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Cheating as a lifestyle?

Pages: 1 · 2

landclark posted 10/28/2020 11:38 AM

WTAF?

To be clear, my WH is not saying this. It's based on something I read.

The mental gynmastics people have to go through to justify cheating is really just astounding. The latest I have seen is calling cheating a "lifestyle". Now I get on the surface that description is accurate (the way in which a person or group lives), but seriously? Is the spouse or partner in on this lifestyle as well? Is this lifestyle shared with friends and family?

No, people just don't understand or relate to this "lifestyle".

Yeah, ok. Keep blowing smoke up your own butt.

Lordy.....

BigMammaJamma posted 10/28/2020 11:41 AM

That just sounds like shitty humans trying socially legitimize being shitty humans. These people should be cast out to the fringes of society where the belong. Then they can practice their bullshit lifestyle with each other and leave the decent people alone.

crazyblindsided posted 10/28/2020 11:52 AM

Not a lifestyle I would be interested in. What a way to label bad behavior. I guess being a druggie is a lifestyle too, one that is bad for your health so is cheating.

EllieKMAS posted 10/28/2020 12:17 PM

Are 'not putting up with some ridiculous ass bullshit' and 'avoiding emotionally manipulative fuckwads' lifestyles? If so, I am enjoying living that life!

The1stWife posted 10/28/2020 12:57 PM

You don’t have to get married to have a cheating lifestyle.

It’s called being unmarried and not in a committed relationship OR unmarried and being in an open type relationship where both parties agree to seeing others.

This lying / cheating lifestyle is ridiculous.

RealityBlows posted 10/28/2020 13:08 PM

Is this where humanity is headed? It seems everyone is living impulsively with a sense of entitlement. Our culture prizes individual fulfillment, with couples uniting and splitting impulsively based on variable emotional needs. We’re treating everything like a disposable commodity. Writing off our elderly. Estrangement of parents. With a loot and pillage mentality. With a “I want to party, spend and screw, as much as I possibly can before I die and nobody best get in my way” mentality.

And we justify it with the words, “I deserve to be happy”.

[This message edited by RealityBlows at 1:33 PM, October 28th (Wednesday)]

99problems posted 10/28/2020 13:08 PM

Are 'not putting up with some ridiculous ass bullshit' and 'avoiding emotionally manipulative fuckwads' lifestyles? If so, I am enjoying living that life!

I have enjoyed this "lifestyle" for 4 months now, and don't plan on going back!
Maybe we should start our own subreddit? :)

BentandBroken posted 10/28/2020 13:43 PM

Is pedophilia a lifestyle too? What about depleting family resources to support a gambling habit? How about the excessive porn lifestyle?

Sheesh! The mental gymnastics these people embrace to justify their shitty behavior.

Un fucking believable!

jb3199 posted 10/28/2020 14:13 PM

You have to remember, some people, or even groups, think that it is 'cool' to cheat. Whether it be notches on one's belt for the guys, or a 'you go girl' attitude for the gals, the mentality exists.

Not the type of people that I want to be associated with, but nonetheless existent.

I had one coworker that tried to explain his 'coolness' to me. Also thought that it was cool to do illegal recreational drugs. He learned quickly that I am not the guy to get some sort of ego boost from.....especially when it comes to these topics.

leafields posted 10/28/2020 14:50 PM

Or if you think of it as character trait. My UH was always rewriting our marital history to justify that every problem in our M was my fault, and to justify his lying, manipulation and gaslighting. It was his way of life, so that could be considered a lifestyle.

ShatteredSakura posted 10/28/2020 14:56 PM

Everytime I read some shit article about how great it is to give your wife a cheat pass or this pushing of cuckoldry "intellectual" writers like to push these days, the fist grows a little tighter and shakes a little bit more.

As someone also pointed out you don't even need to be in a married or committed relationship, just be the AP. I lost so much respect for one of xWW's friends when I found out she was the OW for this married guy.

