SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Has TOC ever actually asked the forum a question?

Seems like the forum needs her more than she needs the forum? Plot twist!

Which dog is hers and what was the plan for kenneling the dogs if the joint vacation had gone through as planned?

The dog-sitter was gonna watch them?

Just trying to track WH's timeline here - not that it matters at this point, it's all wrapped up - almost before it even began!

Enjoy Wine-County- it's not Tahiti or Barcelona or London, but there are some hot springs around!

Changing:

Has TOC ever actually asked the forum a question?

Absolutely - had the SI family not guided me early on, I would have made stupid, stupid mistakes in my communication with my WH. Thank good for all of the advice, not all of it what I wanted to hear but almost every bit of it worth its weight in gold and helpful in some way.

Change - really hard to answer on a phone but:

Which dog is hers and what was the plan for kenneling the dogs if the joint vacation had gone through as planned?

The dog-sitter was gonna watch them?

Just trying to track WH's timeline here - not that it matters at this point, it's all wrapped up - almost before it even began!

Enjoy Wine-County- it's not Tahiti or Barcelona or London, but there are some hot springs around!

Dog - Bella is mine and sadly she is still not with my neighbor friend. WH had not picked her up from kennel yet so friend was not able to get her.

AP was our dog sitter. She was booked to care for them while we were on vacation. (The gall of WH to allow her in our house alone under the circumstances! This is something that has really riled me up lately.) So when hubby "allegedly" broke it off with AP, he had to make new arrangements for dogs.)

Not sure what you mean by "almost over before it began" but since i have had but one conversation with WH about our situation, I doubt very much this is far from over. Yes, I have taken decisive action but everyone says it was required to get his attention. Attention gotten!

Good for you! I wish I was as strong as you are. But I have the three kids to think about and need to put our financial situation back on track before making any decisions. And yes, I'm sure your situation is far from being over . I'm three months from d-day and it still hurts like the first day. I still get nauseated and am physically sick. Some days I feel like I will never get over the betrayal. The whore (sorry for the choice of word) convinced him to bring her to the hotel and spend the night because her husband was out of town and her kids with her parents the day after my MRI (which made me sick ) as I was awaiting a cancer diagnosis... How low is that?? I think about it everyday, seing myself in bed, wondering when he will come home, worried and my ovaries hurting so much. I don't know if I'll ever be able to forgive him the whole affair but that night especially.

So, as I said, I wish I could have been strong like you are and left or told him to leave...I guess I have to believe that I'll end up being ok whatever our decision will be concerning a future together.

I wish you the best of luck! Stay strong and keep us posted. (Sorry if there are any mistakes in my writing. French Is my first language).

Not sure what you mean by "almost over before it began" but since i have had but one conversation with WH about our situation, I doubt very much this is far from over. Yes, I have taken decisive action but everyone says it was required to get his attention. Attention gotten!

TOC

Some posters come late to the thread and don't read all the posts so perusing yours, it seems you have moved fast. It seems. Actually you've only had one conversation with him post discovery and 1 week since your DDay. I think where you broke the mould is that you didn't go through a period of doubting yourself, wondering what you could have done different, and a slew of other questions that can leave a wronged spouse with a form of paralysis. You were OK with yourself and took immediate action in conformance with your own personal codes and morals. What you knew needed to be done.

Your right, this is only the beginning.

TOC

Love your mother. Humour can save our souls.

Didn't you say your friend's husband went to your house and took your dog from him?

I think where you broke the mould is that you didn't go through a period of doubting yourself, wondering what you could have done different, and a slew of other questions that can leave a wronged spouse with a form of paralysis.

If you read TOC's thread, you will see that she already experienced all that with her first husband. She already knew she was never going to do the 'pick me' dance again.

my girlfriend's husband made arrangements with him to get my dog like he promised. WH told him he would take care of her but GF's husband said he promised his wife and me that he would get the dog and they would care for her while I was gone. WH tried to argue the dogs were companions and it was better they stay together. GF's husband told him if only he felt the same way about us, maybe they wouldn't be having that conversation. He then told him he was taking the dog. No ifs, ands or buts. I have a huge crush on GF's hubby right now.

