SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

You win.

I lose.

story of my life I guess. work hard, hard, hard, do good and still get crapped on.

Sometimes I wonder if I am worth existing.

I know you, and many others, think its extreme to think such things all because of a woman but you see... when you finally found each other (and you know what I am talking about), everything changes for the better and the whole point is that you compliment and cannot live without each other.

I changed my life around for you with my work and such and accommodated you which was great and what I wanted.

and then... you do the dirty.

I love you but I cannot believe I had the most amazing woman ever in my life, only for you to trample on me. For what exactly?

Yeah, I did notice, and asked, why you stopped drinking from the customized mug I got you (as you got me one which was so sweet) and instead you started to use your "Taurus" mug and flaunting that in front of "him", giving him subliminal messaging yes?

what gives. I know I did nothing wrong and I know damn well I am a decent, soft but deep individual. A MAN that you have never like before and wanted someone like this who not only is strong but also very well intune into his feelings too. No cockiness, no macho mano... nada.

Just.

it's your fault. I wish you had remorse, and morals and a deep understanding. You did at one point...then something happened to you.

Why ruin a persons life? Why toy with them and string them along especially when marriage was on the table?!

I cannot be around even myself anymore. Yeah, think about that whilst you are on your knees in front of him. Disgusting.

This is just for me, I don't need to share this with the stbx butt nugget.

The last time I told you I loved you before d-day, you answered with your usual "Why". My first reaction was "I don't know, but I find myself wishing to god that I didn't". But I thought about it and I told you a few days later "I love you because I'm happier when you're here then when you're not.

You managed to change that. When you went away on business this week, I felt jubilant - free of your oppressive presence. It was such a nice reprieve. But tonight, you snuck out and are gone past your time on the calendar. I am feeling it but I am not sure why. Betrayal ongoing, lack of remorse, lack of caring for anyone but yourself - you left the door unlocked you jackass. Lack of decency, lack of morals and lack of redeeming characteristics. Yet, I am still feeling it.

On Sunday you will take my baby away for 2 weeks. You've done it every summer and I've been fine, imagining myself doing the right thing for our family by not spending the money to go with. But not now. Now, I am no longer a part of a family and I will miss my baby more than you can imagine because I know it's just a taste of things to come.

You did all of this without care, without trying to make things better. And I pay the price. What happened to you? How could you be the monster you've become? Was this person always there and I didn't see it? Is it her? I just don't know but I'll be so glad when this too passes.

(((MeOh))))

Yes KLE, its another weekend. Another weekend with him most likely.

Today I suffered yet again. I went to a small event. And I didn't feel good without you at all. You are/were my rock. You not being with me at this event just made me so weak and useless and socially awkward and uncomfortable no matter how much of a smile I put on my face.

Even my fake smile just wasn't working without you.

Well done. Once a cheater, always a cheater. You were my everything. Its like everything I literally have been looking for and so much more, landed in my lap - as did I to yours. And you blew it for your own selfish reasons. STILL makes no sense.

I gave you a lot. Mentally. Emotionally. Physically. Sexually.

And.... then you lie and cheat. And steal too actually coming to think of it, funny since you are a lawyer... I loaned you a large sum of money and you said you will pay it back as soon as that check got mailed to you...it did get mailed, you DID deposit that check and yet...didn't return the money I loaned you when you were worrying about things.

Still love you. But its a "hard/tough" love and gets worse and too far/distant these days. I don't feel me. I don't feel myself. I don't feel my social skills or personality anymore. I don't feel the naturals that I have and the ability to interact with people at such ease anymore after you even if you weren't physically with me as I knew I had you!

I miss the calls you used to make to me when you were at work when you needed some timeout.

Tonight I told you that for the last two days I've been miscarrying a pregnancy neither of us knew about. You threw a fit over me wanting you to comfort me instead of playing video games, then trust issues got brought up so you moved into your own room, told me we were roommates and you weren't going to sleep next to me until I remember how good I have it. Then you took off your ring and told me you refused to wear it until I trust you....

