SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Agreed. Just went out for lunch with a old friend. Had a couple beers and some wings and caught up. I got a A+ support network. Even the neighbors (the ones that arent fucking my STBEW...lol) had me over for cocktails the other day. Its nice having this place to as people are busy sometimes and I can vent 24/7 here.

In other news I fired up match.com for thr first time. Not emailing or loading pics of myself but scoped it out for 20min and there are lots of good lucking divorced women out there. Life will go on and I'm going to be happier for it.

For a lot of us men, with or without kid (s), finding another woman is not problem at all. In fact, if you have a job, a reliable mode of transportation, and living in your own home you are pretty much on the A list. Word gets out that "Rockstardad" is in the process of D or finalized his D, the women will already know and will come to you. Friends and family will play matchmakers.

However, the real problem is finding your authentic "10" lady and not getting suckered into another "6" again. One of the things we also often say here is to make sure your "picker" isn't still broken before you start dating again.

I've never tried online dating so I don't their accuracy rates in finding the right partner. But, before putting in your profile your "likes" and "dislikes", your hobbies, goals and dreams, make sure you really do know what those are yourself and not working off an old relationship model, the old Rockstardad that got molded by a bad M. New beginnings are a chance to really dig within and getting reacquainted your old self, the one before he got married, and make him a priority again. I bet your boys would love to get introduced to that guy. I know my boys were pleasantly surprised with me younger self, before he had his spirit beaten away by their narcissistic mother.

So take your time with all this. As long As you maintain some momentum things will fall into place for you. Definitely date to "socialize" but not just yet for another serious relationship. That's my advice.

Agreed. Im not ready for dating yet anyway, but it is nice thinking that the future is not as bleak as it once looked.

A lot of converstion with the IC was discussing that there was no way I could have seen this coming. That brings up the scarier part where it can happen again and that is fucking scary.

The only reasonable way I see it is either dont get married again, but you could get cheated on just not be married so that doesnt really fit the bill. Or find someone who has experienced something like this and knows what pain it causes. Maybe they wouldnt do it then.

Remember this is marriage 2 that ended with a affair. The 1st one was on a downhill slide for a year. Went to one marriage counseling session and she refused to go again. That had been my ultimatum so I moved out and my neighbor called me and told me the new guy moved in 2 hours later.

This one was out of the blue, for me and I didnt see it coming. This whole learning to love again shit is going to be a thing in and of itself.

Alot of converstion with the IC was discussing that there was no way I could have seen this coming. That brings up the scarier part where it can happen again and that is fucking scary.

Amen brother. Scares the shit out of me that this could possibly happen again to me. Infidelity leaves a lifetime scar IMO. I highly doubt I will ever get married again, trust 100% ever again. And I fully realize that is not fair to a potential future GF.....but I didn’t cause this shit show! I’m pretty sure I’ll be single forever, but I’ve finally accepted it. It is what it is....

On the other hand....if it were to happen again. I think I would at least know what to expect (roller coaster, phases of grief etc) But it would still suck. Infidelity defintely fucks with your self esteem....at least for me it did.

It most definitly does!

I think I need to forget about this for a while. I am getting ahead of myself. I am still dealing with feelings of betrayal at times, although I dont think about it 24/7 anymore.

9 year old had another crying fit. Misses mom and doesnt understand why she cant be here. I wish she gave 2 shits when I told her these things, last time she said it was becausse he was tired. No bitch its because your affair broke up his family and you havent payed attention to him for 4 months since it started and his reaction is normal.

You mentioned the school councilor phoned…

Be proactive here. It’s VERY important and – as a bonus point – can give you a better standing when it comes to custody.

Contact the school, arrange a meeting with the counselor and your kid’s teacher. Go over the situation. Do so in as neutral a way as possible. Don’t use phrases like “her mom the whore-bitch f@cked the neighbor”. Rather place emphasis that you want the school to know the child is going through a trauma and you want them to keep an eye on her. Ask that you be informed if she acts different. Show the concern I know you feel.

You can bet your last dollar that IF there is a dispute in the divorce and custody is countered then any delay in answering the councilor’s call will be used against you. Be proactive.

Its on my to do list for tomorrow. I was trying to be patient and wait for the call back, but done waiting. I have talked to both my boys teachers already. I have been the one that does the school activities and parent meetings so they know me already.

Trying to remember what the fuck she did do and it aint much. I was way to blind to her lack of contribution.

Its my day but my eldest missed mom and had cried so I arranged for them to go accross the street for a hour. Kills me but right thing for them.

I didnt even walk them to the door. Stopped at the street and turned around when the door opened. Not a ounce of extra interaction.

Rock – Get a notebook and record things you do with kids. Days they are with you, days with her, when they come over, when they go over… Teacher meetings, doctors appointments… the works.

Never let you WW know you are logging this. It’s a tool you can use IF the custody gets disputed.

And Rock... drop the computer and go for a jog or clean the house or whatever. Make yourself tired.

I have a notebook already and document who has then kids when and significant things we do. Your right I have been on my phone way to much. I check the site every 30 min or so. I got the kids in 30 min again so that aint a option tonight, but workouts resume tomorrow before work.

Had the kids out on the ice rink in the backyard tonight so we did do something fun. Yes I put up a icerink in my backyard. I live on a slope so it is reinforced as shit. 56x32 feet and 12,000 gallons, but the boys have fun.

