SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

This saddens me too. Everyone here must make their own decisions with regard to how we handle the messes in our lives. Even if you fervently believe you’re watching someone make a mistake because you have been down their road previously or in some cases even if you are watching someone do absolutely nothing except remain in infidelity because of fear, paralysis, or misplaced hope, you can only offer your advice. Respectfully, maybe it’s time to step away from the thread if you find yourself questioning the original poster’s credibility. If you’re too frustrated to see that you as an advice giver are just that, an advice giver, and you’re unable to accept that their actions or even inaction are still ultimately up to them, just walk away and hope for the best for them if you’re so inclined. I get frustrated too (particularly when I see an original poster ignoring questions that if answered, could allow for a more helpful experience. I have to sit on my hands rather than do the shouty caps “OH FOR THE LOVE OF GRAVY! ANSWER THESE VERY RELEVANT QUESTIONS!”, but I know ultimately that isn’t helpful. We can’t compel (or demand) someone upend their lives (or not upend their lives) because we believe we are right.

[This message edited by Lieswearmedown at 6:22 PM, March 24th (Saturday)]

seadoug I agree with you 100%! In fact I had to read your response several times to get the full gist of it. SI should make a sticky of it for all to read.

I believe the problem was 2018 came here with a well thought out battle plan and really just wanted to vent it out and see if there were any major mistakes. The only mistake was the sending out adult related videos of his WW to friends and relatives (which he later recanted of doing). The wheels were already set in motion when all the naysayers were saying 'don't do it dude', 'big mistake'. He had already been banned from the 'other site' with everyone there pretty much telling him the same thing.

I said it once and I will say it again. For the most part his plan was BRILLIANT. I applaud 2018 strength of will and strong charactor. Well done!

SeaDoug

I’m not sure I’ve heard from you here before but I’m sorry you read it that way. I think if you read all my posts in this thread and others you can see I sincerely am trying to help even if I don’t always agree with the steps taken by the OP.

I’m hoping he keeps posting in one forum or another.

This stuff is not easy to go through alone.

MLMM wow it sounds like you had an awful day/ night. Please remember to take care of yourself. Drink water, eat (or drink shakes if you can’t eat) and try to sleep. Maybe see a Dr to get something to help you sleep.

Can you block your STBEx on your phone? You have the boys both with you right? And they are old enough to have their own phones to call you if they need you? If they do then block her on your phone, email and social media or any other way she can contact you.

You have been very focused on planning until now - you may struggle today now that you don’t have plans to make. Remember you got yourself and your boys out of infidelity.

Maybe look Into some counselling for you and your boys to help you through the next tough bit.

Rosie

Yes, sadly most were so confused by 2018, I posted trying to get everyone on the same page.

Please keep posting, now comes the parts you did not plan for, none of us really can no matter how much we took in preparation to get to the point you have thus far.

Sending you strength.

Although I am a bs my husband’s indiscretion was short and I did not learn about it for years. By the time I did it was such old news that I have let it go. On the other hand my parents split up(she cheated) 6 months after I and my husband and children moved across the country. We had lived next door to them and my young children considered them second parents. They fell apart, begging and sobbing. That is why I told him not to include his children yet. Of course they would learn all about it at some point but he was in so much pain that he needed to keep his mind on what needed to be done next. When there is trauma as deep as this you can only do the next thing. That was that his wife knew that he knew. After that would be the next thing. He did not know what the next thing would be until she knew that he knew. We all jumped in with way too much information for a person in that much pain. We all want to fix things. Especially if making it through to the other side is so much more peaceful.

I consider cheating assault and battery. There might not be punches or kicks but the pain is just as horrible and lasts much longer. You can’t process information if you are throwing up, crying uncontrollably, not sleeping, freezing to death one minute and burning up the next.

Wasn’t going to post here again. But I need help

It is 430 am est. when does ability to sleep return?

Wasn’t going to post here again. But I need help

It is 430 am est. when does ability to sleep return?

Not as soon as you would like it to. I am so sorry you are having trouble sleeping.

