SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Get a spy stick for that phone. 199.

Her friend might have picked her up and she left her car. She might be worried about being followed or her car being seen somewhere.

The VAR is a must. Girls tell their friends everything.

Hang in there, stay determined! I'm amazed at ur strength!

I already have the iphone spy stick. But I need 3-4 hours with her phone. That opportunity hasn't came up yet. I don't really like doing all this stuff. But I guess I have to,

If I can get 4 hours with her phone I can have all of the information I need. I may have to take it at night.

When I ran the software on my phone it was crazy all the information it pulled up.

Should I just grab it and leave..the house?? I've been thinking of ways to have that time with her phone and it's hard because she always has it. And it sleeps on her side of the bed.

I'm going to be patient and do this right and hopefully catch her.

No texts to him as of 10pm. I'm so confused.....I'm out of town this would be a perfect opportunity.

I was hoping to have some information this weekend and I have nothing so far. *sigh*

Hmmmm...

So random- but do we know who "he" is? I hate to even suggest it and bet Im wrong- but there's no way that "he" is out of town with you?

Maybe they're not texting because they're together.

Just one comment.

You say you are in 99percent denial.

No....you are on what we call a roller coaster...

Sometimes things are so painful you have to let the thoughts and reality in a little bit at a time..that's where you are, and how you are coping..

You know deep in your heart that she is being terribly dishonest...

Hang in there..

Keep us updated.

You may be out of town but this guy may also be playing her along, one of texts you found made it sound like he was teasing her by ignoring her or something like that.

He may be in a relationship and unavailable tonight. I thought you mentioned there were periods where they have not texted and that alot of their texting is during the day, so he may be unavailable during the evenings.

One of the whores that my H was screwing was married and when I would get suspicious they would lay off for weeks. You see this is really something "on the side" for them, adultery is an acceptable fucked up relationship. They are so impressed with their nastiness and deception that the cheating and withholding have their it's own special reward.

Sleeps with her phone by her bed, oh yeah... typical cheater move.

[This message edited by why2008 at 8:14 AM, February 27th (Sunday)]

Wow Goose…

OK – Be warned. This post is rough.

All these posts telling you so much more than there is ANY possibility for us to read into the situation. Once again – I know we are hearing hoof-beats and all our experience tells us to expect horses… but just maybe it’s a zebra.

Goose – I don’t get your intent. Are you intent on getting all the evidence you need to divorce her? Why? What do you need? You already have stated that infidelity does not factor in divorce. Anyway – if you need LEGAL evidence it has to be of LEGAL quality. Recording her conversations, tracking her with GPS, pilfering her phone… these can actually cause you legal problems if you try to use the info in a legal context.

Are you looking for info to convince you to divorce? Well what do you need? At the moment you have enough IMHO to confront BUT I can fully understand a need to be 100% certain.

This brings me to one issue that has been rotating in my mind: Why are you so easy about knowing your wife is probably doing someone else? We are each different but if I were in your shoes I wouldn’t be taking holidays and ski-breaks to have a good time knowing my wife was probably doing the double backed beast with someone else. I would be there getting the assurance and the proof I need. That is – unless I was OK with the marriage being over. But then – if that’s the case then simply file.

There is some contradiction in your posts… Is the affair a deal-breaker? Will you file no matter what? Or are you willing to give her a chance?

IMHO (well maybe not so humble…) then there are two things very clear:

1) you need 100% assurance that there is an affair going on

2) you fear confirmation and confrontation.

Goose: Imagine you wake up in the middle of the night and smell smoke. You are not sure… maybe its smoke. Maybe it’s from outside. Maybe it’s the neighbor’s fireside… But MAYBE it’s in your house. MAYBE it’s dangerous… What would you do?

I’m guessing you would get out of bed, take a walk around your premises and make sure there is no fire causing danger and damage.

Right now your marriage is blazing and you are curled up under the sheets trying to ignore the smoke, flames and sirens.

Goose – You are getting all sorts of CSI high tech suggestions. No need for that. You already have all you need for getting good, undeniable evidence:

You know your WW schedule. She (thinks) she knows yours. She does not know you know. You know where OM is. So catch them.

Some hints:

If you have the money hire a PI to follow her. It’s expensive BUT the biggest cost is when they are establishing a pattern. You already have that pattern and you have the ability to create an opportunity that she will use to see him. So a PI can do what he has to do in half a day or so and it will give you legal quality evidence.

If a PI isn’t available then do this yourself. Get a friend to help either by doing the following or by loaning you a car. Renting one for a day won’t bankrupt you. You can even do this “in reverse”. Start off at OM house and either wait for her to come or for OM to leave to meet her.

Goose – None of us are clear on our path after the suspicion of infidelity arises. Your doubts and fears are understandable and very typical. I know I’m being firm on you and demanding you take action and I know that’s hard. BUT I also believe that we veterans here on SI have an obligation to take newcomers and – if required – give them a drill-sergeant dressing down. Just to get you on track.

Well, I've been trying to take everyones advice and get some proof. I still don't have that. I have everything else. The gps didn't work this weekend.

1. I have no idea what I want right now or if I'll stay or go. It's really confusing.

I want to catch her 100%. but I haven't been taking huge risks yet.

Trust me I want this over will. I got 1 hour of sleep last night. But I want to have my ducks in a row in case she goes ape shit.

This whole situation is extremely difficult to manage. And like I said I'm not sure what I want yet. I thought I was gaining the upper hand by waiting for proof and preparing myself for if she wants a divorse. ???

Trust me I'm not an expert on this matter..and I can take your advice and maybe I do need a swift kick in the n%ts.

More-than-me, I do know who he is he works with my WW.