And take a ton of pics with them. Not only will you cherish these pictures forever but they make for amazing evidence.

If anyone needs lawn advice come apring go ahead and ask. My lawn has been killed and reseeded with 100% sod quality premium grass seed and maintained at 1 inch height with a modified greens mower. I use plant growth regulators, soil test, the whole 9 yards. This place is a mecca of awesomeness. Fuck it sucks to sell it, but I aint going to live accross from this shit. It feels like a football field. In fact it is denser than Lambeau and darker in color. You can drop a 1.5 inch screw and it doesnt penetrate the canopy. My lawn was my hobby so I could.be around the kids.

RockstarDad,

It sounds like you are doing alot of the right things. I mean letting the kids hang out with Mom for an hour during your time???? Man....that is completely unselfish of you! Congrats man! You sound like a stand up guy and standup Dad! You (unlike your WW) get it! It’s not about what you want. It’s what’s best for your kids!!! My STBXWW still doesn’t get this 100% 13 months after Dday. Anytime I do something that benefits her she thanks me up and down and says she appreciates it blah blah. I simply say yup. I’m not rude...I’m just emotionless about my response. When I really want to say....you psycho ass dumb bitch...I don’t do these things for you...I do it for my kids!!!!

But believe me man....it helps in the healing. Knowing you are the better person helps you walk a little taller with your chin up....knowing you didn’t create this shit storm...but you are being the bigger person.

Too many times in Divorce people use the kids as pawns and try to “punish” their Ex’s and not let them see their kids. This punishes no one but the kids. They need both parents now more than ever! Honestly, as long as my kids feel safe and loved around STBXWW on her time....thats all I can ask for.

[This message edited by SuperDaddy1027 at 7:53 PM, January 8th (Monday)]

Well mine played star wars battlefront...

She didnt say a word at exchange, handed me the cups they went over with hot chocolate with and left. Probably best that way.

Keep it that way.

It's what's best for you

[This message edited by Marz at 8:02 PM, January 8th (Monday)]

Agreed....Keep it silent. If u do have to talk to her keep it related to the kids only (which eventually you will have to do) But keep it short and sweet. Don’t be rude (the kids see everything). But don’t be overly friendly either. She is nothing but a business partner that you do not trust but have to deal with.

Unfortunately Rockstar, acting like a father, and adopting her son as your own won't make the mother a better person. Now you get to pay the tab for both children, and she may well have thought about that prior.

I'd get legal paperwork making sure she can't incur any further debt in your marital names, and get some separation from this nightmare that's unfolding.

Nothing in life prepares you for this kind of heartache, or lack of respect toward you as a person. When you eventually get to the point you recognize she acted with no regard for you or your feelings and YOU aren't responsible for her decision to cheat, you'll begin to be able to move forward. Don't expect the anger, frustration or general desire to think about how you can throw a monkey wrench into their lives to go away anytime soon. This is all part of the process the spouse that was cheated on has to trudge through daily as your WS lives in their fantasy world.

You need to try to stay grounded for your kids. Divorce attorneys don't care about the affair, only the facts pertaining to assets and length of marriage. Get all your documents compiled with incomes, taxes, assets, bills, and accounts. Close any accounts with both your names on them, and get copies of your credit bureau reports to make sure she hasn't taken out credit prior to the divorce. Get a parenting plan, and INSIST that the other person not be allowed around your children until at least 6 months has passed and the "relationship" is serious. You can ask that she be the only one with visitation and no one else be included in the "family time" that's arranged.

Don't make the mistake of going down the path of revenge dating, or a rebound relationship as it will hurt an innocent person in the process and won't actually make you feel better. Only time will accomplish that. For now try to get out of your house, go talk to friends, get a new hobby, or do anything that doesn't involve watching your WS interact with him across the street.

My DD was Christmas Eve/Christmas Day this year, and if it makes you feel any better, I have 23 years of my life wasted for a person that didn't give a rats ass about me or how this would hurt me. He's a narcissist and now his "fantasy" fell apart with the 27 year old he slept with. He's doing things he hasn't done in years. He's buying me gifts, and thinking I'm stupid enough to believe he's sorry. He's sorry he got caught, and it didn't work out like he wanted, and VERY sorry I may just take half of everything. I have no plans to take him back after the SECOND time he's cheated that I know of.

From the bottom of my heart I'm telling you, you're stronger than you think right now, and someday you'll feel love and affection for someone else, and you will trust again. The trick is being able to survive one day at a time until life resembles something happy again. You DESERVE love, and happiness, and don't let her rob you of that. If you let her change you then you've lost the battle. Courage comes from within, and if you don't have it now, you will in time. Trust your instincts, and take care of yourself.

/hugs

You are clearly the adult in the situation... go you! As a side note ... i’m Jealous of the ice rink in the back yard (we live in Australia and it’s a 45 min drive ... my daughter does figure skating and the boy child plays hockey so I know the Drive well ha ha)

Well it took a turn for the worse today. I found someone to take the 140 pound boxer/mastiff mix she had left here. Talked it over with the kids and they are onboard with him going someplace where he gets more attention. Text her to let her know. She does not want her dogs as he has two and she called our dogs assholes...

Well she called. I answered the second call against my better judgement but I had to talk to her about this. She said that was fine then asked if her AP could put our youngest on the bus as she...