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It's a good but difficult and painful thing you did outing this to the wife. She was owed the truth about her life and you are under zero obligation to keep anyone's secrets here.

I would urge you to see a therapist to start to parse some of this stuff for yourself. The fact that you've been in such a long term abusive marriage (google co-dependent) is problematic and the fact that a part of you (getting less by the minute) bought her accusations that you're a shit husband ergo she deserved to get back at you by having an affair with your superior, of all people, is unacceptable.

She is a grade A class 1, manipulative narcissist. Seriously. She doesn't see your point of view, much less care about it, at all. AT ALL.

I would initiate divorce proceedings pronto. If this is what she *wants* then let her have it. And good luck to her. She may or may not get to grips with the *consequences* of her actions but it shouldn't be your problem anymore. You do you.

I feel so naive and stupid. I was played for a fool because I trusted the one I love.

Don't be so hard on yourself. We've ALL btdt Lawman!

You cant help someone that doesn't believe they have a problem to begin with.

This ^^^

As others have advised please protect yourself. I'd suggest your WW has the capacity to go even more batshit crazy following your disclosure to the other BS. Even though she'll probably be aware you're getting a VAR...get one anyway!

Sorry you're here.

Sending you strength.

..OM fucking G!! your story has so many similarities to mine.. the 'best friend/lawyer' with my wife, the destroyed tape recording, the denials and lies..

..the difference (at this point) is that the scumbag friend/lawyer died from a brain tumor at 57.

Got exactly what was coming to him.

He used his fancy law office to meet up with her and carry out the massive betrayal..

He's burning in Hell at this very moment..

... sorry you're here but you are in good company.. and Bigger's advice is fucking amazing!

smy

[This message edited by somanyyears at 7:33 PM, March 22nd (Wednesday)]

Did she take the children with her or abandon them?

When she left last night she just left with her suitcase - left the children, too. I slammed the door and said "buh-bye" really loud to add insult to her (probably not appropriate, but I was upset). We have a two year old little beautiful angel girl who was just playing despite the hell around her. It shattered my heart. I had her sleep in my bed last night with me - just hugging and holding her while she slept. I had to get her up, get her ready, and bring her to her babysitter and I don't know if my wife is going to pick her up today or not. I'm pretty scared about this, actually, but I work two jobs - long hours - just enough for my wife to screw around while I'm not home, right?

Not that being a creep is a competitive sport or anything, but after your wife gets through inventing labels for you and how awful you are for catching her red-handed, maybe she can figure out what she's going to say to the OM's wife about what that poor woman did to deserve your wife interfering in her marriage.

"I had every right to intrude on your marriage and fool around with your husband because my husband is a creep". To which the OM's wife can respond, "And what does that make YOU, honey?"

And when she's done trying to justify her actions to the OM's wife, she can take his kids aside and try to convince them that her getting together with their Dad was all your fault. Not hers. No sir. No guilt about intruding on another woman's marriage or another family's well-being and security can be laid at her door. She's not a creep for doing any of that, is she? It's you! You're the creep because you caught her doing it!

Stop being such a good detective. You keep spoiling her innocent, good, clean, family-wrecking fun...The poor, sweet flower...

**************

Adding this after reading your last post about holding your daughter as she slept. It brought tears to my eyes. Stay strong, for both your sakes. You can do it. You seem to be finding an independence and inner confidence through this adversity, and whatever happens, you are going to be wiser, stronger, and more confident for getting through it.

[This message edited by M1965 at 5:02 PM, March 22nd (Wednesday)]

I had to log on to comment on this. Lawman, she is a narcissist lunatic. I wonder if she is on drugs? She walked out for the night and left a two year old? Never in a million years would I as a mother leave my child behind. (Especially if you're such a 'creep' as she says, haha.). She sounds certifiable loony. Hold up the best you can. She doesn't deserve you.

Edited to add: it sounds like you my be suffering from her narcissistic abuse for years. You should type that into google, it can really do s number on you if she has been like this for years. I hope you get a good counselor to help you. Be strong, you deserve so much better

[This message edited by Moonlife14 at 5:10 PM, March 22nd (Wednesday)]

My wife just called me on my office line (I blocked her on my mobile) and asked me who was going to pick up our baby from the babysitter. I could not believe that - is she no longer a "mother?" I work TWO jobs as an attorney - in-house and at a law firm I own. She said, "Last night you told me to stay away from the kids..." Well yeah, I was pissed last night so I told her the consequences of her crap, but of course she begins with her manipulation techniques to try and make me be responsible for HER actions. I said, "You are still a mother. Do what you have to as a mother, but leave me alone as a spouse" then I hung up and called the babysitter and indeed my wife is picking her up. I know she would never hurt our baby - that little girl is everything to both of us - so I'm not at all worried about that, but to try and manipulate me into submission to HER once again is NOT going to work on me any more. I thank all of YOU for helping me "be a man" as I should be. I think I "grew a pair" over the past week - thanks to you!

