SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Keep her in your rear view mirror!

The true love of your life, one that will love you as much as you love her and will be 100% faithful to youbisnout there and she is wondering when you will find her

Yes, she had expressed guilt/remorse.

I’m 33, she’s 30

You're still young. You have plenty of time to find a woman who will love you and only you.

Your fiancée blew her job interview. Move on to the next applicant.

Living,

On point:"Move on to the next applicant."

Thanks.

Moving out next weekend. Still in contact w her. Generally only discussing move out and sale logistics but still am engaging somewhat, but on a minimal level. More than what you guys would recommend, for sure, but I still love and care about her a lot. We have not seen each other since last week, and she has respected boundaries by not showing up unannounced, without my knowledge, or without any specific legitimate logistical reason. And I have a smart home, so I get a record whenever the garage door or front door are unlocked or opened.

Still getting full court press on getting back together. She was unsure but feels she made a mistake, and wants nothing more than to get back together. How what she did made her realize how badly she wants to spend the rest of her life w me. Too bad for her that she had to fuck another dude to figure that one out.

Have not gotten much anger from her. She did comment via text on how I’m cutting and running at the first sign of adversity and she thought I was tougher than that, but she immediately apologized after I told her that was unacceptable. That comment was the only anger I have gotten from her, and tbh I kind of expected more.

However, I am still solid on the course I have chosen for myself.

IC is going great. My therapist really is awesome. Third session is tonight.

Things are getting easier, parts of life are beginning to return to normal. First 7-10 days I was a mess, the next week I began to recompose myself, and for the past couple days I’ve been doing ok, which is great given the circumstances. I’m sure I’ll have times where I’ll slide back, and I definitely get some weird triggers - especially on Saturday nights. Things that just send me on the roller coaster.

Since my deal closed last week I am taking a vacation next weekend to visit my childhood best friend and have some fun.

Part of what makes this easier is that I know that I will be ok. I’ve been through a difficult break up for a 6 year relationship that ended 4 years ago. Back then I thought it was the end of the world, that I would never be able to find another person, etc.

Having been through that before is so incredibly helpful in getting through this. Yes, things kinda suck now, but they won’t suck forever. I am not wallowing in self pity, which is what I did last time.

Good for you.

You're in control of your life, dodging a bullet.

You're in control of your life, dodging a bullet.

The worst part about this whole deal is that she really is a special person and she was a great partner. There were no underlying festering issues and this was just the tipping point. If she didn’t do this, we could have spent the rest of our lives together.

Yes, she had some FOO issues (a lot actually - and I do believe they’re a major contributing factor of what happened), but she really is a smart, hardworking, and beautiful woman who brought the best out of me personally and professionally.

For the sake of complete honesty, I’m not completely closing the door on her. A non insignificant part of me really does want her back. Though is it the just old pre ONS woman that I want back, or is it the whole thing - warts and all? I dunno. But if I were going to Vegas I’d bet against it. I think this is just the “bargaining” part of the grief process. “Maybe if she handles her shit over the next year and demonstrates/proves her hard work i could see me taking her back”. Etc etc.

For the sake of complete honesty, I’m not completely closing the door on her. A non insignificant part of me really does want her back. Though is it the just old pre ONS woman that I want back, or is it the whole thing - warts and all? I dunno. But if I were going to Vegas I’d bet against it. I think this is just the “bargaining” part of the grief process. “Maybe if she handles her shit over the next year and demonstrates/proves her hard work i could see me taking her back”. Etc etc.

You're a cuckold. You're not alone, not by a long-shot - a lot of modern White Men are cuckolds or have that same mentality.

It seems to be a result of the infidelity/cheating rates of White Females - because it happens so often, it has become 'mainstreamed' in White Cultural thought/behavior that there is nothing bad about it, or wrong.

[This message edited by AwesomeNot at 6:17 PM, May 21st (Monday)]

Not Awesome, that's pretty fucking harsh... He got himself out of the relationship pretty damned fast for your bullshit perjorative to apply. As did many of us. A cuckold accepts the insult willingly. Is that you, sir?

