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Even though your SD will be there this weekend, put a VAR under the bed. You never know she may talk to him while in bed or have him sneak in once the kids are asleep. Keep the GPS in the car for the weekend as well.

You don't need anymore proof and I agree keep the proof you have. Even though I am in a no fault state and filed for irreconciable differences, I did note in the divorce papers the reason for the differences. My Atty advised me to do that in case any future wife wanted to see why we couldn't reconcile.

Try and stay calm. You are doing a great job!

My step daughter is home for the weekend(12). So she will be watching our younger daughter(4) while she "goes out with her friends".

WTF?! Maybe its just me but I consider leaving a 12yr old home alone to watch a 4 yr old is irresponsible parenting.

(((goose-em)))

I am so sorry you have confirmed your worst fears, but you know now you are in the right place. Stay strong!

WTF?! Maybe its just me but I consider leaving a 12yr old home alone to watch a 4 yr old is irresponsible parenting

Why? My sister was babysitting at 12.

My daughter took a babysitting course and was babysitting at 12.

It depends on the kid, but I don't immediately see an issue here.

Well, not with the child care aspect anyway.

goose youve handled this situation very well, i cant imagine what you are going through

my only thing is that i, and everyone else here STRONGLY urges you to stay to catch them in the act, at the very least hire a private investigater while you are gone ... i know you dont want her to take away your ski trip but dude, you can ski whenever you want .. do you really want to risk all of this info on a few bunny slopes? i know divorce court is shitty at best, but it may help, as mentioned earlier with alimony or child custody etc. because a few text messages arent technically "solid" evidence, maybe set up a VAR or camera to prove she is not a good person

keep us updated

What more evidence do you think I need? Legally it doeant matter.

You think just for clousure? Or just to know for sure, so she can't spin it?

Yes, for closure.

....and you'll never be left wondering.

yes, so she cant bullshit her way for you to wait around days/weeks/months/years for a TT ... why go through that when you've already gone through so much?

and if you do catch her, show her the D papers right there, that will bring a complete shock to her system and will knock her off any fence sitting that would be if you just "eased" your way into DDay on her terms .. right now you have the ball in your court and MANY people would love to be in that position (not really, but in relativity of the situation, im sure you know what i mean) and show her you wont tolerate her shit, 180 and show her the papers (of course you dont have to go all the way through with it if you want to R, but to her she will no she fucked up)

Ok What is the advantage of actually being here, vs seeing the GPS data.

Maybe to catch them holding hands???? I mean she could always make up some excuse why she had to go to his house.

I already have the guys address so if they go back to his place...I will know what's up.

I don't see a huge advantage of staying here?????

Maybe if they go to a motel? But I have that address as well.

Go on your trip. There's no need to allow her to take something else from you. I completely disagree with the others...go on your trip...unless you don't think you would enjoy it knowing that they may be together.

Maybe...just maybe you don't want to know the truth in that manner! I know it would be very hard for me to be in your shoes. BUT truthfully, I agree with most and I would have to listen to these wise folks and use the opportunity to my advantage.

You hear so much about gaslighting and blameshifting, and TT...this is a good opportunity to possibly cut the BS and get right to the juggler so to speak. She won't be able to wiggle her way out of the plain facts if you "surprise" them.

All in all, it is your decision but I know I would have to stay home and get my hard core proof!

Good luck in your decision and keep up the good work so far. It is not a fun trip.

I think a little piece of me. doesn't want to know the truth in that matter. Do I really want that visual in my head for the rest of my life?? I already know this bitch is skewing around. Its just a matter of time before she messes up.

I met with the divorce attorney today..and I think I'm going to retain him. I want to have the papers ready.

I could just see..I stay here on Saturday all day...and mess around town...Wait ALL day until 10-11pm..at night...and for whatever reason she goes...HOME!!!!! Then I have to rent a room for the night..and can't come home until Sunday afternoon. And I'll be killing myself the whole time.

I'm going on the trip..and I'm going to catch her another night and draw up the papers.

My new bank account is opened.

I hate this woman....

I hate this woman....

No you don't. You're hurting and you hate what she's done. You're angry and sad. Go on the trip...enjoy yourself, don't do anything destructive, take care of yourself...you can deal with the rest when you get back.

Big hugs!!

Goose.

