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Divorce/Separation :
Kicked when you are down

This Topic is Archived
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 Tallgirl (original poster member #64088) posted at 6:37 PM on Friday, April 3rd, 2020

Ok. another bomb just went off I have a gapping hole in my head. It feels like one thing after another.

Am I alone in this. ??

Right - Left - Right. Repeat until the end of time.

Events.

Unhappy marriage

Massive infidelity. Go big or go home I guess.

3 ddays

2 years of limbo and roller coaster. Ready to try again

Son suicidal At times.

Massive work restructure. Job is up in the air for 8 months

Covid. For us all

WH says he wants to end the marriage. Great timing dude. this past Sunday.

Start OLD exploration.

Massive cuts at work are pending for sure Now

stbxh lost his rental.

And has to move back into the house. Literally no options are available. He is not happy.

I know this is a pessimistic view. But really. Right now. All at once.

Feel like The gut punches keep coming.

Fuck.

I need a lot of wine and chips. i know there is a positive side to this. Maybe. Gonna have to dig really deep

Standing tall

posts: 2232   ·   registered: Jun. 11th, 2018
id 8528821
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Marz ( member #60895) posted at 6:57 PM on Friday, April 3rd, 2020

If you eat a lot of Garlic it keeps vampires away so it should work on your WH too I’d think.

posts: 6791   ·   registered: Oct. 3rd, 2017
id 8528824
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The1stWife ( Guide #58832) posted at 7:32 PM on Friday, April 3rd, 2020

He may reside with you but doesn’t mean you are his wife.

Act like he’s not there.

And he wants out of the marriage - I don’t believe you are obligated to take him back.

Get a financial separation agreement in place now.

He sleeps on the couch. Or the basement. Or the garage.

No meals for him. No laundry done for him. No favors or errands or any type of kindness. Let him know this is a financial crisis/ arrangement only.

Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled. 12 years out from Dday. Reconciliation takes two committed people to be successful.

posts: 14760   ·   registered: May. 19th, 2017
id 8528829
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WhoTheBleep ( member #49504) posted at 8:07 PM on Friday, April 3rd, 2020

^^^what The1stWife said.

And Marz

I believe we have two lives: the one we learn with, and the one we live with after that. --The Natural

posts: 4526   ·   registered: Sep. 6th, 2015   ·   location: USA
id 8528833
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BigBlueEyes ( member #71441) posted at 8:32 PM on Friday, April 3rd, 2020

Do you have to let him back?

Only this past weekend he wanted out, he didn’t want to snuggle up for the Covid lockdown,

All of a sudden there is no other option?

Have you got a shed?

What about the dog house?

Forget the wine, grab something much stronger 🍹

Hugs lovie

[This message edited by BigBlueEyes at 2:33 PM, April 3rd (Friday)]

Me- BW, 47
Multi Dday's,
DB A's x 2 BFF
Multi ONS's, Online shit.
Serial cheat, Abuser,
D 18.02.20
Stay strong, just because it’s hard today, doesn’t mean that next week it won’t get easier!!

posts: 674   ·   registered: Mar. 11th, 2019   ·   location: A tiny dot in a big 'ol World
id 8528836
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BraveSirRobin ( member #69242) posted at 8:46 PM on Friday, April 3rd, 2020

I don't know about where you live, but in most places, you can't be kicked out of a rental that abruptly. I would think he could get at least 60 days before lockout, and probably much longer. Even criminal proceedings are being held over due to closed offices, so a sheriff is unlikely to prioritize an eviction during a pandemic. If you let him back in, it may be hard to get rid of him for the same reasons.

WW/BW

posts: 3724   ·   registered: Dec. 27th, 2018
id 8528840
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thatbpguy ( member #58540) posted at 9:38 PM on Friday, April 3rd, 2020

Want to echo my agreement. Do the hard 180. Do what you can to get rid of him...

ME: BH Her: WW DDay 1, R; DDay 2, R; DDay 3, I left; Divorced Remarried to a wonderful woman

"There are far, far better things ahead than any we leave behind." C.S. Lewis

As a dog returns to his vomit, so a fool repeats his folly...

posts: 4480   ·   registered: May. 2nd, 2017   ·   location: Vancouver, WA
id 8528849
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BearlyBreathing ( member #55075) posted at 11:43 PM on Friday, April 3rd, 2020

I feel for you TG— it just sucks all around.

He made the choice to cheat, he made the choice (during this Covid mess) to want to exit the relationship. I think he should have to deal with the consequences of his actions.

Hold your boundaries, look after you and your alone, and let me know if you need more wine.

Sending mojo for the whole thing, especially the job situation.

((((Tallgirl)))

Me: BS 57 (49 on d-day)Him: *who cares ;-) *. D-Day 8/15/2016 LTA. Kinda liking my new life :-)

**horrible typist, lots of edits to correct. :-/ **

posts: 6483   ·   registered: Sep. 10th, 2016   ·   location: Northern CA
id 8528874
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 Tallgirl (original poster member #64088) posted at 11:47 PM on Friday, April 3rd, 2020

The financial agreement is a great idea. Especially as he may lose his job.

Good ideas all

Must find a lawyer fast.

I hate this and I am chipless.

He rents a room in a house. Not sure if that applies. He has to be out I think end of May. We are talking tonight. I have talked to him a lot for getting a divorce.

