SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

And Divine, yeah. I know. And, she knows. That's what's crazy about this whole thing. The deception tied up in their sin is staggering.

Oh okay, I cannot resist:

POSOM: I have come out of a relationship that is similar to yours. Often times the abused person cannot trust the abuser again. You must realize that she has free will and that neither of our opinions really matter. It is for her to choose and if you truly love her you will respect that. She is one of my closest friends and I will not turn away. My prayers are with you. Maybe sometimes we have to lose to gain. If you trust in God you will eventually find inner peace. If you trust in self then you will surely lose your soul. Treat her as you want to be treated and if it is God's will then so be it. I pray every day for God to lead me on the right path regarding [WW] and so far he has not let me leave her side. Your main focus needs to be on self. How can you love if you don't love yourself? What if God has a different plan for her? I follow his will in my life and that is what is meant by quitaholoc. I will follow his will through hell if need be. I don't quit on what God tells me is his path. Think before you accuse.

Reply - Obviously that worked with your first three marriages... ah, wait...

I would be more inclined to take marriage advice from Henry XIII than a hypocritical, sanctimonious, philandering, lying coward like you.

You say that you have come out of a relationship that is similar to my MARRIAGE? This is not a relationship, this is a 10 year marriage that you have colluded with my wife to destroy. Tell me, was the piece of shit banging your ex also messaging you on facebook with the biggest load of bullshit since Twilight? How dare you intrude on my marriage.

The only accusation I have made is you fucking my wife and breaking up my family, and you have both confirmed this to be true. I have thought about my actions loud and clear, shame you didn't when you were fucking my wife to get her to work with you.

I hope your lies stopped with your "partnership", as I understand you will not only need to support (WW), but also our son who is due to go to college soon.

Now - do NOT send that, manipulative cockwombles love getting off on getting under your skin, it's a "win" for them.

They have fuck all in common bar a sadistic pleasure of hurting you, vent here, by all means. But remember the wise saying:

It is better to be silent and thought a fool than speak and remove all doubt.

This OM isn't just a fool, I think he is the embodiment of every village idiot in Texas.

Thanks for the replies. I still don't understand why you'd want to be with someone like her even if she starts to try (or at least SEEM to try), but I understand that we're all different and that what matters is that you want to be with her if she starts to get her sh-t together.

Having said that, I recommend that if you want to stop the affair from continuing, stop her from going to him this weekend, is to blow her and his world up. Send the messages to all of your and her friends and family. Tell them she's planning on going to "visit" him this weekend despite knowing it will be the final nail in the coffin for the marriage. Call his church immediately and expose him there immediately. Print his messages and your wife's name on flyers and post them around the neighbourhood.

If you want the affair to stop, go nuclear before she has a chance to go see him again. But if you want to see what she will do without your intervention, then stay put and see what will happen this weekend.

Best wishes!

Molly, I laughed so hard at that. Holy crap, if only I could send that reply.

Hobbes, oh, I know. I'm planning out my destruction of that trip now.

I'll let y'all know what I come up with.

Often times the abused person cannot trust the abuser again.

UAB, I am troubled by the OM's words. Is he calling you an abuser? What kind of lies is your wife filling his head with? You wouldn't believe the kinds of lies that affair people tell to each other about their spouses.

I know everyone is telling you to protect yourself. We have seen other stories here on SI where men are fighting false charges of abuse.

Keep that in mind as you have any contact with her or the OM. A VAR can be used to record you as well without your knowledge. The best course is to remain strict NC with the OM. Leave no chance of a wrong word or action to be used against you.

This weekend is going to be pivotal, yes. But, it may not be a smooth road with clear answers.

I commend you for handing things so well this far. Keep calm. You have a clear picture of what you deserve and how you will be treated. This is half the battle.

Strength

Whatever reply you come up with, post it here.

Just imagine him, in his My Little Pony PJ's, crying into a cushion with a tub of double baked Ben & Jerry's because a guy won't acknowledge him, and he weaaally put so much effort into messaging you.