Hey asshat. Get over yourself already.

(((blondenblueeyed)))

I wish you would fight for us, for me. I wish you wouldn't let me walk out that door. I did really hope marriage counseling would help us get unstuck, but she gave up on us after just two sessions. I know at some point I have to open up and let myself be vulnerable in order for this to work, but I wish you understood that you are not safe for me yet, and I can't until you show me you are. I need you to prove to me you are through consistent behavior for a long time. I have tried time and again, and you have smacked me down too many times. It is up to you now. You need to let go of the outcome and pursue me. Ask me out, compliment me, support me - because you want to, not because you know I will react positively. If you act that way, my heart will soften to you and I will start giving positive feedback, but I can't promise you that now. I need to know you are in this for the long haul, that you are willing to do the work. It is a two way street, and I have been the one taking most of the risk over and over. Opening my heart, trusting you, believing you, sharing with you - after every lies and after every betrayal, after failing the polygraph, after every TT - and you kept lying and taking advantage of me and my faith.

I am leaving you because you care more about yourself than about me. You aren't willing to risk rejection and your ego. It's more important to you to self-preserve and defend yourself. I have put myself out there too many times to count, I have risked rejection and my ego and my heart and you have rejected me and hurt me. You continue to actively hurt me, continue to choose to hurt me. I now have to care more about myself than about you. I just wish you would show me SOMETHING. Talk to me, approach me, tell me to stop this divorce madness and that you will do what it takes. And then maybe I would open myself to you. It's all just so sad. I wish you would get out of your own way. I guess I could say the same for me.

I'm so angry because all of this could have been prevented. All you had to do was follow through with all the promises. The questions that don't add up prove that you are telling the truth or tell the truth. Be the partner and father you said you would be.

Now here we are, separated. You make me feel guilty for making that choice. That I'm not giving us a chance. That if we aren't a couple then you won't be able to work on the relationship. It's not fair. I shouldn't be made to feel guilty.

Today I just want to pick up the phone and scream at you to fix this. To stop trying to cover your ass and give answers. To tell you to fight for us. Not just with words but with actions.

But that isn't my choice. No matter how loud I scream it won't change things. Only you and your actions can change things.

I didn't want this. I don't want this. I wanted us to stay together.

I just want to scream!!!!

So, for some reason since Sunday I don't feel well. Something wrong in my lower back and "down there"....and my left testicle feels painful.

Remember when I took you to the hospital twice for something we both didn't know what was going on with your womanly problems down there and you were stubborn to go but I took you there? Remember when you almost passed out when we went to our favourite restaurant and you were bleeding VERY badly???

yeah. Where are you now for me?

most likely he is inside you right now! pathetic selfish idiot.

All for you, nothing for me. Fair, isn't it? :(

you are unfortunately becoming a distant memory. I still care for you, still love you but so hurt.

I cannot literally stay in the same country as you. Think about that for a moment. Well, that is - if you have half a brain and a heart with a soul instead of a soulless heart.

You tried to gain access to my locker 2 months ago today but access denied.

Inconsiderate stuck up, 2 faced person. How dare you betray me and kick me down when I am down and blame me for... your wrong doings!

enjoying him? Sad, selfish cow.

We were VERY deep. VERY close.

you can never settle.

Hence your divorce

Hence you allegedly saying men have always cheated on you.

If that is the case, then maybe now I know why.

Honestly... just what gives. I'm tired already.

[This message edited by fierhawk at 7:54 PM, August 1st (Monday)]

Why in the fuck do I have to hear about your life through the mouths of our kids. New house, Romeos name all day, Romeos kids name???? Just Tell me already. Don't worry I cannot think less of you whatever you say. You cheated, you left...... you reached out wanting to reconcile and I said no......it was all a lie.

