SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Quite often I read a poster who says, "That's right out of the cheater's handbook". Now I realize it's just an idiom, but what if there really was one? I'd love to hear some of the stupid things wayward spouses have said trying to oil their way from under the responsibility of their actions...

Mine told me that the reason she was not stepping up to help me was that I was in a bad place and it made HER feel bad. she needed me better before she could help me..

LMFAO

I love these threads.

My CH told me that “she doesn’t want to be the OW” so I told him she should stop dating married men.

He told me “I would like her if I met her (under different circumstances)”. Highly doubtful!!

One night he told me “we should all be friends “ so I responded that I tend to keep my friends who are trying to destroy my marriage to a minimum.

If I remember any others I will be sure to share.

I wish I could find the thread!! Someone, not so long ago, actually wrote a "cheater's handbook" and posted it here. Like, "Chapter 1: How to Rewrite Marital History" sort of thing.

https://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=627732

Here it is

I found it, it was started in the general forum on August 26th. Ibonnie is you look at your posts in your profile you’re I’ll be able to see it, because you posted in the thread. I couldn’t bump it because the topic is closed. I tried to copy and paste the link to it but couldn’t get it to work. That’s why thisnpost says edited.

An early why he cheated, "You were smoking".

My WH when the shit hit the fan : " We were fighting about money a lot "

Yet he spent thousands on porn chat rooms , not to mention money spent on his whore

Turns out, that didn't help with our finances at all....go figure

"I didn't think you'd mind" -- which is why he was sneaking around having sex in parking garages so I wouldn't find out.

"She really cares about you" -- which is why she befriended me to pursue my husband. For years. With his willing participation.

"I didn't think you'd ever find out" -- which excuses all of the ways in which he spent time and resources that rightfully belonged to our family on that POS.

"I was in a bad place" -- which is why he never said one word to me about his struggles but wrote to his ex-W (who cheated on him!) about his sadness even though he hadn't seen in decades, posted CL ads looking for an affair, and then fell in lurve with that POS.

"I did not love with her" -- which is why he told her he loved her, looked horrified when I described her as horsefaced on D-day, and refused to tell me who it was that he was using those condoms on that I found in our bathroom from his fuckfest in OUR BED the week before. While I was out of town saying my last goodbye to my dying father. OK, to be honest, this one I believe. He didn't love her. He wasn't capable of loving anyone at the time.

edited to fix a typo

[This message edited by GrayShades at 9:16 AM, March 15th (Friday)]

Under Blameshifting 101:

"You squeeze the toothpaste tube wrong!" as one of the very long list of reasons I drove him to choose OW over our family, & marriage of 29 years.

Around the same time another SI member heard her WH complain that she used too many types of cheese in her lasagna, causing him to cheat.

Seriously, folks. You can't make this stuff up.

"Well, you're not perfect either, you know? What about all of the times that you went to titty bars with friends and colleagues? You know that really hurt my feelings."

Over a 30plus year marriage, I've gone exactly six times.

DDay1 – I got a lot of dumb a** stupid s*** including “she always threatened if I didn’t keep it going she was going to..." (insert stupid a** threat here).

And I said “Let me get this straight. You were fu**ing HER to protect ME?!?!”

Blank stare and crickets.

Me: why were you saying I love you to your cousin after jacking off to her?

Him: I dont know. Why dont you call her and ask her.

Um...ok. I'll call your mistress/cousin and ask her. Asshole.

My fwh told me she was helping him with our M.

He claimed that at one point he was wanting out but then he took her on a trip. He says he didn't want to take her but she kept pushing and he was afraid of what she might do.... I didn't know about the A and we had been working on our M (or so I thought) and he didn't have to go on the trip. I begged him to stay with me yet he chose to go. Then they had sex several times on the trip. So, he was wanting to end it with her and lied to me to go but couldn't figure out a lie to her to get out of the trip and then decided to get in deeper by having sex with her over and over???? I think of all of his lies to me. I asked him why he didn't just tell her he wasn't feeling good to get out of it or something and he said he didn't think of that. Yet he was so good at coming up with lies to tell me..... AND, after this trip, she then told him her BS had left her and filed for divorce and so she didn't have a ring to wear and begged him to buy her a ring, which he did.... And then he says she hardly ever wore it! But, he was trying to end it..... I don't believe a word he says.

I heard on numerous occasions that I “wasn’t there for him” and “I didn’t support him”.

Gee, you travel extensively for business. You commuted to the opposite coast every week for a year. You were home 40% of the time.

How did I not support you?

I did support you by never complaining AND making sure when you came home you had very little to do.

Seriously - rewriting of our marriage required him to dig deep to find the crap he put forth as to “why”.

I got the ‘I thought I was helping you’ line. And the ‘I never thought you’d find out’. News just in, its ok to do horrible things so long as no one knows. Dumbass.

I didn't think you'd mind.

I thought you knew.

I DID NOT contact her. (Then when confronted with the evidence:"Well, yeah I did message her on WhatsApp, I thought you were asking if I texted her, which I didn't" )

I thought I could cheat, and be the best husband I could be, at the same time.

We didn't use condoms. I didn't think we needed to, because she is married.

"It wasn't me and the text was just someone pretending to be him and I."

I got I deserved a treat, because Iaid a wooden floor while you were at your Dads with our child having fun. Yeah you asked me to it was easier without her friends running in and out and the dogs at the kennel.

Yeah I had fun, my Dad lives 15 minutes from Disney, you told me to take her. Yes, they had a ton of bbqs, beach stuff my side of the family is there. So yeah, one of the many happy endings were him getting me out of the way. Our daughters friends were always here.

Oh and he was the victim, why because he got caught. Poor me, there are consequences when you rip your wife’s heart out break your vows and lie and deceive.

Number 1 for me will *always* be: never trust hinky phone shit.

Seriously. In this day and age, the whole affair, every dirty little secret, is usually contained on their cute little pocket rectangles. The moment they start hiding them from you, digging their nose in them more often, etc., that's the first sign that something's afoot.