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Long Term Affairs

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marji posted 12/13/2019 16:04 PM

Pearly no one really knows the statistics and does it really matter?

I think the length of time does make a difference-my H had an affair with the massage parlors for over ten years-going twice weekly. I found out by accident four years ago.

So, massage parlors with various girls and for his is not the same as a traditional affair but it does involve the ability to lie and deceive; it is at least as disrespectful and abusive if not more so; it's just as destructive and disgusting.

I still live with my H but don't feel I've forgiven or that we've "reconciled." I do not understand that word in relation to betrayal-there were no "differences" to reconcile. There was no ongoing dispute or war that I was aware of. But that may be just a semantic matter.

Pearly, the ability to betray and to do all else that's involved with betrayal of all kinds, is part of their make-up--that's a given-but "make-ups" can change; behaviors can change. People can reform.

I cannot say that I have "reached the other side" as you put it; Im certainly more at peace now; I enjoy my days and sometimes enjoy times with my H. I do know others who say their mates have changed into really good partners-that they are happy they have stayed; some have said their relationships now are better than they ever were-the communication is really good-that they are closer than before. But those husbands have worked very, very hard to change into healthy, honorable, dependable and trustworthy people.

You needn't make any decision-not 9 months after-not three years after. No need to pressure yourself to do anything other than take very good care of yourself-do what makes you feel good; be kind to yourself and you will be fine however you decide to go in the future.

Like your name by the way.

crazyblindsided posted 12/14/2019 07:55 AM

The LTA was a dealbreaker for me too. I could not get passed that level of deception and putting me through False R. On top of that he was not remorseful so the combination was lethal to the M.

Smjsome1 posted 12/14/2019 08:03 AM

My WH didnít have a long term A, but he did as an SA live the double life.
My worry is always this - the ďlifestyleĒ is such that you become accustomed to certain things.
say you have a BFF you talk to at two. What happens at 2 when they are no longer there.
Or as a smoker, once you stop?

Itís that - once you have an ice maker you canít imagine going back to ice treats?

Ties that make sense? Itís not even can I live with what he did, but can he live without the things he did?

That worries me a lot.

Nolife posted 12/25/2019 18:24 PM

Thereís long term And thereís lying for 40 years long term. Jesus its all horrible..

dancin-gal posted 12/25/2019 22:00 PM

My WS had a long term A for 18 years .. the OW lived 3 thousand miles away ., they saw each other 2 times a year since 2009 .. the A began in 2001 as a hot PA turned to love .. emotional A ., ended in 2002 when I discovered it .. they reconnected in2003 EA began WS considered her his best friend ., PA began again. In 2009 they saw each other 2 times a year for 3 to 5 day a visit .. she is single .. I rediscovered the A in April of this year .. WS ended the A ., choose to stay and work on our relationship., I donít know what the future holds but WS is being truthful .. he is putting me first ., today I had a wonderful Christmas be sure he thought about me .. right now he is doing the dishes following a Christmas dinner .,the man is different and I see the changes .. it is day by day .. I live in the moment .. donít trust the future ., right now my day , minute is good ., we do IC and joint IC .. working on building our relationship ., we are a work in progress ..time will tell what happens ..

DIFM posted 12/26/2019 05:50 AM

Personally I think it depends on the WS and his/her actions after dday as to if R is possible.

I know it's more complicated than this, but it is also very often, not more complicated than this.

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