You have grown a pair ! And they are developing well, keep watering them with your strong resolve and you WILL get through this - good luck 😉

she was counting on om. now that you exposed he will most likely toss your wife aside. its another one of those things we see alot. think hes going to want to have anything to do with your ww while his wife is on to him? nope. your ww gonna get ddumped.

she had visions of a few days with no kids, some nice sex with om, and giving you a list of demands before shed come back. that plan fell apart.

cancel joint credit cards. move money out of joint accounts. her fantasy will fade faster when she doesnt have you financing it.

to the wife - your only hope is to be honest, tell the truth and confess. you and om are just another tawdry affair, nothing special about it.

Don't buy it, do not. If my husband said that to me -stay away from the kids - after I was caught with his best friend??? He'd be justified to say those words in the moment in my opinion. But I would not leave them - unless I knew they were with the better parent at the moment. She knew you were the better parent by her actions.

Lawman, you are doing well considering the circumstances. Remember your wife is going to try to constantly push those buttons to try to get control of the situation.

I would highly recommend you continue on and consult with a good divorce lawyer asap. You need to protect yourself and your kid.

In my case speaking with the OBS was a turning point.

It made my W knew I would not be trifled with. It meant I could compare stories and see lies. And oh the lies.

My wife was furious - abusers are always furious when they lose the power to abuse. I saw it when I was a prosecutor.

I hope it has a similar effect on your W as it did on mine.

Lawman you are my hero! You are so lucky to have this whole team here at SI behind you. I wish I had known about this awesome group years ago. My story is so similar to yours. Not just that we're both lawyers, but I too was married to a huge narcissist for 18 years and she pulled all of the same nonsense on me. Reading your story is like getting into a time machine.

I'll comment on one thing you said earlier about feeling stupid for putting up with all of this and for not recognizing the affair. I got a lot of great advice when I divorced my narcissist and my favorite was this from a from a dear friend. I told him: "Sillly me. There I was for 20 years being faithful to my wife. How stupid that I trusted her didn't realize what was actually going on?" His response which I have never forgotten: "It is never silly or stupid to be honest in how you conduct yourself and in trusting your wife." I just wanted to pass this along to help you as well...

Stay strong Lawman. You've got this thing!!

You need to file protect yourself

Was she snooping on you? What a CREEP she is for doing that.

Your wife sleeping with your boss has to be one of the biggest ball shots imaginable. She could not have hurt you more. Her treatment of you is a mirror image of her self worth. She is a horrific oppenent due to the empowerment of her affair. Work to destroy he affair through a dignified exposue. I would speak to the OBS and try and formulate a plan with her. There is no point in trying to tell her what she has done or how you feel. The penny will drop after the affair has been destroyed then she will be more likely to commnicate positively with you.

[This message edited by Smillie at 2:16 AM, March 23rd (Thursday)]

You should sign up for some individual counceling. It's better out than in.

If his wife does a good job of busting him, ask her if you can speak to him, to get his version of events, whilst she listens.

Also I would do what the others have recommended and consult a lawyer. This is going to end one of two ways, you need to take a big gulp, and prepare for divorce.

She can't accuse you of creeping around anymore because it was you who brought the situation to light. You are not creepy. Can she say the same about herself?

NOUN: CREEP; plural noun: creeps

1.

informal

a detestable person.

"I thought (S)he was a nasty little creep"

synonyms: rogue, villain, wretch, reprobate, pig, swine, rat, bastard, louse, snake, snake in the grass, skunk, dog, weasel, lowlife, scumbag, heel, stinker, stinkpot, bad lot, son of a b***h, s.o.b., nasty piece of work, scrote, sleeveen, fink, fink, bounder, blighter, rotter, vulgar, slangshit, datedcad, scoundrel, dastard, vagabond, knave, varlet, cur, wastrel

[This message edited by Smillie at 1:58 AM, March 23rd (Thursday)]

You are doing really well.

While there isn't anything good about this situation don't you feel kind of good now? That is called empowerment. You're in a crappy situation but now atleast you - deep down - have a shovel that can dig yourself out of this hole.

Please let your wife's boyfriend's wife know if your wife finds out you have exposed. That means they're still in contact.