SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Bigger has given you great advice. Closure to me is the most important goal . Since you guys were only married for 2 years she doesnt have much leverage imo. Spousal support is generally done in most states for 1/3 of the marriage and assets are only figured for the time you were married. Your offer is a good one really , sounds like she would agree to that because shes chomping at the bit to move.

Take advantage of that .A speedy uncontested divorce with her getting just the car and no legal fees on her end . Contested divorces can be quite costly .

[This message edited by 1survivor at 5:15 AM, November 16th (Friday)]

It sounds like you have the opportunity for her to get the car, refinance it, and you keep your other assets. I would get a divorce and property settlement to her immediately.

Have you attorney get it done ASAP.

Seize this moment.

Get her signature. Do not drag it out.

Cars are like washing machines unless it is a classic, very elite, or is an heirloom.

Do not wait. Push this through.

Falc, is that short for falcon? I like to think of it that way. I liked your words to another BS recently. You've got a good heart.

It's short for Captain Falco from Starfox. Unforunately, in California, we can't offer a settlement until the signed documents are received from her including the declaration of assets and the income sheet. I kind of want it to take a little longer than when she planned to fly out here, to be honest.

I found a box of love letters she wrote me over the years while I was looking for the title to my old car. I promptly threw them away. She has not suffered at all in this. There have been no consequences for her. I have paid for all expenses the past two months, I am absolving her of all debt and she gets the new car. I want her to feel even 1/100th of the pain she has caused me. She has ruined me emotionally and financially. I will forever have trust issues. I will never be the same and it will take me years to get back to a normal spot. I want her to feel some pain, I want her to be fucked out of coming out here when she planned.

Don't I get something out of this that I want? I didn't want any of this, including the divorce. I don't want to be alone. I don't want to hurt every godamn day I wake up. She got her cake, she still gets OM. She still gets to believe her stupid narrative that she's framing and re-writing the history of our marriage. Where is her pain??!

[This message edited by Falc at 9:02 AM, November 16th (Friday)]

You get a better life. It may not feel like it now, it may never "feel" like it suddenly, but in a few years when you reflect you'll realize it had crept up on you slowly over time as you worked on yourself.

She was served today. I was reading some of my thread. The advice and support on pages 25-29 was just so heart felt and true. I know I haven't been easy to give advice to, but thank you for everyone posting constantly. This thread is huge. Just shows how much you all care, this is a club. The worst kind of club but there is a special mutuality here. Today is the first day of the rest of my life. No matter how much it hurts, no matter how much I miss her, I have learned that I need to move out of infidelity. I feel like absolute shit and I am terrified for the future. But one things for sure, I won't be living with a cheater.

Keep us posted my friend.

Falc what do you get out of this?

An opportunity to live an authentic life. Years from now when you look back on your life you'll be proud of yourself for how you did what had to be done despite how much it sucked and how much pain it caused you.

Of course this HURTS.

You've been blindsided by someone you never thought would stick a knife in your back. If you knew she was capable of doing this you never would have married her in the first place.

Better to be alone than to be in a relationship that's fake with NO trust, NO honesty, and NO faithfulness.

Trust me on this Falc the further you get away from this (through time) the pain will gradually subside and you'll be SO grateful to be walking down a new path in life (whether that is alone or in a new relationship).

Every single time you start missing her instead of thinking about the good memories remind yourself of all the shit she put you through. In fact make a list to remind yourself.

Keep up the NC as talking to her is just pain shopping.

Today is the first day of the rest of my life. No matter how much it hurts, no matter how much I miss her, I have learned that I need to move out of infidelity. I feel like absolute shit and I am terrified for the future. But one things for sure, I won't be living with a cheater.

Love this.

One day at a time. Get the divorce done as quickly as you can so you can move out of infidelity. The best revenge is living a good life. Since she is exclusively focused on money this will be easy for you to do once you dig yourself out of the hole she put you in. You will continue to prosper and meet far better people.

Speaking of Karma. It might seem like her life is great and she left you with all the bad but...I don't see hers ever improving, I only see it going down hill.

She will eventually learn that the dregs of the internet(people that will pay to watch her and interact with her online) are not the same caliber of guy you are. She is living at her folks house under their rules (at 25). All of her money is going to be going to the car, the internet, insurance, new computer items... so she will be stuck at that house for a long time. She might be happy now because she is getting all of these ego kibbles from strangers, and her family feels sorry for her but... that's not going to be the case in a year.

Work on those codependancy issues your next relationship is going to be so much better than this one was and you are going to realize how broken your WW was.

She indicated to my lawyer that she needed the car to move so she's moving out of Dad's house soon. But everything else you said is correct. And I shouldn't care about her or where she's moving or her life. I still find that I do, but it will fade in time.

