SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

TOC you got this and you are doing amazingly well considering all the obstacles that keep coming up.

candy wants you to tell her that your WH loves her because his stopping contact is telling her that she doesn't matter. I hope someone can explain the cease and desist to her so she knows to leave you alone.

As for the yelp review do you have a friend who would do the review for you to say she is untrustworthy? That she had first hand experience that candy had an affair with a client?

Yelp review - friend response - observed that she has a habit of taking things that aren't hers.

Struggling tonight. Typing this from a wedding of a colleague and trying not to be cynical.

(((TOC)))

You are doing great! Weddings and Baby showers are hard for me too. But I considered a success when I didn't stand up and yell that they were making a big mistake.

Try and enjoy the company of there and if it gets too hard sneak out. No one is going to blame you.

Breathe in - breathe out - move on

Hang tight sister

God love each and everyone of you!

Stay strong, try to believe for just a moment that your colleague can find happiness during these strange times. Continue to be the woman of grace we have witnessed in the last few weeks.

Biggest {{{hugs}}} 💕👊💕👊💕

TOC you are amazing. Hang in there tonight, it does get better and better.

Can we rename Crazy OW?

I vote we call her Skittletits

Yes, can we come up with a new name for OW? I need a good one! Bring it! She walks dogs for a living, is named after sweets or shoes (for the ladies) and sleeps with married men. Bring it!

But this will be tough --- I Loved Candies shoes - do they even make them anymore?

SkittleTits

We MUST have a LIKE button added to our list!!!!

^^^^

Hang in there TOC. Weddings are tough! You will handle this with grace. I have no doubts. You are amazingly strong!

How about SkittleSlunt?

Hope you got thru the wedding OK, TOC. They can be rough.

Skittleshits! Because dog sitter.

Yes, can we come up with a new name for OW? I need a good one! Bring it! She walks dogs for a living, is named after sweets or shoes (for the ladies) and sleeps with married men. Bring it!

Ironic that dogs are known for their fidelity, and are often named Fido. "Infido" occurs to me but its not too catchy and doesn't cover the sweets angle.

"Connie," short for Confectionary/Coniniver. No dog reference and not very insulting.

DOWCOW. DOg Walker Candy the Other Woman.

BOWWOW Bitch On Wheels Who is the Other Woman

Miss Cavity - referencing the afteraffects of having too much Candy, and an unpleasant sexual innuendo ("can't wait to be inside you.")

It's hard to get all three aspects. Especially the dog walking.

Leasha? Moana Leasha?

Leasha? Moana Leasha?

OMG BeeBee - priceless!!!!! Thanks for making me laugh hysterically!

I hope you are having a better day. I admire your strength tremendously. I know that you will still have the same roller coaster as someone who tries to reconcile. I think you are handling all of this shit and yourself so well. Continued strength and I hope you can start to heal.

Thanks, all, for getting me through the weekend, especially being there for me as I struggled through the wedding (god love you HardyRose!). Being there reminded me that there are all kinds of plans on the calendar we (me and WH) were attending together, not to even mention the holidays looming. Ugh. As I looked at the calendar, we had things planned out as far as July!

I have not heard from OW since she tried to force their affair down my throat.

Not gonna lie to you - I have been in contact with WH. He texted me and apologized profusely for OW's actions. It was hard on me when I saw his text. First thought was I was happy he seems to be doing well enough to be texting. (DSS told me he was healing really well when he checked in with me before he headed home.) It was really difficult to know how to reply to him. It totally triggered my dday -staring at the phone wondering how to reply to that awful text that set this all in motion. This was almost as hard, maybe harder.

How do you reply to a text where your STBX is apologizing for AP stalking you? Such a ludicrous situation to be in plus add the fact he's laying in a hospital bed after brain surgery? FFS life is stranger than fiction!

I didn't reply before he sent another text that said, "this has been the shittiest year ever. It can't get any worse?"

Thanks to Gipper here on SI, I found a response:

"Sure it could. You could find a bunny boiling in a big pot on the stove when you get home."

We emoji laughed together over that one.

Anyway, that started a long thread where he couldn't apologize enough. I told him I didn't want to talk about it, it was history and she wasn't my problem, only his now. I did get in a few digs about the "quality" (or lack of) of his AP. He seems to feel there's a need to thoroughly talk through this entire mess. I disagreed and said there was nothing more I needed to know. If I wanted to know more I would have read the fucking birthday card he gave her, one that clearly convinced her how much he cared for her.

I then remembered I was texting with a delicate person and didn't want to tip him over but he kept texting so I kept replying. Bottom line - he loves me. He doesn't want me to divorce him. He wants me to move home. He wants nothing to do with OW and he sent her an email telling her to never contact me again. Never contact him again. He never loved her. What they did was wrong, shameful and hurtful. Lose the number. He says he blocked her.

He asked if he could court me again, win me back. Move mountains to prove to me how much he loves me. Give him another chance to be the man he knows he can be and should be.

He saw my texts to her. He said it was true - "I love my wife."

It was hard to read it all. It was hard to know what to tell him knowing how broken he is physically and knowing he must also be suffering mentally with all his health issues.

I told him I'm not the same person anymore. A lot has changed in the two months when life was normal. I've learned a lot about myself in this process, and I was reminded again about things I forgot since my last divorce - the awful pain and struggle and the promise to never repeat awful mistakes I made back then. I told him I found a support group (without mentioning SI) and they were helping me work through this as everyone has been through it. I told him the hardest stories for me to hear are those where people try to reconcile but always wonder if it would have been better to just walk away. How hard that struggle must be and how much I didn't want that to be me.

I told him through it all, the most important reminder for me was to never be with someone who didn't respect me. He had disrespected me in the worst way possible and I wasn't going to forgive that. He broke my heart.

He then reminded me I found a way to forgive XH so maybe I could find a way to forgive him one day. That did not go over well with me and I went down a punch list (me and my lists) of how his betrayal is even worse based on the state of our marriage. Our marriage was not in crisis, as opposed to my first marriage.

And so I ended the conversation by telling him (copied here):

"I am certain of only 2 things at this time.

1. I am divorcing you.

2. The sun will rise again tomorrow.

Beyond that, I have no clue. I do hope you come out better on the other side and will do the work you mentioned to be a better man. You don't need to do that for me. Just do it for you."

He ended it by texting:

"I'm not giving up that easily."

I know many of you will read into this that he is a good candidate for R and maybe he is, and that maybe I should consider it. But what I have also read and learned here is that it takes 2 to want that. I am not a candidate for R. I am taking what's left of my self-respect and self-confidence and will use that to fan the embers to help build myself back up from this devastation. I will recover and I will be OK.

One day.

Even if he is a candidate for reconciliation, the betrayal can still be a deal breaker for you. It is for many. And there is nothing wrong with those for whom that is true. There is also nothing wrong with those who choose to reconcile. The way out of infidelity is painful and the path is difficult no matter what you decide. But you're a strong women who knows herself well.

I don't regret choosing to reconcile with my husband. I took a hard line on what I would accept and he met and continues to meet every requirement. But if I'd chosen not to reconcile, I don't think I'd regret that either. I think whether you reconcile or don't, you definitely have to choose yourself. I feel that I chose myself by expecting my husband to make me feel safe in our marriage in order for me to stay. That took a lot of work on his part. But I also feel that you chose yourself, too. And neither of us is wrong. There are often many ways to accomplish something.

And in the end, you have to live with you. No one else has to live your life so it really doesn't matter who thinks your husband is reconciliation material. You know you better than anyone else. If you don't think you can reconcile, everyone else will just have to take your word for it.