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Mods and Guides ~ sorry if this the wrong forum, thought it might bring up infidelity for many, so didn't post it in Off Topic.

Last night DS26 had a date with a stripper. I didn't meet her, however, if I wanted to see her I could get the latest Playboy issue as she is featured as one of the college girls of the Big Ten. I imagine that means she is beautiful physically, although, airbrush anyone?

I maybe jumping the gun, but I told DS I didn't want to have a stripper at our holiday dinner. In fact, told him I didn't want a stripper in my house. I chose to not associate with strippers, I feel I can chose to not have them in my house.

I don't want to generalize, but I just don't trust strippers and I don't really have a high opinion of them. I know that some of them truly just do it to pay the bills, that they don't do anything beyond their "job". But more often than not I believe it is just the first layer of depravity.

And, really, my FWH and a stripper in the same house? puhleeze................

*sigh* What would you all do?

You stated your boundries. That is all you can do.

Sister, I would feel exactly the same way. Even if she only does "her job" as a stripper, she is taking her clothes off in public....just eeewweee...

Do you think I am being judgey?

I've only known one personally-her H went to prison, leaving her a single mother to two kids under 3.

She found she made much more in two nights than 60 hrs at Wal-Mart. The club she worked was all off-limits-no touching, etc. She simply danced naked(except for g-string) on stage.

She made it through college by stripping.

She found she made much more in two nights than 60 hrs at Wal-Mart.

So sad because I know this to be true. I can totally understand this situation.

I feel kind of like a bitch because I don't want to associate with strippers, but I don't want to associate with strippers, no matter the circumstance.

While doing research on what really goes on in the champagne room, I found a stripper board. Guess what? If that population is to be believed, most strippers don't even want to be around other strippers, they don't meet boyfriends at the strip club (sugar daddies are a different thing), nor do they want their men to go to strip clubs or attend bachelor parties. Simply because sex *is* just a job, and they have no compunction about separating fools and their money, whether in the club, out the club, etc.

Didn't he just get out of a disastrous relationship with a crazy woman? I know at his age, it's hard to tell them what to do, but even if he was dating a schoolmarm, I'd give the relationship a very short shelf life.

[This message edited by veritas at 2:41 PM, October 10th (Wednesday)]

Do you think I am being judgey?

No, you sound mother-y.

I told DS I didn't want to have a stripper at our holiday dinner.

Now tell him to use condoms, because you don't want a grandbaby at next year's holiday dinner.

Didn't he just get out of a disastrous relationship with a crazy woman?

Excellent memory, veritas. Ding ding!

He seems to be the type of man that always needs to have a woman. Always.

One of my sons briefly dated a stripper. He didn't ask to bring her to family functions, so I didn't have to make any decisions.

As has been said, they make a lot of money with few skills. My son's friend was paying for school tuition and never dated customers (he had known her in HS and reconnected at a party later) - her club had strict boundaries in place to protect both sides.

Single guys at strip clubs I have no problem with. Married guys, hmmm. Seems unnecessary. But that me. Strippers aren't the problem. Unfaithful SO's are.

I'm going to sound like a complete ass here, but yes, I do feel like your being judgmental. Let's examine the situation in the hypothetical, what if your son were to marry this woman? Would you boycott the wedding simply because she's a stripper?

I understand that you don't want to associate with strippers and there is a lot of stigma about them on these boards but I think we fail to remember that their professions do not define who they are as people.

I'm going to sound like a complete ass here, but yes, I do feel like your being judgmental.

No, I don't feel you sound like a complete ass. I admire that you are honest with your opinion.

Obviously, I am feeling like a "bitch" and "judgey" to a certain degree. That is why I am seeking advice and validation of my feelings. I also feel that you have to be "judgmental" in life. That is how we make choices and decisions about what is right and wrong for us.

Now tell him to use condoms, because you don't want a grandbaby at next year's holiday dinner.

DS has been sexually active since at least 16 years of age. I believe he was very active. He has always had and uses large quantities of condoms. No grandbabies as of yet from him.

He is my child who marches to the beat of a different drummer. Kind of ironic as our first child and our last child where "oops" babies. Our middle child was very much planned, dreamed of and, as it turned out, we had to work very, very hard to conceive him.

Is there a chance your not liking his choice of GF will push him towards her?

wifehad5, the whole Romeo and Juliette thing, huh? Yes, I suppose that would be a possibility. DS has been having a power struggle with me from the moment he was born. Refused to sleep! He was a "high demand child", still is. I often wonder if he is NPD.

eta: We have a 16 year old son still living at home. I don't want him around a stripper. Don't want it to seem "normal" to be hanging out with strippers, KWIM?

