SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Yesterday I found your affair purse that you had hidden away. You know the one with the sexy stockings and makeup in it you just bought and the marital aides we bought together on our anniversary a few years ago.

I didn't confront you because we are already done and I'm just stuck here short term, but its funny how you have these things when you tell everyone you don't have a boyfriend on the side.

I proceeded to break the toy you had stashed in a way you wont be able to tell until you try and use it. Childish I know, but you wont be using what I got you with another man. I also threw away all the other ones we got together, I cant wait to see you stew over it when you find out and realize you cant confront because you would need to explain how you know.

I would love to expose you to your remaining family but they would deny it anyway. Only your stepfather would believe and he's a good man who doesn't deserve more pain in his life.

I hope your latest a.p runs for the hills when he realizes his soon to be divorced side piece isn't getting everything easy the way she thought. Then karma can give you all that you deserve, to be along after all your betrayals and mental abuse of those who loved and cared for you.

At this rate even our children are reaching the point they don't want you in their life enjoy your alone. I'm done patching things up between you and our kids constantly.

Maybe someday you will realize the damage you did to them and me, but I doubt it.

That would mean taking responsibility for your actions, something you still refuse to do.

Screw you, you POS for a man!

You took some of the best years of my life. Granted I GAVE some of them to you because I f***ing LOVED you!

But then you took and took and took.

Just like that damn "The Giving Tree" children's book you and your NPD daughter LOVE so much!

You say "It's great!" because you identify with the BOY! I say it's sad because I identify with the TREE. You and your deranged daughter ask, "Why would you be the tree? Why would anybody be a tree? It's a tree. You're weird and crazy."

NO I'M NOT! I give UNCONDITIONAL LOVE you morons!

Obviously a concept both of you could never comprehend. I'd feel sorry for you, but you sadistic jerks enjoy causing me pain, causing ANYONE pain, because you are sick and broken people!

GET OUT OF MY HEAD Damnitall!

You have taken enough of my life!

I'm tired of your sickness.

I'm sick of your abuse.

I'm disgusted by the thought of you.

Just when I feel like I am better, a whole new wave of abusive memories flood into my brain. Shit I haven't thought of for YEARS!

How long will this keep happening?!

I've been strong. NC for over a YEAR during this horrible there-is-no-end D.

You wanted the damn thing, WHY are you dragging your feet?!

Don't want to pay child support I bet, because every month that goes by is one less month you have to pay to support our son that you insisted we have.

Your whore girlfriend cheated THREE times on her husband before she cheated with you. That's FOUR affairs(that you know of, but remember how much of a LIAR she is?)

YOU cheated 5 times on me (that I know of and I DO know what a LIAR you are!) and you think that this will last? Breaking up 2 marriages (this time) destroying innocent lives, for what? Some sex? How in the world do you think it will be sunshine and happiness? Smooth sailing, when our children know what the two of you did? Are they just supposed to welcome you two love birds with open arms?! Because you had no choice? Your spouses were so horrible you HAD to screw each other?!

You both repulse me.

Nasty scum sucking slime covered fetid TROLLS, hiding in the shadows, sucking life from good people. Dig a hole in your muck and rot there!

Well today was a better day than Dday...so there's that...

I look forward to the day(s) I stop thinking of you..it fluctuates, during the day I'm pretty good..but at night, well it gets hard. I was gonna crawl into bed, but decided..why not write you one more time...excuse me while I cry for a bit...

