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Palerider...what you said is true! A shot to my fragile little ego..but true.

I'm more in the phase where I hate her...and can't stand to look at her!!!

She wants to live close and have me watch the kids all the time and share domestic stuff(just like it was)while she bangs guys...and now I can't say anything.

She wants to live close and have me watch the kids all the time and share domestic stuff(just like it was)while she bangs guys...and now I can't say anything.

Another not so original wayward statement. This is also in the handbook.

See? She is in la-la land. She really thinks she is going to keep you nice and civil (so she has a built-in baby sitter right down the street) and she can "start" her new single life with who she will present to you as a "new guy" when all along it's the OM. And everyone will live happily ever after.

But see, this is why you throw as many wrenches as possible. You tell the OM's BW. That is your best chance of ending things. Some BS's are reluctant to do this. But it REALLY is the best/right thing to do for many reasons. In your situation, once the OM's BW finds out, she can start making her own decisions. She may beg to make him stay or she may lawyer up and serve him up his fantasy life in the manner of getting thrown out of his house, a nasty, costly, embarassing divorce, alimony, child support, her taking half of his savings and investments, pension and all of the nice stuff in the house. She might pack his shit in the Hefty bag luggage with the paper plates.

Suddenly your WW isn't so fun and attractive. Suddenly, it dawns on him what your WW is going to cost him. He begins to resent her. At this point chances are GOOD he will ditch your WW and go home to his BW begging forgiveness.

This fantasy crap goes on between them too. Just for an example, the way I found out about one of my XH's OW's was she actually called me on the phone and wanted to know when I was moving out of HIS house because she was moving in with THEIR daughter....

.....Um....guess he didn't tell you that this was MY house prior to the marriage and I'm not going anywhere....

Suddenly, My XH was exposed for lying to her. Suddenly he wasn't the "catch" she thought she had landed.

Shine that light. Expose, expose, exposel. It will be like turning on the light to roaches. They run. What's your WW going to do? You better start preparing.....

The other thing you need to do right away is FILE for divorce. DO IT before she does. I can't tell you how many times I have seen a BS buy into the lies of a WW that things are going to be "civil" only to be sideswiped by the WW and have them file on them. All of a sudden things are not so civil and you have lost your edge.

I know she said (whatever) she said. Do NOT believe her!

[This message edited by sadtoo at 10:13 AM, March 8th (Tuesday)]

Sorry! Double post.

[This message edited by sadtoo at 9:48 AM, March 8th (Tuesday)]

Ok She broke NC with the OM this week(big shocker right?). <---they always do...

I told my WW this morning she HAS to pack her shit and leave. I just called her parents and told them what happened.They were shocked.

I sent the Cert. R letter to the other BS yesterday. It included some of the text messages.

I'm speaking with my attorney today and going to FILE ASAP.

I'm FUCKING DONE WITH THIS BITCH.

I was going to be cool for the sake of the kids,but she can't even wait 1 week to start texting all the guys and HAS COMPLETE DISREGARD FOR ANYTHING.

FUCK HER I'M OUT!!!!

good for you telling her parents! Excellent!! Since they are shocked, hopefully they will put the guilt pressure on her.

Call the lawyer next. Have her served and then you go NC with HER! Tell her to talk to your attorney. Then mean it.

She was lecturing my daughter today about "following the rules". HAHA...

I'm so sorry goose. It doesn't surprise me at all that she's contacting OM#2. She's a wreck and feels horrible about herself and needs one of these guys to make her feel better. The more she talks to them and goes out and has fun, the less she has to think about all the ways she has hurt you and wrecked her family.

Absolutely continue the 180 after she's out and you have filed. Your heart needs to remain guarded.

You may not be ready to do this now....but eventually you will need to quit looking at her cell records and checking on her. I know how hard it is. I filed for divorce and was still checking up on my WH 5 months after that. I finally realized that all I was doing was confirming what I already knew. I decided to get my own cell account so that I didn't have access to his any more. I got rid of my Facebook page because it was too hard for me to have to watch WH and all he was doing. I did all this to protect myself. And you know what? HE cried when I started doing these things. He knew that I was completely letting go. I know you want to know if she's still pursuing these guys. I wanted to know that too. But what I realized is that if my WH was really changing, I would know it by his actions. And he would OFFER me access back into his cell records and would WANT me to check up on him.

