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Newest Member: davids3511

Just Found Out :
Honey, they always affair down

This Topic is Archived

eyesnowopen ( member #28406) posted at 3:12 PM on Monday, May 24th, 2010

I read this about three am, can't believe I have missed this one till now. But anyway, it is so true! He even admits she is emotionally scared, immature and psycho, along with low self esteem plus she's not very attractive due to a scar on her face and glass coming out of her forehead (from a car accident where the loser she was with at the time left her there after he wrecked her car) so other than her being a lot skinnier than me, she sounds like a real winner, huh? i love it, love every single bad detail about her lol

Me: selfish witch who didn't want three people in our marriage
Him: FT who thought he could have both of us and the OC too

Divorced..drama free...movin on!

posts: 328   ·   registered: Apr. 30th, 2010
id 4600629

jessicasremorse ( new member #28558) posted at 7:24 PM on Monday, May 24th, 2010

Amen, sister.

posts: 2   ·   registered: May. 20th, 2010   ·   location: alaska
id 4601204

Lalagirl ( member #14576) posted at 9:30 PM on Monday, May 24th, 2010

Wow - I can't believe I missed this one till now either eyesnowopen!

And boy is it true. Scarily true. Both FOW were broken, needy, insecure, broken-homers. Alcoholics. FWH was bound and determined to "fix" them - as his ego was in the pits.

Great post!



Me-56 FWH-58 Married 38 years 9/2/2021 grown daughters-38&34 12yo GS,9yo GD & 7yo.GD (DD38) and 10yo GD & 5yo GD(DD34). D-day #1-1/06; D-day #2-3/07 Reconciled! Construction Complete. Astra inclinant, sed non obligant

posts: 8877   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2007
id 4601468

Star727 ( member #22026) posted at 9:45 PM on Monday, May 24th, 2010

Since I personally know OW cause she's a coworker, I know I'm the exact opposite of her and thats okay. I would rather it be with someone opposite cause this woman is not a very nice one. She looks good on the outside with a couple of things wrong: she wears skanky clothes to her office job. they are short, loud multi-colored with matching shoes. She's a bit on the shapely side so the men like watching her walk away but they are always joking about how they want to "hit that". With me, we are great friends and I have quality conversations with the guys.

I think he chose her as an ego boost to show the "fellas" at the work "hey man, I'm hitting that".

So, I'm glad she and I are not a like. She has reputation, I don't.

Me 55, H 60, Married 25 yrs
2 Kids, 19 & 24
H had long term EA with coworker.

"It ain't about love anymore."

posts: 765   ·   registered: Dec. 12th, 2008
id 4601519

Cee64D ( member #21836) posted at 9:50 PM on Wednesday, May 26th, 2010


The hardest part of forgiveness is accepting it from others...
Me BH 44
Clarrissa FWW 44
D-Day 04 Oct, 2008

posts: 2740   ·   registered: Nov. 30th, 2008   ·   location: Ohio
id 4605464

Edie ( member #26133) posted at 9:16 PM on Monday, May 31st, 2010


Maybe a long walk in the Hindu Kush would do it?
BW (me) 52
FWS 55
Together 29 years; 2 kids 15 & 12
Dday Dec 08 (confessed) R'd.

posts: 6398   ·   registered: Nov. 9th, 2009   ·   location: Europe
id 4613252

notasaint ( member #28465) posted at 4:02 PM on Tuesday, June 1st, 2010

Glad I saw this today! I've been feeling really fat and ugly the last couple of days. I've never seen OW (prefer to keep it that way) but WH tells me she comes nowhere close to me physically nor personality wise.

She knew about me yet chose to be a sloppy second and knew she'd destroy a relationship in the process. She's a serial OW which makes sense because why would any GOOD man want someone like that?

I will continue to do my hair, put on my makeup and jewelry, spritz on some perfume and be the woman I know I am even if I feel broken inside.

Me - BW 36
Him - FWH 38 SLA (newlywednupset)
M < 1 year
D-days 8/2009 and 4/2010 TT to 10/2010
3 OW over the course of 2 years, all older, one married.
* My husband was in an open relationship from day one, he just failed to tell ME this.*

posts: 1048   ·   registered: May. 6th, 2010   ·   location: FL
id 4614487

afraidshesgone ( member #28625) posted at 4:17 PM on Tuesday, June 1st, 2010

thanks for finding this and bringing it back around... My wounds are still fresh and i needed a pick me up. I saved it to my journal with an entry title 'read me and remember'

Me, BW, old enough
D-Day dates.. tired of 'em Let's just say it happened, I'm over it and have moved on.....very happy

Despite my screen name, I am very much a woman and hell yeah I wish I could change that name to gladshesgone

posts: 1765   ·   registered: May. 28th, 2010   ·   location: The Land of Guilder
id 4614531

 deathbybetrayal (original poster member #22478) posted at 3:25 AM on Wednesday, June 2nd, 2010

Hope you all are doing a little better today.


Married 10 years at DDay
Me: 53 Him: 52 - Desperately trying to unfuck the donkey.
DDay: July 16, 2008
FWH Epiphany: Aug.23, 2008 NC: Aug. 28, 2008

posts: 5624   ·   registered: Jan. 16th, 2009
id 4616060

Edie ( member #26133) posted at 1:05 PM on Friday, June 4th, 2010

Bumped for new members.

