SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

((((np5))))

You don't owe any one anything.

Take one day at a time, it will get better, we are all praying for you.

You can do this, you are are stronger than you realize, and you know.....you are going through a difficult time in your life. But nothing you can't handle....

Take your time, do not make any rash decisions, stay healthy....When your ready we are here for you.

NP5 and kids,

Sending you love, thoughts and prayers as you mourn the loss of what you thought was your life and find your way to a healthy and loving life going forward.

EBD

Thinking of you. We're here when you need us. Take care.

((np5)) You and your children are in my thoughts.

I agree that you don't need to run and hide, NP5. We are here for you. Come back soon

You need to protect yourself and gather your thoughts, then come back to us and let us know what we can do to help you.

I feared it would be that bad. Sorry, bro

Just echoing the well wishes man. Good luck

Thinking of you and your kids np5. Whenever you need us, we're here.

not sure if you're still reading np5

Take it minute by minute, focus on your kids, try to be in the moment as best you can when you're with them. For me, I found focusing on the small miniscule things helped keep me "present" - smelling their hair, seeing bugs through their eyes, rolling in the grass with them, exploring where ant trails led, etc. It was healing, because it reminded me that no matter what, my relationship with them is real, will always be real. They also gave me perspective on myself. If nothing else in this nightmare, it is important we find and heal ourselves - whatever that may mean - for our children.

Who is this person? Where did the old Edith go?

For me, this sort of realization was a very powerful one on/after dday. It was like a stranger had walked through my door and I didn't recognize who he was... and it was like waking up from a coma and having to reconcile the past with what I *thought* I'd known about my life and about this person I thought I knew.

For my husband, this was also an extremely powerful moment of having to look in the mirror at himself. All the destruction he'd caused. He was laid bare, and he had to see that all the stuff he'd minimized, justified, ignored, put blinders on - it was all there, heaped at his feet. It was an important moment of him deciding to change - for himself.

For your sake, and for hers, I hope edith is done with the double life. Done with the lies. I hope she has finally given you all the truth. From her past behaviors, I'm not sure if she's capable of that quite yet, but I hope for both of you that she is and has done that. I also hope you called the polygraph examiner, regardless of what was revealed, or how much, last night. So that you can see all the puzzle pieces before you - and not just the ones she gives you.

Each time you gain more puzzle pieces, you can start to assemble that puzzle and see exactly where you are. And you can then choose whether or not you want to be there or somewhere else. And the more steps you can take to move forward. Hopefully today is a day of new beginnings - for you.

np5, I don't know what new info was revealed by the poly, but if you spend enough time on this site you'll discover that really horrendous behavior is the norm, not the exception. Wondering who is this person occupying your spouse's body is pretty normal as well.

It makes sense. For an affair to get physical, so many terrible choices have to be made. Once that line is crossed, there's really no reason NOT to engage in the lowest behaviors. Nudie pics, videos, sexting, exotic physical sex, emails, letters and texts that profess undying love for the WS, insulting comments about the BS, are all pretty much par for the course. Affairs are ugly, selfish things. They are like some weird mix of a Lifetime drama, a Disney Princess movie, and a porno.

Your pain and your experience, although very personal, is something that so many on this site can relate to. You will heal from this. It just probably doesn't feel like it right now. This is the case whether you R or D. Hang in there, and let us know how you are doing when the time feels right.

And a piece of advice from someone a little further down the road than you - she doesn't have the power to take away your sense of humor, your dignity, or your integrity. So don't give her that power. You've done nothing wrong, at least as far as her devastatingly bad choices are concerned. You did not deserve this, you shouldn't have seen it coming and somehow stopped it, and you - as the presently sane adult in the house - have a great opportunity to be an even better, stronger father and role model for your kids.

Keeping you in my prayers...

Great posts by Sal and Lark. I can't say it any better.

Take care of yourself and your kiddos. We all care about you and your family and wish you strength and healing.

So sorry NP - sending prayers....

I'm very sorry.

One last set of thoughts here, I hope you are still reading.

No Matter what. From now until the end of time. You can and should stand tall knowing you did absolutely everything you could to salvage this mess, you went above and beyond to save your M from the destruction that was thrust upon you.

You are smart, strong, and brave, you deserve to be happy. Stand up and recognize that. Know that you are a great person with strong morals, who has walked the path of being a good man.

Nothing you did or did not do caused this or would have changed this. This was the path that "Edith" chose to walk, and despite given chance after chance after chance she opted to not do the morally right thing. She chose to not give you the respect you deserve. She chose to manipulate you and your children so that she could do what SHE wanted and the rest be damned. Do NOT take any ownness of this. DO NOT even try to. It will just make you feel crazy and weak, and you my friend are not either of those things.

Lastly when the dust settles in a few days and the new reality your life has become is obvious to you. Do NOT blame yourself or get angry with yourself for not forcing this outcome sooner. As Abandondad always says he had to do things on his own timeline, and you did as well.

Please be kind to yourself, love those kids, and know that you are the good guy here.

(((and strength)))

WTS. (What Tushnurse said.)

(((np5 and kids)))

[This message edited by confused615 at 7:21 AM, May 7th (Thursday)]

Thank you for your responses.

