It’s been 7 months since the divorce, a year and four months since the separation and almost two years since you began the downhill slope that finally changed everything. I have so many feelings about what happened and how it has affected me. I have decided to write you a forgiveness letter. I know I will never send this and you will never read this note. I also know that if I ever did send it, you wouldn’t read it anyway. You apologized to me for some of the things you have done, however change was not permanent or enough so I followed through with the divorce.
I FORGIVE YOU FOR…
Having a married girlfriend (ow1) while we were dating and engaged, unbeknownst to me
Having naked pictures of ow1 on your cell phone that I found two weeks before we married and you lying saying your friend took them
Marrying me even though you did not really want to be married as you told me two weeks prior that you did not want to get married then said you did and it was only cold feet.
Inviting married ow1 to the wedding even though I said I was not comfortable with her being there, even though she did not come, it was hurtful.
Yelling at me the day after our wedding until I cried, then got mad at me for being upset. This was when I asked you who you were talking to on the phone that you had to go out onto the road to take the call. You told me it was none of my business who you talked to or when. It was ow1…
Taking pictures of ow1 and having them on your phone for me to find two weeks after we married
Drinking in order to be around me for the first 6 months of our marriage and grieving your relationship with ow1 in front of me for three weeks.
Going to marriage therapy with me, pretending you wanted to work on our relationship while resuming your affair with ow1
Making inappropriate negative comments about my body throughout our marriage even though you were obese and I always stayed respectful, loving and physically attracted to you.
Telling me while we were dating that you ironed all your clothes and asked me to help you do your laundry of about 30 garbage bags, then told me years later that you said that as a test to see how much I was willing to do for you.
Taking care of everyone else’s needs before mine most of the time. Including every house I lived in with you that needed work.
Saying you could not stand tears, walking away from me anytime I cried (which was not often) and telling me to stop crying. Yet you comforted other women by holding them while they cried and being their hero.
Telling me that ow1 and your ex could meet your needs and that you could hit their target, but you could not make me happy or hit mine.
Your relationship/affair with married ow2 who I thought was a friend of mine that you continued until you moved up here, yet denied it until after we divorced. Even though she sent you multiple emails saying she hated you, that she hoped you would not do to another woman what you did to her etc.
Talking about my hysterectomy and your sexual needs to ow2 and telling me that her husband told you she was a nympho after her surgery….when actually she told you that.
Telling me two days before my surgery that you were unable to come and be with me as you promised, then not seeing me for 6 months after that.
Giving me spanx to wear to your son’s wedding, that you admitted came from ow2. (I did not wear them).
Embarrassing me at son’s wedding by going off to “work” right before the rehearsal dinner and leaving me to cope with the dinner on my own for about an hour with your ex, her family, and your family. Then when you asked me if I was okay, I whispered that I was embarrassed, you then stood in the food line, refused to talk to me, acknowledge me or sit with me. On the way home you said I ruined you son’s wedding. Also that you did not like the pretty spring like dress I chose and berated me about it, I then chose another dress that after looking at the pictures, was not becoming on me at all.
Telling me how I can get a better butt by doing the exercises that ow1 did to make her butt look good.
Refusing to tell me what your financial status was before we married, then finding out you owed a lot.
Becoming angry with me and yelling when I sent you a sweet card to your office telling you I loved you..I never sent another one.
Never ending your relationship with ow1.
Not telling me that you wanted out of the marriage before we sent in the paperwork for permanent residency.
The incident that happened in Memphis that sent me into a bad flashback and had me screaming causing the hotel front desk clerk to call and ask if I was okay. Then you joking about it years later and asking to do that act again….
The online inappropriate sexual conversation you had via fb chat with the woman who lived across the street from your parents. ow3
The Farm – for saying you agreed with purchasing it, that you wanted to work the land and live there, then berating me and blaming me for buying it. For only spending a total of two months there out of two years, then becoming angry because I said I needed to move to town because of my health.
Telling ow1 that I had health issues and that I heard you on the phone with her asking if my eyes were yellow when I had mono.
Embarrassing me in front of your parents by being negative, cold and saying hurtful things when they drove 2000 miles to the farm.
Threatening to throw me out of the car on the highway when I passed gas on our way south. (when you did this whenever and wherever you chose).
Saying I was a jealous person and that I needed to accept your relationship with ow1
Lying to me about where you were, who you were with and what you were doing for years.
Telling me you would attend events with me, then at the last minute changing your mind – my son’s high school graduation, weddings, funerals, dinners, gala events, camping, movies, walks, watching games, going to family events etc. yet expecting me to not have or express any feelings about it when it happened.
Bringing your dog up here, then leaving me with it for several months, even though it had attacked me down there and I was scared of it. You minimized the fact he bit me and my fears. The dog then attacked you one year later and had to be put down.
Asking me for a divorce five times in 9 years and then stating you did not want a divorce and pretending everything was okay (for awhile)
Lying to me about your relationship with ow4 for two years
Humiliating me in my own community with CFA as you met for dinner, lunches, coffee, volunteering, babysitting, family dinners, buying gifts, fixing her house, using my vehicle when I had surgery to pick her up, lying about the physical aspect of your relationship. Telling me that she was not a threat to our marriage, saying you would handle your attraction to her.
Telling me that I would love her daughter and you wanted to babysit at our house. Which I said would happen over my dead body.
Not being available when I called you the day I found out about the tumour. You said you were at ow4's house and couldn’t leave.
Crying when I told you 3 hrs later when you finally came home that I had a tumour. I could tell you were not crying for me or us.
Telling me that you wanted a divorce 5 days after I found out I had a tumour on our way to spend Christmas with your family.
Deciding you did not want a divorce and saying you wanted to work on the marriage, when you clearly did not
Saying you wanted a date night, then when I called you to have lunch you said “what new fresh hell is this” to not only me but your boss and coworkers.
Putting my niece in the middle of your cheating mess when she helped you to get the job in the first place.
The money you spent on ow4 and her daughter over the time we were married.
All the times you said you had to go to Home Depot – when you actually went to see ow4
Telling everyone you came in contact with that your wife was sick and might die, then acting like you were a hero by using some vacation time to help me after the surgery….when you yelled at me that you “wasted your vacation helping me”. Not fully true as you used at least a few days helping ow4’s parents redo their bathroom when you told me you were working..
Telling your co-workers and anyone who would listen that I was an abusive wife, then lying and saying you did not say it
Butt dialing me so I decided to listen to your 3 hr date with ow4, her daughter and family. Then telling me that you broke up with her…and then having nothing to say when I told you I heard you, and you telling me I should have hung up.
Turning everything into a sexual touch when I asked for your help while recovering from surgery. Safe hugs or cuddling did not happen.
Telling your family untruths about where you were staying and that I did not want to work on the marriage…including those in the community..when you were clearly having an affair with ow4
Me having to front the phone calls from people in the community who saw you out with ow4 and child as a family
The text messages from and to married ow5 about having sex with you in certain positions while you both were at a worksite, you lying and saying nothing happened with ow5 and that it was "just raunchy talk".
Abandoning me when I needed you most
I forgive you in order to let you go
