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Phoenix1 (original poster member #38928) posted at 7:34 AM on Thursday, February 13th, 2020
After my last brother died, his childhood BFF appointed himself my adoptive big bro so he could nag me about things in my bio bro's absence. He is disabled (almost a paraplegic with some upper mobility issues) that resulted from a high school sporting injury where he broke his neck.
He notified me he just checked into a major hospital for throat cancer treatment for a tumor the doctors have indicated usually has "aggressive tendencies." The comparison was not lost on either of us that his father was diagnosed with cancer at the same age and passed away as a result. His father was my dad's BFF.
We've been texting (different time zones) and I've been trying to be his biggest cheerleader next to his wife, who is by his side. He texted me today, "Not gonna lie, sis. I'm scared shitless right now."
He's been through so much and has been so strong that brutally honest comment just made me so sad. While I would never say such a selfish thing to him directly, I don't want to lose yet another family member (lost a cousin suddenly a couple of weeks ago to an abdominal aortic aneurysm).
So, whatever good thoughts you have, please send them to this gentle soul. He can really use them. 
fBS - Me
Xhole - Multiple LTAs/2 OCs over 20+yrs
Adult Kids
Happily divorced!
You can't go back and change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending. ~C.S. Lewis~
BearlyBreathing ( member #55075) posted at 7:48 AM on Thursday, February 13th, 2020
Oh no, Phoenix 1. Sending mojo....
Me: BS 57 (49 on d-day)Him: *who cares ;-) *. D-Day 8/15/2016 LTA. Kinda liking my new life :-)
**horrible typist, lots of edits to correct. :-/ **
BearlyBreathing ( member #55075) posted at 7:48 AM on Thursday, February 13th, 2020
duplicate
[This message edited by BearlyBreathing at 1:48 AM, February 13th, 2020 (Thursday)]
Me: BS 57 (49 on d-day)Him: *who cares ;-) *. D-Day 8/15/2016 LTA. Kinda liking my new life :-)
**horrible typist, lots of edits to correct. :-/ **
DragnHeart ( member #32122) posted at 8:33 AM on Thursday, February 13th, 2020
So sorry. Sending mojo and praying for him his family and you. 
Me: BS 46 WH: 37 (BrokenHeart911)Four little dragons. Met 2006. Married 2008. Dday of LTPA with co worker October 19th 2010. Knew about EA with ow1 before that. Now up to PA #5. Serial fucking Cheater.
lieshurt ( member #14003) posted at 1:12 PM on Thursday, February 13th, 2020
Sending lots of good thoughts and mojo. (((Phoenix)))
No one changes unless they want to. Not if you beg them. Not if you shame them. Not if you use reason, emotion, or tough love. There is only one thing that makes someone change: their own realization that they need to.
tushnurse ( member #21101) posted at 1:24 PM on Thursday, February 13th, 2020
((((Phoenix1))))
Sending them strength and peace.
Me: FBSHim: FWSKids: 23 & 27 Married for 32 years now, was 16 at the time.D-Day Sept 26 2008R'd in about 2 years. Old Vet now.
Catwoman ( member #1330) posted at 1:39 PM on Thursday, February 13th, 2020
My dad had the same thing--diagnosed with between Stage 3 and 4 laryngeal cancer. He went with aggressive chemo and radiation and it bought him another 13 years.
Sending strength.
Cat
FBS: Married 20 years, 2 daughters 27 and 24. Divorced by the grace of GOD.
D-Days: 2/23/93; 10/11/97; 3/5/03
Ex & OW Broke up 12-10
"An erection does not count as personal growth."
Charity411 ( member #41033) posted at 2:49 PM on Thursday, February 13th, 2020
Sending prayers and mojo Phoenix.
zebra25 ( member #29431) posted at 3:10 PM on Thursday, February 13th, 2020
Sending prayers and mojo.
(((Phoenix)))
"Don't let anyone who hasn't been in your shoes tell you how to tie your laces."
D-day April 2010
Chrysalis123 ( member #27148) posted at 12:20 AM on Friday, February 14th, 2020
Oh no Phoenix. Sending tons of mojo and positive healing thoughts.
Someone I once loved gave me/ a box full of darkness/ It took me years to understand/ That this, too, was a gift. - Mary Oliver
Just for the record darling, not all positive changes feel positive in the beginning -S C Lourie
looking forward ( member #25238) posted at 2:50 AM on Friday, February 14th, 2020
(((Phoenix1))) Sending lots of healing thoughts and prayers for your big bro and family.
Together more than 57 years, Married 52 years. Sober since 2009. "You've always had the power, my dear, you just had to learn it for yourself." (The Wizard of Oz)
Jeaniegirl ( member #6370) posted at 6:01 AM on Friday, February 14th, 2020
Sending good thoughts your way. You have had too many loses so this isn't fair. Thinking positive about your 'brother.'
"Because I deserve better"
sisoon ( Moderator #31240) posted at 6:44 PM on Friday, February 14th, 2020
fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex apDDay - 12/22/2010Recover'd and R'edYou don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.
Phoenix1 (original poster member #38928) posted at 12:18 AM on Saturday, February 15th, 2020
fBS - Me
Xhole - Multiple LTAs/2 OCs over 20+yrs
Adult Kids
Happily divorced!
You can't go back and change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending. ~C.S. Lewis~
cantaccept ( member #37451) posted at 2:41 PM on Saturday, February 15th, 2020
Count me in too. Cancer just plain sucks.
"I'm still standing better than I ever did. Looking like a true survivor, feeling like a little kid" Elton John
I would now like to be known as Can!
dday October 21,2012
dday December 20, 2013
wh deleted
I attempted R, he was a lie
pureheartkit ( member #62345) posted at 2:20 AM on Sunday, February 16th, 2020
Thinking of you both Phoenix
Thank you everyone for your wisdom and healing.
Phoenix1 (original poster member #38928) posted at 10:34 PM on Thursday, March 5th, 2020
Well, he had the surgery. Tumor the size of an egg was removed from his parotid gland along with numerous other lymph nodes for testing. The tumor was actually a lymph node and was diagnosed as stage 4 aggressive nature melanoma. He has no history of skin cancer and doctors believe his body fought off the primary source on the skin but was unable to fight off the spread to the lymph nodes. Apparently extremely rare, but does happen.
So, not good news. He told me, "On the bright side, I will see XXX (my bio bro) soon!"
fBS - Me
Xhole - Multiple LTAs/2 OCs over 20+yrs
Adult Kids
Happily divorced!
You can't go back and change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending. ~C.S. Lewis~
ZenMumWalking ( member #25341) posted at 10:40 PM on Thursday, March 5th, 2020
Me (BS), Him (WH): late-50's
3 DS: 26, 25, 22
M: 30+ (19 1/2 at Dday)
Dday: Dec 2008
Wanted R, not gonna happen (in permanent S)
Used to be DeadMumWalking, doing better now
somanyyears ( member #26970) posted at 10:51 PM on Thursday, March 5th, 2020
.. Phoenix1 Prayers being sent.. 
smy
trust no other human- love only your pets. Reconciled I think! Me 77 Her 74 Married 52 yrs. 18 yr LTA with bff/lawyer. Little fucker died at 57.Brain tumour!
PricklePatch ( member #34041) posted at 7:04 PM on Friday, March 6th, 2020
That just sucks! Prayers, mojo, and paws crossed.
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