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jb3199 ( member #27673) posted at 5:30 PM on Monday, February 28th, 2011
I am sorry, goose-em.
Even though the evidence pointed to an A, we were hoping for something else.
You have your irrefutable proof--now you can confront.
But PLEASE:
-Try to stay calm
-Don't reveal your sources
-Let her know you need time to decide if you EVEN WANT to stay in this M
-Protect your finances, but don't do anything rash
Take care of yourself.
I'm sorry again, brother.
[This message edited by jb3199 at 11:31 AM, February 28th (Monday)]
BH-50s
WW-50s
2 boys
Married over 30yrs.
All work and no play has just cost me my wife--Gary PuckettD-Day(s): EnoughAccepting that I can/may end this marriage 7/2/14
goose-em (original poster member #31286) posted at 5:50 PM on Monday, February 28th, 2011
Oh Wow...I just read he might be married......
His Shit is going to get wrecked. How do I find out who his wife is?????
DDday Feb 28/2011
BS(me) 33
WW 35
OM 30 PA
2 kids (age5)(SD12)
Filed for D 3-14-11
D on 7-26-11
goose-em (original poster member #31286) posted at 5:53 PM on Monday, February 28th, 2011
I have to stop reading this shit. OH MAN. This sucks.
DDday Feb 28/2011
BS(me) 33
WW 35
OM 30 PA
2 kids (age5)(SD12)
Filed for D 3-14-11
D on 7-26-11
painpaingoaway ( member #27196) posted at 6:01 PM on Monday, February 28th, 2011
Gooseum, please stay calm. I suggest you hold off confronting until you are a little calmer. Some crazy things happen to our brains when faced with this kind of thing. You need to calm down so you can think straight and make wise decisions.
I'm a so very very very sorry.
Peace.
D-Day June 2009
Watch my movie: "My wayward husband's adventures in STD land":
Episode 1: youtu.be/9Jv0-d_CdYc
Episode 2: http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=8Tz822H82Gk
sunningdalelad ( member #30823) posted at 6:03 PM on Monday, February 28th, 2011
Whatever you do don't reveal all your sources of information.Unfortunately I revealed my final source and I am no longer able to be certain the NC is in place.
A Woman Scorned ( member #20875) posted at 6:08 PM on Monday, February 28th, 2011
(((((((goose-em)))))))))
breathe, and keep breathing
you have now reached 50 posts, there is a new forum open to you called Investigative Tips - there you can post questions like "how do i find out who this piece of shit is married to?" 
there is also a thread with tips on searching and with other members offering services
go have a look
i am so very sorry that you have to deal with this
keep posting, we're here
"In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends." Martin Luther King Jr
"Oh, look what the whore-cat dragged in... a whore" Stan Smith, American Dad
inabadplace ( member #15721) posted at 6:11 PM on Monday, February 28th, 2011
I only have a moment here, but wanted to add my support. You've received some really good advice on this tread. Take it to heart. We've been there and we each have a list of things we wish we would have or wouldn't have done.
One of the most important things for you to remember is that NONE OF THIS IS YOUR FAULT. You are in no way responsible for her choice to cheat. The source of her cheating lies within her. But be prepared for her to blame it all on you.
Sorry you're here, man. Words cannot describe...
Me - FBS 40's
Her - FWW 40's
2 D-days
Married "a long time"
Two children
R'd for my kids, and I had serious doubts of success.
Updated to show that there is sometimes hope.
goose-em (original poster member #31286) posted at 6:26 PM on Monday, February 28th, 2011
Yeah she is going to blame me. I can't believe how bad this stings. I feel like I'm floating.
I just talked to my boss..which is good because I was acting insane last week. He thought I was looking for another job. Cleared that up.
1. I will not tell her how I found out.
2. I will try to stay calm(no kids around public place)
3. I will prepare myself for all the hurtful shit she will say to me.
4. Totally prepared for blameshifting and gaslighting.
5. I'm on a mission to find his wife and tell her.
What else?????
I WANT TO SAY THANK YOU TO EVERYONE THIS WEEK. YOU HAVE SAVED MY LIFE! I'M SO HAPPY I FOUND YOU GUYS(Give the Circumstances haha).
SO THANK YOU!!!! THANK YOU!!!
DDday Feb 28/2011
BS(me) 33
WW 35
OM 30 PA
2 kids (age5)(SD12)
Filed for D 3-14-11
D on 7-26-11
mission ( member #28087) posted at 6:29 PM on Monday, February 28th, 2011
SO VERY VERY SORRY!!
My thoughts are with you.
BS-(me)-47
WH-52
Married 20 yrs
3 kids-18,15,7
Is there hope of a new life for a divorced woman 47 yrs old?
victory ( member #31088) posted at 6:31 PM on Monday, February 28th, 2011
Dday- 1-26-11 (7 month PA)
BH (me)-41
WW- 37
3 little kids (6-8-10)
married 11 yrs, together 17
Divorced summer 2012 (I think)
I HAVE CUSTODY OF MY GIRLS!!!
Dagny07 ( member #16928) posted at 6:35 PM on Monday, February 28th, 2011
Can you put your anger into a "cold place"? When I confronted my FWH, I was filled with rage, but it was icy cold. I didn't yell, didn't berate. He was like a deer in the headlights.
