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Divorce/Separation :
He's ramping up and I'm scared

This Topic is Archived
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 crazyblindsided (original poster member #35215) posted at 10:43 PM on Wednesday, August 19th, 2020

Today he found out I am transferring services to his name for the house we are in (his mother's house) and he absolutely lost his shit on me. Saying that he is mad that I didn't try to save the M and that I sabotaged it. Said "Ok Let's Play" I am shaking and crying at work. I was in a physically abusive relationship before this M and I'm really scared what he might do. Is being harassed by text while you are IHS sufficient to get a restraining order?

fBS/fWS(me):52 Mad-hattered after DD (2008)
XWS:55 Serial Cheater, Diagnosed NPD
DD(22) DS(19)
XWS cheated the entire M spanning 19 years
Discovered D-Days 2006,2008,2012, False R 2014
Separated 9/2019; Divorced 8/2024

posts: 9075   ·   registered: Apr. 2nd, 2012   ·   location: California
id 8576296
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ArkLaMiss ( member #14918) posted at 2:21 AM on Thursday, August 20th, 2020

Yes! Please call the police and a Women's shelter.

Just HOW stupid do you think I am, exactly?

posts: 1806   ·   registered: Jun. 8th, 2007
id 8576356
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BearlyBreathing ( member #55075) posted at 7:26 AM on Thursday, August 20th, 2020

Call the shelter and ask...sending mojo your way. Keep in touch here...

Me: BS 57 (49 on d-day)Him: *who cares ;-) *. D-Day 8/15/2016 LTA. Kinda liking my new life :-)

**horrible typist, lots of edits to correct. :-/ **

posts: 6483   ·   registered: Sep. 10th, 2016   ·   location: Northern CA
id 8576408
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LadyG ( member #74337) posted at 7:36 AM on Thursday, August 20th, 2020

Thinking back, in hindsight, I should have gotten a restraining order last June. Would have saved me from 12+ months of further abuse from WH and Co.

My WH took more than 5 months to transfer bills into his name after I moved out of family home. I couldn’t cut Services off as my DS was living there and still does.

Sever ties as quickly as possible. I wish I had 🙏🏼

September 26 1987 I married a monster. Slowly healing from Complex PTSD. I Need Peace. Fiat Lux. Buddha’s Love Saves Me 🙏🏼

posts: 953   ·   registered: Apr. 29th, 2020   ·   location: Australia
id 8576410
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leafields ( Guide #63517) posted at 2:14 PM on Thursday, August 20th, 2020

How are you doing today, CBS?

BW M 34years, Dday 1: March 2018, Dday 2: August 2019, D final 2/25/21

posts: 4565   ·   registered: Apr. 21st, 2018   ·   location: Washington State
id 8576482
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tushnurse ( member #21101) posted at 4:00 PM on Thursday, August 20th, 2020

You need to talk to your attorney, and women's shelter, then go file an Order of protection and ask for an emergency order.

"Fear for my safety" Is the phrase you need to use.

Me: FBSHim: FWSKids: 23 & 27 Married for 32 years now, was 16 at the time.D-Day Sept 26 2008R'd in about 2 years. Old Vet now.

posts: 20380   ·   registered: Oct. 1st, 2008   ·   location: St. Louis
id 8576522
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Chaos ( member #61031) posted at 4:12 PM on Thursday, August 20th, 2020

Contact your local precinct. They can best advise.

If you have a lawyer - contact for advise. No - get a free consult [so many out there have free consults].

And have a hotline on speed dial. Someone you know you can reach out to 24/7. It there if you need it and maybe will give you some sort of comfort just knowing it is an option.

BS-me/WH-4.5yrLTA Married 2+ decades-2 adult children. Multiple DDays w/same LAP until I told OBS 2018- Cease & Desist sent spring 2021 "Hello–My name is Chaos–You f***ed my husband-Prepare to Die!"

posts: 4028   ·   registered: Oct. 13th, 2017   ·   location: East coast
id 8576530
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 crazyblindsided (original poster member #35215) posted at 5:08 PM on Thursday, August 20th, 2020

Hi I guess I'm doing ok. I'm so happy I have a job to go to, to get away from him. I was told I can't get a restraining order unless he outright threatens me. Right now it is just a constant barrage of texts about how I gave up, how I sabotaged everything, how my expectations were too much, and on and on. I don't want to go to a women's shelter because I have animals I need to take care of. I just want him to leave me alone until I'm out of the house. My move in date is Sept. 9th and it can't get here soon enough and I still need to pack with all this madness going on.

