SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

You are entitled to 50/50 of everything. 401k included. It's called a quadro and you get your half without tax consequences. You get half the house equity too. If she is a partner, you get half her share of the business.

You get half the value of the car she drives, the furniture, the cabin in the hills, the investment portfolio, everything.

Oh, and if she has you on her insurance, she gets to carry you until you get settled.

You get half the cash value of life insurance too.

It doesn't matter if you stay there or move to Ethiopia. Dude, it's your half go for it.

I should buy some beer and popcorn since this is gonna be fun when she starts to get it. Too bad. Sooooo sad.

Oh. One more thing. Start calling the om buff. Stands for big ugly fat fucker. She will go berserk. Remember from now on it's buff.

You seem to be desperately clinging to the hope for R....

That being the case.....why haven't you nuked the A at her work?

If you REALLY want your M to recover, it should mean more than any job she has.

If you exposed POSOM to HR.....he would BOLT from the A as quickly as possible to save his own ass.

He is her superior, and from what it sounds like from your description has even been giving your WW preferential treatment to 'advance' her career.

He is literally a walking legal liability for the company with this A.....and not just from a potential sexual harassment suit when/if the A fails.

If he has extended preferential treatment, ANY of WW's co-workers could file complaints that his sexual indiscretion unfairly limited their own career advancement because of favor extended to your WW.....

This would be a legal nightmare for the company.....

You exposing would potentially ruin this shitbag professionally....

He knows this.....and would undoubtedly drop your WW like a hot rock if you informed HR.

Since you want to R your M so bad, why haven't you exposed this to HR at WW's company yet and destroyed Fantasyland?

The fact that she went ballistic to the point of drawing up divorce papers when you exposed her to her brother shows that exposure of the affair is one of her biggest fears. In the recesses of her mind she knows what she is doing is completely wrong.

At this point your marriage is barely on life support. She is literally living with her AP as husband and wife. Now's the time to take drastic, last resort measures to try and blow up the affair.

You absolutely need to expose POSOM's actions to his employer. If it is a large company, it is virtually a certainty that they have a clear policy against workplace affairs, especially with married women, and especially if the man is in a position of authority over the woman (which means clear sexual harassment, with huge risk to the organization)

You're young and can start over if the marriage can't be salvaged and being Mr. Niceguy never works. Time to roll out the nuclear option and hold POSOM accountable for his actions. Blow up the affair and see where the pieces land.

She's just keeping an eye on you.

She knows full well what you should be getting in a divorce.

If she calls becore she comes over or texts, tell her not to bother, you have a date and she should just fix man,bear, pig something to eat.

Buff, big ugly fat f.....! I like it

Has she introduced Buff to her parents yet?

Dude, you've gotten solid advise here but you're constantly making excuses for her and yourself.

You're being played like a fiddle and jumping at any little chance.

3 ways this is going to play out.

1. You both go your separate ways with D.

2. She eventually comes back. Holds resentment and angry towards you bc it felt like she was forced to comeback. Ending with another A and finally D.

3. You gain clarity and harbor resentment and anger towards her, which continues the deterioration of your marriage and ending in D.

End this madness. Sign the divorce papers. Move back home. Stay with family until your plan falls into place. If it was meant to be, she might come chasing you. If you're willing to accept her back, this is the best plan. You continue to give her power over the marriage and pending divorce, and reconciliation.

If she doesn't chase, you put yourself into a better situation to move forward. You'll be surrounded by the people that truly love you and want the best for you.

[This message edited by UneasyFeelings at 3:06 AM, September 16th (Saturday)]

And if i'm reading it correctly, what's the deal with tracking your wife before the A?

mistrust? insecurity? seems odd man.

what's the deal with tracking your wife before the A?

Not something that I normally did. It was the change in her behavior. Her behavior pretty much changed the first day she met the OM.

What does her parents think about her moving in with Buff?

Missing,

I am a very hands-down, direct, think-plan-impellent sort of guy. I base my advice on reality rather than fantasy or wishful thinking. I read through this thread from beginning to end. I started making a list of her actions or words indicating she wants to reconcile and her actions or words that indicate she wants to divorce.

