SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I'm with Steven with a slight modification:

"I’m having the divorce papers drawn up. Enjoy your weekend with Bob. By the way, his wife knows too. I’m not interested in a life with a cheater.

No need to respond. I’m not interested."

(screw wishing her well)

I am against any correspondence. Period. Just get on with your life. You owe her nothing.

Short M, no kids, obvious cheating…ghost her and have her served at work asap.

[This message edited by OrdinaryDude at 4:43 AM, Sunday, February 13th]

I'm sorry that she has done this to you.

It's good that you have that final certainty. When I discovered evidence of my FWW's A I told myself that it must have just been a fantasy that she was playing out online with this creep. It couldn't be real. She would never, ever do something like that. She was away on one of her trips for her side business at the time. And I wondered if I went over there if his car would be there. But I convinced myself that wasn't possible. So of course she lied that it was only an EA when I confronted her and I believed it.

My FWW did admit that it was a PA a week later in MC. But I often wonder if I had gone there and had the shock of discovering for certain that it was a PA on Dday #1, how things would have been different. Would that have given me the strength to stand up for myself and not accept the blame that I carried for many years after?

Of course your WW will still lie to you about her car. She'll tell you how horrible you are for not believing whatever lie she comes up with.

I would go over to the ex's or somehow otherwise confirm that she's not there and hasn't been there. She'll say that she was going to stay but she got called in and had to do some bullshit overnight thing that people in her hotel job supposedly have to do sometimes. His car? She'll say her AP dropped his car off earlier and went to where ever he's lying about being.

When you ask why she didn't didn't say her plans had changed when you asked for the picture of her and the boys she'll say she misunderstood your message. She'll say she called and left a voice mail or texted, didn't you get it?

Maybe none of that matters if you are firmly set in your decision and confident that you are immune to whatever lies and blame she tries to come back with.

Take care of yourself. Maintain the high ground and don't let your anger get the best of you.

Brother,
Eventually you will have to talk about this and will have to confront your STBX WW.
You could do it in many ways, sarcastically by sending snippets of the Word document every hour on the hour.
Or go To the hotel and contact their room and have her meet you in the foyer and hand over the printed document.
Even avoiding the confrontation and just pack your things and ghost her until you can serve her the D papers. But at the end of the day you will need to act in some way.
You have sort legal advice so that has provided you with a basis of knowledge.
Please get the std checks. This isn’t his or her’s first rodeo.
Strength to you in your time of need.
One day at a time

I would say something like

"I know you have been cheating with ... and I am divorcing you. Do you want to tell me the truth about your affair or do you want to continue to disrespect me and lie to me as you have done for most of the marriage?"

If she doesn't say anything just say

"It doesn't really matter anyway. You should find alternative accomodation for yourself amd your children immediately. You will be hearing very shortly from my lawyer".

If she won't leave your house you could threaten to expose them to HR and friends/family. It might be enough to push her out the door then you can really start to heal.

It is good to have a game plan that doesn't depend on her honesty. Set your own agenda and don't get sucked into her vortex of BS.

[This message edited by Smillie at 6:51 AM, Sunday, February 13th]

You handled the situation very well. Now for the next part, I think confrontation is unnecessary if you feel done with her. Just tell/text her, you are filing for divorce. You don't have to tell her the "why". Let her find the "why". And if you confront, keep the audio recording ON in your mobile phone. If you are not sure whether your physical intimacy overlapped with POS, get STD tested. Keep up your contact with the POS's wife as it might be benificial to help out another betrayed spouse.

Def keep in contact with AP BS. You can send her any incriminating messages. Might help her out if she goes for a divorce.

I would tell the ex husband what happened. That way he can just keep the kids. You can bring them their things later. Truth is you are not going to have them in your life after this.

Also he can tell them why they won’t be living at home anymore. Better than her telling most likely.

You need to text her that you know immediately. Ruin her vacation. Tell her to stay where she is and you will drop off her and the kids stuff to her ex’s house. Don’t wait till Valentine’s Day.

Disappear if you need to. Confrontation won’t really help you much here. Short marriage the kids are not yours. It’s best to move on. You will never trust her again and she does not really love you.

I’m so sorry this is happening to you.

First order of business talk to a lawyer.

Second, get checked for STDs.

You sound determined and confident on what you need to do. Keep your chin up.

She might tear into you with all sorts of crap how it's your fault, or you didn't step up as a husband. She starts in on that, tell her to fuck off.

The boss telling his wife he was parking his car at the hotel before travelling to the airport is very slick. This might not be his first rodeo. I also keep wondering if he billed the hotel to the company.

Anyway, you should focus on your wife right now. She hasn't given the marraige a proper go as it appears she started cheating almost straight away. It is quite pathetic really. I question her motives for getting married to you, I am guessing comfort and security. She is a user.

[This message edited by Smillie at 9:26 AM, Sunday, February 13th]

Serve and ghost. Best way to deal with a narcissist.

Looks like you are hesitating to confront and mentally vulnerable. So when you confront do not make it kind of all over the place. Keep your head up and keep your calm. Do not show any emotions. She is doing this kind of openly so I think she will not get emotionally affected and I feel this looks like an exit affair. So be ready to face that possibility where she would not be overly affected by the confrontation

T/j I am a broken record. WHY does he need to confront? What is the point? She is actively cheating and lying through her teeth. All he will get are more lies or a horrible "I don’t love you anymore." Those are terrible things to process and will not change anything.

Please put yourself in the driver’s seat, back out of the driveway and head for freedom. Once gone do not look in your review mirror. A better life is straight ahead.

Take care.

No need to confront.

Have her served,at her job.

Keep a var on you,at all times.

Thanks all for your kind and helpful responses.

I have never felt this level of emotional paralysis before. It was an achievement, this morning, just to get out of bed, make coffee, and feed my dog.

I have never felt an emptiness like this before.

It was an achievement, this morning, just to get out of bed, make coffee, and feed my dog.

Hey you did great!!!! One step at a time. Sometimes that means one minute, one hour at a time.

You are doing amazing.

Keep posting.

I also second the idea of keeping a VAR on you. This helps prevent any accusations of domestic violence.

I agree with DragnHeart! You are doing amazing. Focus on you. Down a protein shake. Get out for a walk. Put one foot in front of the other. You are stronger than you imagine. Good luck.

Yes we are on the outside looking in you on the other hand are there face to face. We suggest things and words, only you know how your STBX will respond.
Just a thought when you ask here to move out. Tell her you have spoken to the other BS and she says you can’t go their.
One day at a time.

I also agree with the "don't confront" suggestions. She will deny the affair and possibly cast you as crazy and delusional for thinking so. Confronting has no upside IMO.

You are doing great. You got out of bed! I remember when that was a huge achievement for me after Dday#1. It will get better, even if it seems like a million miles away. You will find peace again.

[This message edited by Justsomeguy at 6:39 AM, Tuesday, February 15th]