Oh, and he'll probably ask mom for advice over the dinner table over why a man, whose marriage you destroyed, won't talk to him... and then Carol Brady will say:

"What do you think you are playing at? You are an arsebiscuit of the highest order! Alice, please give POSOM a wallop with your rolling pin until he learns this week's moral!"

[This message edited by MollyMoo at 5:35 AM, May 15th (Friday)]

Hi U AB, hope you are doing ok. If WW goes away this weekend have you thought about driving to see POSOM's pastor on Sat? If you go to see him in a spirit of "I need help and guidance please, my pastor is unavailable blah blah etc" you may be surprised how much you can blow POSOM'S tales of righteousness out of the water. Going nuclear with exposing them may be seen as the actions of an angry man and may play into her hands regarding any tales she has told about you; but going to the pastor asking for spiritual guidance shows someone who is concerned but loving.

I so wish I had handled my situation with the strength you are handling yours. I wish you the best.

I follow his will in my life and that is what is meant by quitaholoc. I will follow his will through hell if need be. I don't quit on what God tells me is his path. Think before you accuse.

So God is telling you to break one of his commandments. Ever think you are bending gods will to meet you own needs? You are having sex with woman that claimed to be happily married until she met you.

You can't send anything but he really seems mentally unbalanced. I'd be interested in knowing what his past wife's/girfriends though. Oh yea, a quitaholoc says a lot about how long this relationship is going to endure.

She seems to be sticking to her plan to string your relationship on for another two months. This break-up visit will likely be a plan to go underground -- She might come back saying she did it they broke up and agreeing to go to counseling... but still carrying on the relationship underground. The truth is if she leaves for the weekend you really can't trust her.

I want you to know that you can do so much better. You appear very intelligent in your writing and responses, religious, and you are still young. If she leaves, you really need to think about why you would want this woman back in your life. Not the woman you bet 10 years about but this girl.

I have to say that I really like AlwaysOnEdge idea above. Seems like church is OM World and having his actions questioned via the church would be the only way to effect his thinking. I also think you you might get some insite on OM as a person... something isn't right with him.

If she leaves I would also let the rest of her friends and family (not her Dad) know why the marriage is ending.

[This message edited by Freeme at 6:19 AM, May 15th (Friday)]

Unbroken,

Would Clint Eastwood (as we know him from the movies) have spent time trying to woo back a WW like yours?

When she heads out the door just say, "have a good time, Honey." Smile and tell yourself that you will be free of her.

Go to an MMA gym and punch POSOM until your cannot lift your arms. Work out so hard you can fall asleep.

Go drink a beer with a friend.

Make steak for dinner with step son.

You are young enough to remarry soneone younger, kinder and prettier than WW. Perhaps you will remain the only adult in your step son's life.

Perhaps when you remarry he will prefer eating Thanksgiving and Christmas dinner with you and step dad's new wife than being with mom and asshat OM.

What an arrogant douche-canoe! His god sounds nothing like my God. I agree with everyone else. Don't respond anymore. Getting sucked into a conversation with him only serves as validation to someone as warped as him.

UAB, please do not respond to this POS. If you feel as though you need to, try something like this?

"Adultery is sin in the eye of god, period. I'm asking you to quit contacting me, it is unwanted attention. You have been commiting adultery with my wife and you are trying to justify your actions to me and your plans to continue."

Send something like that. Then Monday, when you speak to your lawyer, talk about your options to keep this man from contacting you. He is already talking about abuse, you don't know what his real intentions are here. Honestly, those messages would bait anyone into a fit of rage, protect yourself from this man. He is harassing you and looking for a reaction from you. Do not mention harassment to him, just mention it's unwanted attention.

UAB -- I recommend the following:

Do not reply to OM -- as much as you hate him, he is not the issue. The issue is your wife.