I just told him I met with OW's BH. This is what he told me, this is what I read, this is what I know. I asked him questions...calmly (and what would you like for your last meal?). Listened to his answers calmly and coldly.
Then I told him what was required for him to stay in the house: NC, full disclosure, IC, timeline...
If you yell at her, that gives her ammunition to shift the blame on to you.
Go to the cold place.
Me:BW Him: FWH E/A
M: 30 years, together 37 : both guilty of PAs 20+ years ago
CDay#1 Oct 06 (false); DDay#2 Oct 07 (truth from OW's BH)
R: Tenaciously optimistic
jjct ( member #17484) posted at 6:39 PM on Monday, February 28th, 2011
goose))) I'm so sorry man! Keep posting. Breathe...be calm... everyone here knows this feeling.
You have a whole army right here-we will help you, hold you up brother. Keep posting! Stay the course!
Dare2Trust ( member #21183) posted at 6:39 PM on Monday, February 28th, 2011
I'm so sorry - I really am.
Me BS 59
WH 58
Married 19 years
D-Day Nov 3, 2005
Child: Adopted Daughter 21 College Student now
I can understand being alone; but I hate being with someone and feeling lonely.
victory ( member #31088) posted at 6:40 PM on Monday, February 28th, 2011
Sounds like you're planning on doing it at a public place?
2. I will try to stay calm(no kids around public place)
I'm guessing that will make it easier for you to keep cool and not go all ape-shit during the confrontation. I don't know. I did my confrontation in the driveway of OM's quadplex. There was no screaming, but some very harsh words out in the driveway.
If not in public, you may want to carry a VAR with you to tape the entire exchange. Couldn't hurt.
generally, I would think a public place may not be the best place to do this? But then again, I only have my one experience to go off of.
Dday- 1-26-11 (7 month PA)
BH (me)-41
WW- 37
3 little kids (6-8-10)
married 11 yrs, together 17
Divorced summer 2012 (I think)
I HAVE CUSTODY OF MY GIRLS!!!
painpaingoaway ( member #27196) posted at 6:42 PM on Monday, February 28th, 2011
What else?????
Go get tested for STD's, and do not, under ANY circumstances have unprotected sex with her!
D-Day June 2009
Watch my movie: "My wayward husband's adventures in STD land":
Episode 1: youtu.be/9Jv0-d_CdYc
Episode 2: http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=8Tz822H82Gk
Trying2Survive2 ( member #25758) posted at 6:45 PM on Monday, February 28th, 2011
PRINT THE SHIT goose...
Don't erase..or just leave it on the device...Find a way to print it..
TAKE pics of it if you need to..
Screen shots..
However...get it in your hand tangible ..
Faithful Wife ME 52
FWH 47
DDAY #1 1/11/09 EA Online ONLY (NC)
DDAY #2 6/2010 Admitted PA with the same PIG(12/08)
"Anything may be betrayed, anyone may be forgiven, but not those who lack the courage of their own greatness"
bufffalo ( member #21854) posted at 6:54 PM on Monday, February 28th, 2011
What else?????
Tell her in no uncertain terms that your rules are:
- no lying
- affair over NOW!
-IC for her pre affair issues...
- total transparancey
- you get all passwords
- you have access to cell phone records...
- you are aware of her whereabouts at ALL times...
- NC between your wife and all APs...
- NC letter written and sent (you verify this - as a witness).
In other words...you set your limitations, You convey them to your wife...and YOU will be prepared to back it up.....no second chances, no time to think about it, no negociations...your fault, my fault, nobodys fault....its youre way - or the highway....KWIM????
reread about the 180.....then do it!!!
OR...
You "lawyer up"....
Keep us posted...
Bufffalo
[This message edited by bufffalo at 12:55 PM, February 28th (Monday)]
goose-em (original poster member #31286) posted at 7:10 PM on Monday, February 28th, 2011
OK I've done screen shots...and saved them
Still shaking......Uhhhh....
OMG..I want to curl up into a little ball and disappear...
Reading those texts are so hard.
DDday Feb 28/2011
BS(me) 33
WW 35
OM 30 PA
2 kids (age5)(SD12)
Filed for D 3-14-11
D on 7-26-11
trustagain ( member #16921) posted at 7:13 PM on Monday, February 28th, 2011
i just want to jump through the computer and give you a big hug. This is the hardest thing you will ever do. Believe me you will survive this. Please just remember to breathe, try and stay calm (easier said than done), eat and come here to vent.
I am not going to lie, it will get worse before it gets better.
WH - 55
BS (me) - 57
Son - 31
Son - 24
Dday #1 - 10/31/07
Dday #2 - 12/23/07
Dday #1,000,000 - 12/23/09 - found out EA was PA
Dday Again - 13 years later....
A Woman Scorned ( member #20875) posted at 7:17 PM on Monday, February 28th, 2011
((((goose-em))))
did you find the IT forum? it's down the list, past New Beginnings
and there is no rule that says you have to blow the roof off tonight, if you feel emotionally crippled - which is totally reasonable - you can always confront tomorrow, to help allow some processing of what you have read today
be sure to send copies to an email account that your ww can't access or print up a copy and place in secure location
eta - sp
[This message edited by A Woman Scorned at 1:20 PM, February 28th (Monday)]
"In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends." Martin Luther King Jr
"Oh, look what the whore-cat dragged in... a whore" Stan Smith, American Dad
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