SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

No there is nothing wrong if you want R

But she has change

She has to understand what she have done.

OK, sorry got I a little outrageous in my post but you said she told you that her lover wants you dead. I can’t get around that one. Have you got any idea what sort of person he is? You said he was a friend of yours. Have you ever seen this kind of behavior inhim before? I hope you shared every bit of this with his wife. People in love do crazy things but crazy people in love do REALLY crazy things. You need to watch your back. What exactly did he say to your wife about killing you. Or did he actually get that detailed? Really, of everything in your post this is the one that is scary. I watch the news and people like him are usually lead into the police station in handcuffs.

Why did your wife reveal all of this? What has she been doing this last year? How has your marriage been this last year? If she is this good at being sneaky I don’t think you have much of a marriage.

Cooley2here, you're absolutely right - and believe me, I am taking that VERY seriously. Obviously I haven't included every detail about my feelings, emotions, or reactions in my posts, but yes - I have notified the police myself, I am armed wherever I go, and as an attorney I have filed a protective order against him - the hearing is in 4 days.

You may be in love with her but she is not in love with you!

It is quite concerning that this man wanted you DEAD so he could be with her.... and she continued the affair.... in my mind that says she wanted you dead... and that's the opposite of love.... and you never come back from that!

If she loved you she would have called the police and reported him the 1st time he said it.... but then again at least part of her (if not all of her) probably wanted dead too.

For your own safety you should file for D or Legal Seperation citing her lovers plot (and by default hers)... you can always R but I wouldn't recommend it.

As a lawyer you know that if he did kill you and it came out that she knew, should could be considered just as guilty....

Is it possible it was her idea, and the reason she ended the relationship was because he was didn't love her enough to kill you...

RUNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!

First, a couple questions. What makes you think she is going to stop seeing him? What makes you think there aren't other men she's sleeping with?

I am a strong advocate for divorce so there's no reason for me to give you any feedback. You are going to get more than enough from other members.

How does SHE explain remaining in the A with someone as clearly unbalanced and dangerous as he is?

How did the A end?

How is she trying to demonstrate remorse so far? I don't mean just answering questions and shedding a few tears, although those things don't hurt.

I certainly don't always believe D is the answer, but this is pretty over-the-top behavior on his (and her!) part.

Have you both done STD testing?

Perhaps she only told you, so she could tell you first.

Don't rule out the possibility that killing you was her idea... it would explain here need to tell you, so she could frame it as his idea...

You need distance just to me safe.

For that matter run the situation by a homicide detective and I bet he/she will tell you to run!

lawman, I had to come back to your post.

that he literally wanted me DEAD so he could marry my wife

^^^This would scare the sh*t out of me.

We had a member here whose WW had an affair with a friend as well. If I recall correctly, the member's name began with SWAT. The OM in this situation wanted the same thing, SWAT's wife.

This member was a police officer as was his "friend." This so-called friend went off the deep end, scaring the living hell out of his family, to the point where he would go to the home and bang on the door, drove right through their backyard (if I recall correctly). The police were contacted several times, the OM lost his badge....but continued. SWAT had to install all sorts of electronic surveillance on his property. It was a frightening nightmare.

SWAT also found out his WW met OM AFTER D-Day. That was it for him. He tried to R, but that total disrespect made him feel he had no other choice but to D. It weighed heavily on him bc he did love his wife.

SWAT divorced his WW, but the entire family moved halfway across the country to get away from the OM and start fresh as a divorced couple.

Please proceed with caution......SWAT's wife also knew that OM was dangerous yet continued contact with him.

BE CAREFUL!

I remember your story and often wandered what was the outcome, which seems to be you morphing in to a DOOR MAT.please put yourself and your children first and rid yourself of this loathsome person! 🙈

What reason is she giving you now for revealing all of this (or have you asked her)?

As others have pointed out, this guy wanting you DEAD (and her not saying anything about it or ending this sordid A) speaks very highly about what she thinks and feels about you.

It's one thing for her to have an A with this guy (and him being a friend of yours as well), but to continue on with this knowing he wanted you (the father of her children) DEAD is flat out crazy!!!

You need to take your wife down to the police department and file a report on this ASAP. This guy (along with your wife) are freakin crazy (sorry but they are) and who's to say this guy still wants you dead (or comes after your children now).

