SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

He told me a couple years ago he was no longer getting the thousand dollar a month bonus check.

Guess what was found in his wallet?

I even questioned him on the taxes, why there was a difference between what was on taxes and on his end of the year W2, told me it had to do with how much the company makes/looses a month.

I have looked at his current YTD income and sure as shit, it adds up to him getting that monthly check.

To verify if he will lie directly to me AGAIN, how should I put it?

Hey, since the company seems to be doing better are you guys going to start giving yourselves the monthly bonuses again?

Where are those checks going? Are they being deposited into a joint account? Half of that money is yours as his wife. What's he doing with it?

Just take the damn check and watch him search for it. Then hold it up and say "Looking for something?"

Verify he's lying? Why do you feel the need for more evidence of what you already know?

He’s cashing the check.

Unhinged: I don’t know, I don’t know what’s wrong with me, I don’t need to know or prove anything else. I had a attorney hired, I backed out. In February I had a apartment lined up, I backed out. I just can’t get out of this.

Yes, you can. If you want to. Something is clearly holding you back.

That's a lot of money to hide from your spouse! Every month! For a couple of years! Wow. You had everything lined up before, you can get out and do it again.

Please don’t confront him right now, this would be my advice.

You need to make a copy of that check, also the end of year statements and copies of your taxes for end of year. Don’t tell your WS you are doing it, just do it.

Then take it all and go back to your attorney and ask them what you should do, legally.

This is the time where even if you are scared and even if you feel that urge to back out that you just plow forward and do what you know is right.

But anything you try to ask him now is just another lie, or he will try to cover it up or whatever... all it means is that you are living with a full blown liar. I would want to know where is that money? That’s 12 x $1000.= $12,000. For how many years? 2, 3 , 4 or more?

Stay silent and stay strong and stay smart. Don’t let the emotional part of this trip you up. Get help from that attorney again and start digging into or finding if he has any other accounts.

he has some slush fund somewhere that you don't know about. it funds his "activities".

make sure he's not using any of it for some OW. this money is joint property with you.

he has no right to hide this "side money" from you. none.

That money will be half yours in a divorce, so keep good notes

Just to be clear, is he paying taxes on that money? You could get in trouble too if he doesn't. Would it be too stressful for you to say, "hey I was looking in your wallet cause I needed a couple of bucks and I saw that you are getting the bonus check again, that's great!"

At this point you know the truth you don't have to prove it to a liar.

You've kept yourself stuck. He can't do it

Confirmed big fat fucking Liar.

I took a picture of the check.

I’m calm, he can’t hurt me anymore then I have been, I’m numb.

It will be a big fucking nightmare for him.

Things holding me back

I don’t want to live in this state anymore.

I don’t want to leave my two grown children, my granddaughter.

I don’t want to loose medical or dental care, I’m still under care for cancer.

I can’t work full time, I have lots of arthritis in my back, hands, it’s difficult.

Should be able to get spousal support and money from the company to buy me out,

If you're worried about insurance, can you get legally separated in your state, as opposed to divorced? They're similiar, but I went that route (NY state) so I could stay on my WH's insurance while I was a SAHM for another 18-months or so.

You are fighting cancer. That battle alone is quite enough. I know that rocking any boats at this time while you are trying to battle this just seems overwhelming... I get it.

I had to go back and read your profile so I could remember your story, you have been living with someone who has weird strange sexual habits, you have caught him wearing women's clothing and underwear, you have caught him stealing your own, you have caught him on dating sites and porn sites.... and you have known it for a few years now.

You tried to leave but you came back. I feel for you, I do. I did not see if you had used that insurance you currently have and gotten into IC for yourself? If not I would find a good one, someone who is going to help you get stronger step by step.

Your fear in moving or changing is just not knowing any of your options, feeling as if you just cannot go someplace, I like ibonnie's thought of not worrying about an actual divorce at this time, that will come down the road, if you guys are separated and if it follows true in your state, you can stay on his insurance if needed, at least for a short time period.

Fear of not having a plan, fear of the unknown, fear of thinking we have no where to go....those are real emotions, you are also I feel in a state of shock and probably depression with a lot of PTSD wrapped up in there after finding out way more about who your WS truly is... that is why getting an IC for you that will let you talk and work thru some of this stuff would be beneficial.

I would still make sure to get copies of everything, since it has been a bit since you saw the attorney, update all copies of all bills and multiple year tax filings, retirement accounts, etc... I am sure you know the drill, and keep copies of everything in a safe place.

Step by step. You will get there. You will find a way to get free. Just pull that freedom string towards you bit by bit... my guess is your healing will be so much better once you get away from the stress and the dysfunction around you. It is like a huge fat anchor of pain dragging you down along with trying to take care of your health. Put your self first now.

I would be tempted to take the check make a copy for legal purposes then cash it and put it somewhere Incase you decide to leave. I do agree with getting legal advice about this, and make sure he didn’t lie on your taxes.

And watch him squirm trying to find it. He has been lying about the money and you know he isn’t going to ask you if you found a check. Screw with his mind a little he has been gaslighting you and causing you crazy.

So sorry you are going through this

Just take the damn check and watch him search for it. Then hold it up and say "Looking for something?"

Best response!!!! Thank you MalibuBB for my laugh of the day.

I'm with MBB!

And please...keep us updated on how he pulls out his hair looking for it while trying to not let you know what he's really doing

I don’t want to loose medical or dental care, I’m still under care for cancer.

I can’t work full time, I have lots of arthritis in my back, hands, it’s difficult.

Should be able to get spousal support and money from the company to buy me out,

You can also ask to stay on his health insurance for continued cancer care. All of these issues can easily be answered by a lawyer. You might also want to look into what you could get on your own if you had to. Do you qualify for Medicare/Medicaid? Could you look into places that offer a cancer support group and get some info that way? You have options if shit really hits the fan.

Hell, if you still have that check, maybe you could deposit it into a joint account and pay for a lawyer that way. Or use the money and tell him he has to replace it with that check. It's time to figure out what D would look like if it comes to that.

It's classic divorce planning in case you do decide to leave. He is building up a fund. And as another one put it, those are joint funds which you are entitled to. In case you do proceed down the divorce route, make sure you do not take his word for what he got paid, subpoena his employer for their records. I always tell my clients, I don't care how close you think he is to his boss, there is no way a company is going to get int rouble by hiding some ones income for them.