You are doing really well and all of your feelings are completely normal. You are going to hate her one day and desperately miss her the next. When you are really missing her and wanting her, resist the urge to text her or emotionally melt in front of her. You don't want to lose the upper hand.

[This message edited by DevastatedTwice at 11:03 AM, March 8th (Tuesday)]

Yeah I hear you about the checking up on her.I need to drop out of SPY mode. I don't want to know all that crap. And now that I know she isn't going to change or own up to her actions I need to remove myself from her bullshit. I already dropped her from facebook. I might just delete facebook all together.

She needs to be dropped from my cell phone plan.

(((goose-um)))

I am so sorry. Right now you have to create some distance. 180.

She has lost her damn mind. I am so sorry for your daughters.

Hang in there and do what you need to do for you and your daughter(s).

"The only way to win - is NOT to play the game"

You have received great advice -

Good for you. Checking up on a wayward is for those who are trying to reconcile. That took me way too long to understand and caused me a LOT of pain while I continued to check. My checking kept my heart hanging on. You are so ahead of the game Goose. I wish I had the strength to do the things you are doing now instead of torturing myself all those months. You will be ok. This pain will not last forever.

And...I still say..

It is very possible when the OM throws her under the bus....and she realizes how NOT FUN all of this is going to be, and how you are NOT going to be her domestic partner...you are going to be a father to your children...

That she very well may

BEG!

I'd not count on it at this point, and I really think that you need to see closure somehow since she is not willing to give up this crazy lifestyle..

But..

It very well may happen.

And then..you will have to see how detached you have become, and how much you have moved on with your life plans..

Keep on keeping on Goose..

We're in your corner.

(((((goose-em))))))

i am digging the smell of righteous indignation in your posts! ride it for as long as you can!!

good for you for exposing, you are not her dirty, little secret keeper!!!

hope you get some confirmation on your letter

stand firm, friend

She wants to live close and have me watch the kids all the time and share domestic stuff(just like it was)while she bangs guys...and now I can't say anything.

Flip side of that statement is that you are get to stay involved in your daughters lives, co-parent with mattress back and move onto another relationship. She's going to be a whore no matter where she lives, and at least you will be able to provide some stability for your daughters.

Good for you, for outing her to her parents! If you didn't you would end up being the abusive husband she had to flee from.

Registered letter is also an excellent idea, her boytoy won't be too happy that she let her H catch his text messages AND send them to his wife.

Filing is also a great idea, I don't know something about your story... you just seem like such a calm nice guy whose been pushed to the limit.

Make sure you understand this, we were all where you were, obsessively checking messages, in the rages of discovery after discovery, feeling like your world just crumbled out from beneath you. It takes time, you won't do everything perfectly and this is a long hard journey, my friend.

goose-em, have you read this post in the Divorced section: 1Kick at the Cat If you haven't you should!! IMHO this guy knows how to get her done!!

Check out my PM to you. Also, what do you have in place to verify she got the letter? Return receipt?

ETA: While you may not be interested any longer in what she's up to you may want to keep in mind for your daughter where custody and "slut" control are concerned.

[This message edited by seriouslylostit at 4:54 PM, March 8th (Tuesday)]

Goose, I applaud your decisive action. Satriani, in his comment above, raises a good point about keeping your daughter away from the goings on in your WW's whorehouse once you are no longer in the immediate picture. AWS, above, also raises a good point about the possibility of her eventually crawling back. If she's not super hot, like an 8 or above, she may not be able to find a guy to take in her and the kids right away, if ever. After all, there are 28M single women over 35 and only 18M men.

Does she not work with this guy? If so, should you not go to her HR and expose the affair?

Expected Delivery Date: March 9, 2011

Class: Priority Mail®

Service(s): Certified Mail™

Restricted Delivery

Return Receipt

Status: Notice Left

We attempted to deliver your item at 11:19 am on March 08, 2011 in ******, NV **** and a notice was left. You may arrange redelivery by visiting

That sucks.

[This message edited by goose-em at 11:56 PM, March 14th (Monday)]

28M single women over 35 and only 18M men. Sounds like a party....