I tried blocking on my iphone but guess the feature doesn't work. because I got more texts from him this morning. If he threatens me in any way or makes me feel unsafe at home I'm going to call the police. I've told my kids, friends, and my parents what is going on.

He is on a roll to paint me as the monster which is fine whatever I'm not responding. He is acting like a crazy person totally rewriting this to his benefit. What do I care. I don't care what his friends think of me anyways they are not my friends. His sister won't even speak to him and is strictly NC because she thinks he is crazy too.

He keeps on and on about the lack of sex and how could he be a nice person to me when that is going on that the reason he has been cold is because of the lack of sex. How do you have sex when you are repulsed by the person?

Wow just wow I will NEVER forget this experience.

fBS/fWS(me):52 Mad-hattered after DD (2008)
XWS:55 Serial Cheater, Diagnosed NPD
DD(22) DS(19)
XWS cheated the entire M spanning 19 years
Discovered D-Days 2006,2008,2012, False R 2014
Separated 9/2019; Divorced 8/2024

posts: 9075   ·   registered: Apr. 2nd, 2012   ·   location: California
id 8576559
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 crazyblindsided (original poster member #35215) posted at 5:09 PM on Thursday, August 20th, 2020

Appointment with the mediator to file separation is tomorrow and we are supposed to be in the same room. This might not go well and my dad is ready to step in and hire a lawyer for me. I was trying to save money and be amicable.

fBS/fWS(me):52 Mad-hattered after DD (2008)
XWS:55 Serial Cheater, Diagnosed NPD
DD(22) DS(19)
XWS cheated the entire M spanning 19 years
Discovered D-Days 2006,2008,2012, False R 2014
Separated 9/2019; Divorced 8/2024

posts: 9075   ·   registered: Apr. 2nd, 2012   ·   location: California
id 8576560
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EllieKMAS ( member #68900) posted at 5:17 PM on Thursday, August 20th, 2020

(((cbs)))

I am so sorry you have this shit on top of moving stress, but you are in the homestretch girl. Keep your eyes on that goal and power through it!

"No, it's you mothafucka, here's a list of reasons why." – Iliza Schlesinger

"The love that you lost isn't worth what it cost and in time you'll be glad that it's gone." – Linkin Park

posts: 3921   ·   registered: Nov. 22nd, 2018   ·   location: Louisiana
id 8576565
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leafields ( Guide #63517) posted at 5:47 PM on Thursday, August 20th, 2020

Can you call the mediation place & ask to be in separate rooms? It may take longer as the mediator will have to go back & forth. If you explain the situation, they should be able to work something out.

Stay safe.

BW M 34years, Dday 1: March 2018, Dday 2: August 2019, D final 2/25/21

posts: 4565   ·   registered: Apr. 21st, 2018   ·   location: Washington State
id 8576577
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taken4granted ( member #61971) posted at 6:04 PM on Thursday, August 20th, 2020

He sounds unhinged.

I got a lawyer who filed on my behalf. My ex was served and had 12 hours to get his personal items and get out of the house. He had hit me and given me a black eye in October 2017. I didn't get enough money together until March 2018 to file. He petitioned to get back into the house. Because I had witnesses to his yelling and erratic behavior, the judge denied him having access and the restraining order continued. It's still in effect. He is only supposed to be at the house for pick up and drop off times.

Just be very careful. Just because I had a restraining order, it didn't stop him from hanging around. Neighbors were calling me when they would see him at the end of my street. He always had an excuse of some sort for being there. But he was told by the police that he needed to move on and could park elsewhere for whatever activity he was doing.

This can be a really scary time, but if you can make it through this, hopefully, his attention will move on and leave you alone. Getting some distance between you will help you gain some clarity on what he's been doing.

"If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything." - Mark Twain
Me: Living life! Him: Not my problem anymore
Married 15 yrs.
1 LTA, Many EAs from 2009 - ?
Dday 1 = 6/16/17
Last Dday = 1/4/18
Started loving myself 2018!

posts: 408   ·   registered: Dec. 27th, 2017   ·   location: OH
id 8576585
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pinkpggy ( member #61240) posted at 6:32 PM on Thursday, August 20th, 2020

This is the reason I had to leave the home, I was continually harassed in my own house. Is there any way you can be the one to leave so you can just get out? I had the same issues, as soon as anything became real (like me transferring money out) the screws came off. They don't like to lose control.