[This message edited by SisterMilkshake at 3:24 PM, October 10th (Wednesday)]

Obviously, I am feeling like a "bitch" and "judgey" to a certain degree. That is why I am seeking advice and validation of my feelings. I also feel that you have to be "judgmental" in life. That is how we make choices and decisions about what is right and wrong for us.

I do think that you have to make decisions based on what you feel is right for you. I also think you need to pass judgment based on the person not the profession. Casting aside that she takes her clothing off for a living, she could be a really great person and really good for your son. Or she might not be, but you won't find out if she is because you've chosen to associate her with this one thing.

I really do understand why you might have apprehension towards this person but I'm a firm believer in not defining a person until you've gotten to know them, at least a little.

I'm a firm believer in not defining a person until you've gotten to know them, at least a little.

Intellectually I know this is all true to be fair and objective.

How will I get to know her? Visit her job? Ask her about her job?

Imagine the conversation, as I am pretty much not one to mince words.

Milkshake:Nice to meet you, Pretty Stripper Girl. (PSG from now on)

PSG: Nice to meet you, Milkshake.

Milkshake: So, tell me a little about your job. Do you just dance on stage, or do you give lap dances, too?

PSG: I give lap dances, too.

Milkshake: Do you make sure they aren't married before you rub your tits and va-jay-jay all over them?

PSG: Uummm,errrr, no........ Hey, I am just doing my job.

Milkshake: Oh, I see. Okay, I guess that is okay seeing how it is just a job. Do you f**k some of the men, too, because hey it is just a job?

DS: MOMMMMMMM!!!!?????!!!!!!!

^LOL

I have to say that it would be awkward and even more so around your wayward too - just - awkward.

I have friends and family that still dance and yes I did too at one point. There are too many variables as to what can come up while dating as a stripper - personally I didn't date! The stigma was just so effed up - the whole "you can't make a ho a housewife" lol so personally I didnt bother :/

As for my friend that still dances eww. My fWS (before he got the wayward status) thought oh wow! I just partied with a stripper! It was a huge high for him and his friends.

Oh get over it already! Besides how "cool" is it really - she's been naked in front of god only knows how many! And besides - its really Not something you want to have slapped on you for life - myself - man I wish I'd never done it and same with my cousins!

ETA: I think if you try to get to know her with already feeling awkward it just won't work out. I mean really - she can't be expecting that moms will be ok with her line of work? Can she? Coz if that's the case then I don't know what to say! But really I'm sure your son is thinking he's the bees knees lol - hard to talk about that with his head inflated! Try it from this angle - ask him how he feels once the novelty wears off - "son, how do you feel knowing so many see your GF naked? Old men, all kinds of men, maybe even bull dyke women? Maybe your dad??!! And how do you know for sure that all she does is dance? Or ______?" might creep him out and get him thinking that maybe its not so great! Just a thought! Good luck! And pass him a box of condoms

[This message edited by broken <3 at 8:03 PM, October 10th (Wednesday)]

I get the gut reaction.

But in theory you could meet her (not at Thanksgiving dinner) and just talk to her about other aspects of her life and see what she is like.

Who knows maybe being accepted into your family could be the catalyst for her to do something different with her life.

To answer your original question, yes, you are being judgmental but come on... you know you are. It is blatantly obvious.

You never met her.

You have no desire to meet her.

You've banned her from family functions based solely on her job.

Yeah, that is judgmental, no matter what your reasons, or how you turn it.

I am assuming by your post that you are not necessarily looking for confirmation that you are/ are not being judgmental, but more affirmation that it is OK you are being prejudice against her, that your decisions are the right decisions, and it doesn't make you a bad person.

Quite frankly, it is up to you. I find it extremely close minded, but you need to decide what your level of comfort is, especially in your own home.

Strippers I don't care about. Most of them are like the rest of us schmucks, making a living. Now if said stripper was a stripping, coke snorting, trick turning, home wrecker on the side, that is a different story.

[This message edited by Dark Inertia at 8:49 PM, October 10th (Wednesday)]

Yes, I agree it is close minded. I am not saying she isn't a good person, I am saying I don't care for her line of work. If I lived in Vegas and my DS brought home a prostitute as a GF, I am not going to be thrilled and I am going to be judgmental. Yay, I am a fucking closed minded bitch. (No, I don't think anyone has said that. That is my inner dialogue.)

I don't know if you have children, DI, don't know if you are a male or female. In this case, I do think it makes a difference.

Is that what you want your little girl go be when she grows up? Is that who you would want your son to marry? I don't know, doesn't fit into what my dreams for my children are. They aren't here to fulfill any dreams I had for them but you want so much for your children. I feel very few would have these dreams for their children.

Sorry, I just see shades of Jerry Springer all over the place with my son dating a stripper. So not what I want for my family at all.

[This message edited by SisterMilkshake at 8:57 PM, October 10th (Wednesday)]