I am trying to shift my head to being single. Now this. Argh.

He really has nowhere to go. I keep suggesting that now he can be with his prostitute. It is not going over so very well.

I sense another sleepless 4 months.

Standing tall

posts: 2232   ·   registered: Jun. 11th, 2018
id 8528876
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nekonamida ( member #42956) posted at 11:50 PM on Friday, April 3rd, 2020

TG, I wouldn't trust at all that his rental fell through. Sounds like a new OW kicked him out when she realized he was no longer bringing in an income. Can't he stay with friends or family? Does he have savings to get another short term rental or even a longterm stay at a hotel?

posts: 5232   ·   registered: Mar. 31st, 2014   ·   location: United States
id 8528878
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 Tallgirl (original poster member #64088) posted at 12:01 AM on Saturday, April 4th, 2020

I believe she really is only renting him a room. But what do I know.

I have been wrong about so many things.

Money is tight.

No friends. Just us.

Standing tall

posts: 2232   ·   registered: Jun. 11th, 2018
id 8528883
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Hippo16 ( member #52440) posted at 12:49 AM on Saturday, April 4th, 2020

I think Marz has some of the "Yogi Berra" genes

If you eat a lot of Garlic it keeps vampires away so it should work on your WH too I’d think.

Why not rent him a room!?

We made too many wrong mistakes.

Yogi Berra

I'm hope the wind comes around to your aft quarter -

There's no troubled marriage that can't be made worse with adultery."For a person with integrity, there is no possibility of being unhappy enough in your marriage to have an affair, but not unhappy enough to ask for divorce."

posts: 991   ·   registered: Mar. 26th, 2016   ·   location: OBX
id 8528903
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OwningItNow ( member #52288) posted at 6:35 AM on Sunday, April 5th, 2020

He does not know one other person???

End of May? He has two months to find a cheap AirBnB. No way you should agree to this. It is not a sound decision, and it's not your problem. Don't allow this.

No is a complete sentence.

me: BS/WS h: WS/BS

Reject the rejector. Do not reject yourself.

posts: 5911   ·   registered: Mar. 16th, 2016   ·   location: Midwest
id 8529190
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Marz ( member #60895) posted at 8:20 AM on Sunday, April 5th, 2020

Why would you want to make his problem yours?

You really don’t need a hopium addiction.

That’s all this is.

posts: 6791   ·   registered: Oct. 3rd, 2017
id 8529227
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Marz ( member #60895) posted at 8:24 AM on Sunday, April 5th, 2020

If I save him now “he’ll get it finally”!!!

Um, not really. I don’t think this’ll end like a Disney movie.

posts: 6791   ·   registered: Oct. 3rd, 2017
id 8529228
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Overcomer1 ( member #70140) posted at 4:32 AM on Monday, April 6th, 2020

I’m in Brazil on a rural property with my house and a guest house. Divorce is stalled because of this pandemic and shut down of everything. My STBXWH is freaking out thinking this is the end of the world just like he predicted. He currently lives in a nearby city with my older sons. He has told me he is thinking of moving back in to our guest house. Because the court is not in session, I have no recourse. He says this is his property and he can do what he wants. This had me really scared for a few days until I talked with my counselor who said that I need to take charge if I can’t prevent him, and lay down the rules with him, if he ends up coming back. You need to do the same. I have had to call the police on my STBXWH last time he lived here. I will tell him that if he doesn’t abide by my rules, I’ll call the police again. Of course, they took an hour to get here last time.....so....

posts: 103   ·   registered: Mar. 24th, 2019
id 8529475
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EggplantGalore ( new member #59551) posted at 4:54 AM on Monday, April 6th, 2020

If you are not legally required to let him back, I would not do it. Please check with an attorney ASAP.

posts: 17   ·   registered: Jul. 8th, 2017
id 8529480
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The1stWife ( Guide #58832) posted at 1:58 PM on Monday, April 6th, 2020

Maybe the positive side is that you finally let him face the consequences for his choices.

Financially I understand the hole you are in. Is his job up in the air or yours or both?

Maybe having him live with you is detrimental to your child.

I just would explore every option before allowing him to return to your residence. You need to do what is best for you.

Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled. 12 years out from Dday. Reconciliation takes two committed people to be successful.

posts: 14760   ·   registered: May. 19th, 2017
id 8529545
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cocoplus5nuts ( member #45796) posted at 3:03 PM on Monday, April 6th, 2020

it's not your problem

Exactly! He left you. You are under no obligation to help him even if he ends up homeless. Guess he should've thought of that before he left.

He's out. Do NOT let him back in.

Me(BW): 1970
WH(caveman): 1970
Married June, 2000
DDay#1 June 8, 2014 EA
DDay#2 12/05/14 confessed to sex before polygraph
Status: just living my life

posts: 6900   ·   registered: Dec. 1st, 2014   ·   location: Virginia
id 8529562
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EllieKMAS ( member #68900) posted at 3:13 PM on Monday, April 6th, 2020

Guess he should've thought of that before he left.

Also, he probably should have thought about that before letting his dick wander. Just sayin.

"No, it's you mothafucka, here's a list of reasons why." – Iliza Schlesinger

"The love that you lost isn't worth what it cost and in time you'll be glad that it's gone." – Linkin Park

posts: 3921   ·   registered: Nov. 22nd, 2018   ·   location: Louisiana
id 8529566
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