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Odonna posted 12/14/2019 11:28 AM

Dear SI Community,

I received word that MMS cannot access OhFor’s account to make a post to this community as she promised OhFor she would after his death. While she can of course create her own account, I think the fresh blows of early grief make that more than she can handle at the moment. So she asked me to convey this message for her. I considered editing out OhFor’s true first name, to protect his anonymity, but concluded that was not my decision to make, and MMS’ willlingness to share that is part of her tribute to him. Saying a lost loved-one’s name is part of the grieving and remembrance process, I think.

MMS, you are most welcome here and will find a trove of good memories of OhFor that many will share. Thank you for reaching out to us.

“I am MMS.

I am going to need to ask the administrators to help me out with this. I hope that they are able to.

I finally felt strong enough today to keep a promise made. I had carefully prepared what I was going to say. Before I did I wanted to get a feel for the site. I read a bit and needed to change it all. When I tried to use the login credentials John had given me, his account had been locked. So I turned to the friend. Now I don't know if I will be still able to keep my promise, but at least you will know how thankful we are

As I understand it, those of you on this site who know our story, know me as MMS. I am John's new wife.

I can't bring myself to say Widow. I don't think I ever will. When you have been loved by, and allowed love, a man like John, that love will sustain you through eternity. I am forever John's wife.

I was so scared to do this. John always called SI his safe place. I respected that. When he asked me to promise to do this I had no idea what to expect. I wrote what I wanted to say and kept rereading and rewriting. I can't use any of that. I was scared it would be a hostile place of people in anguish, lashing out. I don't know why but I was sure that I would be judged I kept putting it off. Instead, I have found a place of love and compassion.

My purpose here was to say 3 specific thank you's. One on behalf of John, and then two from me. Now I need to say 4.

I was going to open with saying that I didn't have John's gift with words and that I wished I had, I so wanted to describe for you what his unique ability and capacity for love was like but it would be impossible for me. I see that you already knew.

I was so scared about posting here so when I finally got the courage I wanted to get a feel for the site. I knew that John had posted something about our engagement and some of the adventures. I looked for his post on the engagement and found that in NB. It was more than I had hoped for. It was beautiful, and brought back some lovely memories. I wish that I could have found his original "engaged" posts. I would love to have seen how he had described those.

I have spent most of the morning sobbing.

I am sorry if this is all over the place. I had such a carefully written out message.

They were not sad sobs. No, they were. They were deeply sad, but they were also deeply grateful. To him, to you, to the universe. Thank you so, to each of you who wrote something in that thread.

I was especially touched by what Nightowl and ManishsDad wrote. Thank you so much. Whenever we adventured to a special place we all knew that we would have to plan time for finding and posting a card to "his brave young inspiration". It had to be a special place to qualify for a card. Thank you for sharing with me just how much him taking the time and making the effort meant to you and your daughter. When I am strong enough, and when I think that the children are strong enough to hear that, I am going to share that with them, and this time you can know that the effort made, and the time taken for you to share that, will bring much comfort to grieving little hearts.

At the end of that thread I saw the reference to the thread in General. Thank you Odonna. I think that you might be the wise and caring woman who I only know of by her real name, not her screen name, and if that is you, I have so much I need to thank you for. not least of which was doing my research and getting my ducks in a row so that we could pull off the wedding, at short notice, in a hospital.

Then came the sobbing all over again. I found and read the thread in general.

The warmth. The longing. The slight feeling of jealously. I only now realised that you got to see so much of him, well before I was allowed into his life. I wish that there was some way that I could get to read the things he shared with you. But then, I got to love and touch and hear and experience him. I cannot really have any jealously. Also, you helped him through one of his two big challenges of these last few years, when I was not able to. I still feel a little envy though.

Thank you to each of you who wrote something in that thread. I intend to use each of the posts in a special way. Since being given his diagnosis, John started to use our Friday night suppers to do something rather special for us. The children and I. He began to compile an oral history. He retold some of his life experiences that the children had heard before, but I had not. As well as some incredible ones that he had never shared with anyone. We all got to know the man that was in our lives, far better than we ever had. Friday night suppers now have been sad and all about consoling. When I see that the time is right, I again change the tone of the Friday night suppers. I will go back to enriching his oral history. I will add to the oral history by reading in for the children, what you have shared.