The list was extremely one-sided. On the left-side listing what indicated she wants to reconcile I only had one item: Nobody has filed for divorce. The right-side list with what she had done to tell you she wants to divorce constantly grew longer and longer.

Then on page 7 you post that she’s filed. Scratch the single item on the left-side and add one more item to the right.

Clarify this issue: She’s filed, there is a divorce petition on file and being processed in the system. She might have slowed it down but it’s still there?

I have no doubt you love her and I have no doubt that there is nothing you would want more than to reconcile. But right now, it’s like you are cradling a corpse wishing it would regain life.

I think you need to really start accepting that she’s probably checked out. Will she check back in? Well… maybe… but probably not. If that happens it will happen. But right now, there is nothing other than possibly a sense of pity on her behalf preventing the divorce from rolling on.

All the advice offered previously by so many on definite and decisive action? It’s based on letting the WW know you are refusing to share her and are firm on a stance she must choose between the affair or you. To me everything seems to indicate she has already made that choice and its OM. Her reactions to you seem more based on an unwillingness to hurt you (strange but true) – based on pity rather than compassion. Unfortunately, pity tends to be what we show those we feel are less capable than we are…

Is she correct? Is it ethical? Was your marriage so miserable for her? Probably no on all counts. But it’s what HER reality is right now. It might change, but it’s what you are dealing with NOW.

At the VERY LEAST talk to your attorney. Keep some things in mind:

As your wife, she still has some rights and entitlement that can affect your personal life. For example, if you had a medical emergency she’s the one that gets to decide when and if to pull the plug…

On a more day-to-day realistic situation the legally you are maybe accountable for her cc debt, might be losing if she borrows against her 401, responsible for any debt she might run up… I guess you know her better than most people and are thinking she won’t leave you with debt. But how well do you know OM? At what point, might her compassion or pity for you turn into a desire to get more out of the seemingly inevitable divorce settlement?

Heck… technically you can even be the legally defined father of OM child if she got pregnant.

I think you need to face reality. I say that in the kindest way I can. I fully get your pain, but what is is.

PS: Since WW is 38 then what her parents think is probably not going to change anything.

Read Bigger's post over and over.

MissingHer, you need to get angry and think about yourself. Don't let her 'come over to visit dogs" because she abandoned you AND them. Above all, next time she tries to kiss you on the cheek, remember her mouth has probably been on a nasty little part of Buff's body. Forget about old Buff for right now (you can get him fired later) and put the blame squarely where it belongs, on your W.

180 180 180 and make that counter file a killer document.

Counter has been filed

Inappropriate reply

[This message edited by SI Staff at 7:57 AM, September 18th (Monday)]

For the first time ever since joining this site way back in 2005:

Rob123 – how about some compassion and support? This forum that you are using to blast your stone-age chauvinistic POV is founded and hosted by one of those “spineless wimps” and is moderated by some more “spineless wimps”. IMHO your post is like crashing a party, drinking the booze and then taking a dump on the living-room floor of your host.

I suggest you crawl back into your cave or climb the nearest tree and give evolution a couple of more years to work on you.

Missing – For what it’s worth I respect your wish to reconcile, although I truly think it’s not realistic at the moment.

Inappropriate reply

[This message edited by SI Staff at 8:02 AM, September 18th (Monday)]

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I do not say these things to rain on their parade, but to let them see how pitiful they look, so that they can change their game and be and act like a man. They would have better success with their women by acting more alpha.

Actually by coming here and saying this is probably the most insenitive thing to say. Newly betrayed people have their self esteem in the toilet. At this moment in time the last thing they need is someone to show them how pitiful they look . R or D is a journey and most of us at some point find our self worth and act accordingly ,not by someone coming and making them feel worse than they already are , but by helping them climb out of the ditch they fell into.

Maybe you would like to start a thread and tell your story.

Have you been going out and checking out the hotties? Simply waiting for your wife is hnattractive to her.

Did you download the MARRIED MAN SEX LIFE PRIMER and read it?>>

Maybe because he prefers healthy relationships based on trust and honesty?

That book Imo, is one of the misogynist reads out there. Not something this hurting betrayed husband needs. He is coming along best he can with nightmare his wife brought into their home.

Inappropriate reply

[This message edited by SI Staff at 8:05 AM, September 18th (Monday)]