You wanted to keep me around and nothing more. I hope it was all worth...when it mattered you shit on me and left. It is gettibg better without you.

I miss you. I want to give you a ring and have a chat, because we used to be friends and we used to chat about stuff and spend time together and you used to stroke my legs when I put them on your lap when we were watching telly.

I wish we had talked about stuff and not left it to fester and explode when we'd both been drinking. I wish you hadn't needed to find someone else in order to make you feel better. I wish you could've got that from me.

I hope you're fucking miserable and realising that your new woman is not all she was cracked up to be. I hope you wake up every morning regretting what you did and how you ruined what we had. I hope your new life is shit and hollow and that you miss all your friends that you left behind when you betrayed me and them.

I hope that she cheats on you, or that she doesn't put up with you pissing on the toilet floor when you've had too many. I hope she nags you worse than I did and that you yearn for the life we had and feel intense sadness when you think about what you threw away. I hope you cry yourself to sleep and feel lonely in your new relationship. I hope she finds out that you cracked onto our friend's friend when you were already cheating on me with her. I hope that she's sussed out who you are and has chucked you out, or forbidden you from your weekly nights out with your mate. I hope she nails your fucking hat on, or abandons you to go out with her mates while you're at home wondering where she is and what she's up to. I hope she gets fat and lazy and you end up cleaning up after her in her house. I hope you're both miserable and get stuck in a shitty rut.

What a waste.

You're a selfish coward to skip your sons birthday party because you couldn't face my family. You threw away our marriage, our family, everything for sex with strippers. And because you confessed im supposed to forgive. Fuck you. Then you have the nerve to say I've been nothing but a c*nt to you this past year. Oh, and you've forced me to have sex with you through manipulation and coercion. You're a horrible person and I regret having children with you. They don't deserve such a self centered jerk for father. And you're fighting me tooth and nail for every penny we have. Classy as always.

My heart just hurts today. It seems like I can actually feel it breaking. Everyday things seem to get harder to deal with. I'm trying everything not to cry in front of DS right now because that is the last thing he needs to see. You should have been the one person that I could have turned to when things are this bad. You should have been my rock.

When you first left me for her, I was a sobbing mess. I couldn't eat so I lost weight, I would hide out in the bathroom at work a couple times a day to cry, I couldn't sleep, my self esteem was shattered. You destroyed me. You didn't show an ounce of remorse *then* and to this day, you still haven't.

Almost 14 months later and I'm doing good. Better than good! When I look at you now, I feel pity. I used to feel love (or lust, lol) or compassion. But no more. You are a mess and that is that. I can't fix you, but I am fixing myself.

You keep doing what you're doing and I'll keep doing what I'm doing. Guess who ends up being the winner?

I'm taking too much to OWhore. Someone shoot me. 🔫

No contact? No problem. It's amazing, 22 years of marriage, most of my adult life, and I don't miss him one fucking bit. And he only contacts me when it's time for him to take dd. Otherwise, zilch. So YAY! What amazes me is that he doesn't contact the kids, either. Dd can text now and we have little emoji parties, she and I, when she is at her dads. But him? Nothing. Ce la vie

I don't miss you. I don't stay away from you because I love you too much, though I'm quite sure that's the fairy story you're telling the new victims. I hate and despise you. The only thing I regret is not telling you I know exactly what you are. I saw you, and that is why you had to destroy me so totally. You can't stand being seen, can you, psycho? I see your emptiness. I see your unhappiness. I see your shallowness, I see your masks, I see how you can't conceive of any other way to relate than to exploit them until they realise, then dump them - all of us that is. 52 and still collecting women like trophies, still haven't managed a profound relationship with anyone, still think the web is the place. You're just pathetic, you stupid, vain, saggy old parrot. How's the bald patch doing, by the way? And the prostrate? Losing it, aren't you, cos there's nothing inside when the outside fails. Ha ha ha, stupid psychopath, that is all there is to you, you poor, stupid, disgusting, evil, destructive, nasty piece of shit. I know what you are. Enjoy swimming in your little sewer as you crow victory.