The children will be home soon. I need to compose myself. Try and clear away the evidence of the sobbing. I have not even gotten to one of the 3 thank yous I came on to express. At least I have dealt with the fourth.

I don't know when I will be able to come back on to deal with the still outstanding ones. I might need to make sure that my sobbing reservoir is empty before I do. But I made a promise to John, so I will be back.

Again, thank you from a heart feeling a deeper gratitude than you have ever experienced before.

[This message edited by Odonna at 11:32 AM, December 14th (Saturday)]

gmc94 posted 12/14/2019 11:53 AM

Thank you for this MMS (and Odonna).
John (seems odd to use his real name) was such an amazing inspiration to so many here. I think about him, and you and his children often, and pray for your peace and healing.
I loved reading about the Honda Jazz, the adventures, and his new beginnings - even in the face of his illness.
I am grateful for "knowing" John via SI and for your update.
Godspeed.

ETA: I don't know if this would violate SI guidelines, but if there are threads of OhFor's that you would like to read, I suspect a mod could 'bump' them so they will reappear in the forums. just a thought.

[This message edited by gmc94 at 12:01 PM, December 14th, 2019 (Saturday)]

20yrsagoBS posted 12/14/2019 12:05 PM

I have a couple of Private Messages from John that you might like.

He was a nice guy!!!

Cooley2here posted 12/14/2019 12:10 PM

Odonna, please tell Mrs. Ohfor(Mrs. John) that the weekends aren’t visited quite as much so give us time.

She married a gem and so did he..

Thank her for sharing her story with us. I hope our universal grief brings her some comfort.

I hope all his posts can be brought up. They were beacons of light.

BearlyBreathing posted 12/14/2019 12:23 PM

((((Mrs.Ohfor/John))). His love for you shown through so brightly. I am glad you found each other although your time together was far too short. You both reminded us that true love is out there if we are brave. Thank you, dear lady, and I hope you feel the warmth even while you grieve.

demolishedinside posted 12/14/2019 13:00 PM

Oh, Mrs. John...Ohfor was loved here for what he shared of himself. You are forever in my thoughts and prayers.
Dem

steadychevy posted 12/14/2019 13:55 PM

Thank you, thank you, thank you for your message, Mrs. Ohfor.

You were loved by a very special man. We her in cyberland watched that love develop. But you must know how good you were for John (Ohfor). He had such a terrible trauma visited on him and you brought such sunlight into his life at such a dark time.

My best wishes to you and to John's children (and unofficial adopted ones, too). Remember those special times, happy times and how happy John was that last little while even when he knew the end was near.

Adlham posted 12/14/2019 14:03 PM

Mrs. OhFor/MMS

My very deepest sympathies. OhFor was truly an amazing human being.

But then again, so are you. I will be forever thrilled that despite everything, OhFor found love again.

His absence leaves a gigantic hole in our community. It's always struck me as funny to refer to my online community as my "Imaginary Friends," but there are so many people here that I truly feel great affection for.

OhFor is one of them.

Much peace and love to you.

nekonamida posted 12/14/2019 14:08 PM

Thank you for reaching out, Mrs. John. He was just as blessed to have you by his side and he will be truly missed by SI.

Booyah posted 12/14/2019 15:04 PM

Mrs OhFor,

Thank you SO much for honoring John's request.

I think all of us who knew him here on SI have nothing but wonderful things to say about him. He was a special soul who touched so many other souls and our lives have been enriched having known him.

He gave us his time and his wisdom but more importantly his encouragement.

With all that being said, when you get the chance, please let us know how the kids are doing? Man did he LOVE his kids and I know I speak for all of us here on SI that we're deeply concerned for them.

Finally, THANK YOU Mrs OhFor for showing John that experiencing LOVE again was possible especially after what he went through.

He helped so SO many here on SI to have the strength and courage to move forward and be willing to put their broken heart out there again but it was you who did this for him!!!