He had kids and fed her the line about how it was an unhappy marriage and they'd divorce soon. I don't know what happened in the end, but the last I heard was the wife found out and went apeshit and confronted xWW's friend -- who told xWW that the "wife was nuts!". Yeah NO KIDDING. I felt so bad for the wife.

This friend also is very cynical about relationships in general and has become something of a man hater because she can't find good, honest men. I wonder why...

IwillSurvive2020 posted 10/28/2020 15:03 PM

Through this I've found a couple "lifestyles" that make me cringe. One is that of a "monger" which is at least according to one forum I found, is where men frequent massage parlors and escorts as a way of life. And in said forum, one spoke of MGTOW, which is Men Going their own way. And while on the surface it sounds fine, it is so very disheartening.

EllieKMAS posted 10/28/2020 15:18 PM

And in said forum, one spoke of MGTOW, which is Men Going their own way
Pfffft. They can go their own way. That way - far the fuck away from me!

Just sad, but not surprising anymore really, that shitty people will always find a way to justify their shittiness. If there's one good thing that came out of the infidelity circus for me it is that I no longer waste my energy on these types of people. They can do whatever they want to do, but I won't tolerate shady shit in my life at this point.

This friend also is very cynical about relationships in general and has become something of a man hater because she can't find good, honest men. I wonder why...
Bahahahahaha! Cus play stupid games, win stupid prizes!!

landclark posted 10/28/2020 16:27 PM

This friend also is very cynical about relationships in general and has become something of a man hater because she can't find good, honest men. I wonder why...

Wait, she expects married men who are lying to their wives to be honest with her? Ba ha ha ha ha

And we justify it with the words, “I deserve to be happy”.

Oh yes, I have seen this one as well! Apparently it translates into - I deserve to be happy no matter who I hurt or stomp on in the process.

Are 'not putting up with some ridiculous ass bullshit' and 'avoiding emotionally manipulative fuckwads' lifestyles? If so, I am enjoying living that life!

The best lifestyle! lol


PSTI posted 10/28/2020 18:54 PM

Cheating is not a lifestyle, and anyone who thinks it is is literally telling you that their lifestyle is about nonconsensually damaging other people.

When people talk about "the lifestyle", it's always an alternative, but always an ethical and consensual one, whether they mean swinging, polyamory, or BDSM. Cheating is NEVER part of the lifestyle.

cptprkchp posted 10/28/2020 20:06 PM

Landclark -

I’m guessing you have been on Reddit? I have seen it referred to as a “lifestyle” and seen the justifications used to stay in the “lifestyle.” I see things like “now that I have AP I am better with my wife & family.” Lucky them.

I’m the WS in my relationship - I had a 3 month EA in 2008 - my BH & I are fully R'd and I will be the first person to call out any fool trying to justify an A. If you are having issues with your spouse the answer doesn’t lie between the legs of an AP. I actually belong to a FB group that is for women to help other women get out & stay out of affairs. I’m the tough old bitch. I’m not making any excuses for myself so I sure as hell won’t be excusing anyone else!

Lifestyle my frigging ass. I have spent the last 12 years of my life trying to find redemption for the hurt & pain my series of horrible and selfish decisions caused - I honestly annihilated my BH and OBS - lifestyle my frigging ass!! When did setting off a nuclear bomb become a “lifestyle????” Meh.

Sorry - I’m frustrated.

landclark posted 10/28/2020 20:18 PM

I’m the tough old bitch. I’m not making any excuses for myself so I sure as hell won’t be excusing anyone else!

Love it! Sometimes people really need the 2x4 to wake up.

cptprkchp posted 10/28/2020 20:55 PM

LC -

Here are some of my common comments:

Why are you ok with being #2? You know what else is #2? Shit. Shit is also called #2.

OW’s are like live-action porn. It’s all good when they are all horny & want you but when they are done with you they feel guilt and even repulsed by you.

For the love of GOD leave the BW alone!!

You don’t miss *him* - you miss how he made you feel about yourself.

Don’t trickle truth - it’s not usually the A that kills the M - it’s the lies.

AP’s M is none of your business.

