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Did your Wayward ever say something so ridiculous...it made you laugh.

My WS's POSOM spent time in prison for beating up women. He was a thief, had been accused of rape, a sexual predator, ripped off his clients to the tune of thousands, stole medications from his clients, slept with multiple women in my wife's office, and in general was a PSOM, a real dirt bag.

And when confronted on D-day and asked why she'd been screwing him, she said:

"Because he's such a better man than you!"

She said that with a straight face, full of sincerity. I admit it hurt but I also laughed out loud.

What are some of the lines you heard that were so ridiculous you couldn't help but laugh or stare dumbfounded in utter astonishment at their lunacy?

Said after I told him I found out he was kissing OW:

(Very indignant) "I don't kiss her! She kisses me!"

I saw the title of the thread and thought to myself how I can't be surprised.

And then I read allusions' post.

Is there a popcorn eating emoji?

To answer the question, yes. But it would be inside stuff that wouldn't make sense to anyone else. I'm pretty sure most WS's brains are mostly "high" from the experience. They do and think as someone that even many of their life-long friends would shun if they were to hear what logic was used to act. So of course their brains are in la-la land and they speak of ridiculous "logic".

When I asked him about the dick pics he was uploading on the sex chat sites he said it was mainly men on there. “So you’re gay now?” And he says he’s not gay. “So you’re bisexual or incurious?” No he says he is still heterosexual. 🙄

When I confronted W about $1000 charged to our son’s credit card for a Hotel booking, these were some of his pathetic attempts at an apology...

a) it was only 1 night... (Honeymoon suite I ask, it was 2 nights and he was having sex with AP for free at her home so why hotel?)

b) I know it was a waste of money. I would have been better off spending that money in a Brothel

Similar to 36y.

When I mentioned OM1-b stealing from a woman with dementia she said, "that's not the OM1-b I know"

On another occasion I was asking her about a sexual act she never does with me which ended after one of her affairs. She then quoted something cute and funny a little girl had said to me at church, then said the girls name as if to give credit. I was shocked.

I think when the brain is in chaos it grabs whatever words are left at hand, to fill the gap while a lie is crafted.

"Having an affair made me a better husband."

I'm still trying to figure that one out.

Cat

In defense of OW#2... "She's not a bad person. I felt bad for her because her husband is cheating on her."

Not sure I laughed though. I was too busy trying to pick my jaw up off the floor.

[This message edited by ChamomileTea at 8:25 PM, September 18th (Friday)]

My all-time favorite from my XWH was how he was forced into paying for and having sex with 3 prostitutes at once. He didn't want to. They made him do it. Poor little guy.

Double post

[This message edited by DevastatedDee at 2:41 AM, September 19th (Saturday)]

Similar to CT - he said "I felt so sorry for her, because her husband was so horrible to her"!!!! To which I couldnt at that time come up with a reply because my jaw was repeatedly hitting the floor

She texted him "I wish I had a husband like you"

It just beggars belief.

"I had the 3rd affair because I was not dealing with my sin from the first 2 affairs"

This cracks me up now days.

As we were wrapping it all up waiting for the D to be finalized she said "I just hoped that you'd be happy for me..."

When I confronted him about the secret email account that he uses exclusively with OW, listening to him claim they are just friends...

"It's secret, I didn't want you to know about it because I knew it'd hurt you and I didn't want you to be hurt."

“I didn’t think it TECHNICALLY counted as having sex because I wasn’t FULLY aroused when we did it.”

I'm years out from my situation. This type of thread pops up every now and then. I always find the "excuses" amazing and hilarious.

Some greats from my EX:

"I don't have her phone number. I haven't been calling her. I don't have her phone number. Why would I call her?" After I took his wallet and removed a piece of paper with her number on it, and showed him the phone records - "Hey, how did that get in there? I don't know why her number is there."

After I opened a letter OW#1 sent to him and confronted - "You just violated federal law by opening my mail." Yep, and I stayed with him through several OW.

While doing a big cleaning, I was flipping through an old college notebook of mine I found shoved under the bed. Turned out he had attempted to start journaling. He had written about laying in bed half naked with OW#3. During confrontation he had kept insisting they were just friends. His face when I replied with, "So, you would be fine with me being half naked in bed with a male friend?" He was actually speechless for once.

When confronted with the amount of time he was spending with OW #4 (Yes, stayed with him that long. I didn't have one ounce of self worth.) "I promised my best friend I would look after her while he was deployed. What kind of person do you think I am to do anything with his girlfriend? Even if they broke up, I would never do anything with my friend's girlfriends." This was said in such a rage that I was crushed and second guessing myself for almost a year after. Anyway, he and OW #4 are married now with a couple of kids. All I can say to her mentally now is, "Thank you for getting him away from me!"

Just on a side note, my drama happened before smartphones. He would have been so far underground if technology had been what it is today.

One weekend afternoon before Dday my then WH was immersed in his phone. As I delivered his home cooked meal to his seat at the table, I asked him who he was texting. He replied, "To [OW name]".

(She was presented as his married gay co-worker & was being set up to become MY friend, along with her wife).

I said,"You guys sure talk a lot. Don't you get enough of her at work"?(*Looking back- OMG!)

He physically SHUDDERS & says, "Don't be stupid! She's huge, not to mention totally gay".

Nice.

How did I not see how

"stupid" I was being?!

OW & ExH have been together about 10 years now. 🙄

W said she bought a ring for ow that was 'sort of an engagement ring,' since same-sex M was still illegal in our state.

I took that to mean it would have been an engagement ring, when same-sex M became legal.

When we last talked about this - years ago - she didn't know why she didn't think already being married was even more of an impediment to getting engaged.

When he and the AP were kissing in the shelter house at the Y, I asked him how he could do that, out in the open, when we were both known at the Y. "Well, it seemed private."

When he and the AP were having secret coffee dates (they were "just friends" ya know), I asked him why he didn't tell me. "Because she was telling me things that were private to her and I didn't think it would be right for me to share that with you."

Geez, I could go on for days..

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Can't fix stupid...

AP came over to our house for supper at FWH's invite.

At the time I had no idea he was in an affair with her. He told me she is just a lonely widow and he feels sorry for her loneliness, and that he met her at the gym and invited her.

During R, I asked why did he invite AP to our house for supper:

"I invited AP to supper at our house because I wanted her to see that I was happy in my home." was his answer.

I stared at him when he said that. I just stared. I will never forget this answer. Sheer lunacy.

Oh and the affair continued until D-day, for another 9 months.