Your wife is openly having an affair with another man, has not stopped despite saying she would in the past, and is emotionally abusing you. You need to divorce her. I believe your marriage is beyond repair.

You must stay calm -- stay strong -- and do what your lawyer says.

All the rest is noise.

End this and get on with your life.

I would not respond to the OM at all. Even to tell him his contact is unwanted. Who knows? He may let loose a gem that is later useful to your cause. Still. I'd not say anything back to him at all. At all. Give him nothing.

I do agree with at all. Was just saying if UAB, felt the need to reply. The best route would be crickets.

It's crazy. Super crazy. On what planet do you have an affair and then think you get to dictate all the terms of reconciliation?

I dunno, but my ExWW must have arrived on the same spaceship. She had an exit affair, filed for divorce, and before it was final, told me she would reconsider if I did X, Y, and Z.

Uhhh, yeah...no.

It's crazy. Super crazy. On what planet do you have an affair and then think you get to dictate all the terms of reconciliation?

It reminds me of *that* friend we all had at school, when upon falling out, will spread the rumours, stick glue in your pockets, set a gang of their mates to make your life hell, then will turn around and say:

"Okay, we can be friends again, but..."

Then they act so aggrieved when we tell them, in child-friendly terms, to go fornicate themselves with a live cattle prod - so they ramp up the crazy, and you have to remind your friends and family of why you are no longer speaking to that "nice person, you were such good friends with once." Ah yes, they were so nice the set fire to my gym shoes with a bunsen burner.

Some things never change.

[This message edited by MollyMoo at 7:54 AM, May 15th (Friday)]

You gotta follow through with your consequence.

If she goes to him, you must end it. She may be right about you not being able to force her out of the apartment... for now. She also can't stop you from video recording everything that happens in YOUR apartment. Do you have any idea how irritating it is to have someone record you constantly? It protects you from false DV claims as well.

If it were me, I'd be looking for another place to live rather than trying to force her out.

I'm with the others here. I wouldn't want her back no matter what she did from here on out.

I'm not a religious man, by ANY stretch of the imagination, but I'll tell you this: I wouldn't dream of disrespecting someone else's religion like these two fucktards are disrespecting their own.

UnlovedAndBroked,

You are the catch! You are the prize! She is a liar, a cheater, and you are being used. I'm sorry to say these things but I have been lurking on this thread in hopes that you would see it as clearly as I do.

There is hope in the future with a new woman who will love you faithfully. She is out there waiting on you. You don't see it now because you are standing in an atomic wasteland by the bomb your wife dropped on your marriage. Please stop messaging and responding to the OM. Nothing good will come of it and it will only continue to upset you. He is a liar and this will not end well. It NEVER does.

You have been given a gift. You can see your wife for who she really is.

Finally, ONLY believe her actions. Please stand up as a man and do what you know you need to do.

Follow the 180, knock her off the fence, and please find that wonderful woman who will love you faithfully.

Good Luck Brother!!!

OM is fing crazy. Don't respond at all. That is the best way to stick it to him.

Think your wife may be nuts too. Who the hell goes to fuck another man and then go to church with him the next morning? You must feel like you are in the twlight zone!!

Stay strong. If she goes she is out period.

POSOM: I have come out of a relationship that is similar to yours. Often times the abused person cannot trust the abuser again.

.... this U&B, i strongly suspect is your WW having told POSOM that you are her abuser; and that he is her KISA.

Having said that.....

If you trust in self then you will surely lose your soul

- we can all so clearly see that this is what POSOM does.

If you have the funds, I would run this accusation of you being an 'abuser' of WW by your lawyer. You can see where all this is going. Keep that VAR on you at all times. Check the battery life (get two, one on you / one recharging & downloading); make sure record any and all messages and telephone conversations.

If you find your wife ringing you without your VAR - do not answer, let it go to voicemail.

Maybe heads-up DSS that his mother's BF has accused you of abusing her, and gently ask if she has recounted anything similar to him?

Keep your eyes wide-open - strength to you.