(and to make sure it doesn't fall off the edge of page 25)

Maybe a long walk in the Hindu Kush would do it?
BW (me) 52
FWS 55
Together 29 years; 2 kids 15 & 12
Dday Dec 08 (confessed) R'd.

posts: 6398   ·   registered: Nov. 9th, 2009   ·   location: Europe
id 4620736

romanticidiot ( member #28655) posted at 4:03 PM on Friday, June 4th, 2010

BH here saying that this thread is not helping me. Don't like to think of my WW as the "trade down" for OMM. Doesn't do much for my self-confidence.

"When you're going through Hell, keep going." -Churchill

posts: 720   ·   registered: May. 31st, 2010
id 4621096

tuscandreamer ( member #17406) posted at 7:16 PM on Friday, June 4th, 2010


I can understand where you are coming from. It actually really angers me that my H did affair down. He risked everything for someone who isn't worth it, at least IMHO.

BS 52
WH 49
Dday #1 6/20/07, Dday #2 (different OW) 5/16/09
3 DDs (19, 14, 12)

posts: 482   ·   registered: Dec. 15th, 2007   ·   location: Canada
id 4621546

Hurtwife/mom ( member #28123) posted at 8:05 PM on Friday, June 4th, 2010

Mine affaired down and It was a huge hit to my self esteem as I though maybe I was worse thank I thought. I realize now that is not the case.

Married- 12 yrs
Together- 13 yrs
D-Day's- multiple over 11yrs
Son- 11yr
Son- 8yr
Daughter- 7yr
Daughter- 4yr
Me- 34yr
He- 35yr
Why did this Happen?

posts: 153   ·   registered: Apr. 2nd, 2010   ·   location: not my home anymore
id 4621648

annb ( member #22386) posted at 8:39 PM on Friday, June 4th, 2010

death, I had to come back to this today....your words speak volumes to so many of us. :)

posts: 11611   ·   registered: Jan. 10th, 2009   ·   location: Northeast
id 4621737

luvlys ( member #28713) posted at 3:37 AM on Saturday, June 5th, 2010

Glad to read this post. made me smile through the tears today

struggling with reconcilation

posts: 63   ·   registered: Jun. 5th, 2010   ·   location: luvlys
id 4622415

MoreBluetiful ( new member #28714) posted at 3:58 AM on Saturday, June 5th, 2010

But what about people whose H had an EA? It wasn't about sex. And in my case he didn't come back for me. He chose her. Told me he settled for me when we got married less than a year ago (after dating 5 years), and that now he knows he can do better. It just seems like none of these "uplifting" things apply to my situation at all.

posts: 23   ·   registered: Jun. 5th, 2010   ·   location: Indianapolis, IN
id 4622458

luvedmypbear ( member #25690) posted at 4:08 AM on Saturday, June 5th, 2010


While I believe in the concept that the AP is always a step down because they compromise morals to get involved with a married person, I agree that it is difficult to think of my WS as a step down. But, the MOW's BH must think so, if he thinks about my WH at all.

Honestly if you put MOW and I next to each other and WH and MOW's BH next to each other, there's good and bad to all 4 of us. No winners in the game of infidelity IMHO.


Your WH is speaking in Fog-speak, do not buy in to it. You are not less than and AP. You did not betray your marriage vows. Stand tall. Be proud.

Thanks again to DBB for helping us put some of this into perspective. I know when DD was fresh in my life last July, I compared everything about me to MOW, as I had known her for over 1o years. I was baffled.

She was not better than me, yet my WH was willing to throw our M for a short lived PA with her.

Turns out it wasn't about her or me, only WH. His issues, his stuff.

D-Day #1 July 14, 2009
D-Day #2 September 9, 2022

posts: 1074   ·   registered: Oct. 1st, 2009
id 4622480

Broken10 ( member #27949) posted at 12:46 PM on Saturday, June 5th, 2010

Thank you so much, I just read this for the first time today, and I really needed it.

BW- 30s
WH- 30s

posts: 115   ·   registered: Mar. 16th, 2010
id 4622777

freedomtochoose ( member #28435) posted at 8:31 AM on Sunday, June 6th, 2010


I'm like you I tossed him out tring to wake him up but he went straight to her. But the sad thing is he is broken as well as her. He was so hooked up on what made he feel good even though it was based on lies and deciet. He was blinded to what he has lost. Mine too said rubbish about settling but they would say anything to make their actions justified it is easier to start something new that stay a put in the hard yards to make a relationship work. They took the easy road but they have not learned anything just avoided a difficut situuation. Their next relationship will suffer the same issues at some time - trust ones in particular. We however will use this experience to grow and become stronger more beautiful people inside where it counts and our future relationships will be founded on honesty and trust.

I have learnt through this whole painfully ugly mess to not take anything the WS says personally he is speaking through his arse.

posts: 96   ·   registered: May. 4th, 2010   ·   location: Australia
id 4623906

TICKED OFF ( member #8291) posted at 9:22 AM on Sunday, June 6th, 2010

Boy isn't that the truth or at least in most of the cases I know of where an a took place.

H's whore was (still is) about 4'10, 140lbs, long black frizzy hair, uneducated, speaks with a heavy accent and looks like she is storing nuts in her cheeks for the winter.

I am completely the opposite.....attractive, thin and in great shape, work out daily, run, walk, and am educated.

In h's case he really did affair down to the gutter with his neighborhood prize.

posts: 2809   ·   registered: Sep. 22nd, 2005
id 4623921
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