SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I'm just curious how many out there truly believed and felt that their spouse "wasn't like that". The church or community leader, totally devoted family person, seemed highly moralistic, etc?

In my case I think I deep down knew he had strong cheater potential. I chose to put those blinders on and told myself not to judge until something actually happened. However, I have known several people that I knew were cheaters that their spouses would never, ever believe it.

All of this makes me wonder just how many truly faithful people are out there....

Me

I guess I had put him on a pedestal, I was shocked when I found out he wasn't the man I thought he was. He was just a liar and a cheat.

Me neither, obviously, or I would not have gotten married and have 5 kids with him,

He never was a guy who had girls swirling around, he seemed like a family guy, he enjoyed his job. His friends were all married, no cheating. His dad had an A when he was a kid, and since he was so devoted to his mom, I would not have thought that he would disappoint her that way (she was not, gave him all the support she could. Nothing for me).

Turns out that he was cheating very soon after we got married (or even when we were dating, only him knows) by taking loans and shredding the statements. I am certain that he already had an A in 2010, no proof apart from his behavior. This time he was just better, taking even more protection not to be found out. He never talked to her in his car, so if I had suspected anything and put a VAR, I would have found nothing, and felt probably like the biggest shithead in the universe for thinking bad about him.

I think most people have the potential for affairs.

The majority just never follow through and stick to their commitments.

That is what I hope anyway

Never in a million years would I have thought my ex capable of what he did to me, to our family...

My daughter, 19 is in shock. she said to me last week how will i ever trust anyone mum after what dad did. i told her maybe i made a bad choice, or he made bad decisions in our life that led him to do this or I was just fucking unlucky.... She has a lovely bf, but feels because of her dads behaviour she can never fully love or commit to him..what a sad legacy.

I agree with Onthefence

I think we all have the capability to cheat. Some of us have stronger boundaries than others. Opportunities are presented to some; not all.

Prior to my H having an A; I never would have considered this theory. With that said, count me in the group that never thought my H capable of cheating. Live and learn...

I NEVER thought my husband would cheat . . . EVER.

As a matter of fact, my mother asked me if I ever worried when he went away to work out of town. My reply was always the same - "He would never do it. He has too much to lose."

Not only did my husand cheat during our 19 year marriage, he ALSO cheated on me before we were married. This is most hard for me to believe. How could he possibly cheat during the most exciting, unhindered part of our relationship???? Leads me to believe he has some very, very deep character flaws.

No one would ever guess that such a devoted family man would cheat on his wife. I'm still in shock.

never thought mine would cheat. completely blindsided when i found out. He adored me, or so i thought. We have 4 amazing boys together and almost 25 years of marriage.

Never ever in my wildest dreams. My daughter still says the same. We were just talking about it.

But the part that shocks me even more, is the way he has treated me since d-day. I believed my husband to be the sweetest, kindest, most gentle man I had ever met. Boy, was I wrong. He is a screaming, selfish monster.

I feared that he would, but always calmed myself down by telling myself that if it was anyone else, I should be worried, but not about him. He would never do that because he knew that it would destroy me. He would also never do that to his kids.

I now firmly believe that given the opportunity, and the belief they won't get caught, almost anyone could and would cheat.

But I'm bitter so what do I know?

SOS...yes!!! ^^^ exactly!! How is my sweet ex this person who can so wilfully hurt us so badly and not give a toss...?

Me. When his sister found out, she said, "If even he cheats, can we trust no one?" and she cried.

People actually called him a saint. I suppose if it's too good to be true...

If someone put me in front of two buttons and said, "Do you believe your husband would ever cheat on you? If you press the wrong button you will be shot instantly on the spot"......

I would have pushed the "No" button. I would have been dead on the spot.

I would have defended him to my death had I not uncovered the evidence myself.

Loving partner, best friend, happy marriage, good dad, devoted Christian. NO one would probably even believe me if I told them he did those digusting ONS's.

The shock is one of the hardest things to get over with this whole thing. The shock. I would have rated my marriage at an 8 1/2 before Dday.

We rarely fought, had fun together, raised our kids as partners. Loved having our "coffee morning" on Saturday date.

Yes, I saw him with depression, becoming increasingly cold and distant but I thought it was work stress, gave him the benefit of the doubt. Tried to support him, take care of him.

Even when I found out about the sexting I believed his gaslighting about how there was "never any physical contact". I believed his lies because I would never think he could throw away all we had (29 years, 4 kids) for some cheap whores.

But he did. And I am slowly adjusting to believing he was not the man I thought he was. Every time I accept a new thought about who he really was I feel like a piece of the quilt of my life is ripped away and now has a gapping hole in it.

...and THIS!!!

Yes, I saw him with depression, becoming increasingly cold and distant but I thought it was work stress, gave him the benefit of the doubt. Tried to support him, take care of him.

Are we blind or are they extremely clever at this?

I just knew he was a good guy, all of my friends commented on what a good guy he was and how happy they were I finally found a great guy who treated me the way I deserved.

I replied to another post recently with the following:

I got a call like that early in our marriage, before kids. This person claimed to be the OW and said she had slept with WH the week before our wedding. At the time I just laughed it off, thinking it was someone just trying to stir up trouble, and I wondered why anyone would say something like that. But I "knew" my husband would never cheat on me. In retrospect, I now wonder. Of course, WH still swears up and down that he doesn't know anything about it and it's too far in the past to do any checking.

I just "knew" my husband wasn't the kind of guy who would cheat. Now I just feel foolish.

I think we all feel that our WS would never cheat when we start dating.

Mine was the "prefect" man. Coming into my life right after my D to my ex, taking on the role of step dad to my kids, treating me like every woman dreams to be treated, always did for me, was romantic, caring, affectionate, etc. Simply I thought I had found the "one".

Then 2 months after we were married he cheated. I didn't find out until after the 2nd time, same OW, 4 months later.

I was devastated and still am when I think about it. The things he said to me everyday, I never would have thought it. He sent me a good morning text EVERY morning proclaiming his love for me, and still does, now it just includes how sorry he is.

I should have never put him on a pedestal and should have never thought of him as perfect. I guess there are some things that are too good to be true.

Now going through R, I am not sure I can get over it. I want to but its so freaking HARD!!!!

I thought that for a long time. Turns out she was faithful to me for a couple years into dating, then multiple EA's, inappropriate contact, ONS and a PA. Found out at 19 years together, married 12. The signs were there, I was just blind. Never again, my eyes are open. It's terrible, all this shit has made me lose faith in all people, after all, if my closest friend and partner can do this, anyone can.

It was the only thing that I was proud of in my M. I held onto the idea that he would never cheat like a lifeline for some of the really bad years because fidelity was the only thing we were getting right. Boy was I wrong.

I never thought my WH would cheat. He is great on paper. No one in his family had been D. I told him how my ex H had cheated on me and he said he would never do that. And he was baptized just days before the A with my BF started. I thought I had a good guy.