Now I have graduated to blaming myself because I waited so long to take action and file for D. Blaming myself because I sat on it for so long, that is why my marriage wasn't saved. I can't stand this. The rollercoaster is too much, I'm just overwhelmed. I can't get past the mourning period. I know she's gone, she's never coming back. The marriage is dead. But my thoughts just swing back to blaming myself and how weak I was. I find myself thinking about her more after I filed than before. My dreams are awful. I am in such depression because I didn't want this, I still had to do it. It's what she wanted but I just know she's making it seem like I'm the asshole. I'm the evil one. I know I can't control what she does, I know I need to let it go. My mind just won't let me.

She seems to be an expert at blame shifting, and you have fallen into the habit of letting her.

It's not your fault. Write that on you bathroom mirror so you see it every single day. You are not the first guy to fall for a cheating woman, and you won't be the last. Just consider it a life lesson you learned the hard way. We have all been there, believe me. I never felt it was my fault, but I did feel like I was an idiot for not seeing it coming.

[This message edited by twisted at 11:50 AM, November 19th (Monday)]

Now I have graduated to blaming myself because I waited so long to take action and file for D. Blaming myself because I sat on it for so long, that is why my marriage wasn't saved.

I don't think it would have made any difference in this case. You WW is living in some virtual fantasy land ... and I don't think anything would have knocked her out of it. If you had moved quicker you would have been lamenting ... if I'd just given her more time... You did what you had to do for yourself and the marriage.

Did she get the papers yet? Has she signed them or tried to contact you about them?

One day at a time Falc.

We have all been there.

You will get thru this.

Don't blame yourself for someone else's decisions.

Did she get the papers yet? Has she signed them or tried to contact you about them?

Aside from the string of angry texts last Wednesday after the call with the lawyer, nothing. She was served on Friday. My lawyer included a cease and desist all direct communication with me statement in the preliminary letter. They also included a statement that strongly urged her to re-consider her travel plans since asset transfer is frozen. My lawyer is giving her a call today to advise on the status of the papers she was served.

So the shit has hit the proverbial fan. Not to make light of the situation, but thing s are about to get crazy.

Good luck, Falc

Yes. I don't expect much since she can't afford a lawyer but maybe she will convince her family to cobble together some funds. I think that she might still come out and make an attempt to get the car even though it's against the law. I don't know right now. My lawyer said it was okay to change the locks, so I have a locksmith coming tomorrow to re-key my house just in case. I might put the car someplace that she can't access next week and drive my other car. I expect immaturity but honestly, I think she will adhere to the cease and desist communication statement.

But yes, the shit is about to hit the fan. It's go time. Doesn't really help me when I think about it that way. It's sad that I still want her back, I still love her. Thank god for IC.

It's sad that I still want her back, I still love her.

It's not sad you loved your wife.

What's sad is she didn't love you.

The sooner you accept that fact the faster you will heal.

Be real careful in your next relationship on who you pick. You can't just go by looks. I am absolutely certain even without ever have meeting your WW that she gave you plenty of red flags before you married and you chose to ignore them.

[This message edited by Gutpunch at 4:08 PM, November 19th (Monday)]

Falc, sorry your pining over the thought of the wife you thought you had. You actual STBXWW is a lazy manipulative person that tries to excel in blameshifting and stonewalling for her bad decisions. She left when things were difficult. Blamed you. Set grounds for maybe getting back, balked on them and blamed you. She could of filed when she first left. Thats her problem now. You were lead on and you wanted to follow your heart. She can now reap what she has sown. Boo hoo for her that she what's to move now. Not your monkey, not your circus. You are concerned about your recovery from infidelity, not her wanting to follow a pipe dream. Continue with your IC, keep your self busy as much as possible. The dark times are not as dark as you think, your working your way out of infidelity. You will come out of this torture a stronger person who knows what he values in life. Keep pushing forward my friend.

I think it's ok to love someone yet be discouraged that they failed you. I don't know why people give up when someone good is right there holding out their hand. Chasing after fantasies seems more fun. That never lasts.

It makes you wonder if they were always that person. I don't think so. I don't know how I could have missed it. I think it just got worse and worse over time. I used to think maybe I didn't try enough. Then I went back and looked through old journals and I was trying for a long time. It's been like hanging on to a rope while a ship slowly drifts away into the ocean. There is nothing we could have done. I feel like I tried everything. A person that wants freedom will have it.

It's too exhausting and discouraging trying to get someone to care. She's not getting through this easy. Sure it may look like it now but the future is a funny thing.

I had some odd dreams too recently. But that is the reality, that I feel these strong emotions. I am alone with no help and things feel out of control. Life feels frustrating and I feel sad and angry sometimes frustrated at myself for not doing differently.

Well, ok we are all people. We're not all seeing. We do the best we can. I do know this...I'm not going to stop trying.