Great first post, AwesomeNot! You know how to make an entrance, don't you?

Now GTFOH with that nonsense!

[This message edited by GoldenR at 6:27 PM, May 21st (Monday)]

You should look at this as another learning experience. This is no way to start a life together. Marriage is a lot of stress. Add in children and that goes up exponentially. If she did this in what should be the happiest time, you are in for a world of hurt when things get tougher.

The fact that she could even insinuate that you were the one to cut and run is also telling.

Move on and don't look back.

Have not gotten much anger from her. She did comment via text on how I’m cutting and running at the first sign of adversity and she thought I was tougher than that, but she immediately apologized after I told her that was unacceptable. That comment was the only anger I have gotten from her, and tbh I kind of expected more.

Above is not remorse. ‘Adversity’? That’s what it’s called? Would it be ok if you went out and had an one night stand? Of course not, and you wouldn’t do that anyways. But you didn’t think she would do that either did you?

If she didn’t do this, we could have spent the rest of our lives together.

Wocket, I get it. I really do. I could've written that.

Huh? I wasn't trying to be insulting - just trying to make him feel better about being what he is. It's not rare among his demographic. Not only that, but it's a growing phenomena - as more and more diversity moves into his demographics space, the females of his demographics abandon them for the diversity.

Hence cuckoldry becoming common place in his demographics psyche.

Wasn't being insulting.

Huh? I wasn't trying to be insulting - just trying to make him feel better about being what he is. It's not rare among his demographic. Not only that, but it's a growing phenomena - as more and more diversity moves into his demographics space, the females of his demographics abandon them for the diversity.

Hence cuckoldry becoming common place in his demographics psyche.

Wasn't being insulting.

Just where did he state either his race or his demographic? Stop trying to force your narrow (misinformed) view point of the world onto others.

Wocket:

Your thoughts are normal and to be expected. All of this has happened to you very fast. You are still experiencing the jet trails of emotions. As time goes along you will get a better perspective of your relationship and what happened. You dated and loved this person for three years. Who knows what life will bring you in a year. She’s a smart, hardworking, and beautiful woman who brought out the best in you. Good luck to you in the future.

This is actually hilarious. If you’re going to troll, you need to work on subtlety. Cuckold is an unambiguous insult. Hell, even when that is someone’s fetish, it’s considered a part of humiliation fetishes. It’s definitely not my thing.

And if you’re trying to recruit white supremisists you need to keep the race baiting under wraps until you build some rapport.

Edit: Also infidelity has existed since monogamy. What I’m going through is nothing new. It has nothing to do with “diversity”, and since this is off topic it is the last I will say about that.

[This message edited by wocket at 6:52 PM, May 21st (Monday)]

Would it be ok if you went out and had an one night stand? Of course not, and you wouldn’t do that anyways.

Honestly? I wonder if fidelity is just not that important to her. If I cheated, I don’t think it would end the relationship to be honest. This is likely the one and only incompatibility or difference in values between us. At this point it is a structural incompatibility.

I am constitutionally incapable of cheating during a monogamous relationship. I’m conventionally attractive, so I do get hit on, get checked out, and even approached every once in a while. I instinctively and reflexively shut it down without even thinking about it.

[This message edited by wocket at 7:06 PM, May 21st (Monday)]

It was likely almost (well important but you a better person) as important to her before she cheated. She has to rationalize that it wasnt as bad to feel better about herself.

I have the same thought from time to time almost 7 months day and 2 months divorced. We could have been great. She needed to step up her game with the kids but there was no fighting. natural.

It's on her to fix FOO issues. That's not your problem now. You take care of you. You shouldn't have to fix someone esp pre marriage. Your engagement served its purpose you found out who you would have married before it got much more difficult.

Best of luck, your doing good, it's just a bumpy road. You will get there.