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Holy Hell, Just need to get this out somewhere, and NOTHING has really happened yet but I'm freaking out. I actually have an Apple Watch reading of my resting heart rate going from a usual 56 to 107 in LITERALLY a second when I saw the name on the message.

My husband is at work and has no access to his phone until he is off. He found out yesterday that he would be staying an hour later from now on but would usually be carpooling home now. So she would have thought he was out of work and driving home when she sent it.

I was working and went on my own Facebook messenger to answer a message and saw my husband had one (I have access to it) and it was in the message request section. The message itself is a request that he return something she gave him like 20 years ago. (I threw it out after Day 3 , so Fuck off).

I guess I am freaking out because here is where the rubber meets the road. If he looks at it and answers her and does NOT tell me, then fuck, no where to go is there? I am actually shaking right now. why is this affecting me so much???

You're reacting because your home is under attack. :( I'm so sorry.

Just try to play it cool and see how your WH handles it. I hope he handles it correctly.

I am actually shaking right now. why is this affecting me so much???

Look on YouTube for some grounding exercises. Try some breathing techniques and calm down. It is affecting you so much because it is trauma. I am so sorry. Try to calm down first.

If it's in the message request section, he may not notice it for a while.

Why is she not blocked?

I’m so sorry. So sad that some of us know all too well that feeling. Don’t say anything to him about it. Take a picture of the message for proof incase he deletes it. I hope he does the right thing and tells you. Can’t he block her from messaging him?

[This message edited by Stayinghopefull at 3:19 PM, August 3rd (Tuesday)]

Yes, I feel like I'm under attack. We have actually been doing ok recently and had a rather in-depth, frank talk about changes we both have to make and if we can't, then we would just call it quits. Been quite peaceful.

Yes, he might not notice it right away. It shows up as having a message but not in the main section. She isn't blocked because what is the point? When I found out they had been in an affair for 20 years it was after they had stopped for 5 months. She gave him an ultimatum about leaving me and he declined. Then immediately took up with ANOTHER ex which is why all this came to light.

I can obviously see when he opens it and he always told me he would let me know if she even contacted him again. I guess we will see.

It is taking every bit of self control to not fucking answer her myself. or answer her and she won't know it isn't him. I STILL don't know what the fuck happened between them and would love to fill in some blanks. I would seriously like to know if they every had sex.

[This message edited by NorthernMSB at 3:26 PM, August 3rd (Tuesday)]

I am copying and pasting the below from a website. I also have a really physical reaction to the stress/trauma. I am so sorry sweetie, I know it is overwhelming. Try and get your heart rate down. Do these exercises and drink a glass of water. Whatever happens you are going to be safe and ok.

This five-step exercise can be very helpful during periods of anxiety or panic by helping to ground you in the present when your mind is bouncing around between various anxious thoughts.

This technique is one of many options you could use if you are feeling anxious or overwhelmed.

She isn't blocked because what is the point?

Good point. My OW isn't blocked either. I remembered that as soon as I hit "reply."

I'm guessing you didn't open it so it still shows as unopened on his end, right?

stubbornft Thanks I am trying it. Jesus, I thought I was kind of blasé about this bullshit now. And for real, never thought she would contact him again for anything. I feel like I can't breath. Wow

Honestly, I would give a lot to know what he feels when he sees her name on that message.

[This message edited by NorthernMSB at 3:31 PM, August 3rd (Tuesday)]

"message request section"

Not being blocked on facebook alone would be breaking NC by the boundaries I have set.

Was it a new friend request that came with this message, or was it her existing account?

I creeped on your profile:

"...visits to her house, even a sleep over when I was on a trip..."

They slept together. Like someone else said, he didn't go over there to play checkers.

13YearsR Yes, I know. But he got there at 11:30 pm, had a bunch of beer, smoked a joint, and has pretty consistent ED. They made out from what I have been told. And yes, my assumption is that fucked but wouldn't it be nice to have a fucking admission and proof.

And yes, I read it and put it back to unread.

I didn't tell him to block her and it is from her account she always had, no new friend request. They actually communicated through ANOTHER account she set up just to do that with another name on it. I found that one literally about a month ago. Her only friend on it is him.

[This message edited by NorthernMSB at 3:35 PM, August 3rd (Tuesday)]

NorthernMSB why can't you leave? Are you financially dependent on him?

I'm not financially dependent on him. And we actually have been doing pretty well for the last little while. I had let a lot of my bitterness and crap go and he was actually reading some books and talking to me. Then this!

I just hope he sees it, deletes it, and tells me. THAT is the boundary I set...if she reaches out, DO NOT ANSWER.

If he doesn't see it in a few days, It will be VERY hard NOT to answer it myself.

I'm sorry. I have been there with casual contact found years later. Blocking gmail puts the messages in Spam. I was looking for a tax document that hadn't come in when I saw an unread message asking for a favor.

Honestly, I think you need to do the best you can to soothe and calm down right now. Don't worry about the broader questions at this moment. Stay cool. She's fishing for him and you.

Even though it feels like it, there is nothing she can do to you. My name is unique and I get emails from exes periodically. I get Spotify songs sent at 3:00am from one ex from 25 years ago. EWWW. Pathetic. These people are weird.

But he got there at 11:30 pm, had a bunch of beer, smoked a joint, and has pretty consistent ED.

Gotcha. So it wasn't for lack of trying.

Why can't you answer it yourself? I know you want to test your husband but I am not thinking he will do the right thing.

And when he doesn't tell you about it what will he say? "We were doing so well I didn't want to upset you with that". Gosh girl ASK ME HOW I KNOW!

I think you should leave him. He sucks. He is draining the life out of you. You have many more years of life ahead.

I had let a lot of my bitterness and crap go and he was actually reading some books and talking to me.

I wonder what you mean, let a lot of the bitterness and crap go. You stuffed it down? You are not doing well, you are panicking because of this message. You are traumatized. He doesn't deserve you. I remember your other posts. You are a good person and you deserve a good life.

You are shaking and your heart is racing because your body is trying to keep you safe. From your husband.

13YearsR Oh I'm sure he tried.But when caught the fact he couldn't perform apparently means he should get a medal for faithfulness. Lol

humantrampoline Since the message was from 3:09 today, about an hour ago, I am freaked out. It has been over 2 years. What the Fuck??

I don't know your story.

My opinion is that she is phishing - you and him.

If you answer, her thought will only be that you are keeping your WH from her and their true love. It may encourage her to wait and try later.

Just my opinion though.