Happily Divorced

posts: 1916   ·   registered: Oct. 30th, 2017   ·   location: North Carolina
id 8576598
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OwningItNow ( member #52288) posted at 10:33 PM on Thursday, August 20th, 2020

Have you read Splitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone With Narcissistic Personality Disorder?

The actual leaving and getting away from highly narcissistic people is the worst, most dangerous time. They can literally go insane with anger at what they perceive is your horrible, selfish, evil, cruel treatment of "poor, blameless" them. I mean, that is honestly the way they experience the whole thing; they are incapable of seeing their role. Their combined RAGE and need to CONTROL everything in life can turn into a toxic brew. They act out, get physical, obsess over your every movement. They experience this as "You will NOT get away with doing this to me!" In their broken minds, you are attacking them with your actions of leaving them. If they are uncomfortable or unhappy, it's YOUR fault. Always and forever. They will never, ever, ever see it any other way.

Sleep with one eye open.

me: BS/WS h: WS/BS

Reject the rejector. Do not reject yourself.

posts: 5911   ·   registered: Mar. 16th, 2016   ·   location: Midwest
id 8576703
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maise ( member #69516) posted at 10:38 PM on Thursday, August 20th, 2020

Wow to the mediation in the same room. I’m so sorry you’re experiencing this right now. I’m glad you’re close to the move out date. I don’t have much advice just wanted to drop by and say I’m sorry you’re feeling scared and going through all of this, you are so strong. Last few steps and he’s out. Youve come such a long way.

((((Crazyblindsided))))

BW (SSM) D-Day: 6/9/2018 Status: Divorced

"Our task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it."

— Rumi

posts: 980   ·   registered: Jan. 22nd, 2019   ·   location: Houston
id 8576707
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 crazyblindsided (original poster member #35215) posted at 10:51 PM on Thursday, August 20th, 2020

Have you read Splitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone With Narcissistic Personality Disorder?

I have not read this but am ordering and starting tonight. This is so exhausting

fBS/fWS(me):52 Mad-hattered after DD (2008)
XWS:55 Serial Cheater, Diagnosed NPD
DD(22) DS(19)
XWS cheated the entire M spanning 19 years
Discovered D-Days 2006,2008,2012, False R 2014
Separated 9/2019; Divorced 8/2024

posts: 9075   ·   registered: Apr. 2nd, 2012   ·   location: California
id 8576715
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 crazyblindsided (original poster member #35215) posted at 10:53 PM on Thursday, August 20th, 2020

Can you call the mediation place & ask to be in separate rooms?

I am going to see if they can do this. He usually will not act out in front of a professional, but we shall see.

fBS/fWS(me):52 Mad-hattered after DD (2008)
XWS:55 Serial Cheater, Diagnosed NPD
DD(22) DS(19)
XWS cheated the entire M spanning 19 years
Discovered D-Days 2006,2008,2012, False R 2014
Separated 9/2019; Divorced 8/2024

posts: 9075   ·   registered: Apr. 2nd, 2012   ·   location: California
id 8576716
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 crazyblindsided (original poster member #35215) posted at 10:55 PM on Thursday, August 20th, 2020

Thank You EllieKMAS, taken4granted, pinkpggyand

maise for the support. He is definitely unhinged right now!

fBS/fWS(me):52 Mad-hattered after DD (2008)
XWS:55 Serial Cheater, Diagnosed NPD
DD(22) DS(19)
XWS cheated the entire M spanning 19 years
Discovered D-Days 2006,2008,2012, False R 2014
Separated 9/2019; Divorced 8/2024

posts: 9075   ·   registered: Apr. 2nd, 2012   ·   location: California
id 8576717
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siracha ( member #75132) posted at 12:31 AM on Friday, August 21st, 2020

I try to stay off these threads because they are such gut punches

You did everything right , keep moving on , hope he comes to his senses

[This message edited by siracha at 6:31 PM, August 20th (Thursday)]

posts: 538   ·   registered: Aug. 8th, 2020
id 8576732
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betsy62 ( member #48022) posted at 1:57 AM on Friday, August 21st, 2020

I would take your father up on his offer to pay for an attorney for you.

Sometimes, you must forget what you feel, and remember what you deserve

posts: 501   ·   registered: May. 26th, 2015
id 8576752
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