SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

It's going to be interesting to see when/if OM throws her under the bus and stays with his BS.

You're better than both of them Goose. Truly. There are better women out there who are faithful and loyal.

And most of all, you've gotten some hard earned experience. You know what to look for in the future.

goose I'm so sorry your life has gone to hell in a weeks time - we've all been there...one minute we think life is great and the next...well..not so much. You are a good man and a good father. YOU are going to be better in the long run and she will still be broken.

Thank you guys for going through all of this with me! I feel like you are all a trusted friend. You helped me through some really really dark days. I know there are more ahead, but having you here and allowing me to vent has been amazing! Hopefully I can help some people through their hell!!

Goose, (((man hug)))

I'm sorry you're in the position you are in. take some time and step back. Breathe.

Do what you need to do, but keep an open mind about everything.

Seek some counseling for yourself. It'll be good for your own psyche and help you sort things out.

Whatever is meant to be will be. You'll be stronger and wiser no matter what.

goose in time I'm sure you will be able to help alot of members here too. In the first 2 months all I did was ask questions and I have found that as I heal I am able to support other members and think back to the early days right after dday and reassure you all that it will get better, whether you R or D.

Well, one of two things. Either she's a coward and running away from her problems, or she just figured that what she did was sooo unforgivable so why fight it. She knows that if you did this to her, she would kick your ass out and never look back so she doing what she would know what she would do.

Most would say, if you're gonna divorce, don't worry about exposure. I would say expose away. She's gonna paint that she was in a unhappy unloving marriage and she decided to get out. You've been investing time into finding out who the OMW is. Did you tell her parents, close friends, brothers and sisters? If you come back and say, " Oh yeah, she told them." I can guarantee your story and what she told them are two completely different things. I would follow up on that. You shouldn't take the blame for your marriage ending, no reason for other people to think it was your fault.

[This message edited by crossbar at 9:48 AM, March 7th (Monday)]

Oh my Lord! If ever I question my decision to immediately cut the cord and sever all ties, I’ll re-read this entire post. What a hell to be put through and endure! I guess there are those times when you have to rip it off in one felt swoop like a bandage; and begin the process of healing sooner rather than later.

I just had to post to get it off of post 666.

WTF is wrong with me that I can't keep a woman???? Am I that bad of a husband/person????

SHE is willing to walk away...and never turn back. She didn't even try....it's just over. She took everything I had...and them some. And what do I have left...a broken fucked up family. I'm so angry at her.

It really doesn't seem fair.

Man I got sucker punched.

I still take the high road. I still don't want to let her go...even after all this. THIS HURTS!!!!!!!!!!!

Be very careful with your heart Goose.

I think, if history serves correctly, once the OM's BS finds out, the OM will most likely throw your WW under the bus. THEN your WW will come back to you with her tail between her legs.

Do you want her back in that situation?

Will you be able to work through all the things that have happened to you, the family and the marriage?

I think you should think really hard about what I just asked you because there is a high probability that it can happen this way.

WTF is wrong with me that I can't keep a woman???? Am I that bad of a husband/person????

Please repeat this over and over until you believe it

"there is nothing wrong with me, she is so screwed up, she is so broken, I have NOTHING to do with her brokenness, I am a GOOD person"

Now repeat this 5 million times if you need to, but please do not go down that road of it being you!!!!!

She's not coming back.....it's over. There isn't one once of fight in her for "us". I really don't think they have any grand plans to be together......???? But I have been wrong before.

You think that is why she is being so civil???

Hugs...

So welcome to the anger stage...

Goose

Call his wife..

He's very likely to throw your wife right under the bus really quick. Happens more often than not. She'll wake up real quick ...

You think that is why she is being so civil???

Yes, that's EXACTLY what I think. I believe that once her OM throws her under the bus (that bus will be coming around the corner about 1 minute after you tell his BS) your WW is going to have a 'come to Jesus' moment and throw herself at you.

How are you going to handle it?

Remember, if you want a chance at R, you are going to have to have a list of Deal Breakers that she has to abide by. Are you ready?

Go call the OM's wife.

I feel your pain Goose.

IT IS NOT YOU!! YOU ARE NOT A BAD PERSON OR HUSBAND!!

No matter what we BS's did and are responsible for in the marriage problems, we are not responsible for the decision our WS's made to go outside of the marriage.

I see that youa re still on the rollercoaster of emotions. I have toldm y WW it is over and that I want a divorce no less than 3 seperate times, and then went back and changed my mind as many times.

Youa re still so emotionally charged it's hard for you to think straight and to not act out of pure emotion. She's acting cold and like she doesn't care. That's simple to explain. It's the easy thing to do.

She doesn't want to have to fight and do the hard thing in trying to make things work. She thinks she can find happiness with OM, but that's an illusion, and one which you need to reveal as soon as you can. She wants the easy thrill right now. That needs to be taken from her if you want her to want to fight for your M.

Look, you have one thing left to do to here. Make sure OM's BS knows about the A. Then go a hard 180. Give yourself a few months to recover from this initial shock and then see where things lie. If your wife is still stuck in a fog with no indications she's coming out, then you move on. you're already downthe road because you've been 180'ing. If she's made moves to come out of the fog, then you can decide if R is what ya'll want.

I think you and/or she should see a counselor. Si helps ALOT, but I'd still say go see someone to talk to about this. Don't start down the path of destroying yourself by taking the blame for what she did.

Make sure OM's BS knows about the A.

Shit, man.....it WONT push them together....they are together now...you got nothin' to lose...

WHY DONT YOU TELL THE OTHER BS????

Bufffalo

I resent the email today, and I'm waiting for her cell phone number from this service....

((((((goose-em)))))))

i understand how hard it is to not internalize her infidelity with your self-worth

try to re-frame your ww's lack of fight for your marriage like this - despite your ww's horrible actions, words, choices - you are still fighting, yes? regardless of the things she has and has not done, you are still fighting - the fight is in you, regardless of her - she is doing everything that a person could do to make giving up the fight reasonable, allowable - all of us would dare say earned but yet you don't give up, that fight within you is not based on any of the external forces you are facing

can you see goose? can you see that it has everything to do with her and NOT you?

i am sorry you are struggling, goose

I resent the email today, and I'm waiting for her cell phone number from this service....

Good for you....nothin' clears the fog like expsure.....that....., and divorce papers....

good luck...you gotta watch out for #1...noone else is..

Bufffalo

My gut is telling me she is still talking to him. OMG she needs to go.