GF hubby told GF that WH looks like hell

Dog - Bella is mine and sadly she is still not with my neighbor friend. WH had not picked her up from kennel yet so friend was not able to get her.

Since I could never not know where my dogs were, I found all of the above really confusing. GF hubby picked up the dog from WH, said WH looked like hell, but then dog is still at kennel?

As a dog lover, I'm more concerned about the welfare of the dog than I am the WH.

TOC- so sorry you're here. Infidelity sucks, but this is a great board.

Mind if I join everyone else by piling on kudos? 17 pages of solid gold. You may feel we've helped you but you've helped others in your example. You're our newest rockstar. This thread will help many.

I've been reading along since the beginning but don't think I've commented. Here are MY thoughts on why I think this "story" has gripped so many of us. Its 17 pages! I've come here daily looking for any update. We've been calling TOC a rockstar. We are starstruck. This is simply my opinion.

For me personally, I am 2 years out from my WH's affair. There are 2 very devastating parts of this process that I am having to heal from. First - my husbands horrible behavior. Its been beyond traumatic - you all get it. We all can relate to some degree to this part - its what binds us here together. But the second part is what actually brought me to SI. Its my own behavior as I was learning of his affair. I was disgusted with myself and how I reacted... the HB, the pick me dance, the way I did not honor and respect myself. How I believed all of his lies. This has also been a huge part of my healing. This is what separates me from TOC. I so admire her... and envy her. And I look up to her and think.... "good grief, I wish I could have been her."

There are LOTS of people who respond just the way TOC has. Many of them never find their way to SI. I am so proud of you TOC! And I also hurt for you.... because even though you may not have to deal with the second part of my grief that I spoke of - we know you are still dealing with the betrayal and the unraveling of your marriage and future as you knew it.

Hope you are enjoying Napa. :)

I too think TOC has handled this wonderfully considering what she has been through.

I certainly wasn't able to be any where near as strong as her.

I was weak on both D Days. I still am in 1 respect, but also feel strong I have remained in this relationship. We are in R, he is transparent and eager to show me that part of his life has now gone forever.

I am taking a gamble. I know. Once a cheater always a cheater? I hope to be proved wrong as I could not handle a DDAY 3 - mentally or physically.

💔💔💔

It sounds like the friend's husband went over to get the dog, but WH hadn't picked the dogs up from the kennel yet, so he couldn't get the dog.

[This message edited by confused615 at 7:15 AM, September 28th (Wednesday)]

TOC, I sent you a PM

How you doing, TOC?

I'm a few weeks ahead of you on this nightmare roller-coaster ride. There came a point for me (about now) when the adrenaline ran out and I crashed. If that's where you're at, hang in there.

SoPainful, you articulated my feelings so beautifully. Thank you.

TOC you are a rock star. I have been following your post and you handled this like a champ. I hope you are feeling better. Just by reading your post you have helped me be stronger with my WW. Thank you.

I have only posted a couple of times. I read off and on just to gather strength. dd for me was decades ago-we stayed together. Every thread that I have read here I have always thought D should be the answer..until this one. Let me just say TOC sounds incredible, strong, beautiful,talented and hurt. The WH is a complete idiot. Now, what TOC had before PA sounded like a very mature (second marriage) ideal relationship for now and the future. I say give the idiot a second chance. Take your time, get all this out of your system, don't hold anything back. Kick his ass, not really kick his ass but let him know what he did to you and how bad you feel. You will be stronger from this, you can choose whatever you want. I think your relationship is worth a second chance. btw, I am a man, a man that has never cheated. One more thing, do not blame the WH friend, the friend stood up for you, told your husband what to do, it was your husband that let you down. Good luck with whatever you do TOC, you really do sound like a great person......

Has TOC ever actually asked the forum a question?

Last time I checked asking questions isn't mandatory. She's here for support and she's giving support by being such a badass and setting such a great example.

I'm not sure why you posted this question, but it came off as rude to me.