I know that this is whats meant to be, I understand that I'm not meant for you, rephrase..you are not meant for me...I'm just sad right now..gimme a minute....okay, where was I? I never knew I could feel hurt as much as I have...I'm a good person, I treat people with respect, I give to those in need, I have a way of making people smile for no reason...but what you have done to me, the hurt I'm feeling...its changing who I am, and I don't like it, I fight to keep the person who I am, the caring-supportive-loving-passionate-inspiring human being, I was born to be.....BUT ITS HARD!!!!!!!!!! All of this, its soooooooooooo hard...why have I been hurt so badly...I try and think, did I do something to someone? is this karma? Ive met so many wonderful, loving souls on this site...none of them deserve this hurt...why did you come into my life, only to hurt me so....one day (hopefully soon) these tears will stop, the nights will become easier....I know I'm strong and this too shall pass...but tonight, I'm writing to you to let you know that you don't get to fall asleep happy, you don't get to have a full nights rest, you don't get to lay your head down and feel proud of who you are...as close as we were, you get to feel that something is wrong tonight, you get to feel an ache in your heart, you get to connect with me right now and know the pain you placed on me...I want you to feel this sadness and I want you to cry with me...I'm going to get thru this ya know..Im gonna survive...I'm gonna get to rewrite my story..and guess what? Its gonna have a happy ending...don't worry, you are not apart of it.

The truth will always remain the truth no matter how much you cover it up or omit the facts.

You don't scare me. You don't intimate me. You are sure as hell not superior to me.

So continue to feed people lies, act like you're the victim and lie and say that I'm a monster.

Any sane individual will see through all the shit you pull.

But... you are the company you keep.

So next time when you decide to cry and play the victim to get "likes" and condolences from people who believe your bullshit.

Remember to include the parts of all the horrible and unthinkable things you've said about me.

Remember all the times you selfishly choose yourself over the health and well being of the people "you care about."

Remember to tell them the whole story not just the bits and pieces of where I defend myself.

The way you present yourself says everything of what kind of a person you are more than me.

Keep talking shit, you don't hurt me.

To COW former friend slime covered scum sucking Trollidite,

You know the one thing that is so completely awesome about discovering that it was indeed YOU who was screwing stbxsanpdwh POS for YEARS?!

HA! I also know when and who he was cheating on YOU with!

I know he was screwing women the nights BEFORE you and after you.

You say you'd like to see the evidence I 'think' I have.

Yesssssss, that would be nice and convenient for you wouldn't it?

Have me do all the work and hand it to you on a silver platter.

But, girrrrl, I'm not gonna do it, nope, I'm not.

You can wonder and squirm until hell freezes over because it was YOU who showed him how to hide. Secret apps on his phone, secret "unbreakable" programs so you two could video live and masturbate together. (Did he tell you I walked in on him?! OMG SO funny! Like a little teenage boy whacking away at his little wanker until he saw me and covered up. ewwwww, you really wanted that thing anywhere near you?! *gag*)

Seriously, you think I could find proof of his other A's and not yours? What are you? Super human? Geez, underestimate me much? I kept telling you I wasn't stupid when I would pressure you, trying to see if you had an ounce of moral character and would confess to me. Or is it that you feel impervious, so much smarter than the average bear?

Poor, poor widdle jealous victim trollidite. Didn't love her husband, wanted to marry a man for money. Guess what? It's gonna be a while before the divorce is done. Maybe YEARS. Are you gonna hang onto that old nasty thing that long? And if you do, guess what? He's not going to have much money because he has to give ME and DS so much. It's the law girlfriend.

Oh, ya, he'll have plenty to live a comfortable life with you no doubt. But to sell your soul and destroy your life and family for so little? Tisk, tisk little greedy one. Someday you'll see, you'll know, life and happiness have nothing to do with any GD money or bank account.

Your soul is a dark and nasty rotting putrid pile of excrement. I hope it causes you great suffering and pain.

You hypocritical arsehole.

You just can't help lying - can you?

Trust you?

Fuck off!

Even though we're divorcing...... when you agree to do something (or not do something), we should have that level of trust.

FFS...... 5 children, 2 Grandchildren, 4 businesses.....

When you promise me something, after all this betrayal..... and you last 10 fucking days, that just further proves what a pathetic POS you actually are.

Sigh all you like,

YOU are weak

YOU are pathetic

You have become someone who is unrecognizable to me. Now you are in full bully mode because you feel powerless like the small man you are. Small minded, small in stature and small hands ( read between the lines). I will NEVER love or even like

You ever again. You fooled so many people, including me for so long. But now you are showing your true colors and it ain't pretty. You know what else? You have a dark heart that is without empathy and kindness. I actually dislike you more than I can say.