Good luck Goose 'em. Hang in there.

goose...

I do know who he is he works with my WW.

Is he married??

Do you intend to tell his wife about the affair???

keep us posted...

Bufffalo

He is not married...he is a 27 year old "model/player" piece of shit.

The sad part about this story (and others) is that your WW is most likely just one of many notches in this guys belt. This is just a cheap, easy roll in the sack for him with no investment. And she has rolled the dice and lost it all.

Leaves me shaking me head time and time again. Go ride a fucking rollercoster for God's sake if you're looking for thrills, but why destroy other peoples lives over an orgasm? I will never get it.

She could have a trac phone. I know how you feel I have lost 25 lbs can't eat, sleep, thirsty all the time, and at the chiropractor. Also had a bad Mamaogram and thought that bastard caused me to get cancer. Stress is a killer ... my goal is to outlive him.

"And like I said I'm not sure what I want yet. I thought I was gaining the upper hand by waiting for proof and preparing myself for if she wants a divorse"

dont worry about HER wanting a divorce, she is the one who is playing you, she is already telling you what she wants by doing something so devastating like cheating

for me, cheating is one of few deal breakers, it shows she doesnt want you, and if she does, she wants to share you or have you as guy #2 (or in some cases, #3, #4 etc.) the only reason for her to come home is not because of you, its because you are stable .. she obviously doesnt care about the kids (if she really did she wouldnt put the family at such high risk) she obviously doesnt respect you, and you obviously cant trust her, this is why cheating is a deal breaker for me (again, my opinion) ... if i were you, once i found 150% proof with out a shadow of a doubt that my spouce is cheating, i would give her the D papers right on the spot .. if she doesnt drop to her knees and beg me for forgiveness, than that means anything that comes out of her mouth isnt worth spit ... showing her the D papers will truly tell you whether or not she really wants to be with you by her reaction

Or they could IM. Chat thru Facebook. Skype...there's a million ways to communicate that aren't "cell phone bill traceable.

Goose.

People really don’t understand “divorce”. It’s not something you ask for. It’s something you do. If your wife wants to D she will whether you want to or not. Same with you. If you want to D you file. If you want a D and your wife refuses all that means is that the process will be slightly longer but it will still go on.

So don’t fear that she will “ask” for a divorce. She’s not having the affair because she wants a divorce. She’s having an affair because of the excitement, the “badass” attitude and the thrills. I am more or less willing to put money on her backtracking like crazy once exposed.

Just like I am willing to place money on her denying and refuting any weak evidence you might have.

IMHO you have two good options.

Simply believe the evidence you have right now and confront. This is not an Agatha Christie movie where you have to build up your case. You CAN simply tell her “I got a phone call and it confirms what I know: you are having an affair with OM”. Bluff her into confessing. Refuse to accept her refusals.

The other option is to do as I have suggested: She knows your schedule and you know hers. So when she expects you to be playing golf or at work and you know she has free time then monitor her. Don’t bother with CSI style high tech solutions. Simply use the old fashioned often proved methods of following her and seeing where she is going.

Goose – right now what you WANT isn’t so important. Right now discovering where you stand is important. Right now you need to know IF your marriage is in crisis, if there is an affair, if she wants him rather than you. Once you know where you stand you can finally decide what YOU want and what options are open for you.

goose...

Simply believe the evidence you have right now and confront. This is not an Agatha Christie movie where you have to build up your case. You CAN simply tell her “I got a phone call and it confirms what I know: you are having an affair with OM”. Bluff her into confessing. Refuse to accept her refusals.

I dont know how you keep doing all this, man.....ya know she's havin an affair... I dont know if youre tryin' to get 8X10 glossies or not...this has gotta be tuff on you...i dont think i could do what you are doing...

Me?...id confront....NOW!!! The sooner you do the lower the level of emotional attachment she's gonna have with her fuckbuddy....the quicker she figures shes just a notch on the college boys belt - the sooner she gets outta the fog - the sooner you can get yourself into R, based of her behavior (if thats an option - and YOU want to)...

Goose....shes gonna deny, justify, rewrite maritial history....hell, youre gonna think her cheatin' is your fault... (its not, bro...)..

When you finally get around to tellin' her you know - maybe give yourself a couple of months to decide what you are gonna do....base your decision partly on her actions ... you should expect total and true remorse...NC with frat boy...no secrets or lying...total transparency..and I'd verify everything - trust but verify...KWIM?

Bro....if she refuses to dump the college boy...well...no problem here if you "cut her loose"....and fast...3 in a marriage will not work.

Get ready for that old "ILYBINILWY" bullshit - they all say it...and its bullshit..fog takes over their thinking.

You'll hear that "we're soulmates" ....its bullshit too...(of course they are soulmates - otherwise shes a tramp)...

At this point in my FWWs affair - i didnt believe anything she said - and half of what i saw...Once that fog lifts, and they get that fencepost outta their ass....accept responsibility for their behavior and actions....R is possible...

Be firm....dont fall for the bullshit..dont negociate...draw that line in the dirt - like Travis at the Alamo...and be prepared to back it up. Hell, i was in a "im fixin to be single again mode for about 3 months"...i KNEW where i was headed...UGH!!

And remember ....sometimes divorce is the result of an affair.....for some its a dealbreaker (my SIL cheated on my daughter - she filed for divorce and never looked back), and its OK.

Your rodeo is just begining, bro....it aint an 8 second ride (rodeo joke)...it takes time...and alot of work.

keep us posted

Bufffalo

How do you avoid TT....without knowing for sure on the A? Can I bluff her into admitting it....just like above? Or is that why I need to know for sure?

Tell WW..that I know Everything...and don't share my sources.