First of all. If you read some of my older posts you will see I’m what’s considered a hard-liner regarding infidelity and how to deal with active infidelity in a marriage. Many of the posters already offering you fantastic advice will attest to that. I feel I need to start with that intro because some of the things I’m going to say might sound contrary to that.

When I read through your story I see infidelity. I see all the signs, all the behaviors and all the red flags. BUT it’s all circumstantial. It’s all something that your wife CAN sow doubts in your mind about what’s going on, how serious it is and so on. Keep in mind I’m a former cop and I am used to evaluating evidence and discerning what’s indicative and what’s conclusive. So far I only see indicative in your case. But then – it’s about as indicative as a man wearing a stocking over his head and carrying a big sack of bills outside a bank recently robbed…

There’s a phrase I sometimes refer to:

“When you hear the beating of hooves you think horses – not zebra’s”

That’s where you are right now. You have all this indicating it’s an affair but there is always that slight chance it’s something else… and your wife WILL seize that doubt and use it to her advantage.

The level of proof you need totally depends on what you want to do. If you are committed to divorce then go ahead and file already. Don’t need any more. But the fact you haven’t indicates to me you need more. It indicates that when confronted your wife will be able to turn things around. That she will at most admit an inappropriate but “innocent” relationship with this man. And I fear that doubt will set in your mind.

No matter whether you reconcile or divorce then it’s my view that we need certainty and assurance. You need to be certain of your evidence and if your marriage is to have even the slightest chance of recovery then she can’t get away with ANY aspect of her infidelity.

So… Goose… get the direct evidence you need. You have enough evidence already to make this last part relatively simple. You know who the OM is, your WW supposed schedule, where OM lives and so on. You need to confront her with him, entering his house, holding hands with him, kissing him in public… doing SOMETHING that is completely irrefutable.

Either do it yourself, get a friend to shadow her on Saturday or retain a PI. With the pattern you have already established this is going to be relatively simple.

And Goose – I worry about your comments about the cost of a hotel room, the willingness to delay discovery and so on. This is not a situation that will simply go away or become easier to deal with later. Get it over with. IF you catch her this weekend then you confront.

IF you see her leave a bar with OM then you follow them home and confront when they park the car at his home (because if you confront in the car-park he’s “only driving me home”).

IF you see them holding hands in public you wait until they kiss, grope etc because “holding hands is innocent”.

IF OM is in the same bar as WW you wait. After all – he could simply be there by coincidence.

What you need to do is catch her in a situation where there is NO WAY WHATSOEVER for her to deny what’s going on.

Thanks Bigger...that is what I was trying to say!! LOL

bigger is spot on with this ...

you have a chance to cut through A LOT of bullshit that most couples go through when they find "proof" like texts and phone calls etc. that you already have, their only problem is that is all they know, and they pretty much show their source to the WS, when this happens, most likely, the only thing the WS is going to think is "oh shit, they caught me, i better tighten my ship before they REALLY catch me slipping" and they find other ways to sneak around .. its obvious she has no idea what you are up to, use it to your benefit, if you REALLY need to go on your ski trip, go ahead, but at the very least hire a PI, and file for D just in case, once you have concrete evidence (whether it be from you or a PI with documentation) thats when you confront her and say something to the lines of

"i know you are cheating on me, here are the divorce papers, i know EVERYTHING (even if you don't, say it) we can talk once you have the guts to confess EVERYTHING"

if she is truly sorry (you will be able to tell) then you 180 and try to R if you want

if she trys to give you TT or is bsing you saying you're paranoid blah blah, then kick her ass out and continue with the divorce b/c if someone is willing to cheat, get caught red handed and still has the nerve to pull a stunt like that, than you know they are not worth your time ... THAT is why everyone wants you to gather concrete evidence b/c with that you will be 20 steps ahead of where most people in your situation are

just remember this, she WILL try to run you through a loop if you dont have "concrete" evidence and will come up with the most ridiculous excuses for everything ("i paid for an STD check b/c my friend wanted one and had no cash" .. yes they WILL go that far)

knowledge is power, use it to your benefit

I agree with you guys 100%. I do want to catch her for sure. And I am stalling a little. I'm going to have a friend shadow her for the night.

I'm still going on my trip. And Hopefully my buddy can catch her. I'm giving him all the GPS information.

Thank you guys for keeping me in check. My buddy is all set up!!

Good for you....have fun on your trip!