I need this thread today. I'm very angry so I apologize for the language.

Fuck you. Just fuck you. I need to trust you? What have you given me to trust you with? Nothing. Not a god damn thing. I have absolutely no reason to trust you. You want me to trust you while you're at a bar with the 21 year old you so desperately want to have sex with? She's there because this was the only way you got to see your other friend? Yeah, totally believable. I don't trust you, I will never trust you again and I want you to leave me and my daughter alone you piece of fucking shit.

Edit because he won't quit texting.

Obviously you aren't going to try and justify your behavior. You're in the wrong and you fucking know it. Yes, please, just leave me the hell alone.

[This message edited by Howlingatthewind at 8:26 PM, March 5th (Sunday)]

Huh ((Howling))

Trust me....... yep.

I Trust you to keep on lying.

I KNOW

I've seen through you

Don't you understand?

You've shown me EXACTLY what you are.

Gaslighting and manipulation no longer work.

Piss Off!!

Really?? Your son is coming back to the UK for 10 days over his spring break and you've asked him to not be with you on his last night because you're taking some bird to a gig. He is so upset. And you're such a total asshole. Our son understands that he's been parenting you and it's made me realise that I probably "parented" you for the duration of our M. Because you really are such an emotionally retarded person. He called you on a Sunday afternoon from the East Coast, you're a bottle and a half down already. It was a horrible conversation and then you chose that moment to tell him to get lost on his last night when you were supposed to be watching the rugby together?? FFS.

You think that you have a bad relationship with your daughters because they live with me in the USA, but the fucking truth is that you have a bad relationship with them because you're a big bloody baby. It has nothing to do with being across the Atlantic. I didn't take your kids, they left you ages ago. I could be right up the bloody street from you in England and they STILL wouldn't see you. Duh. But you believe, as always, what you want to believe. They became so tired of your whining and crying and instability and basically parenting you off the back of all of this. I mean, come on, apparently none of us have had it as bad as you in this, right? Yeah.

It must be such a struggle to remain the hero in your own story. I can't imagine the mental gymnastics that you have to put yourself through just to live with what you've done. Seriously. And God knows what you tell the other woman that you're dating. As our DS said, any woman of character would run a mile if she knew what you had done. You remain so mystified that your life is "unrecognisable" from what it was two years ago. It is. I've left you. The kids left you. I live in the USA, in a city and getting my life back. And you're still there. The consequences of your actions will always be mystifying to you. Because, duh.

Asshole.

Don't start whining to me about not wanting to get divorced.

You've lied and cheated our whole lives together....

What the hell exactly did you think was going to happen??

I don't have to justify myself to you, and I'm NOT going to.

Man up and Piss Off

You wanted me to comfort YOU?! What part of you cheated don't you get?

My "pride" doesn't let me move on? Seriously? It's your attitude and lack of remorse that is ending us. You only comply to my requests, there was never true remorse.

You're delusional and you probably believe your own lies.

I hate you too!

You're a piece of crap too!

Just because you pay the bills doesn't give you the right to come easy breakfast in the morning while we're separated. I don't want you in the house and I don't care that you pay for the food. I work just as hard as you and I deserve the financial support for all of the years I wasted with you.

I can't believe how cold and hateful you become. Last week you were the complete opposite, I wonder if you were just acting. I can't wait to serve you with the divorce papers!

I bet you're already sleeping, I wish I was as indifferent as you and I could forget about the pain I'm feeling.

Don't pretend to be nice.

I see right through you.

(Side note to SI readers...exWW and I often deviate from the letter of the court ordered parenting plan due to school holidays, vacation plans and her business travel. The overall number of overnights for each is kept the same though. We usually work these out a few months in advance.)

I just about had an aneurism last night when DS1 told me, "Yeah, Mom was cursing because she was annoyed you didn't send her a concrete parenting plan."

Excuse me? A concrete parenting plan? You mean kinda like the one I just sent you 3 or 4 weeks ago? The one that juggled your 3 weeks of out of town business travel? The one that specified the only 3 days in the next two months that I would not be able to cover if your plans changed? The plan we discussed in depth and modified two weeks ago when you needed to make changes? That plan?