*All the names in this post are fake.

It's been 2 months since we last spoke. I just wanted you to know that i have unblocked your number hoping you'll reach out- but i know you wont. you never showed any remorse. why would you now?

i miss you constantly, i wish you'd get out of my head. its not fair that i go through this kind of pain when i did nothing wrong. you'll never convince me that you fell out of love with me 6 months prior to me finding out about your affair. i've joined an online infidelity forum and ive realised that you must have read some sort of book about how to act when you've been caught having an affair, because you have all the same characteristics and fed me the same lies as alot of the other members have been subjected to by their cheating partners. i wish you gave us a chance to work things out, i know i would have forgiven you in time, im a very forgiving person and i worshiped the ground you walked on.

it was James' stag do this weekend, i wish i could tell you all about it. it was good, i enjoyed it. although it was tough with all the talk of marriage, knowing that we would have been the next to get engaged. up until the day you decided you were in a rut, i was always smug to myself knowing that you would say yes if i got down on one knee.. you made it very clear very often during our relationship that we'd be married one day. you even had the whole day planned in your head! Great Gatsby themed.. remember? it makes me wonder if that day you told me you were in the rut was the day the affair started, emotionally rather than physically at that point. because something had definitely changed in you from that day.

Its toms surprise birthday party on friday, everyone will be there. plus their partners. i wish you were too. are you still planning on throwing a party for your next birthday? i wonder if he'll be there with his unsuspecting girlfriend? thats right, i havent told her..yet. i wonder if you'll miss being spoilt by me when your birthday comes. do you still wear the eternity ring and all the various love charms on your charm bracelet i got you?

as you maybe able to tell the thing i miss most about our relationship is being able to talk to you. we used to talk all the time, whenever we wernt together we were texting. i'll never understand why you thought the fact we spoke so much was a factor in you falling out of love with me. i always assumed alot of relationships end due to a lack of communication. not too much! but then alot of your reasons why you thought you no longer had feelings for me were a bit strange... going out for coffee often. ive never heard of couples breaking up for that reason..surely youve stopped to think how pathetc that sounds?

Do you realise in 4 days time itll be the anniversary of when we first started talking.. we met in such a strange way, its something we laughed about and you always said it was fate. you told me you wished on 11:11 that i would fall in love with you. which i did. this year is flying by now.. ive lost all sense of time. itll be christmas soon.. will you miss us opening our stockings on christmas eve, or in your case your traditional pillow sack. i hope you dont watch a muppets christmas carol with someone else.

theres so much i want to ask you.. how, when, where.....why? but you'll only feed me more lies to cover yourself or try and justify the affair. i'm sorry, but theres no justifying what you did. not with another guy whos in a relationship and has a child with his girlfriend. what a top guy he is. you treated me worse than you treated the friends of mine you pushed away.. i had to stand by you many times. good luck to the next guy you detach from his mates. youve always ran from your mistakes and cut off the people youve effected. i'm now in that group.

i hope that you are struggling socially now that your two poisonous 'friends' are in relationships themselves. i wonder how long thatll last anyway, they clearly have no morals either.

i still love you, i fear i always will.

i wonder if i'll ever see you again.

[This message edited by supernova480 at 12:31 AM, August 10th (Wednesday)]

(((amibeingmugged)))

(((supernova)))

*sigh*

Hey, you - yes you KLE. The love of my life whom you betrayed me. I don't have the energy to write even on here. I will come back to it. But lets just say that even though I accidently found a few pictures of you on my computer... I froze. I had tears streaming down my eyes and cheeks without even me realizing.

you look SO amazing and even so till the end of us. You looked so genuine, so beautiful, so sincere and so in love too. And yet... you do this to me.

you damn well know we will always have that connection. no matter how much you run from it or taint it, it will always be there.