You don’t get to fuck another woman’s H and then cry when she tells everyone what you did.

No, AP didn’t ghost you because his W made him - he ghosted you because he chose his W!!

I have a million of them!!

Rideitout posted 10/29/2020 08:13 AM

Is this where humanity is headed? It seems everyone is living impulsively with a sense of entitlement. Our culture prizes individual fulfillment, with couples uniting and splitting impulsively based on variable emotional needs. We’re treating everything like a disposable commodity. Writing off our elderly. Estrangement of parents. With a loot and pillage mentality. With a “I want to party, spend and screw, as much as I possibly can before I die and nobody best get in my way” mentality.

Simply put, yes, this is where humanity is heading. The interesting question to me is "why"? Why are we getting so much messaging that seems to support this "eat, pray, love" message.

If you'll pass me the tin foil hat for a moment..

We, as a species, are grossly overpopulated, with more overpopulation coming. This is evident all over the place, but, as AI accelerates and improves, it's only going to become more and more of an issue. So many jobs are being automated away, and frankly, I'd have to say that many, many jobs that people are doing today are nothing more than "busy work"; work that simply doesn't need to be done. If we continue on the track we are on now, there is going to be a lot of structural unemployment in the future, and that will only get worse.

So, what the heck does this have to do with affairs? Well, it starts with demonizing marriage and the "traditional family unit". If you can convince people affairs are "OK" and "eat pray love" is a reasonable way to live your life, you can greatly tamp down the reproduction rate. Add in significant support for same sex marriage/relationship; transgender, etc, you further tamp down the reproduction rate.

Is there a "master plan" to combat the overpopulation bomb we have coming in the next 50 years as AI/robotics become more and more sophisticated? I have no idea, but, if I were making one and told "you can do anything you want except starting a war/violence" (the most direct way to reduce population) well, what we're seeing today is basically what I'd do. Break the back of the family unit, no fault divorce, make that divorce extraordinarily painful/expensive, glorify alternative lifestyles, paint marriage as stifling and outdated. The one thing that hasn't happened yet, but I believe will be the "kill shot" is male birth control (think "the pill" not a condom) that doesn't impact pleasure, is undetectable, and effective. I'm honestly surprised we haven't released it yet (we've known how to do it for years, we just don't allow people access to the drugs or knowledge to make it happen). Why is this so important? Because ~50% of births in this country are unplanned or unwanted. Providing hormonal type birth control to men will drop that number dramatically, and push us far, far below the replacement rate, further pushing the agenda of de-population.

Now, with the "why" I think this is happening, onto the original question, yes, cheating is a "lifestyle" to some. I know quite a few guys who, I guess the best way to describe it is as a "hobby". Someone mentioned "mongering" (a word used for men who visit professionals for sex), well, the other word for it is, interestingly, "hobbyist".

One of the things that I don't think a lot of cheaters think about, yes, this is your "first time" cheating, it is his/hers? In my wife's case, it wasn't, his wife caught him 2X before (unbeknownst to my wife, of course). He was a "hobbyist", and my wife was his latest "project". The thing people need to think about, if you're in an affair and not the hobbyist, there's a good chance your AP is. Affairs don't, despite much crap we read, "just happen". In fact, it takes a lot of work, often from the "hobbyist" to make it happen. I've been married for 10 years, I'm handsome, I'm wealthy, and I've had 0 women proposition me for an A. Now, some of that is simply distancing from women, but, I have to believe it's really rare for it to happen that way, I'd have to pursue an A, just like I'd have to pursue a prostitute if I wanted the "monger" experience. They don't jump out in a dark alley and attack you with their boobs!

DevastatedDee posted 10/29/2020 08:23 AM

I'd have to pursue an A, just like I'd have to pursue a prostitute if I wanted the "monger" experience. They don't jump out in a dark alley and attack you with their boobs!

No no no, my XWH says they force you to have sex with them and pay them. That's their nefarious game. You'll just be visiting a friend and there they are, forcing you to have sex and getting into your wallet. It's a sad sad tale.

lol

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