Because it seems to me that the only uncertainty in that plan comes from you and your unpredictable travel schedule, and the only way to make it any more "concrete" would be to etch it into actual concrete and drop it on your fucking head. I'll bet you'd remember it then.

In the meantime, I'll thank you not to disparage me to our children over a misunderstanding you could easily clear up by either a) looking at plan I already sent you -or- b) I dunno...asking me, maybe?

If a man were to treat your wonderful little daughter the way you treated me at the end of our marriage, would you be ok with it? If she were in a serious relationship/marriage and her boyfriend/husband made all of the same choices as you did....would it sit well with you?

Answer that question. I wonder if you could look me in the eye after you realize your answer...

You want us to go to MC so "I" can change my behavior? You cheated but you think is appropriate to bring 10 years of your resentments towards me right now? You're only confirming that we are more than over.

If I was such a horrible spouse, why didn't you leave me? Now that you cheated you think I should be apologizing to you?! You are a horrible person full of poison. You always made me paid for any little thing that offended you. You escalated every single argument and never truly felt bad for it.

If you're so full of poison towards me, why would you want to postpone the divorce? You're not making any sense. I bet you're just afraid of having to pay child support. Narcissist pos!!!

You made a pros and cons list to our relationship? You made one? Why? Of course the pros outweighs the cons FOR YOU. I don't care if you think we're meant to be together. I don't care about your pro/con list. I do care that you are having casual sex with people off craigslist and prostitutes. I do care that you were dating your coworker (I don't care if you didn't see it as dating). My pro/con list has a lot more cons than pros. And no, I don't care how often you come to the house when I'm not there and leave wine. It doesn't make me like you.

You just sent me a message saying you are on track to get the last patient needed to complete enrollment on your trial tomorrow. This should have been a really happy moment. I should have been able to tell you how proud I am of you. You've been running this critically important drug trial for the last 4 years. You're working with an underserved patient population with no good treatment options, and you are saving lives. I know how hard you've worked for this. I also know how much I've done over the last four years to support you in this effort.

This should be something we should be able to celebrate together. But no, I'm just left grasping at empty air while you tell the OM how much he means to you. I've been slowly trying to get over you, but this has really kicked my ass today.

I am so mad. You are a huge liar. You are a lousy selfish jerk. You have dragged me through the mire - then stepped on my head just for good measure. You have used me over and over and over, and I have let you do it. Well I am done with that. You have made your choice, and out of respect for marriage I am done with you. It is not out of respect for your relationship, or your whore or you. It is that I will not be like her. It is not ok. I guess that will ensure for her that you will not leave her for me. I guess she will do a victory dance. She got what she wanted. You don't see your advances to me as "wrong" because she has given you "permission". Wow what justification. You are not the man you led me to believe you were. You have embraced the darkness in yourself, because it is easier.

You have taken everything we held dear and shit all over it. Just because its easy. Go to hell and take your whore with you.

It pisses me off that I can't have more than 24hrs of feeling good. It pisses me off that if I don't know where you are I assume you're with him. I shouldn't give a fuck, because you don't want to be a part of this marriage. At this point I don't really know that I want to be a part of this marriage... I certainly shouldn't. I do know that I'm looking forward to having some me time; but you've shit all over that too because you won't get your own place until we have a signed separation agreement. Do you really think I'm going to try to screw you in all of that? I'm not the one that shit all over my spouse.

I want my life back. I want my emotional control back. I want my fucking joy back. I want to be able to go a day without thinking of you or that fucking piece of shit you think you're in love with. I was doing so much better when you were staying with [coworker], but you are convinced that I'm going to screw you for abandonment of our children, even though my lawyer said I couldn't (not that I would) because you are still helping to support the children, that you won't move back out of the house. I need you out. I want you out. Your presence in the house again is detrimental to my mental health.

I need you to stop shitting on me. I need you to give me the space you so clearly desire in our marriage. If you want to be gone, I need you to be gone because the reminder of you is too fucking painful. Please leave.