SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I mean because "I know who my wife is. I know her morals and our religious beliefs. I know what she has told me in the past about sex. I know her background. I know our commitments to each other. She would NEVER do this - EVER." Again, we tend to believe those we love and trust as I have. Honestly, before I joined this forum, I was literally CONVINCED beyond a shadow of a doubt that she did NOT have intercourse, but maybe SOME sexual interaction, although she DENIED any PA. But now I know - the pattern is real and infallible. If a person has D-O-J, then it happened - they had sex - "Desire, Opportunity, Justification (or Excuse)." I learned that HE actually told my wife that I SCREWED AROUND with another girl a few years ago! HE told her that about me! An absolute LIE from HELL, but why would he tell her that? He was providing a "Justification" to her so she would f*** him! And of course because I'm a "horrible husband" and so on and so on. WOW. We are here on this forum for a reason. We are our support!

You are not alone.

I'm married to a serial cheater...I was so paralyzed that I basically did nothing.

We swept her first two As under the rug and went on with our lives.

This last time was a brutal betrayal that for a short while made me want to end my life...and that is the part that I still have the most trouble healing from.

My fWW is doing very well in R, she does anything I ask of her without question or attitude, she is the model W at this point, and is doing everything possible to help me heal.

But her actions have not been without consequences...we live a breath away from D now, and I don't ever see that changing, no matter that I love her more than I can express...if she deviates from this course at all I will leave and D.

I hate that my M barely exists like this, but it's just the way it has to be...I will never trust her like I once did, but I am just not ready to walk away.

I hate to tell you (or restate) this to you lawman, but this is the point where waywards often start to get really nasty. The lies flow like a flash flood, the marital rewrite is considerable, and all while their anger builds. In their head, you are the cause of all of their poor choices, and their (marriage rewritten) unhappiness. I had been married for 25-years when DDay struck, and apparently not 1 day of those 25 years was good! Beats me why she was celebrating our 25th wedding anniversary just a few months beforehand, but anyway...

You'll need to remember not to second guess yourself, or question what you remember. It takes time to adjust to the fact that although they look the same, the personality has changed dramatically. It can remain surreal to you for quite some time. You also have to remember that you likely still have strong feelings for, if not in love with, the "memories" of who you thought they were, not who they are now. It's a bit of a mindf*** that lasts for a while. Just remember, don't second guess yourself, and take affirmative action to move forward as others have already communicated.

my wife confessed to an ea out of the blue. all my d-days cover her activities during a 2 yr period. she lied, lied, lied, and lied more. it was when i was prepared to lose the m that it was saved.

My husband accidentally left his email open while he was at work back in September 2010. An email popped up as I was just opening up the laptop from a woman named Sherri that I didn't know that was asking if he wanted to leave on the 12:40 train that day. I was like wtf? Why is he leaving at 12:40 on a Wednesday, and who is Sherri? So I did a search, found a trove of emails. Some sexual, some benign. But it showed the progression of their affair from exchanging information on the train in May, quickly ramping up sexually, and discussing a cover story.

I did it all wrong. I freaked out. I called my husband screaming at him. I told him that I had every single person with her last name in the country ( distinctive Jewish last name) and I was going to expose to all of them, starting with her husband. Of course, the emails were all immediately deleted, but I had thought to print them, thank God. Then, the whore called me and tried to tell me that she didn't want my husband, they just rode the train together to work, and her oil and gas refinery co job was being eliminated, and my husband was helping her with a job ( their cover story). I had already seen in black and white that they had been fucking in the restroom of the Italian bistro in the Philadelphia train station!

But somehow, I allowed myself to be gaslit. Both of my grandmothers were dying, and my mom was having brain surgeries at Johns Hopkins. And I was a stay at home mom with 2 littles. Overwhelmed. I couldn't handle the reality he was having an affair. The following January, he closed his Philadelphia office, so I breathed easier. Little did I know that they had taken the affair underground for the next 3.5 years.

I put it all together in April 2014, when I saw a note written on a note pad from his work. Pulled out those emails. Went through everything. Tricked him into admitting they had sex, although at first it was they were friends, then they kissed, then it was "just twice". Then full blown LTA.

I tried to get over it. He was exposed in the Ashley Madison dump. I knew there were missing pieces, but couldn't find them.

Last November, I felt something was "off". He was trying to help the 23 year old assistant in his office a job with his friend. I looked at his Google timeline, and saw that if you use voice to text, it not only keeps a record of the text, but it records your voice.