You can try meditation or mindfulness. Believe it or not there are apps to help with those.

Or you may need to go to your doctor and get something stronger to help you through this trauma.

Get something from your doctor ASAP. You want to force yourself to sleep at the same time every night. The reason is that habits form fairly quickly and poor sleeping habits can form in just a few days.. Don’t use alcohol. An old fashioned remedy is a glass of milk and 1/2 banana just befor bed.

Sleep?

Your body is in such turmoil. You will be this way

for quite some time. It is normal.

Just lay down and watch movies that you like. They

take your mind off of upsetting things so your

brain can relax.

Also keep in mind there are radio stations that play

old time radio at night. Listening to that helps me

fall asleep.

Old truck, you just brought up something I did by accident. So, get yourself some good old headphones, not earbuds, and plug into one of your devices. There are YouTubes that are designed relax you and help you sleep. Be sure to watch for the number of hours it provides and make sure your cell, laptop etc is plugged in. Don’t want a dead battery waking you up. If you have a recliner use that otherwise you will turn over in your sleep and dislodge your earphones.

One night, by accident, I did this and slept seven hours.

Herbal tea. No Joke. Something with Valerian root in it. Stops the mind from racing. Go to your nearest health food shop today!

2018, you're still fairly early on in this turmoil. It will improve in time, but your brain is still trying to process all of this. I would see your family doc and see about some short term sedation just for a week or so.

After the initial shock wore off I went to the pool and swam. I now swim every day. I think in some ways to help me process this. I imagine myself swimming further away from the infidelity with every stroke. It also helps my sleep. Maybe you can find something equally effective?

Exercise is probably an important part of healing. Plus do enough of it and it will make for more sleepful nights.

Of course probably best to discuss options with your physician.

Melatonin is also a great sleep aid. It will get better. This is the worst part.

Keep communication open with your kids. They’re dealing with their own onslaught of emotions right now. Keep talking to them. They need you.

It is 430 am est. when does ability to sleep return?

For me, it was well over a year before I experienced restful sleep. Unfortunately, I think time has to do its work and there’s no speeding up time. Being diligent with diet, exercise and positive activities helped the healing process, but time took its time. (I HATED that word!)

MLMM!

There is no real right way to ask this question....

How are you holding up today? Were you able to get any sleep?

I know things seem impossibly difficult right now but you will pull through and with your strength and guidance your boys will to!

Reguardles of the road you wind up on (D or R) in the end you have teken the steps that have put you in the right position. IT is up to you and what you need/want.

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family!

Seadoug105

Wasn’t going to post here again. But I need help

It is 430 am est. when does ability to sleep return?

I'm just over a year out and I'm only now kinda, sorta, able to sleep well.

Today was yet another fun day. Hell can not possibly be that much eorse. Stbx returned home from staying over at her sisters.

Again it was denial, “you’ve got it all wrong” “I love you” “ I would never”

I finally called bull——. and showed her some of her best moments in the videos. I asked her if she wanted to see any of the photos.

The fog isn’t lifting, im kicking her out of it.

Talked to pos’s wife. She doesn’t know if she wants d or r, but she seems to be really sticking it to him. She said that he was going to write a nc message and would be sending it soon.

Tonight, she asked to talk, and admitted to “some inappropriate things” with pos. But if I wanted, she would never talk to him again. I said that would be great, then asked did that mean she received his message dumping her ass?

She lost it again.

I feel like I’m being an ass, but I don’t care! To hell with her. The karma bus may have hit her hard this weekend, but it is about to be put into reverse and hit her again!

When not dealing with her, I’ve been spending almost all my time talking to kids, especially my daughter.

Currently in bed, I’m forcing myself to be in the middle, not just over on far edge. I drank a cup of sleepy time tea and took a melatonin. Hope sleep comes. Bonus points if tonight is dreamless.

Thanks to those who are offering help and words of encouragement.

"But if I wanted she would never talk to him again"?

Glad you came back. Stick around 'cause you're going to need as much help as you can get.