Just a quick note to say I'm ok and starting to recover a little.

While Edith and I have a lot to deal with, my wrath turns for the time being to the OM.

While he is very poor and I am wealthy, I cannot in good conscience allow him to move on and do this again to some other of his student's mom. He has had an affair before (according to Edith) and now her. It is time for him to face some consequences for his actions.

The state that he resided at the time has an alienation of affection law. With this latest revelation, I see now they had sex in that state. I see texts where he drove a wedge between my wife and I. I would consider Edith and I, prior to the affair, happily married. She was frustrated about some of our finances and my investment choices, but never threatened divorce or was verbally abusive until he entered the picture.

With this in mind, I am prepared to file suit for past, present, and future IC sessions and MC sessions. I will also ask for my lawyer fees. This will amount to tens of thousands of dollars that would clean him out.

In XXX State, you may sue an individual who has caused a married person to suffer the loss of affection of their spouse, so long as the marriage was peaceful and intact at the time of the affair. In layman’s terms, you may sue your spouse’s paramour. To prove this case legally, however, you must satisfy the following:

1.You and your spouse were happily married and a genuine love and affection existed between you.

2.The love and affection was alienated and destroyed.

3.The wrongful and malicious acts of the defendant produced the alienation of affection.

If I loose, fine. If I win, fine. I don't want his money. All I want is perhaps to spare the next poor family the trauma and heartache that his nature delivers. Perhaps this will give him pause and make him face the reality that he is a cruel person, unfit to be a teacher.

Additionally, he has, not more than 6 weeks ago, commented to DD1, who is 15 and beautiful, "Have you done anything different with your hair? It looks very nice..." This is the same person that, in spaceghost's words, "plowed my wife like an Iowa cornfield" just a few months earlier. Despicable homewrecker! He should not be anywhere near children.

Other than this update, I will not post for a while as I need to simmer down for a bit and try to not think about things. From time to time I will read your comments, but I have to unplug for a while. No, Edith is not asking me to not post. She is crushed and horrified by her actions and the revelation, at last of the truth. All she can say is, "I was crazy. I'm so very sorry I hurt you and us." Lots of tears and pleading. I cannot give her assurance that this will end well. For this, she is in despair, because this time is very different.

Thanks and gratitude go out to each of you. (((((SI))))))

fistbump.

prayers, NP5

While Edith and I have a lot to deal with, my wrath turns for the time being to the OM.

OM couldn't have done a damn thing...unless your wife said it was ok.

Once again...AGAIN...you are focusing on the wrong person...AGAIN you are placing blame on someone other than the ONLY person responsible for what has happened.

This allows you to go easy on your wife. Again.

Don't sue OM. You have enough of a shitstorm at home to deal with. You said he was fired from the job, teaching students, right? Then he won't be around your kids. Yes, he will move on. But..that's fine. He needs to. This law suite just keeps him in your life.

You do know, if you sue him, and you wind up in court, that he has emails,pics, texts, etc, from your wife. He will broadcast these to the court. Are you prepared for that?

You're making a big mistake. Your wife is the problem. Your wife wrecked your home. If it hadn't been OM, it would have been someone else. He may be a cruel person. But the really cruel person here is the one who cheated, lied, and blamed you. The one who used her kids. Your wife. She was not crazy. She was not sick. She was angry and resentful of you. Her affair was deliberate and purposeful. So were the lies.

You have enough shit going on that you don't need to look for ways to add more.

[This message edited by confused615 at 10:33 AM, May 7th (Thursday)]

Gently, but back the hell up.

OM isn't the problem. Your wife is.

Now if he is crossing a line of inappropriate behavior with the kids that is a whole other can of worms.

But Your wife was complicit in the A, she was a willing player. Do NOT KISA this. That allows her to dismiss her accountablity. BIG MISTAKE.

I understand that you need to take a pause from posting here, but please, think about whether to continue/start PMing with the betrayed men on this site. Check out the "Betrayed menz" thread on the "I can relate subforum", contact a few guys or make a post asking who'd be willing to PM with you.

Also, I think it's good to sue OM and expose him far and wide, as long as that doesn't hurt your financial ability to provide counselling for you, WW and your kids or otherwise negatively impact the standard of your living.

Best wishes!

NP5, you want to go after that guy legally and you have the opportunity, means, and time to do so. By all means. That fucker used your kids to a point as well and I would be hard pressed to not resort to physical violence with him. So if you have a legal recourse. Go for it.

Though I agree with confused and tushy. You can't for one second let that law suit or what AP did or did not do take away from what Edith is responsible for. Edith was the one that allowed AP into your world. The overall tone of your last post makes it sound like you are going after AP instead of concentrating on where the real issues lie. With your WW.

And lets not forget about what's going on with your kids. If AP had contact as recently as 6 weeks ago with DD, and your DD knows at least some of what's going on with the A, there is a ton of fuel for damage to your kids with just that alone not to mention what they are watching happen between the two of you. Are your kids in IC? Have you been actively engaging them in conversations as to what is going on? Where are their school counselors in all of this? I would think that these points with your kids would come before any lawsuit with AP.

yop