There were the missing pieces. Another LTA. A woman he met on Ashley Madison. He was about to start up with her again. I just happened to catch it before it went sexual again. There was lots of sexual banter. He denied, denied, denied. He said he didn't type those texts, until I played his voice speaking them. I told him he had 1 chance to come clean.

So both times he has rewritten history of the marriage. You know it's all my fault because I was depressed about my grandmothers dying. And I gained weight because I hurt my knee and can't run marsthons any more ( he is totally bald and overweight,mind you, not to mention hairy). It's all my fault.

Lawman,

Is your wife reading here on SI?

I think we must know because some of the things being posted and even some of the things you might post could damage your cause…

I would assume she's reading and send stuff to Lawman via PM, if it's specific advice.

Lawman.. Please ensure your password for this site is unknown to her. Or nothing she could guess.

You don't want to reveal your hand.

Don't think I can add much value Lawman, but know you've been heard and we are all here for you. God, I was so mad reading how your WW treated you and your D. The first few months are awful, I drank, got no sleep, was a shadow of my former self, and we are in R. Being in the legal profession, I'm sure you will take care of yourself. Just wanted to say how sorry I was reading your post and stay strong brother.

Once again, last night - she wasn't there. For the divorce I am going to argue she abandoned and deserted the house (and even perhaps the children). I am documenting her behavior by posting here at SI and by other means. Yesterday was our daughter's 16th birthday - I felt so horrible for her. She just wanted a good birthday and did my best as her daddy, but I work such long hours. Oh how I wish my wife would show some humility, but I feel that option is long gone.

Now would be a good time to use some discretion about your plans/intentions when posting publicly.

Just expect her to twist it around and blame you because you wouldn't rugsweep. I highly recommend Sybos advice . If she's reading you don't want to tip your hand.

I would count on her reading here to try to stay 1 step ahead of you.

You mentioned a 16 year old daughter too? As well as a 2 yr old? Toddlers can be oblivious to the shit show, but teens? How is she doing through all this.

Lawman, I got a lump in my throat reading about your daughter's 16th birthday. I'm pulling for you and your children.

Lawman

A couple of pages ago you mentioned that your WW knows of your posts here.

Outlining your plan on a public forum that your WW reads does not make sense.

Start acting like an attorney please.

Ok, I want to be clear about something - my wife called me a few hours ago and began crying - it turns out that she has NOT read this forum and does not know exactly where it is. A few days ago during an argument, she told me "I know you have a blog - how could you reveal all of our dirty laundry? I know what you are saying about me," and so on. I assumed she found it - but she told me a few hours ago that she went through my texts on my phone a few days ago when I was taking a shower (before she "left" me) and in one of my texts to a friend I mentioned how I have been writing my thoughts down on "a blog" and the support I'm getting has been amazingly helpful. My text had NO link or anything, but she played like that was the most betraying thing anyone could do - I honestly thought she found it exactly, but now I know for CERTAIN she has not.

And, believe me, I AM acting like an attorney. But even if she did see this, honestly, NOTHING changes my case in court - I have enough experience to know this. I am carefully building my case and situation and it is because of this forum that I have indeed grown a pair to use in the right way.

She called to tell me that HE attempted suicide last night - yeah, HE attempted suicide. Of course, my suspicions were confirmed that she was indeed still speaking with him because she told me, "How could you tell his wife what happened? How could you do that? His family has been through enough!!" Her heart is with him - that's what I know. Now, I don't wish death on anyone, but....

I very much doubt he did. And then supposedly he talks with your WW about it hours later...c'mon!

Pay attention to her actions, not her words. She and he will play victim at this point, perhaps indefinitely.

The OMM is a coward. And if your wife gravitates to him, that speaks volume about her character.

So, he attempted suicide. Im cynical enough to think it wasn't a real attempt, but just enough to garner pity and perhaps discourage his BS from leaving him. This guy repeatedly makes bad decisions, doesn't he? But how are his poor choices your problem (other than that whole sticking his pecker in your wife thing)? This man, and I use that term loosely, is not someone you should pity. Maybe you should borrow a phrase from Jim Carey's character in Liar, Liar and offer him the following advice, "Stop doing stupid, selfish, hurtful things, asshole!"

Also, not sure I believe your wife's explanation about not knowing about this site. Since the conversation was a little sparse today perhaps she figured she needed to throw you off the trail to get info flowing again. I'd get a new log in and tip off a few folks who've been giving you particularly good advice to your new identity via Private Message.

Well if you don't know where you stood before you really do now. I still think you need to get on the move on filing. I can only imagine how she will lash out at you for not caring. I would also talk to the OM's wife and let her know they are still in contact.

C