SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Well that sucks

She moved on very quickly, just needed a better meal ticket. Please do the normal STD checks, she isn’t coming back to you. Exspose her ways to all including her AP wife. Even if they have an open relationship (your assumption only). Even if your exWGF said it was a open marriage that s only her word, cheaters lie, they lie a lot about everything they have done and did do.

One day at a time, exercise, during water, no drugs or Booze, talk to loyal friends and look at IC.

Take care, one day at a time.

Buffer

For fuck’s sake tell the fucker’s wife. NOW. Blow his world up.

His wife deserves to know she’s married to a liar & a cheat!!

Neither the AP or your W/Gf deserve your loyalty,

Tell the OBS! She deserves to know what her cheater is doing with her life.

As to your partner, she's an idiot, isn't she? Did she really believe the old, "I want to leave my wife but..." line? 🤣

I'm sorry she did this to you. It hurts like hell, but you will be ok. Take care of yourself. Eat well, drink water, get adequate sleep, exercise.

[This message edited by cocoplus5nuts at 5:28 PM, January 10th (Friday)]

Just wanted to chime in, and welcome you to the infidelity club.

You are off to a much better start than many of us here....taking care of yourself physically, etc....and it will pay off for you in the long run. If I was to give you one piece of advice right now, it would be to keep reading and keep posting here. There's definitely some wise information to be gained(i.e. telling the other person's spouse).

That feeling of being so easily disposed by your partner? It will pass. As you look back on your history, you will probably realize that there were several character flaws that didn't seem to stand out then, but look much more obvious now. Don't beat yourself up over this.

Good luck moving forward.

Ah, thanks for the line feeds. I was trying to read that on a phone and my eyes were crossing.

Based on your post and comments. I have strong suspicions that your ex has a fundamentally flawed character. She’s leaving your relationship of seven years for material gain. Clearly. I would be questioning her commitment throughout your relationship. Separate bedrooms? For ADHD? I have ADHD, and even at our lowest point, I slept in the marital bed. I expect you are or were very co-dependent with this woman, which is treatable.

Stop stressing about this and go 180. It doesn’t look like it will impact her much (she really doesn’t seem to care about you), but it will give you piece of mind. In reality, she has given you a gift. Could you imagine marrying her or having kids? You dodged that nicely.

I have been in a open relationship and it wouldn’t bother me for a second if someone reached out to let me know my partner was seeing someone.

Worst case scenario she finds it kind of weird and brushed it off.

King,

You're welcome. Thank you for the perspective. It just sucks that I did care for her and everyone I have talked to has said that I dodged a bullet.

I agree I guess, but I am 18 days out from Dday and 11 days from the last time I saw her.

I just want the pain to stop. I am sure she cheated before if I look back at the seven years. I just hate the fact she duped me for seven years.

It doesn't seem like you are considering the advice to tell his wife. So, I'm going to tell you a few harsh truths.

If you don't tell, you are an accomplice in the affair. You are actively helping them decieve her.

He MAY actually file for divorce, catching her off guard. After he has gotten his ducks lined up, and after he has invested money,or hidden money, in ways that she no longer can access it. Therefore his wife would be destitute, while the two cheaters live in luxury. Meaning,your ex will never regret leaving you because it improved her lifestyle.

By not telling, you are putting this woman's life at risk. He's a cheater. You think this is his first time, and the only side piece he has? He is exposing his wife to deadly stds.

By not telling, you have become his best friend. He gets to fuck your girlfriend, convince her to leave you, and you will keep his secret for him.

By not telling, you will some day realize it made you look weak. Not only to yourself, but also to the two of them. You will realize they laughed at your weakness. You will lose respect for yourself.

Man,I'm so sorry you have been treated like this. But you have the opportunity to help another BS. Take it.

[This message edited by HellFire at 9:06 AM, January 10th (Friday)]

Do you have any idea how they connected? Have you done any research into her being on some sugar baby websites or something of that nature?

[This message edited by SlapNutsABingo at 9:09 AM, January 10th (Friday)]

If you want to get in her head a little. Realize this guy cheats on his wife with your girlfriend. Imagine how long it is going to be until he replaces her with a younger model or cheats on her.

Mistress is a short lived life with lonely holidays because he is always with his family. Plus when the mistress wants emotional connections like his wife wants, he just goes home. Eventually, you find money like all things, while important, comes and goes. Health and happiness aren't entirely anchored to it. Some of the richest people I know are the most miserable and scared.

SFE, you stated:

I have thought about telling the wife. My fear is maybe they have an open marriage or maybe she knows and doesn't care. I feel that part of me would do it to screw over my exe and might regret it later as petty. I don't know

I would think the message you passed along in your first post would eliminate the possibility of any of this.

One of the messages to her step brother was, that the ap wants to leave his wife but can't because she would get half of his business so he is trying to figure out how to leave her.

If her AP and his wife had an open marriage then he wouldn't hide your ExWGF from his wife.

It is not love as her AP is putting money before her.

It just sucks that I did care for her and everyone I have talked to has said that I dodged a bullet

This may be true, which I too think the same, but it does not relieve the pain.

I am sorry you are going through this.

Everything, for you, will get better though. Hang in there.

I don't see this ending well for her.

Slapnuts, I think they met on a cam site. She wanted a new computer and i told her I would buy it for until I got my refund check.

She started doing it without telling me and I told her that it was deal breaker so she supposedly stopped but I think she met him there and continued the relationship.

Based on the texts I read and a weird bruise on her ass I think she spent many a night sitting on the corner of her bed with her ipad zoomed in on her vagina and doing masturbation shows for him, then of course love of her life and soul mate followed.

All.

