In my case, my WS was having affairs with two women at one time. One in state, one out of state. The in state tramp was married and knew about the out of state whore, but she was so whoretastic it didn't matter to her. The out of state whore was planning on meeting my WS once a month and could have gotten away with it since he does travel frequently.
After I discovered one affair and started digging, I found that he would call both whores one right after the other several times a day.
The first person he contacted for "advice" when I found out he was cheating on me was a third leftover whore. She was a slut he cheated on with his previous wife, and I later found out he screwed her while he was married to me. She was always presented as a "close friend" from medical school.
The reason I bring all this up is not for sympathy for my situation but to illustrate how when you get a gaggle of fucked up people together the dynamics and relationships defy normalcy or sanity. These people care nothing about each other or themselves really, their emotions are in their genitalia.
He also thought even after being caught that he could be "friends" with all the whores, because he really prefers female friendships to male friendships and I should understand that is the what he prefers.
So it looks like she started texting guy #2 all weekend.
Yeah, there is something odd going on there... as a guy, a straight guy that is... how much time are you gonna waste texting a woman, with all the drama your wife has, unless you had, were in the process of, or planned on tapping that tail?
I thought her wanting to be "free" was so ironic... if anything people who commit infidelity are virtual prisoners to their need for external validation and ego stroking. The are so trapped by their narcissism and blind, deaf and dumb to their own private hell or the injury they cause.
WTF is wrong with me that I can't keep a woman???? Am I that bad of a husband/person????
In the situation of infidelity the BS is really of no consequence to the WS, they are so wrapped up in themselves and in their own pain (real and imagined) that we really aren't going to be a big factor one way or the other. You don't matter because you didn't matter, you didn't fill an emotional black hole in your spouse.
Seriously, think about getting some IC, both to recover from this horrible experience and as the days mercifully turn into weeks after betrayal you will be going over your relationship and all these red flags will start sticking out... not about the infidelity but about the unbalance in your relationship. You need to delve into this so that you don't end up on with another person like you WS. You don't know how to avoid what you haven't fully defined.
I am really sorry this has been so rough. It is very difficult to go from suspicion to discovery and then to divorce so fast. I wish it could have turned out better for you.
I don't think it is wise to hold out hope that a WS comes back. Mainly because it's better to just focus on you and work on your own healing from this nightmare. But you wrote...
My WW has too much pride to come back even if she wanted to.
Gently, an adulterer has lost all pride and self respect, this is not your wife, this is now your WW and you don't know her at all. If anything pride is replaced by narcissistic arrogance in most WS's that chose to leave. Pride is no longer in her personal makeup.
This is important when dealing with her and her demands that you realize that she is NOT the same person you knew and you can't assume anything, remember she tried to break into you paypal account, how low class is that?
[This message edited by why2008 at 9:53 PM, March 7th (Monday)]
