Coming very late to this post, as I've been mostly gone for some time. But read all of the pages.
I'm very glad that you had this meeting with him, as unsatisfactory as it was. There is such a thing as putting the "period" at the end of the sentence. That final, statement, that what came before, is over.
His self-justifying, self-centered speech to himself, was that ending, that period.
If nothing else, from all of what you've been through, this was the confirmation that this never, ever, was about you. It was about him. All about him. You were the collateral damage, being in the wrong place/marriage at the wrong time. Every right to be there, totally not to blame at all, but still, in the nuclear blast that was triggered by someone else, and left to heal, or not, by yourself.
Except, and I do hope that you really, really realize this, by a cadre of people that you may have never expected to all pull together for you. First, you friends who you contacted, were upfront with, and who showed up for you in spades, to help you with everything from your divorce paperwork, to getting your dog, to helping you pack up, to just simply being there for you. Including Bob. And next, because you were brave enough to open yourself to a bunch of strangers on the internet, listen to them, let them give you ideas (and support), and pick your best path through all of the posts, to find the best solution for yourself.
You have navigated your way through a soul-rending situation with grace, strength, and not a little bit of humor. You came here, with what I assume is the goal of every person who comes here, with the express intention of getting yourself out of infidelity. And you are well on track to do so. I salute you.
Doesn't mean that the next days, weeks, months are not going to be painful. They will be. Extremely. However, with the pain comes the knowledge that you are not stagnating in that pain. You are choosing yourself, your self-worth, to continue to walk the path out of infidelity and towards healing.
And that is commendable. That is honoring yourself. That is walking the path to help. Keep walking. The light is within reach. (((hugs)))