SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

She hasn't seen him in almost a month! what type of person picks getting laid by a pos over seeing their child??

I know this does not give you any relief, but the kind of person that does that is the real person your wife is. We have all had to face the exact same unanswerable questions and torment you are facing. We feel what you are feeling. You have support here. If you D, it will likely get better faster than if you do not. I am not saying you should or should not try to R. But if you do, as with all of us, it will be a rough, rough road. You have done well so far. Serving her was a good thing to get this moving in one or the other direction.

Can't imagine how the worst is still to come.

2018MLMM,

No, what would be worse is remaining in infidelity. Doing the pick me dance is worse. Being in limbo is worse. A barrage of trickle truth is worse. My point is you now have control, your have time, you can make decisions.

I would rephrase your sentence to say there is more uncertainty to come. Uncertainty about her reaction, and your reaction to her reaction. That is why I urged you previously to keep posting after she is served. She is cheater so there are a few predictable behaviors she may follow. We can help you discern and interpret her behaviors and actions.

You are especially vulnerable right now. But please take strength for the fact that you took action to get yourself out of infidelity. That takes courage.

Just one more way I'm an idiot

There are about 60K people here who have said and felt the same thing. So you have lots of company. just fall in line. You aren't an idiot. You saw an atty, got your ducks in a row, got on SI. Those are savvy steps.

FYI, one way she could react after being served is to blow up your phone with calls, emails, texts. My recommendation is to not respond to any of them right now. It would be good to have intel if she is coming home earlier than expected. But I am concerned about you reading/listening to her messages because I know you are being triggered by everything.

I would recommend that after she is served (will your atty confirm that right away?) you do send her a message that says, "I know you have been cheating on me and have betrayed me and the children. I have proof. I know there is no conference". You need to get this piece out there.

That said, eventually you will be face to face with her.

Please keep posting.

Once you have her served shut your phone off. Don't talk to her at all. If she wants to talk she knows where she lives at. I don't know if this has been said but if it has and I am betting is has I would purchase a couple VAR's for your protection.

Once she realizes you went nuclear over her affair she is liable to try to punish you for it.

It sounds to me like your leaning heavily on divorce. If you are don't expose to her work. Don't share any kind of photos or videos with anyone except for the OM's spouse. In fact I would be hesitant to do that as well. Its not that she doesn't deserve the proof its just that if your wife should loose her job you could be on the hook for a lot more than you realize.

I would take time this weekend to really go into detail on how much money she has spent on her affair. I would make sure that comes out of the divorce and she owns that expense on her own.

I personally don't think the way your handling this is a bad Idea. The truth of it is if she really wants to fix this she will drop mr wonderful at the hotel on the spot and run straight home. She will see just how serious this is and get a huge wake up call along the way when her family is calling her asking about it.

What your doing is the best way to kill an affair.

I am really sorry your going through this but know your not alone.

Stay strong.

Wow! This thought comes to mind, "Lucy you got some 'splainin' to do".

I know you're reeling and have a million emotions running through your head, but I just want to throw my hat in the ring about something.

Having some revenge, playing passive-aggressive or (or straight up aggressive games for that matter) is so tempting. The desire to "win" this battle is overwhelming. And to bring your kids in on it, but remember at the end of the day - that's their Mother.

But no one ever wins this shit. No one wins in divorce or infidelity. I don't think any of us here would have willingly taken this game out of the toy box to play with.

Have your fantasies - I even posted some of mine here on SI back then and they were wicked. I was creative in my back-atchas. And I could have gotten him but good. But now, this many years out, it's one of the things I'm most proud of - that I didn't lose my shit to the point of doing anything I regret or am embarrassed about today. And I didn't hurt any outside innocent people who weren't part of my own 2-person relationship.

Start a new thread about things people here thought about doing - you'll get lots of support on that front. Just take some deep breaths and realize how you conduct yourself from here on out - that is your choice to make.

I went down a very destructive path and took out my emotions on innocent people. I have talked about it bit in my story Pain Anguish Despair and push ups in the Reconciliation forum. Trust me, you do not want to add personal regret and remorse to your list of emotions to recover from.