I remember your first thread. I remember that you mentioned somewhere that your wife wasn't afraid of consequences and told her OM, "lawman1 won't divorce me even if he finds out. he loves me so much".

She certainly knows you well. She knows that you can be walked over. Prove her right this time and you are all set for a lifetime of pain. I am not going to judge you. Some people have different levels of tolerance and it is not for me to judge them. But please don't say that you are doing it out of "love". Love isn't just a gooey feeling. It should be borne out of admiration and respect as well. I can say that you are co-dependent on your wife. But can you truthfully say that you respect her?

Cooley2here, you're absolutely right - and believe me, I am taking that VERY seriously. Obviously I haven't included every detail about my feelings, emotions, or reactions in my posts, but yes - I have notified the police myself, I am armed wherever I go, and as an attorney I have filed a protective order against him - the hearing is in 4 days.

Right now you don't have full clarity.

The other man maybe a toxic low life but what does that make your wife? She hung right in there with him.

Cheaters lie a lot. Don't be surprised that she isn't still neck deep in this.

Why did she finally admit it? how did it come out? and why did she end it?

You should go back to the beginning and reread your story. Pretend it's your brother or a close friend. What would you tell them?

I think you still have her on a pedestal somewhat.

IMO you need some IC help for codependency.

From her actions (this is long term) she's not even close to being safe for anyone.

If it were me I'd DNA my children and have myself tested for STD's you have no ide where or whom her other mans been with. Or her for that matter.

Right now you seem to be fixated on the other man but your wife is the ultimate betrayer. Other man only took what she was giving.

He bares responsibility for his actions but she is the main contributor.

Better wake up. For your future

I went back and read your posts from a year ago. Can you tell us what happened over this year? When you left the forum back then you had already spoken to an attorney, had already told the OM's wife and you were planning to get divorced. Now you say you finally confirmed it and you are not going to divorce.

What happened in the past year? Last year your WW had moved out of the house. Now you say you won't ever divorce her. Something seems off here.

Hey lawman1, it's good to hear you are back but I'm so sorry about why you are back. I remember your posts and wondered how things went. Obviously, the the last year wasn't so good. I got TT for nearly a year, but nothing like the revelations you have received. This is sick. I'm still with my WW and we are working on R. I have no idea how I would react to what she admired to you. I'd say, take as much time as YOU need to work through this to decide R or D.

I would think that based on your WW's actions, she would wait an eternity and do whatever is needed to help you heal. This is a special kind of shit sandwich you have been served. I'm so sorry to hear this, and yes, it is another Dday, and in some cases, worse than the 1st Dday.

I think all the legal things you are doing are more than appropriate given how this POS acted. How remorseful is your WW right now? What prompted her to confess now? For my WW, it was simply that I didn't give up hounding, searching for the truth, etc., that she realized I would never let it go because I knew what she was telling me was total BS.

Again, good to hear from you, wish it was under different circumstances.

Yeah my ex continued to cheat in nu face after I found out and it caused me to not respect myself. That is so cruel for a spouse to continue to cheat in your face when they knew how much it was hurting you. How in the hell can you still love her? I couldn't get past it and divorced.

“When a person shows you who they are, believe them the first time.”

Very clear she’s not a safe partner for you. What has she done to show that she’s working to be that for you?

Keep repeating to yourself that’s she’s not who you thought she was. If she’s not working to change herself ON HER OWN then staying with her will only be a major risk for you and your little ones. The only thing that matters now is the safety of you and your kids. Cut her loose and let her work on her own shit. If she decides to join you, great. If not, all the better. You can’t reconcile on your own.

Saw a movie called "The Perks Of Being A Wallflower". There was a line in that movie you should consider. The line was : "We accept the love we think we deserve."

Obviously you don't think you deserve very much since you are still with her. Is she even sorry or remorseful for what she has done. I wrote in another post that there are millions of good women so why are you shackling yourself to such a bad one? You can replace her just as fast and as easily as she replaced you. How can you continue to profess love for someone who did everything she could to destroy you emotionally and had countless times of sex with a man who wished you dead? Just remember that whatever you chose to do and whatever happens in time to come, YOU CHOSE IT. I do wish you well.