Newest Member: Chickenhawk

Just Found Out :
Before You Say Reconcile...

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norabird ( member #42092) posted at 9:12 PM on Wednesday, March 12th, 2014

bump

Sit. Feast on your life.

posts: 4324   ·   registered: Jan. 16th, 2014   ·   location: NYC
id 6720625
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Simple ( member #18814) posted at 9:43 PM on Thursday, March 13th, 2014

bump

Love is a choice.

True love is harder to come by than soul mates. True love requires work.

Ignorance can be cured with knowledge. There is no cure for being an idiot.

-October 3, 2007-

posts: 942   ·   registered: Mar. 25th, 2008
id 6722025
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yearsofpain25 ( member #42012) posted at 2:02 PM on Saturday, March 15th, 2014

Bump

"I remind myself of this. I am a survivor. I have taken all this world has dished out and am still here. So there is no reason to be afraid. Whatever happens, I will survive. So now onto living. It is time for me to thrive." - DrJekyll

posts: 4517   ·   registered: Jan. 11th, 2014   ·   location: Northeast US
id 6723911
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tushnurse ( member #21101) posted at 9:12 PM on Wednesday, March 19th, 2014

bump

Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 21 &23
Married for 28 years now, was 16 at the time.
D-Day Sept 26 2008
R'd in about 2 years. Old Vet now.

posts: 18985   ·   registered: Oct. 1st, 2008   ·   location: St. Louis
id 6728975
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tushnurse ( member #21101) posted at 2:20 AM on Tuesday, March 25th, 2014

Bump

Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 21 &23
Married for 28 years now, was 16 at the time.
D-Day Sept 26 2008
R'd in about 2 years. Old Vet now.

posts: 18985   ·   registered: Oct. 1st, 2008   ·   location: St. Louis
id 6734821
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justinpaintoday ( member #42858) posted at 2:28 AM on Tuesday, March 25th, 2014

Thanks for posting....my WW is a rugsweeper all the way. Have prayed and tried to nice my way to R but no go. I am now working the 180 (day 2) to heal me without her. If she joins the M later perhaps I will be better prepared to decide my fate.

I never realized you could be in this much pain and not be dying.

posts: 700   ·   registered: Mar. 22nd, 2014
id 6734837
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tushnurse ( member #21101) posted at 4:44 PM on Thursday, March 27th, 2014

bump

Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 21 &23
Married for 28 years now, was 16 at the time.
D-Day Sept 26 2008
R'd in about 2 years. Old Vet now.

posts: 18985   ·   registered: Oct. 1st, 2008   ·   location: St. Louis
id 6738130
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Simple ( member #18814) posted at 11:03 PM on Thursday, March 27th, 2014

bump

Love is a choice.

True love is harder to come by than soul mates. True love requires work.

Ignorance can be cured with knowledge. There is no cure for being an idiot.

-October 3, 2007-

posts: 942   ·   registered: Mar. 25th, 2008
id 6738654
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Simple ( member #18814) posted at 10:09 PM on Friday, March 28th, 2014

bump

Love is a choice.

True love is harder to come by than soul mates. True love requires work.

Ignorance can be cured with knowledge. There is no cure for being an idiot.

-October 3, 2007-

posts: 942   ·   registered: Mar. 25th, 2008
id 6739926
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jjct ( member #17484) posted at 3:53 PM on Sunday, March 30th, 2014

BUMP

posts: 7269   ·   registered: Dec. 24th, 2007   ·   location: texas
id 6741385
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tushnurse ( member #21101) posted at 6:32 PM on Thursday, April 3rd, 2014

bump

Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 21 &23
Married for 28 years now, was 16 at the time.
D-Day Sept 26 2008
R'd in about 2 years. Old Vet now.

posts: 18985   ·   registered: Oct. 1st, 2008   ·   location: St. Louis
id 6746606
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thisissogross ( member #30294) posted at 6:28 AM on Sunday, April 6th, 2014



i edit frequently because i have to

posts: 366   ·   registered: Dec. 3rd, 2010   ·   location: southern us
id 6749749
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tushnurse ( member #21101) posted at 2:32 PM on Wednesday, April 9th, 2014

Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 21 &23
Married for 28 years now, was 16 at the time.
D-Day Sept 26 2008
R'd in about 2 years. Old Vet now.

posts: 18985   ·   registered: Oct. 1st, 2008   ·   location: St. Louis
id 6753466
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Simple ( member #18814) posted at 12:26 AM on Saturday, April 12th, 2014

bump

Love is a choice.