This is a very sad day for you and your family. I wish you strength in this difficult time.

MLMM, this is indeed a terrible day for you and your family.

In support of your position I will say I did something similar when infidelity was discovered. 23 horrendous days of getting my ducks in a row, attorneys, therapists, testing for STDs, safety deposit box to hold all relevant proof and watching him lie and cheat daily. Children were told about the cheating because the marriage we modeled for them was a complete lie, they had to know all in order to do better in their own lives. 3+ years later the kids are good, they have dealt with the trauma and have redesigned their relationship with their father.

The relief when he was exposed is immeasurable.

You did your best within your own marriage, she is the one who chose infidelity.

Good luck with everything today and this weekend with your son. (She is despicable to choose her AP over time with her son),

I just got back from telling a very nice person that her marriage is probably over. She denied at first but surrendered when shown the proof.

She said that she Sent a text him saying that she was called into work. She is going to friends just in case he comes back tonight. I suggested she talk to a lawyer and deal with banks ASAP.

I asked and she allowed me to copy everything from their pc, to try and get the entire picture. Yes, I brought an external hard drive with me.

Just called kids into house. Here comes fun part #2.

Once again, thanks for all your support. Not sure what I would do it I hadn’t found this place.

I’ll write a summary of today’s soap opera when I can.

Great post TimeLessLoss!

You're doing well OP, strength brother. That took courage to talk to the Other Man's Wife.

[This message edited by SnowToArmPits at 4:00 PM, March 23rd (Friday)]

Strength to you my friend.

Remember, when she does get served she will be blowing up your phone. I would shut your phone off. Let her come home...or stay.

And when you do see her face to face, remember that waywards lie. They lie and lie and lie and every other word out of her mouth will be an untruth. Take nothing she says at face value.

You should preemptively tell her family also. Her mom and dad need to know before she gets to them with whatever excuse she is going to fabricate.

My heart breaks for you!

You can unsee what you've seen.... the women you love breaking her vows in the most graphic way.

Personally I would be breaking inside... every time I look at this thread today I get a not in my stomach.

I will pray for you and your children tonight! My God's love help protect you all from the pain inflicted by the one you all love most.

Get your important papers out of the house into a storage locker. Your proof as well.

I asked and she allowed me to copy everything from their pc,

^^^Wait, she allowed a complete stranger into her home and copy EVERYTHING on her computer.

There's no way in hell any sane person would allow someone to download everything from their home computer.

My heart goes out to you and your kids as well as the OBS (other betrayed spouse).

@annb, the OBS was probably in shock and didn't think twice about letting someone have access to her computer while she was preoccupied with her world caving in.

I'm with annb - what in the world? I just can't imagine this right after you had to prove the affair to her - she must have been devastated and trying to come to grips but she "surrendered" and then let you copy all of their private stuff? Wow.

I’ll write a summary of today’s soap opera when I can.

Man - I would hate to consider this stuff a soap opera.

Edited to add: well if she was in shock and didn't think twice, then it was up to MLMM to not take advantage of this right now.

[This message edited by Chili at 4:36 PM, March 23rd (Friday)]

Anne, I think he meant things pertaining to the affair. Timelines etc. He did not show up empty handed. He showed her his proof. One thing bs often say is that getting info from the obs gives them necessary times, places, etc.

Dont forget to take care of yourself, it is important.

I stand my ground.

Something is WAY off here IMO.

He meets the OBS on the pretense that he is going to discuss a job for her FRIEND. Why wouldn't he just meet the friend?

Then this "poor" woman is devastated by the news, they drive or whatever to her home, she allows a complete stranger in, and he takes the TIME to screen what he needs from their HOME PC, items related to the A only?

He did. He was banned by the admins over there. "He is banned as a troll. His threads were post-bait."

^^^From page 2 of this thread.

[This message edited by annb at 6:34 PM, March 23rd (Friday)]

My eyes almost rolled out of my head when I read "she let me copy everything from their PC'.. LOL Yeah. Right.

Banking information? Pictures? Private emails and passwords? Yeah right. Nope.

To the person who said "specific affair stuff pertaining to the timeline" that doesn't exist in a neat little bow in one area of a PC.