone!!

heartbroken83 posted 9/20/2019 08:30 AM

Yes I totally agree and I know that, I guess I just said it wrong. Thank you for pointing that out.

My church is not like most churches. We are nondenominational and we study the bible, nothing added and nothing subtracted. So we have a relationship with God and as Apostle (the Shepherd of the church) teaches us what the bible says and tells us about sin, he states all the time that he can't make us listen (serve God). We have to choose that for ourselves by having a relationship with God for ourselves. The bible says work out your own soul salvation with fear and trembling.

The only people in our church that know what is going on is the leaders and they definitely are not rug sweeping it. I told one other person I have a close relationship with and she will not discuss it with him. He doesn't even know I spoke to her about it.

DevastatedDee posted 9/20/2019 09:32 AM

Also - I HAVE GOOD NEWS!! I called the xwh tonight about Stig (the cat). I told him that I have had a change of heart and I am too attached to Stig and I just can NOT lose one more gd thing I care about this year. X took some deep breaths and then said (not angrily!) that he understood and that it's OK for me to keep Stig!! OMG the knot that has been in my stomach for the last week and a half is gone! And yes he's still a douche, but credit where it is due - this is the first truly selfless thing he's done in a year and I do thank him.

YES GIRL!!!! Hey, it's not like he wanted to take care of anything anyway, so he's probably not too put out over this "selfless" act.

DevastatedDee posted 9/20/2019 09:36 AM

Wouldn't it be cool to have a partner who didn't make you cry? If I ever get back into dating, that's what I want. Furthermore, I insist on a partner who, if he sees me crying, is overcome with empathy and concern as I would be for him.

I have this sneaking suspicion that this is actually how it's supposed to work.

Want2BHappyAgain posted 9/20/2019 10:21 AM

I can remember my 1st H telling me how my tears did nothing to him . I guess he felt I was being manipulative.

My 2nd H wouldn’t hold me when I cried...before DDay...so I stopped asking . After DDay...when I started pushing him away...he would hold me and didn’t let go even when I was spewing poison at him. He just kept saying he wasn’t going anywhere...and he didn’t.

We were talking the other day about our early perceptions of each other. He told me that he used to feel I was a controlling person... but now he sees me as being a caring person . He said he felt my “suggestions” were covert “orders” . It is weird how our perceptions change when we see the REALITY!

I thanked my H yesterday for bringing laughter back into my life . He is such a funny person and it feels GOOD to be able to laugh freely again without thinking about a “but”!!

AmIAnIdiot15 posted 9/20/2019 10:57 AM

Ellie! I'm so glad! Stig belongs with you!

TX1995, I can't wait to hear all about your trip. NYC is the top of my bucket list. (I'm watching Million Dollar Listing NY right now!)

Chaos, SO happy about the mouse!

Want2B, thanks for the information about the limbic system. I'm going to start researching!

Heartbroken - Jesus hates a cheater, I promise!

My husband works out of town, he has an apartment there. Today he moved out of the apartment complex where his AP lives and into a different apartment. Which is GREAT, right, except now my tracking app shows him within a 999 yard range. I'm not sure why, but it's making me anxious not knowing where he is exactly.

heartbroken83 posted 9/20/2019 11:42 AM

Jesus hates a liar! and Adultery is clearly wrong. I am not debating that at all.

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