True love is harder to come by than soul mates. True love requires work.

Ignorance can be cured with knowledge. There is no cure for being an idiot.

-October 3, 2007-

posts: 942   ·   registered: Mar. 25th, 2008
id 6756812
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kernel ( member #27035) posted at 8:27 PM on Sunday, April 13th, 2014

bump

"On particularly rough days when I'm sure I can't possibly endure, I like to remind myself that my track record for getting through bad days so far is 100% and that's pretty good."

posts: 5379   ·   registered: Jan. 3rd, 2010   ·   location: Midwest
id 6758068
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krispy47 ( member #42863) posted at 3:04 PM on Monday, April 14th, 2014

So far -- only 6 weeks out from DDay, I grant you -- my WH is doing every single thing on this list. He decided within 24 hrs of discovery that the A and all of the sick behaviors that preceded it were a colossal mistake. He's been remorseful, attentive and is eagerly seeking help for his behavior in a number of constructive ways, including IC, MC, independent reading and reading/posting here.

And yet I still feel like it isn't enough.

I feel so torn! These weeks of talking so honestly, making love so tenderly, and enjoying each other's company in ways we have not done for a decade make me wonder if a rebuilt, rearranged marriage might actually make me happier than I have ever been. At the same time, I still double over in agony every time I think about WH and his slut in my home, and about how cold and calculating his lies and betrayals were. How can this tender, loving man and that cruel, hateful POS be the same person. My head spins...

I've given myself until July 1 to make a final decision, but I'm going to feel badly if he has tried to hard and I still just can't bring myself to R. Comments or suggestions?

Me: 47 WH: 48
Married 22 years, 4 kids
DDay: 3/5/14, 7 yr LTA plus rising ONS body count
Status: currently riding the coaster from hell

posts: 107   ·   registered: Mar. 23rd, 2014   ·   location: Virginia
id 6758727
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annb ( member #22386) posted at 1:14 PM on Monday, April 21st, 2014

bump

posts: 11269   ·   registered: Jan. 10th, 2009   ·   location: Northeast
id 6767126
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plewpiter ( member #43034) posted at 3:35 AM on Wednesday, April 23rd, 2014

krispy47, all I can say is give it time. I'm one year out, and my WW has done very few things in the Remorse column, but yet there is progress. It may be at a glacial pace for me, unfortunately, and I'm getting very impatient. It's different for every situation, of course.

You have so much going for you in that he is doing the right things, and doing them immediately. After 6 weeks, I'm sure it is normal to still have those disgusting, double over in pain, lie crying on the floor moments. I speak from experience that the memory of the "original sins" fades. What doesn't fade is a WS that refuses to do the things necessary on his/her end to reconcile. Indifference is the absolute worst.

Me: 42
WS: 39
4.5 yr-old daughter
Married 5 years (Dec 2011)
D-Day April 2013
EA (maybe more) with her boss, who she had had a PA with before meeting me
Trying to Reconcile--not seeing true remorse, but plenty of selfish regret.

posts: 165   ·   registered: Apr. 7th, 2014
id 6769684
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jjct ( member #17484) posted at 8:42 PM on Friday, April 25th, 2014

bump

posts: 7269   ·   registered: Dec. 24th, 2007   ·   location: texas
id 6773891
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lilacs40 ( member #31314) posted at 3:10 AM on Wednesday, April 30th, 2014

Bump

posts: 634   ·   registered: Feb. 25th, 2011   ·   location: IL
id 6779574
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