My heart hurts knowing how much all of you are hurting. Praying for all of you.

God bless Mrs OhFor and we're all here for you to help in any way that we can.

Butforthegrace posted 12/14/2019 15:32 PM

I'm so sorry for your loss, but I must say that, even from the depth of your sorrow, you have written one of the most beautiful and uplifting things I've read in a long time. God bless you.

deena04 posted 12/14/2019 15:55 PM

I am so sorry for your loss. Love cannot be broken by death. It carries on in a different way.

OrdinaryDude posted 12/14/2019 16:23 PM

MMS, please know that John was a true blessing to the community here,

I didn’t post much in his threads, and short quips at that, but his eloquence was not lost on me. His words brought a calm demeanor to hurting souls.

John is a lesson in class and dignity, and I am a better human being for knowing him even in this small way.

O.D.

[This message edited by OrdinaryDude at 4:20 AM, December 15th (Sunday)]

Shockedmom posted 12/14/2019 16:35 PM

Hugs and love to you John's wife. So grateful for the message to the SI family. You and the kids have been in my thoughts and prayers.

He was a lovely gentleman, a kind friend and an extraordinary story teller. His gift with words brought his adventures to life. I am so happy you found each other and some time together.

He brought hope here. He will be missed.

Shockedmom posted 12/14/2019 16:35 PM

Hugs and love to you John's wife. So grateful for the message to the SI family. You and the kids have been in my thoughts and prayers.

He was a lovely gentleman, a kind friend and an extraordinary story teller. His gift with words brought his adventures to life. I am so happy you found each other and some time together.

He brought hope here. He will be missed.

ZenMumWalking posted 12/14/2019 16:35 PM

Thank you so much for thinking of us during this difficult time ((((Mrs. Ohfora)))) <-- hugs to you

My deepest condolences to you. Ohfora will be missed by us all.

((((Mrs. Ohfora))))

Greeneyesbluezy posted 12/14/2019 18:09 PM

Odonna, thank you.

Mrs. ohfor,

Ohfor was a friend to so many of us here. His private messages were so very engaging. He would alternate between asking questions, giving accolades and hope, holding your hand, providing support and simply, reaching out. Ohfor did that so well.

I am glad he found you, experienced love again, and more with the children. His stories of finding you and falling for you were legendary. A true gift of writing, and, living.

It’s truly not often that one could be anonymous and across oceans, yet reach so many hearts. Ohfor did. And, I miss him for that everyday.

Please know you loved a special man. A wordy man! But, so very special.

I’m not here often anymore, but I read through my messages with ohfor. His wisdom continues to give. He helped guide me through the worst day of my life. I hope you can find healing in knowing how he touched other lives.

A Gem of a Man. My sincere condolences. May Ohfor Rest In Peace.

WhoTheBleep posted 12/14/2019 18:37 PM

I lack adequate words, as I often felt in the presence of John. Mrs John, dear dear MMS, it is a pleasure and honor to "meet" you.

The timing of this message...your lovely husband has been heavily on my mind, and I just spent most of my day, hours and hours, reading his posts. I finally finish, and see this. (((MMS)))

He was an extraordinary man. I think we can all agree there is no other like him. I think of you and all those beautiful children more often than you know.

Thank you for sharing him with us. He indeed was a beacon of light to so many. He still is.

Sending you every hug and ounce of comfort I can.

Snapdragon posted 12/14/2019 18:49 PM

I was going to open with saying that I didn't have John's gift with words and that I wished I had, I so wanted to describe for you what his unique ability and capacity for love was like but it would be impossible for me. I see that you already knew.

And... this is when I burst into tears.

WhoTheBleep posted 12/14/2019 18:53 PM

Mrs John, John's original engaged post is currently near the bottom of page 6 in NB. It is closed so I could not bump it.

It might be a page or 2 or 3 further back by the time you look for it. As new posts are added to page 1, older posts move further back. Hope this helps.

Try this link:

https://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=637439&AP=1

[This message edited by WhoTheBleep at 7:04 PM, December 14th (Saturday)]