I hear you about telling the apw. I really do, its a tough choice for me and I am trying to process it. I wouldn't wish what I am going through on anyone except maybe my exe.

I hear your advice.

I just need to think about it.

Well, you've definitely dodged a bullet there. I don't want to minimize your pain and the loss you feel, but you do need to understand that there are better women out there, women who have better personal boundaries, women who respect themselves and others.

One of the best things you can do for yourself right now is to "fix your picker". Toward that end, I'd like to recommend two books for you. The Journey from Abandonment to Healing by Susan Anderson can help you to sort out your emotions after this kind of discard. She really gets into quite a bit of information about how both the body and the brain respond to abandonment. I found that once I understood more about how the brain responds, I had a better handle on dealing with not only the physical symptoms but also the emotional ones. I had more faith that the pain would subside and that I'd be stronger afterward.

The second book would be Not Just Friends by Shirley Glass. In this one, you'll learn quite a bit about boundaries so that in your next relationship, you won't accept a woman who doesn't have any. There's quite a bit on the mechanics of affairs, but what I'm hoping you'll look for is what makes a relationship unhealthy so you can identify it next time. Her "walls and windows" technique should be your goal for a healthy next relationship.

This experience sucks. There's just no other way to say it. But it can make you strong too, if you learn from it.

Strength to you.

My man if you noticed someone crossing a street & observed a vehicle driving straight towards them that wasn't going to stop would you A. Allow the truck to hit them or B yell out so they become aware of the danger & save their selves from being struck by the vehicle.

That's why we suggest to inform the OBS. its not about being vindictive, nasty or for revenge its about providing the OBS the knowledge of what is happening & what they if they so decide can do about it.

Good luck my man

[This message edited by notanotherchance at 12:04 PM, January 10th (Friday)]

My fear is maybe they have an open marriage or maybe she knows and doesn't care.

If they do, they do. Why would that matter to you? If she doesn't care, you told her what was up because you thought she deserved to know. If she says "Yeah, I know." then so be it. The point of disclosure isn't to get your WP back - it's to allow the OBS to know WTF is going on in their life. I didn't tell the OBS for a long time, and it ate away at me slowly, as if the situation were reversed, I would want to know what was going on in my own life.

SFE Wrote:

You're welcome. Thank you for the perspective. It just sucks that I did care for her and everyone I have talked to has said that I dodged a bullet.

I agree I guess, but I am 18 days out from Dday and 11 days from the last time I saw her.

Sadly, nobody on here can wave that magic healing wand and shorten that process. If someone is in your life for seven years and suddenly, out of the blue turns out to be radically different from your view of her, it's traumatizing. What you are going through is baffling, perplexing and no doubt enraging. It's all made worse by her strangely apathetic and nonchalant ending.. "Nope, I'm good!" After seven years. Really?

I just want the pain to stop. I am sure she cheated before if I look back at the seven years. I just hate the fact she duped me for seven years.

You know what the worst part was for me? That she thought I bought into her bullshit. They really think we're all that stupid. It's almost insulting, really.

Personally... just my thoughts- it's not your job to police her day in and day out. You did kind of make it easy for her to text her nights away with sugar daddy by giving her her own bedroom, but who could have predicted this? You trusted her, and this is how she repays trust. At least you found out now. Objectively, she gave you the gift of not putting up with this shit in the future, when it's ten times as thorny and 20 times more expensive. So, although the bright side is a little dim right now, you may very well appreciate it sooner than you think.

I have thought about telling the wife. My fear is maybe they have an open marriage or maybe she knows and doesn't care. I feel that part of me would do it to screw over my exe and might regret it later as petty. I don't know.

You're not going to find out if you don't bring it up. You don't own the AP any consideration whatsoever. Why are you being nice about it?

Keep being strong. Try meditation and yoga, they worked wonders for me.

[This message edited by KingofNothing at 1:04 PM, January 10th (Friday)]

I know you are hurting now but what people here are saying is so true. She left a seven year relationship to become a rich guy's side piece. Just think how much worse this would have been if you had kids and had built a life with her! And the old I can't leave my wife yet bla, bla, bla. Is the longest line of horse you know what that has ever come for a four legged animal! If she believed this she is not to bright and not someone you should ever consider either taking back or making a future with. Look for her to maybe come crawling back to you when her appeal has worn off for him. Say strong my friend and do whatever you need to do to move on....

Sorry to hear about your situation SAE. As another poster has said, she did you a favor; you’ve dodged a bullet. Your SO likely was cheating on you all along. Thankfully you didn’t marry her; that would’ve been worse. There will come a day when she realizes that she’s just a cum-dump and that her choices are the root of her problems but that won’t happen soon. For now she’s got a rich guy who’s going to pay for her to be his personal prostitute. She’s obviously not planning beyond the end of her nose but that’s no longer your problem. You now need to take your life back. That includes becoming indifferent to her and what she’s done. This is one of those things that you’re going to need to chalk up to experience and move on with you life. It would be good to continue to eat healthy and work out. Trying new hobbies and reconnecting with old friends helps too. Keep yourself busy. It will speed your healing. I wish the best for you.

I'm sorry you are hurting friend. It sucks I know. I'm in the same boat. All you can do is put your head down and push through it. Ya gotta muck it out.

Make sure you are taking care of yourself. Exercise daily, eat good foods, get lots of sleep, drink lots of water. And make sure you find someone to talk to. It helps to talk to someone, that way you don't feel so alone.

It won't be long before her boyfriend tires of her, and she'll be used up and alone. I wouldn't be surprised if she showed up on your doorstep a year or so down the road, asking for a second chance.

[This message edited by Westway at 5:20 PM, January 10th (Friday)]